Caul Shivers
Scholar
So no takers on a sub yet. I've half a mind to just roll back to pretender stage, delete Vindorf pretender and restart the game, yet again.
So no takers on a sub yet. I've half a mind to just roll back to pretender stage, delete Vindorf pretender and restart the game, yet again.
If he turns him AI turn 1 the game makes no sense.
My lord! We've spotted a wondrous land of prosperity in this dismal wasteland! Greater than 10 gold farthings can be taxed from the wretched few who still call this place home.
OhgodSamwise Gamgee, that's it? I mean....no no, excellent! This is just what we need.....our hobbit friends are cheap right?
Quite cheap my lord! Though, they do eat a lot.....
Very well, let them eat FISH. Send forth our legio..! I mean...Hobbits....eerrghhh, is there no one else?
Atlnom nom nom nom
Well, ermm....we DO have this one guy my lord.
Thank heavens, that is MUCH better. Can he kill 80 Barbarians?
Cardinal, have you heard the news!?
Have I? We’re the inquisition dear chap. We know what has happened before it even happens! Now tell me, em, what it is I already know?
Cardinal Biggels of the Inquisition sir, he has found God. Or rather God has found him!
He has? I mean, he has!
And you of course know that he has found God in…
In the desert cardinal sir.
Yes, yes, the desert, of course. Where else would one find God these days?
They say that cardinal Biggles wondered the blasted lands for a whole eternity, for days even, spreading the word of God among the heathens.
Ah, yes. Quite an industrious fellow that cardinal Biggles. His devotion to the fate and to the salvation of the heathen souls is admirable.
Exactly! They say he has saved the heathen desert dwellers children for they are no longer desert born with sinful dark skin but are rather born white and pure as God himself. He has pushed salvation into them!
He certainly pushed something in.
They say that God was so pleased with what he had done that He appeared to him in the most holiest and purest of all forms, of a giant, fanged, benevolent snake.
We all know that snakes are the purest and most loving of all beings. The very scriptures talk of God and how he appeared in snake form to help the first people not starve by guiding them to the forbidden fruit which the devil in disguise left to mock them!
Our Lord and Savior, moved by the devotion and altruism displayed by cardinal Biggles, has made him a prophet! Oh blessed days! Inquisitor cardinal Biggles of Gaelinia the anointed prophet of the one true God, Sir Rumplesnakeskin Slithers, Lord of Many Names.
Blessed indeed. We must all follow in cardinal Biggles footsteps and spread the word of God like he has!
Competition to find the shittiest place with the most desolate name, here's my entry:
CHOSE BROTHERS OF CRYSTAL METH! CAN YOU SEE THAT MIRACLE?!
Apparently, somewhere in faraway lands PEOPLE STILL HAVE GOLD! They live better than we do!
HIT THE ROAD, CRYSTAL BROTHERS! Our midget cooks need STUFF to cook! WE HAVE TO COOK
I've instead found a very rich province, the Lost City of Ba'an Dagor.
Why don't you show us the provice number?
There is something more precious then gold in these lands and the holy people of Gaelinia have found it!
BEHOLD, WATER!
Cardinal Inquisitor Biggles sir?
It’s Heavenly Holy God-sent Prophet of Majestic Brilliance, Sir Inquisitor Cardinal Biggles, but let’s not get hung up on titles and formalities. “Your Heavenly Majestic Brilliance” will do it. After all, modesty is a virtue and one must always be humble of spirit to be one with God. Now shoo Percy, I’m afraid I’m quite busy at the moment. The Countess Isabel needs me to… unburden her sins.
I apologize Your Heavenly Majestic Brilliance, but just we’ve received news of an unknown lizard army encroaching on our borders. Our scouts tell us that these infidels do not worship the true Lord, Sir Rumplesnakeskin Slithers, but rather some thing called the LizardWizard.
What a preposterous name for a God. Well just send some of those Lizard Lizards to deal with this WizardLizard.
LizardWizard, Your Heavenly Majestic Brilliance.
Yes, yes, now go away, I’m quite busy.
But we’ve also received word of vile fish creatures to the south. They call themselves Atlnom nom nom… nom.
Why are you bothering me with this? Can’t you pester somebody else?
You are the head of Inquisition Your Heavenly Majestic Brilliance and it’s the Inquisition duty to deal with heathen threats.
I know that! Send someone north too then to rid of us these creatures.
You mean south?
That's what I said, south, now go away, I’m busy!
But shouldn’t we try to convert them to our fate before we kill them as decreed by our holy books? Infidelus killus 15:2 clearly states that all heathens must be converted and then killed so that their souls may be saved.
Will this torment never end!? Send inquisitors down north to this Almoton mon mon to start converting them, and tax them of course. Conversion isn't free.
O Biggleeeees, my darliiiing. Where are yooou?
Coming your ladyship. Now go away Percy.