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Gahahaha, let's play Sengoku Rance! (NSFW)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Hümmelgümpf, Oct 28, 2009.

  1. Hümmelgümpf Arbiter

    Hümmelgümpf
    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2007
    Messages:
    2,949
    Location:
    St. Petersburg, Russia
    IT'LL BE POSTED IN ABOUT AN HOUR BROS. SORRY FOR THE DELAY BUT I'VE BEEN PLAYING FAGGOT AGE TO MAKE SURE IT'S SHIT. NOW THAT I DID I'LL STAY ON SCHEDULE. I'M HONEST BROS.
     
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  2. Emotional Vampire Arbiter

    Emotional Vampire
    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
    Messages:
    6,927
    At least it's a new page now, and we won't need to load all that previous shit just to see the new shit.

    There should be some kind of a rule to make only one report per page.
     
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  3. Hümmelgümpf Arbiter

    Hümmelgümpf
    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2007
    Messages:
    2,949
    Location:
    St. Petersburg, Russia
    Chapter 3

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    At this point we can make the Hara family surrender by beating an impressive Negotiation DC of 18, which can save us a bit of time. However, we don't get any Aki sex if we do, and no sex - no satisfaction. Like in any other video game, violence is the best option in the world of Sengoku Rance.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    This time Hara sends some monks against my righteous army. Monks are sneaky little buggers who can do an average melee attack, heal themselves or completely remove guard from enemy foot soldiers. Coupled with strong archer units they can make the life of the back row much more difficult. Fortunately, the AI is dumb, as you can probably tell from its placement of the foot soldier unit, and rarely uses monks well.

    [​IMG]
    Only one territory remains in Hara's hands.

    [​IMG]
    Let's try hitting on the miko.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] ......?
    [​IMG] Miko-san...
    [​IMG] Yes...
    [​IMG] *Stare*
    [​IMG] .........
    [​IMG] She's fine looking... I wanna fuck her. But she looks pure. I'm sure she won't let me fuck her so easily. I don't mind forcing her, but I want her to have a good impression of me so we can have sex many times. What should I do?

    Spoken like a true gentleman. No, I didn't forget the italics, Rance actually says all of this.

    [​IMG] ...Um...
    [​IMG] All right, I've decided. I want a reward for protecting the Oda family and working hard to preserve peace. You're kind, so you'll give me a reward, right? Right? Okay, let me have sex with you as a reward if I conquer three countries.

    Smooth.

    [​IMG] Eh...?
    [​IMG] Okay? Let's pinky swear. All right, it's decided.
    [​IMG] That's fine, but... Um...
    [​IMG] All right!! Let's do it!!!

    Rance runs off happily.

    [​IMG] ......... What a strange person... He was thinking out loud... ...And I wouldn't mind having sex with him even without the reward thing...

    Sweet Jesus, why?

    [​IMG] ...But I guess it's all right since he seems happy...

    [​IMG]
    Yay, an affection point! Anyway, our turn's over.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] Tokugawa Tanutanu ninja, Hattori Hanzou is here!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] I have a report for you, Father. A foreign commander appeared in Oda, and he became the cause of a civil war.
    [​IMG] Oh.
    [​IMG] But he put down the rebellion.
    [​IMG] The foreigner did?
    [​IMG] Yes. The foreigner is named Rance, and... "Gahahaha. I'll conquer and unify Japan!" (In Magical Hanzou Love Voice) ...That's what he said.
    [​IMG] I see. I can't ignore that. We had at last broken away from Oda and created a peaceful land for raccoon dogs... Should we make a sortie with the Tokugawa elite troops before something happens...?
    [​IMG] Are we!?
    [​IMG] No... Not yet. We should wait and see. They say good things come to those who wait.
    [​IMG] I knew you'd say that.
    [​IMG] Father, I have a report on Oda... Oh, Hanzou!
    [​IMG] Hah, I already reported to Father.
    [​IMG] That's not fair! You said we'd report together! Pompoko.
    [​IMG] You tried to report by yourself too. Pompoko.
    [​IMG] Hey, don't fight. Get along.
    [​IMG] Okay, Father.
    [​IMG] We will get along, so praise us both.
    [​IMG] All right, you have both done well. I'll praise you more if you and investigate more.
    [​IMG] All right, I'll do my best.
    [​IMG] Me too.
    [​IMG] Geez, you smell like alcohol.
    [​IMG] Phew.
    [​IMG] Are we going to war, Father!? That's great.
    [​IMG] Not yet. We have to wait and see.
    [​IMG] You take too much caution, Father. Oh, yeah. I want the cavalry unit. I want a red cavalry unit. So let's go attack Takeda before the Oda!
    [​IMG] ...... (Clenches fist)
    [​IMG] Tadakatsu is saying he wants to go too.
    [​IMG] All right, we'll do it some other time.
    [​IMG] Yay!
    [​IMG] ......
    [​IMG] Zzz... Zzz...
    [​IMG] Hey, wake up. Father will get mad at you.
    [​IMG] I don't care. Let him sleep.
    [​IMG] Okay, Father.
    [​IMG] You're kind, Father.
    [​IMG] Father, I want to eat tempura.
    [​IMG] All right, we'll have that for dinner.
    [​IMG] Yay.
    [​IMG] Tempura, lalala.
    [​IMG] I want squid man tempura.

    [​IMG]
    The ones left are...

    [​IMG] ...... (Can't move because his feet went to sleep)
    [​IMG] Zzz... Zzz... (Sleeping)

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] Hello.
    [​IMG] Oh, where are you two going?
    [​IMG] We're going to go take a bath.
    [​IMG] Huh? You two!? Together!?
    [​IMG] Y-Yes...
    [​IMG] We're siblings, so it's nothing strange, right?

    It's especially strange because you're siblings.

    [​IMG] But it's...

    Moar liek "ITZ".

    [​IMG] Bye.
    [​IMG] Excuse us. Brother. I'll wash your back today.
    [​IMG] Yeah, please. ...... Why are you following us?
    [​IMG] Well... I'm going to take a bath too.

    So are you a pedo, a homo, or do you simply like to watch, Rance?

    [​IMG] Don't follow us. (With a big smile)
    [​IMG] ...Darn...

    [​IMG]
    Time to end this war.

    [​IMG]
    This time around we're besieging a castle, which gives the enemy a nice boost. It's best to go all out.

    [​IMG]
    Even if the Hara family outnumbered almost 3 to 1, they can still put up a decent fight.

    [​IMG]
    See the bar up there? Hara's forces are almost completely destroyed, but I'm still losing. That's a siege for you.

    [​IMG]
    And another glorious victory. How can we lose with a cause as just as ours?

    [​IMG]
    Covered with wounds, Shouji arrives at the castle tower, sighs, and sits down.

    [​IMG] How pitiful...

    [​IMG]
    *Slap* Aki hits him with her fan.

    [​IMG] ...... I was able to marry such a beautiful princess... But this is a disappointment.
    [​IMG] For sure.
    [​IMG] Well...
    [​IMG] ?
    [​IMG] I shall complete my final duty.

    He unsheathes his sword and faces Aki.

    [​IMG] I will not allow the disgrace of letting our enemy have your head befall you. I shall assist you with your suicide. I will follow you after that.

    :honorblade:

    [​IMG] I refuse.
    [​IMG] ...Aki?
    [​IMG] I do not want to die for your sake. If I cut my ties with you here, such a thing will not be necessary.
    [​IMG] ...Eh?
    [​IMG] Please divorce me... No, I will be divorcing you.
    [​IMG] What...!?
    [​IMG] It was misfortunate for me to come marry such a useless man. I will not die here. You may continue your suicide. I will stay in this world.

    *Slash* Shouji slashes at Aki.

    [​IMG] Kya...! What are you doing!?
    [​IMG] You...! How dare you...!
    [​IMG] What in the world are you doing!?
    [​IMG] This war wouldn't have started if you didn't start it...!
    [​IMG] What are you talking about? You're the one who made the final decision!
    [​IMG] Shut up!!

    *Slash*

    [​IMG] Hii...!
    [​IMG] The Hara family is finished. I'll kill you, kill myself, and finish it all!
    [​IMG] Oh, no, you can't kill her. She's so beautiful.
    [​IMG] Who is it!?
    [​IMG] It's Rance-sama!
    [​IMG] Rance...? You're the foreigner in Oda!
    [​IMG] Gahahahaha. That's right!
    [​IMG] I'm taking over this place. Give it up already.
    [​IMG] Kuh...
    [​IMG] ...So...
    [​IMG] W-What!?
    [​IMG] You're Aki, huh?
    [​IMG] Y-Yes...! Oh, more importantly... This man is trying to kill me. Please save me, oh lord of Oda...
    [​IMG] I've heard rumors about you. I hear that you're the cause of all this. I see, you do look malicious and pretty.
    [​IMG] What!? How rude of you!
    [​IMG] But I'm a merciful man. I'll save your life, but...
    [​IMG] You have to live as my sex slave the rest of your life.
    [​IMG] Eh? No way!
    [​IMG] Gahahaha.

    *Squeeze* Rance hugs Aki and squeezes her boobs.

    [​IMG] Hii...!
    [​IMG] Hm, this is a good rack. I'll squeeze them to my heart's content later on. Take her away.
    [​IMG] What are you doing!?
    [​IMG] The winner of the war takes the princess of the losing country. This is common knowledge, gahahahaha.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Cue My Glorious Days.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] A room with a futon. A man. A woman. There's only one thing to do!
    [​IMG] Sex!!
    [​IMG] Hii! How indecent!!
    [​IMG] And you're a captured girl.
    [​IMG] Gahahaha. Prepare yourself!

    Rance jumps onto her...

    [​IMG] *Slap*

    Aki slaps him right across the face using her fan.

    [​IMG] Ow! What are you doing!?
    [​IMG] That is my line, you savage! Stop saying ridiculous things and treat me like a proper captive! Even though I married into Hara, I am the daughter of the Ashikaga family! And treating her like this... This is as rude as it can get!
    [​IMG] Shut up! Who cares about Ashikaga!? I'm Rance-sama!!
    [​IMG] I have never heard of that name!
    [​IMG] Hm...
    [​IMG] Gahhh! Fine, this is what you get!!

    [​IMG]
    Aki: Hii...! How large...!
    Rance: Gahahaha!
    Aki: Ow... Ow...!!
    Rance: Gahahahaha.
    Aki: Ahh...!!

    [​IMG]
    Rance: Gahahahaha!!
    Aki: H-How rude!! Let go of me!!
    Rance: No.

    Rance tugs at the rope connected to Aki's choker.

    Aki: Kuh...!!
    Rance: Haha, is it painful?
    Aki: L-Let go...! Or else...!
    Rance: Oh. I'm holding you this tightly, so what are you going to do?

    Rance rubs his hyper weapon against her crotch.

    Aki: Hii...! How dare you touch me there...! How disgusting...!
    Rance: What are you saying? This is a holy rod, the hyper weapon. Rub, rub.

    Rance rubs his hyper weapon on her crotch again.

    Aki: Hii...!

    Aki tenses up.

    Rance: Oh, you're not used to it? You used to be a wife.
    Aki: Y-You only need to do such a thing when making a child!
    Rance: Oh, you haven't had sex that often?
    Aki: I-I do not need to answer such a question!
    Rance: I want to hear the answer. How many times have you had sex with that man?
    Aki: I-I won't answer!
    Rance: Answer me!

    [Charisma] Rance rubs his hyper weapon on her crotch again.

    Aki: Hii...! I-I will never answer!!
    Rance: Rub, rub, rub.
    Aki: Kuh...!!
    Rance: Oh, it's starting to get wet.
    Aki: Ah...!
    Rance: Gahahaha. Do you want me that bad?
    Aki: I-I do not! I don't want to even look at it!
    Rance: Oh, then I'll poke the head of it on your side so you can see it.
    Aki: ......!!

    She looks down at her crotch with his words.

    Aki: Ugh...!

    Rance's hyper weapon is sticking out between her legs as if it's growing out of her crotch. The tip is wet with Aki's transparent juice and Rance's precum.

    Aki: Hii... No. No! How dirty! How ugly! How filthy! Get that thing away from me!!
    Rance: Shut up!!

    [​IMG]
    *Slap*

    Aki: Kuh!?

    Rance slaps her butt.

    Rance: Come on, say it. Tell me. How many times did you do it with that man?
    Aki: N-No...

    *Slap*

    Aki: Kuh!?
    Rance: I'll keep slapping you until you tell me.

    *Slap* *Slap*

    Aki: N-No...!!
    Rance: Well, this is the last time. How many times did you do it with him?
    Aki: Uh... Uhh...
    Rance: Come on.

    Rance pulls the rope on her neck.

    Aki: Ahhh...!!

    She only tilts slightly back. Her breasts shake, and pain shoots up from her nipples.

    Aki: Kuh...!

    Her body jumps from the pain, and her pussy sinks down onto Rance's hyper weapon, rubbing the tip of it.

    Rance: Gahahaha, that felt good. Should I pull more?
    Aki: Ugh... Once...
    Rance: Hm?
    Aki: I did it only once...
    Rance: Oh, so you only did him once?
    Aki: ......Yes...
    Rance: I see, I see. So he wasn't good at it, huh? That's why you hate sex!
    Aki: I don't know... I don't know! Such a painful and filthy act... I never want to do such a thing again!
    Rance: I see. I understand. I shall completely change that view of yours!!
    Aki: Eh...?
    Rance: Hah.

    Rance puts one of his fingers in Aki.

    Aki: Ouuu...!

    Aki recalls the first time she had sex and tries to get away.

    Rance: Don't run away.

    *Slap*

    Aki: Kuh...!!

    Rance slowly inserts his finger into her pussy.

    Rance: Wow. It's tight even on my finger.
    Aki: No... Please stop...
    Rance: We're just getting started.

    Rance circles his finger inside of her.

    Aki: Hmm!

    He moves it in and out, loosening her pussy.

    Aki: Hii... Ow, ow!
    Rance: It'll hurt even more if you tense up.
    Aki: But I can't help it... Ah... Ahh!!

    Rance puts another finger into her.

    Aki: Ah, ahh!!

    He moves the two fingers inside her pussy.

    Aki: Hmm...!

    After a while, her juice starts to wet his fingers and starts to make wet sounds.

    Aki: Ahh...!
    Rance: Gahahahaha.

    Rance quickly moves his fingers back and forth.

    Aki: Ahhh...!!

    The fingers make wet sounds.

    Aki: Ah, ah, ahh...!
    Rance: Oh, wow, it's flooding down here!
    Aki: No... No! No... No...!

    Aki jerks her body away and screams out.

    Rance: You're a bit too loud.

    [​IMG]
    Aki: Hmm!
    Rance: Oh, I'll tape here too while I'm at it.
    Aki: Hmm... Hmm, hmm!!
    Rance: Gahahaha. Your precious area is all spread apart and completely visible.
    Aki: Mmmm!!
    Rance: Amazing. The juice keeps flowing out. How lewd.
    Aki: Hm... hmm...
    Rance: Well, then... Let's go!
    Aki: Hmm...!!

    [​IMG]
    Rances places his hyper weapon onto her crevice.

    Aki: ......!!

    Rance holds on to Aki's jerking body.

    Rance: Ohhh. It's taped and spread apart, so I can clearly see how we're connected.
    Aki: Hmm... Mmm...

    Stating the obvious turns the bitches on.

    He sinks half of his hyper weapon into Aki.

    Aki: Hmm... Hmmm...!!

    Aki lets out a painful scream beneath the tape. Her pussy is spread open using tape, and covering Rance's hyper weapon with its love juice.

    Rance: Ohhhh.

    Rance moves his hips a few times and enjoys it as the juice covers him.

    Rance: Wow, erotic. You sure are erotic, Aki-chan.
    Aki: Hm... Hmm...!

    Aki shakes her head in denial.

    Rance: Gahahaha.
    Aki: ......!!

    Without warning, Rance pushes himself all the way in.

    Aki: Hmm... Mmm!!

    Aki's voice contains pain. Her legs are trembling, bearing the pain.

    Rance: It's all the way in. Well, it's no surprise considering how wet you are. But man, Aki-chan. You've only had sex once before, but you're wet and perverted.
    Aki: Hmm...!
    Rance: Is it because you were treated violently like this?

    With that, Rance shakes his hips.

    Aki: Hmm... Hmm...!

    Aki shakes her head again in denial.

    Rance: Oh well. I don't care. It feels good.

    Rance is charmed by the gentle, soft sensation wrapping his hyper weapon.

    Rance: It feels good inside you, Aki-chan.
    Aki: Oh......

    Rance starts moving slowly.

    Aki: Hmm...!

    Rance moves slowly and excites himself.

    Rance: Oho... Ohoho...

    Aki feels herself getting more wet at the movement and trembles.

    Aki: Hmm... Hmm...!

    Rance's movement and Aki's juice combine to make the movement faster.

    Aki: Hmm... Mmm..

    The sound of their bodies hitting each other starts to mix in with the wet sounds.

    Aki: Hmm...!!

    The small, fast movements shake Aki's body.

    Aki: Hmm...!

    It also shakes the clothespins on her nipples and causes pain.

    Aki: Hmm...!

    The pain from the insertion is turning into a numb feeling.

    Aki: Hmm... Ah... Mmmm...

    The voice from beneath the tape starts to contain moans. The juice covering the hyper weapon starts to change colors. The pussy is taped open, and white nectar is flowing out and covering the hyper weapon.

    Rance: Oh, you're getting turned on too. All right, I'll do more now.

    Seeing that, Rance starts moving faster.

    Aki: Hmm!

    Aki moans at the new stimulation.

    Aki: Hm, mm, hm... Hmm!

    Aki's hips shake as Rance starts moving faster. Her white ass, swelling red from the spanking, is shaking. The movement causes her juice to drip down to the floor, creating stains.

    Aki: Hm, hmm, ahh... Hmm!

    Rance moves even faster to climax.

    Aki: Hm, hm... Hmm... Mmm!!

    Not able to bear the shaking of her body, Aki moans out.

    Rance: Oryaaaaaaaaa!!

    Rance moves even faster and rages violently inside of Aki.

    Aki: Hmm!!

    The rubbing sensation she has never felt before drives her dizzy. Rance supports her falling body and keeps moving his hips.

    Rance: All right, here I come! Toooooohh!!

    Rance moves at his fastest speed and rubs himself inside Aki.

    Aki: Hmm...!!

    Aki shakes her body, and her pussy contracts.

    [​IMG]

    Rance shoots out his imperial juice inside Aki to his satisfaction.

    Rance: Gahahaha. How was it, Aki-chan? It felt good, right? Hm...?

    Rance sees slight blood within his white imperial juice.

    Rance: Oh, did I go too hard? No... I guess your hymen really tore. Hara's dick was probably so small that he didn't tear your hymen. Gahahaha. I guess you're a real woman now mentally and physically. Good for you, Aki-chan.

    Aki has fainted from Rance's hard sex.

    Rance: Oh, man...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    Time to get our first satisfaction bonus!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] All right. It's so warm today.
    [​IMG] You're in a good mood, Rance-sama.
    [​IMG] Yeah, I'm satisfied. Gahahaha.

    Rance becomes more motivated since his satisfaction has reached a certain level.

    [​IMG] All right, I'll work a bit harder to operate the Oda family.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] But my unit is weak. I'm strong, but my troops aren't good.
    [​IMG] It's true that you're strong, but being strong and having a strong unit are two different things.
    [​IMG] Well, even with that in mind... It's amazing that Rance is able to take such a good command...
    [​IMG] Even though Rance has never been trained to command a unit.
    [​IMG] But he'd be elated if we tell him, so let's not tell him. x3
    [​IMG] Anyway, my unit has to be an elite unit. I'm going to take all the strong guys from the other units and trade them with the weak guys in my unit.
    [​IMG] Huh? x3
    [​IMG] Just do it! Do it!!!!

    [​IMG]
    In front of Rance are all the elite soldiers.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] Geez.
    [​IMG] What a...
    [​IMG] High-handed method!
    [​IMG] Gahahaha. This is good!!

    Anyways, Rance's unit is greatly reinforced.

    This increases Rance's attack, defense, intelligence and speed by 1 (to 6, 5, 6 and 5 respectively). On second thought, I should have picked this bonus later, as all stats can be increased up to 6 with (rather common) basic manuals. Advancing stats past 6 (to the maximum of 9) takes (impossibly rare) advanced manuals or affection bonuses. Anyhow, it's the end of our turn.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] Ikkyu! You said that they will ruin themselves. They don't show any sign of that, but instead are becoming more powerful! I want to attack them before they can organize their military strength. Do you have any good ideas!?
    [​IMG] Hmm, I guess it can't be helped. Poku, poku, poku... Ding! I have an idea.
    [​IMG] Oh, well done, Ikkyu! And what is the plan?
    [​IMG] Even if we are to attack them, let us demand an apology from them.
    [​IMG] Demand an apology?
    [​IMG] Yes. Even though it was temporary, the Ashikaga family has been occupied and disgraced by the Oda. We should demand an official apology from them and ask for reparations. We can attack them if they refuse. If they accept, we won't be able to attack, but we will receive money.
    [​IMG] I see, that is certainly a good plan.
    [​IMG] The important part is to demand the right amount of money so that they think it's better than going to war.
    [​IMG] All right. Then go ahead and send an envoy to Oda.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] Yes.
    [​IMG] I understand what you wish to say, but we are in a time of war. We all win and lose things in the course of battles. And we have lost many soldiers because of the Ashikaga family.
    [​IMG] Soldiers? That's not the only thing we suffered! Oda has dirtied our homeland, and a lot of our cultural heritage was destroyed! Many defenseless villagers were disgraced and killed by the evil Oda samurai! Ashikaga Choushin-sama's heart has been deeply hurt! We are asking for reparations for everything I stated!
    [​IMG] But that is true for the both of us...
    [​IMG] That's not true! We are deeply hurt! Pay us! We demand 90 gold!!
    [​IMG] But...
    [​IMG] Hm? What's the commotion about?
    [​IMG] Oh, Rance.
    [​IMG] Is there like a horny monkey in here?
    [​IMG] The messenger from Ashikaga is making a fuss.
    [​IMG] Messenger?
    [​IMG] Well, it's... (blah, blah, blah).
    [​IMG] What is that? They also attacked us and they're saying that they are the victims? That's a selfish request. Do they think whining about it would work? And Kou-chan looks troubled. I should do something about it.
    [​IMG] What are you going to do?
    [​IMG] Beat him up or kill him.
    [​IMG] No!!
    [​IMG] Whoa! Why?
    [​IMG] They're just falsely accusing us. They want the money, but I'm sure they have something else in mind.
    [​IMG] And we cannot make light of Ashikaga's military power. We should hold off on an all-out war.
    [​IMG] Hmm...

    [​IMG]
    I'd think about it if the Hara family was still resisting, but right now there's no reason not to attack Ashikaga. Plus, if we kill the messenger, we save an action fan that we would have to spend on declaring a war ourselves.

    [​IMG] Eh...?
    [​IMG] Rance!?
    [​IMG] W-Who are you!?
    [​IMG] Shut up.
    [​IMG] *Slash!!*

    The man's head is severed from his body.

    [​IMG] What...?
    [​IMG] Send this man's head to Ashikaga.
    [​IMG] Rance-san!!
    [​IMG] It's useless to talk to an idiot like him. It was best to just kill him.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] Yes. They sent us the envoy's head.
    [​IMG] Pu... Pupu... Pupiiiiiiii!! Prepare for war! I'm going to punish them myself!
    [​IMG] This is unexpected.
    [​IMG] What is!?
    [​IMG] I assumed that they would pay, considering Nobunaga... No, Kouhime's personality. Geez. That foreigner keeps screwing my calculations up.
    [​IMG] Is that all you want to say!? Is anyone around!? Prepare for war!!
    [​IMG] Oh, my. This is troublesome, Mother.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    In the next update Inukai's mysterious assassin will make an appearance.
     
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  4. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal Patron

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    GAHAHAHA
     
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  5. Clockwork Knight Arcane

    Clockwork Knight
    Joined:
    May 6, 2009
    Messages:
    1,872,746
    Location:
    Glass Fields, Ruins of Old Iran
    <3 japan

    "Hm, I don't mind raping her"

    affection ++


    I also like how the narrator also refers to Rance's dick as Hyper Weapon
     
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  6. lightbane Arcane

    lightbane
    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2008
    Messages:
    8,305
    Location:
    Neverwhere

    Mega-furry family detected, exterminatus with extreme prejudice is the recommended action.
     
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  7. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    15,463
    Location:
    Insert clever insult here
    This question does not get asked often enough.Also, raccoon-dogs? And putting nipple-clamps on as foreplay?

    Sweet Jesus, why?
     
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  8. Azira Arcane Patron

    Azira
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2004
    Messages:
    8,364
    Location:
    Copenhagen, Denmark
    Codex 2012
    Does the game give a hint as to what those upgrades do, before you choose them, or are you shooting blind here?

    I mean, what would the amazing old man do for you. Or the cat figurine.. Kinky as Rance is, this might be just a tad too frisky even for him. :P
     
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  9. Syraxis Novice

    Syraxis
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2009
    Messages:
    78
    I still can't get over hyper weapon :lol:
     
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  10. Overweight Manatee Scholar

    Overweight Manatee
    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2009
    Messages:
    3,520
    No, none of them are like that (I think). I think the game expects you to save and reload just to try out each one to see what it does.

    An amazing old man recruits an extra commander who generally has good non-combat stats (search/construction/negotiation). Not really important, maybe useful early on but I'm getting more important stuff then.

    Cat figure gives you an item that, when equipped, stops you from using the commander but increases the army size of all units +1 per turn. Mostly useless.

    Most of the time I go for the reinforcements. You get some commanders with pretty good stats/abilities that way. I've always wondered how much of a benefit you would get if you stacked lots of the battle preparation bonuses together though, I'll try that before I attempt the hardest difficulty.
     
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  11. Emotional Vampire Arbiter

    Emotional Vampire
    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
    Messages:
    6,927
    [​IMG]

    I laughed so hard oh god

    Good thing the game has equal amounts of fail in it(lol WhiskeyWolf and friends) or I'd like it or something
     
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  12. Clockwork Knight Arcane

    Clockwork Knight
    Joined:
    May 6, 2009
    Messages:
    1,872,746
    Location:
    Glass Fields, Ruins of Old Iran
    These are animals that want to be like humans, instead of humans that want to be like animals

    does it count as furry, I'm confused
     
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  13. spacemoose Erudite

    spacemoose
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2005
    Messages:
    9,632
    Location:
    california
    this game seems p grate

    thx for this lp, hummelgumpf
     
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  14. Talonfire Scholar

    Talonfire
    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2008
    Messages:
    388
    This LP makes my hyper weapon pierce the heavens.
     
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  15. WhiskeyWolf RPG Codex Polish Car Thief Patron

    WhiskeyWolf
    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    13,181
    You know, this thread would be far more awesome with some fucking updates.
     
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  16. poocolator Erudite

    poocolator
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2008
    Messages:
    7,948
    Location:
    The Order of Discalced Codexian Convulsionists
    Yes, please. Update the damn thing so I don't have to play the rest of it myself.
     
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  17. Krash Prophet

    Krash
    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2008
    Messages:
    3,057
    Location:
    gengivitis
    I eagerly await an update of this litterary masterpiece
     
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  18. Devil Scholar

    Devil
    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2008
    Messages:
    128
    Hümmelgümpf needs more blowjobs people, hop to it.
     
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  19. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal Patron

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    34,576
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    MOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR
     
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  20. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    15,463
    Location:
    Insert clever insult here
    Didn't he say he'll update every sunday? Patience, patience.
     
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  21. Devil Scholar

    Devil
    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2008
    Messages:
    128
    It was supposed to be Thursday and Sunday.
     
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  22. LusciousPear Savant

    LusciousPear
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    722
    Location:
    SF
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Shadorwun: Hong Kong
    A. Rape

    B. SATISFACTION UP
    5 --> 10

    C. PROFIT
     
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  23. pipka Savant

    pipka
    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2009
    Messages:
    1,351
    Location:
    The Penal Zone
    where is TEH motherfucking UPDATE?!
    currently playing this shit myself, and it's kinda cool. battle system is simple and somewhat addictive. difficulty is ... present(if you are not cautious enough you gonna get raped).
    achivements, unlockables are there too.
    definitly, i'll replay it again
     
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  24. Clockwork Knight Arcane

    Clockwork Knight
    Joined:
    May 6, 2009
    Messages:
    1,872,746
    Location:
    Glass Fields, Ruins of Old Iran
    :smug:
     
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