Long ago in a far away land of ancient greece there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the most handsome and most musically talented of all these heroes was the mighty Orpheus. But what can change the nature of a man? Now, that is where our story begins.
It said that while Hermes invented the lyre, Orpheus perfected it. His ability was so great, his lyre charmed not just men and wild beasts, but also the rocks in the earth and the trees skyhigh. His play could even divert the course of rivers.
However, like any man, Orpheus fell in love with a woman of a beauty only rivaled by his command of the lyre. Their love was true and the marriage swift. However, when Hymen was called upon to bless their marriage, he predicted that their perfection was not ment to be.
A while after these events, Euydice wandered the forests with the Nymphs, when a shepherd by the name of Aristaeus saw her and was instantly beguiled by her beauty. Unable to control his raving cock, he gave charge forcing Eurydice to flee through the forest, where she was bitten by a snake and died.
Orpheus, upon hearing of Eurydices death grabbed his lyre and sang his grief, moving everything in the world, living or not, men and gods. His father, Apollo, deeply touched by Orpheus grief, descended from the Olymp to bless his son so that he might journey into the realm of Hades, the Underworld, to see his wife and survive. On his journey to the throne of Hades, Orpheus endured many trials, charming Cerberus, the three headed monster, fighting ghosts and souls of people unknown. When Orpheus eventually stood in front of Hades and his wife, Orpheus started playing for them, melting Hades ice cold heart. Moved, Hades allowed Orpheus to take Eurydice with him but under one condition: He was not to look at her before standing under the sun again or he would lose her forever. Orpheus was delighted, he thanked the gods and made his way back to the surface. But while Orpheus had been blessed with a unique talent to rock out on the lyre he was not particulary clever. Because he could not hear Euryphices steps behind him, he suspected that he had been fooled by the God of the Underworld. Had he paid more attention in history class, he would've known that the shadows of the dead do not make a sound. Alas, with the light of the sun in sight Orpheus lost his temper and turned to see. He saw Euryphice, as was promised by Hades. But he had lost his faith: Euryphice was pulled back into the underworld, never to become a woman again and remain a shadow until all eternity. Orpheus set after Euryphice in panic, but again, his knowledge of ancient greece history failed him, as a man can not cross the river Styx twice while being alive. (I agree that this rule sounds rather arbitrary but who knows the ways of the gods?). Orpheus, at the end of his wit, grabbed his lyre one last time and started to play a song so mournful that it moved even the dead. But with that, Orpheus had violated another arbitrary rule of mythological greece and Zeus killed him with a thunderbolt to the heart. The muses however, always friends to Orpheus, decided to preserve his head and keep it among the living people to sing forever, enchanting everyone with its lovely melodies and tunes.
Because noone of us wants to end up as a severed head, we ban Arcoscephale. (But I love me some gospel music)
