Admiral Rimjob POOBUM
Arcane
Call of Juarez 2.
I liked the first one, okay? It was flawed, but I have a hidden Western fetish, and it was a pretty solid FPS overall. All they had to do was take out the goddamn shitty stealth levels and, as a bonus, let you do away with guns altogether and dual-wield Bibles.
What did they fucking do? What did they fucking do?
I start playing, and the first thing I notice is the lack of a HUD. That's fine, it's still a tutorial level, still a sort of cutscene-ish section. Everything's going to be fine. Relax.
No. No it's fucking not. Gone is the fucking health meter. In is fucking regenerating health same as in every other fucking shooter made since fucking 2005 fucking FUCK FUCK. I JUST WANT A FUCKING HEALTH METER THAT STARTS AT 100 AND COUNTS DOWN WHEN I GET SHOT. AND STAYS DOWN EVEN IF I DO HIDE BEHIND A WALL. FUCK. FUCK. FUCKING FUCK. FUCK YOU.
After a few deep breaths, I decided to continue on. Tentatively. I started defending a wall against attacking liberals. When I noticed something.
Something very bad.
My cursor was moving! By itself! What could this mean? It was... it was moving over enemies? But I didn't notice an autoaim option in the controls menu!
Oh, wait.
YOU PUT FUCKING MANDATORY AUTOAIM IN A FUCKING PC FPS. I CAN'T FUCKING TURN IT OFF. THAT'S LIKE MAKING A PRO CYCLIST WEAR FUCKING STABILISERS IN THE OLYMPICS. FUCK YOU YOU CONSOLE FELLATING SAD SACKS OF SHIT. FUCK YOU. I JUST WANT A DECENT FUCKING SHOOTER WHERE I PLAY AS A DISEMBODIED GUN WITH 100 HEALTH POINTS AND A CURSOR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCREEN. THAT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK, IS IT? YOU FAT FUCKING VIRGINAL SACKS OF FUCKING ROTTEN GOAT SMEGMA. I'M GOING TO FUCKING PLAY DOOM 2. THEY GOT THIS SHIT RIGHT LIKE 15 YEARS AGO YOU STUPID CHERNOBYL BABY KIDDY FIDDLER CUNTS. IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD.
It has a cover system too.
I liked the first one, okay? It was flawed, but I have a hidden Western fetish, and it was a pretty solid FPS overall. All they had to do was take out the goddamn shitty stealth levels and, as a bonus, let you do away with guns altogether and dual-wield Bibles.
What did they fucking do? What did they fucking do?
I start playing, and the first thing I notice is the lack of a HUD. That's fine, it's still a tutorial level, still a sort of cutscene-ish section. Everything's going to be fine. Relax.
No. No it's fucking not. Gone is the fucking health meter. In is fucking regenerating health same as in every other fucking shooter made since fucking 2005 fucking FUCK FUCK. I JUST WANT A FUCKING HEALTH METER THAT STARTS AT 100 AND COUNTS DOWN WHEN I GET SHOT. AND STAYS DOWN EVEN IF I DO HIDE BEHIND A WALL. FUCK. FUCK. FUCKING FUCK. FUCK YOU.
After a few deep breaths, I decided to continue on. Tentatively. I started defending a wall against attacking liberals. When I noticed something.
Something very bad.
My cursor was moving! By itself! What could this mean? It was... it was moving over enemies? But I didn't notice an autoaim option in the controls menu!
Oh, wait.
YOU PUT FUCKING MANDATORY AUTOAIM IN A FUCKING PC FPS. I CAN'T FUCKING TURN IT OFF. THAT'S LIKE MAKING A PRO CYCLIST WEAR FUCKING STABILISERS IN THE OLYMPICS. FUCK YOU YOU CONSOLE FELLATING SAD SACKS OF SHIT. FUCK YOU. I JUST WANT A DECENT FUCKING SHOOTER WHERE I PLAY AS A DISEMBODIED GUN WITH 100 HEALTH POINTS AND A CURSOR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCREEN. THAT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK, IS IT? YOU FAT FUCKING VIRGINAL SACKS OF FUCKING ROTTEN GOAT SMEGMA. I'M GOING TO FUCKING PLAY DOOM 2. THEY GOT THIS SHIT RIGHT LIKE 15 YEARS AGO YOU STUPID CHERNOBYL BABY KIDDY FIDDLER CUNTS. IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD.
It has a cover system too.