Dominions 4 - Pink Natajara

[Grimwulf]

You now have a choice before you, as the two images couldn't be clearer: war or peace?

What do you do?

 

[Grimwulf]

KoolNoodles, you witness how armies of Tecaburg turn around and leave all of a sudden.

Spoiler

You feel relief and something bitter in your mouth (maybe just sand, or maybe it's because you are fishy).

However, one lonely truck heads for province 32, which is just to the south of Tecaburg. You feel like standing on the way of this truck will be a very bad idea.

 

[Grimwulf]

Lord Humungus is avenged, men.

Don't mess with Jess!

 

[KoolNoodles]

Ouch.

 

[Grimwulf]

Caul Shivers, this is just an ordinary humiliating day in the desert for you. The TECHNO-AMRY OF CHOSEN ONES can be seen from your capital.

The walls of Asanon are broken.

You feel sad. You feel manipulated. Who could possibly whispered the right words in Heisenberg's ears, so that he ceased fire with Altnom and attacked Gaelinia? You'll never know.

Meanwhile, Jesse Pinkman has fair deal to offer.

I'll tell you what happens now. Your scumbag snake god is finished. Done. You understand? I will own him when this is over. Every cent he earns, every cent his wife earns is mine. Any place he goes, anywhere he turns I'm gonna be there, grabbing my share. He'll be scrubbing toilets in Calgaya for pennies, and I'll be standing over him to get my cut. He'll see me when he wakes up in the morning, and when he crawls to sleep in whatever snake hole's left for him after I shred his nation down. I will haunt his crusty ass forever until the day he sticks a gun up his mouth and pulls the trigger just to get me out of his head. That's what happens next.

And then he goes away.

If you understand him correctly, Jesse offeres you an honorable surrender under following terms:

1. Whatever pitiful forces are currently stationed in Asanon can go away freely. All they have to do is break the siege with immidiate retreat order. Tecaburg will let them go this time.

2. Pass CRACKLANDS to Tecaburg. Because this province should OBVIOUSLY belong to Tecaburg. You can even demolish constructions there, if you have anybody to do it right now.

3. Do not invade Tecaburg territories.

If these terms are fulfilled, your capital will remain in your posession.

 

[Dreaad]

And so one more tribe runs out of water dominion and joins the dead in wasteland Valhalla!

 

[Malakal]

Heres to hoping my pg wakes up before that happens. Oh well, was stuck in the cap forever anyway.

 

[Dayyālu]

Heres to hoping my pg wakes up before that happens. Oh well, was stuck in the cap forever anyway.

You took an imprisoned pretender in such a game? I'm curious, what build you had?

Because if there was a game that needed an awake expander or a dormant support Pret, this is the one. Good Scales won't give you much of an advantage here, nor great magic resources (as you will have shit research with 1-2 fortresses max).

I tried my hand with Imprisoned builds, but they were always suboptimal in test games.

 

[Malakal]

You took an imprisoned pretender in such a game? I'm curious, what build you had?

Because if there was a game that needed an awake expander or a dormant support Pret, this is the one. Good Scales won't give you much of an advantage here, nor great magic resources (as you will have shit research with 1-2 fortresses max).

I tried my hand with Imprisoned builds, but they were always suboptimal in test games.

N9D9 demilich with chaos scales. Didnt foresee dominion issues here.

 

[KoolNoodles]

Sorry for the stales and such again fellahs, the weekend was a fun one. I'm back at work though, which means no fun, which means more time for Dominions.

 

[Grimwulf]

Malakal, and what dominion level did you have? Not THAT low, judging by the amount of sacreds you deployed earlier.

Tbh, just bad luck and nasty neighbour. I started with Imprisoned too, and with dominion 4. Wasn't domkilled so far.

 

[Malakal]

Malakal, and what dominion level did you have? Not THAT low, judging by the amount of sacreds you deployed earlier.

Tbh, just bad luck and nasty neighbour. I started with Imprisoned too, and with dominion 4. Wasn't domkilled so far.

Certainly that 2 out of 3 of my neighbors had shock res troops didnt help. Dom was 7 I think.

 

[Grimwulf]

Meanwhile in Asanon.

Spoiler

WHERE IS YOUR SNAKE GOD NOW? BITCH!

That's enough, Jesse. We made our point, and now it's time to negotiate. What did Gaelinia say to our offer?

What? You mean surrendering Cracklands to Tecaburg? They cannot do it now, you see.

And why is that?

Because as soon as we made our generous offer in public, Calgaya invaded Cracklands the same fucking moment!

SON OF A BITCH! What kind of man does this kind of shit?!

Their nation is mostly populated by monkeys.

And they what, think that Heisenberg will just stand aside, watching them putting ape dicks in my business? That won't happen! I want EVERY armed man in the world to receive my message.

TO ALL NATIONS OF THE WORLD

From this moment and forth, TECABURG offeres gold and meth MAGIC GEMS reward for every Calgayan fortification being successfully captured. If you besieged one of Calgayan forts, send a note to Heisenberg. The reward consists of:
- 300 gold pounds (please send a notice in ADVANCE, at least the month you plan to storm the fort, in order to avoid the waiting)
- 10 gems of your choosing. Pick your poison: earth, water, air and astral.
- Bracers of Protection that LORD HUMUNGUS himself used to wear. They didn't protect him too well, but

The one who captures the CAPITAL of Calgaya will receive:
- 500 gold pounds
- 20 gems of your choosing (earth, water, air, astral)
- A POWERFUL ARTIFACT called the Wave Beaker! Women will reproduce you for simply possessing this thing!

Put aside your quarrels, people of the desert. This holy war, this CRUSADE is something that we MUST accomplish. We have to unite to face the global threat. The manapes of Calgaya don't just attack randomly, but instead they try to conquer the main tourist attractions, also known as Thrones. It's in their ape nature. Neither me, nor you want this to happen, because in case it will - your whole CULTURE will be lost. Replaced.

Dreaad. Iron Man, do you want your people to go ahead and forget Cheburashka and his heroic death? His noble sacrifice? Do you want them to worship ape god instead?

KoolNoodles. Samwise Gamgee, you and your fishy followers like food, don't they? Well, you are about to BECOME food. FOR APES!

Caul Shivers. Cardinal Biggles, let's call this even. You killed my champion and mocked him, and I killed your god and restored the dignity of my Empire. You can have Asanon back - I won't leave any defences inside or outside. Whether you understand it or not, you and I are on the same side.

But worst of all, if we don't crush monkeys now, people all over the world will stop worshi using meth. Do you want to live in a world without meth?

MEN! LET US CRUSH OUR ENEMY AND FEAST ON HIS UNGODLY REMAINS! JOIN MY CRUSADE NOW, OR WATCH ME DOMINATE THE GLOBAL THREAT ON MY FUCKING OWN!

Heisenberg, Lord of the Final Abyss.

That was unnecessarily dramatic.

Shut up. We got crystal to cook.

 

[Dayyālu]

+ Biggest Nation in the World

+ Greatest amount of Thrones

+ Greatest amount of capped Thrones

+ Greatest amount of Heroes in Hall of Fame

+ Best Sacreds, Best Roster

+ Highest Gemcount

+ Highest number of fortresses

+ Calgaya has two fortresses in total

- Makes the best posts in the thread

+ The Post-Apoc posts were indeed funnier than the drug-TV series related


Oh gosh, like I even need to make a point not to attack me and support Tecaburg


The truth is self-evident. As the philosopher should say, there is not even need to discuss. To every Pretender his own choice: honey words and promises of empty riches, or wisdom. Feel free to suicide yourself, though.

Do we truly need the madmen of Tecaburg spouting their nonsense for long? Or I should even think that this claim is out of fear? Maybe someone does not think he can take me alone.... Uhmmm.... I guess that would be interesting...

 

[Dreaad]

Iron Man, do you want your people to go ahead and forget Cheburashka and his heroic death? His noble sacrifice? Do you want them to worship ape god instead?

You know what keeps going through my head? Where's my sandwich?

The one who captures the CAPITAL of Calgaya will receive:
- 500 gold pounds
- 20 gems of your choosing (earth, water, air, astral)
- A POWERFUL ARTIFACT called the Wave Beaker! Women will reproduce you for simply possessing this thing!

Interesting.......

But I'm busy.

 

[KoolNoodles]

Samwise is unconvinced, but he is very hungry. He missed second breakfast the other day and had to sit out a whole month to conserve energy(food is hard to come by in the wasteland Mordor).

You don't know about second breakfast? Well.....




Anywho, send all pre-awarded food and gifts to Bag End, addressed to Rosie Cotton(Samwise is away on an adventure).

"In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a Hobbit-hole, and that means comfort."

 

[Dayyālu]

Goddammit. First the Distortion, then the retarded humans, and now the Drug Lords are swarming the borders...

Have I heard you well? The barbarians of Tecaburg have decided to pay a hostile visit after all?

Nooo, my King....you see.... it's all the drugging. They wander around mindlessly. They don't want to hurt anyone, they are simply misguided. Like human children or young Markatas. I can guarantee they mean us no ill will, they love playing with puppies!

Spoiler

Well, good then. Any news from Ajyapa? I've heard you sent him north to seek peace with the Chosen of Meth with a guard of mounted Boneriders.

He was gutted like an Altnomian fi..... NO MY KING NO NEWS I BET HE'S SIMPLY INTERACTING WITH THE LOCALS HE'S A FUN GUY LIKE THAT.

Then, there is no need for my counsel if the crisis is going to be over soon. I'm going back to the Summoning Grounds. *Exits*

Councillor. You know we can't win this war. We can somewhat easily repel four or five of the monsters, but when forty of 'em will come at once....

Then we will ask help to the Choir and summon hundreds of Servants. If we can't win, we will take down as many of them as we can. Someone will notice, and those things are neither common or easily replaced, I bet. We need to endure. As we did in ages past. And strike from the Shadow.


Fun side note: They resurrect as Caelians when killed. What a weird, weird thing.

 

[Grimwulf]

Just an ordinary day in the desert for Rictus and his buds.

 

[KoolNoodles]

Well that's embarrassing...

 

[Grimwulf]

We've lost position.

Spoiler

Damn.

I'm gonna march right back and annihilate this BITCH!

Jesse. Jesse. Your body is running dangerously low on electrolytes. Sodium, potassium, calcium. And when they're gone, your brain ceases to communicate with your muscles. Your lungs stop breathing. Your heart stops pumping. You go marching out there and within an hour you will be dead.

Okay. You need to cut out all your loser cry-baby crap RIGHT NOW and think of something SCIENTIFIC.

Something scientific? Right.

What? Come on! Man, you're smart. You made Chosen Warriors out of junkies, yo. Look, we got, we got an entire lab right here. Alright? How about you pick some of these chemicals and mix up some rocket fuel? That way you could just send up a rocket and bomb the entire Calgaya! Or you make some kind of robot to get us help, or a homing device, or build a new battery, or...

Calm down, Jesse. This war goes just as I planned.

Spoiler

Spoiler

 

[Mraston]

Come to claim my throne have you? Many have tried...all have failed. Soon my children will spread across this wasteland, spreading my vines and tangles. Queen Mother Lobo Mater's tendrils will caress, grasp and choke all would be pretenders.

 

[Dreaad]

I have decided to enter the meth business, competition can't be tolerated! Heisenwulf your days are numbered.

 

[Grimwulf]

I have decided to enter the meth business, competition can't be tolerated! Heisenwulf your days are numbered.

Bring it on!

 

[KoolNoodles]

I have decided to enter the meth business, competition can't be tolerated! Heisenwulf your days are numbered.

Now I've seen everything.

 

[Dayyālu]

" carefully inspects a finely carved panel * See, young one, this is almost three hundred years old. Pre-Cataclysm art, ya see, of the northern school. You can notice the peculiar architecture of the temple here represented, with an empty sancta sanctorum: it's a symbol of the Vacuity we should all strive for, and..."

"Deeply interesting, King. I'd like to ask for access to the treasures of the Last Grove, for some... *coff*coff* desperate gem alchemizing to summon whatever we can summon to stem the tide of defeat* coff * coff* research."

"Sure. The resources of the Kingdom are at your disposal, as always. That said, how are going the peace talks with the Tecaburgians?"

*They ate alive one of our main armies, refusing to die even as hundreds of skeletons swarmed around them...* They are going very well, my King. We have dispatched one of their raiding teams with minimal losses ! Furthermore, next turn we will deploy the Revenge Weapon against their leaders. Our diplomats report that peace afterwards is pretty much certain."

stuff

Truth be told, your posts are the most fascinating ones. Yep, the Drug Lords or the Iron Man thingies are fun, but I'd truly like to read a short story about a starship buried in the sands, employing slaves to be reborn anew. Ya hint at weird and creative things, son