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In Progress GOP nominees iron mans Baldurs Gate - Part 15

WetWorks

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Oct 10, 2007
Messages
3,532
Location
Facedown in the mud
Project: Eternity Codex USB, 2014
Fuck democracy, real republicans stab their way to the top.

That's right, the republican nominees for next years election is gonna invade the sword coast.

Rules of the game:
I'm gonna iron man this shit, and i'm not gonna roll a billion times to get super stats. Rolled about 10 or so.
No raise deads or ressurections, a character dies, he dies. In that case a new character steps in.
Version is Bgtutu, which basically means all spells, kits and so on, from BG2 are present. It also looks prettier and more immersive!!1

Casualty list:

Perry.gif

Name: Rick Perry
Race- Class: Halfling-Fighter1/Rogue2
Accomplishments: Failed burglar
Cause of Death: Magic missiled by Michael Moore

Palin.gif

Name: Sarah Palin
Race-Class: Half-elf Totemic Druid 3
Accomplishments: Wielder of bear and pussy
Cause of Death: Sexually mutilated by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck




Before we begin, a little angry Q&A:

Q&A

CodexMob.gif
You dumbass! This or that character isn't min-maxed!
Fuck min-maxing ya wuss (kinda dumped Bachmanns cha though).

CodexMob.gif
Where the fuck is my favourite candidate?
Not there, but he could replace one of the original characters when they croak. On death we will vote which candidate takes his place (as well as that characters class).

CodexMob.gif
Hey shitworks! That candidate is no longer in the running!
This isn't some pansy democracy where sex offenders and racists are disqualified. This is blood country where you are in the running until your guts are eaten by gibberlings.

CodexMob.gif
You gonna bug-exploit?
Probably, if i can find some.

CodexMob.gif
Why is there no intro or movie screenies?
Fuck 'em.

CodexMob.gif
When can we expect updates?
Who knows?

CodexMob.gif
Are you even gonna finish this LP, you lazy bum?
Let's see, but given this is an iron man LP, this could end fairly quickly all by itself. Should i tire of this LP, i get the feeling the candidates could have a nasty "accident". Seeing the Kwa republicans devoured by spiders isn't the worst thing in the world.



Ladies and Gentlemen, our cast of charcters:

newt.jpg


Our leading man, due to his (stupefying) lead in the polls at the moment.

Ginger.gif
One look at me and you are thinking "Whoah, that guy sure is handsome, maybe i should vote for him!"

cain.jpg


The one and only Pizza-Don, serving as man of muscles.

Cain.gif
Once the presidency goes black, it never goes back! Wanna job?

rom.jpg


Mr. Mormon, adding class and used salesman charm everywhere he goes.

Romney.gif
Hello. People say i'm bland, but is that such a bad thing? Bland for president 2012!

palin.jpg


The ultimate soccer mom, kicking ass and dodging books.

Palin.gif
Ya know, i don't really want the presidency, not really no. No...
I WANNA BE PRESIDENT! IM A BIG DEAL IN ALASKA!

perry.jpg


Texas Perry eating dong-like foodobjects across the realms.

Perry.gif
I'm just an ordinary, friendly guy who would love to have a beer with you*, so drop by anytime at my cozy niggerhead ranch!
(*offer not extended to sambos, spicks, gooks and sandniggers)

bach.jpg


The witch-queen of Minnesota.

Bach.gif
If i didn't have a political career, i would probably be the kind of shut-in that pisses in the corners.




____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Part 1:

BGMain2011-12-1319-39-02-48.jpg


Ginger.gif
So, ladies and gentlemen, let's get this show on the road.

Cain.gif
Who the fuck put your chubby ass in charge? I run this fucking outfit.

Cain.gif
Now let's get this show on the road.

Ginger.gif
Ok

Perry.gif
So what were we doing here again?

Romney.gif
The boss told us to get some gear and then come back to him.

Bach.gif
I need to pee.

Perry.gif
Cram it, satanist.

Cain.gif
Let's boogie dis here tavern and buy some gunz! Maybe they've got some fine ass bitches.

Ginger.gif
YEAH!

Romney.gif
Don't forget your promise, newt.

Ginger.gif
Oh yeah, right. No more hookers, no more hookers.

BGMain2011-12-1319-41-11-87.jpg


Perry.gif
So who's gonna do the logistics?

Ginger.gif
Let Palin do it. People seem to like her for some reason and she likes to shop.

Palin.gif
My good man, i and my values who like the kind of commer...i kinda want to perform a transac...i wanna buy some stuff from ya.

Palin.gif
Thanks for our trade sir, we just created new jobs by buying stuff from you, and i represent the kind of ideals where we are job creating, for it's gotta be all about jobs.

Ginger.gif
*sigh*. I hopes she dies first.

Bach.gif
Wait! You all got armour and weapons and all that, why didn't i get something?

Perry.gif
This ain't socialist Sweden, bitch. You'll get nothing and like it, just like my constituents.

Romney.gif
What should we do now?

Ginger.gif
Maybe we should go see the boss?

Cain.gif
Shut the fuck up Newt, i wanna find me some bitches and offer 'em a job. It's crotch-time baby!

Bach.gif
The crotch is Satans reach into our lives.

Cain.gif
well why don't the fucker give me a good tugging then bitch! I gots balls the size of grapefruits!

BGMain2011-12-1319-56-09-73.jpg


BGMain2011-12-1319-56-51-09.jpg


The nominees travel the area, and run into a smelly OWS'er whom they kill.

Ginger.gif
Told you to get a job! Not pretty where you are now, huh?

BGMain2011-12-1319-57-51-34.jpg


Our nominees continue onward and help the locals with various errands.

Perry.gif
Why the fuck are we doing this shit? Aren't we supposed to meet the boss?

Romney.gif
Think of the votes. Besides we are making some money, it's a chance to scam some hard earned gold of out some destitute taxpayers. Just like back in my corporate days.

BGMain2011-12-1320-00-06-87.jpg


Cain.gif
Whoa! Look at that smokin red headed ho, coming my way! YO BABY! WANNA JOB? I got's your job right here!

BGMain2011-12-1320-06-27-54.jpg


Ginger.gif
Hey look everyone it's the boss!

Bush.gif
Howdy fellas and fellattes! You folks about done? We need to be moseing on outta here, cause he'll soon gonna be finding us.

Bach.gif
Is it him? The dark one?

Bush.gif
You darn right it is.

Palin.gif
You betcha, you betcha, you betcha!

Bush.gif
Simmer down now toots, you aint being interviewed. Anyways has you folks got all yer stuff?

Romney.gif
We'll we couldn't find the weapons. Maybe some "folks" stashed 'em somewhere or gave 'em to Iran.

Ginger.gif
Hehe, good one Rommy.

Cain.gif
Hey Bush! Wanna job? Gots a big black drill thats needs some lovin'!

Perry.gif
I think we are done sir. May i take this opportunity to express my admiration for you sir! You did a fine job in office.

Bush.gif
Well, that's mighty nice of you, Ricky. Appreciate it.

Romney.gif
Look at that brown-noser, sucking up to Bush!

Ginger.gif
Gotta play the game Rommy, just like how we pretend we didn't back him when he was in office.

Bush.gif
Well, maybe we all better start headin' on out, it's gonna be night soon, and we got a long ways on the trail. So grab them packs and we'll head on out.

BGMain2011-12-1320-06-46-52.jpg


Ginger.gif
Were is everyone?

Bush.gif
Well Newtie, i kinda made sure we had some time alone. I got something i want to share with you.

Ginger.gif
Hold it, Mr. President! If it's a Cain-job i don't want it!

Bush.gif
I need to tell you that you are special Newtie, you're my special guy. I've in mind that you're gonna be a great President, just like me.

Ginger.gif
Yeah, well you weren't really considered....hmmm, how shall i put this delicately. People didn't like ...damn...i got nothing.

Bush.gif
So you need to stay the course Newtie, and watch out for them dark folks, ya hear me?

Ginger.gif
Yes sir! Who is the dark one?

Bush.gif
Newtie, i tells ya, in all my time as the worlds greatest leader i ain't never seen something as evil as this one. He's like Hitler, Al-Qaeda and abortion all rolled into one. He bears the mark of the beastie-guy too, so you...

BGMain2011-12-1320-07-18-40.jpg


Obama.gif
Well well, if mine eyes does not behold the former leader of the free world and his new protege. I assume tiding of my nearing arrival alerted you?

Bush.gif
What? Is he speaking muslim?

Obama.gif
No matter, i've have come forth with a proposal of fairness and rationality for you to consider, but i feel i must give you ample warning: It is the only one i shall give, and should you decline to accept my terms i shall unleash the dogs of war upon thee and thine brethren.
Mine offer is this: Join me and together we shall build a brand new aeon of reason, justice and prosperity!

Bush.gif
What? NO HABLA TERRORIST!

Ginger.gif
He is asking us to join him sir!

Bush.gif
What, become democrats? I'll see every poor joe in this country die of an easily curable disease before i support socialized medicine and other terrotist thinga-ma-jigs!

Obama.gif
Then we have our answer then. I shall let leave you in peace this time, but next time there shall be no quarter!

Bush.gif
Yeah, run back to Hussein-mama just like every other democrat. HAHAHA! You dumbocrats are afraid of gettin' in a little scrap, you are all wimps.

Ginger.gif
Sir, maybe this is not the...

Bush.gif
That's why you tax'n'spenders is alwasy gonna loose, you are all a bunch a' cickens. BORK BORK BORK!

Ginger.gif
Maybe making chicken noises at him, isn't the best course of action sir.

Bush.gif
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Bush.gif
He was going to the democratic national congress! HARHARHAR!

Obama.gif
That's it, prepare to die you villian.

BGMain2011-12-1320-07-38-85.jpg


Bush.gif
Wait! No! You can't just execute me! It's cruel and unusual punishment!

BGMain2011-12-1320-07-52-10.jpg


Bush.gif
ARRRRRGHHHHH!!!! SAVE ME DADDY!!!!

Next time: The legend in the hat and the witch sees stuff.
 

Johnny the Mule

Educated
Joined
Jun 23, 2011
Messages
567
Holy shit, thats the funniest LP since Dire Roach abandoned Nox!

Its actually truly funny unlike pathetic shit like Final Fantasy and other dumb LPs where they LARP some moronic crap and paste face pictures with facepalm inducing text.

I VOTE REPUBLICAN!
 

WetWorks

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Oct 10, 2007
Messages
3,532
Location
Facedown in the mud
Project: Eternity Codex USB, 2014
Ginger.gif
Holy fucking Abu Ghraib, they killed Bush!

Perry.gif
NOOOOOO!!!! *sniffs*

Palin.gif
It is not good when someone dies for his or her values and must concede life un...my values does not like death. I am pro life, babies must live.

Perry.gif
Good night, gentle prince. You were too good for this world. *sob*

Romney.gif
Meh, his legacy was stinking up the gop.

Ginger.gif
In a few days he's gonna be stinking up the forest.

Bach.gif
He was a true christian warrior and god shall embrace him.

Romney.gif
Not sure God frequents that place he's going.

BGMain2011-12-1320-08-23-46.jpg


Cain.gif
Hey look! It's that red bitch from Candlekeep. Lemme' handle this.

5 noisy minutes later.

Ginger.gif
What happened?

Cain.gif
Oh, i slipped her something warm and black. I promised her she could join us if she did a little "job" for me, or should i say a "giant" job. Hehe.

Ginger.gif
We can't have any more people travelling with us Herman!

Cain.gif
Oh a knows, it was just bullshit to get some pussy. Man was she pissed, hehehe!

Ginger.gif
Well, come on man! How good was she? Tell me, tell me!

Cain.gif
Easy there you pasty little cracker. She was allright. On a scale from one to ten, i give a six, not bad, not great. Bush was too big, and it wasn't red. She had lotsa' pimples on her ass, kinda reminded me of my pizza days.

Bach.gif
You fornicator! You do the devil's service with your vile lusts!

Cain.gif
God didn't want women to be taken advantage of he shouldn't have invented the penis.

Romney.gif
Guys, maybe we should take a rest here. Perry is talking suicide.

Ginger.gif
Good.

BGMain2011-12-1320-10-12-95.jpg


After some r&r they nominees follow the road northward where they run into some gibberlings which they dispatch with ranged weapons.

Ginger.gif
Ugly little fucks. I'll bet they're on welfare.

Romney.gif
Let's check out the area some more i wanna see if Bush had some stuff on we could steal.

Cain.gif
Shut the fuck up Mormon-man! I'm the boss of this crew!

Cain.gif
Now let's check out the area and steal Bush's things.

BGMain2011-12-1320-28-34-45.jpg


Bach.gif
Oh my what a beautiful view! It truly makes you appreciate God's creation.

Palin.gif
Is that Russia over there?

The party continues on in search of Bushs corpse and to explore the wonder of gods green forgotten realm.

BGMain2011-12-1320-29-03-30.jpg


Romney.gif
By space jesus! What the fuck is that thing.

Cain.gif
What does it look like cracker! It's a goddamn angry pooch and it's biting me right in the the black swan.

Cain.gif
Gah! DO something Perry!

Perry.gif
I don't want to live in a world without dubya!

Cain.gif
There! Got that muthafuckin' poochie! AHHH!!! There's one more!
Palin.gif
Don't you worry cause we have animals like that on alaska and because of that we have jobs for other animals that can protect us against those animals without jobs. It's gotta be all about jobs.

Cain.gif
You fucking bitch, DO SOMETHING!

BGMain2011-12-1320-29-40-29.jpg


Palin.gif
Here's is my alaskan spirit animal. It's name is Bristol.

Lot's of moments later (which would give Michael Vick an erection) only "Bristol" remains.

Cain.gif
Now dat's fucking good! 'Bout time one of you milf's started to pull your weight around here.

Palin.gif
You take the point Bristol. Good boy!

BGMain2011-12-1320-31-38-24.jpg


The dog takes point and engages in some more canine murder, this time involving wolves. A little while later some wellfare gibberlings bite the big one.

BGMain2011-12-1320-32-42-88.jpg


Ginger.gif
Wow, that is quite the dog you got there Mrs. Palin.

Cain.gif
Yeah, man. Dat's fucking killer!

Cain.gif
So dis here pooch, it just materializes when you needs it, and then disappears when you don't need it?

Palin.gif
Ya, you betcha.

Cain.gif
Oh man, sounds like the perfect woman. If only i'd hadden one of dese i wouldn't be a registered sex offender.

Cain.gif
Speaking of offending, mind if i borrow your little doggie for five minutes?
Palin.gif
Actually he doesn't like blacks.

Cain.gif
What, he a racist dawg?

Palin.gif
Yeah, someone paid a black homeless guy to beat him up, sodomize it and eat it's puppies. It wasn't me, i am of course no racist, but that black bastard was a bargain.

BGMain2011-12-1320-33-59-02.jpg


Perry.gif
Look! There he rests. He looks so peaceful, almost like he is only sleeping. *sniff*

Romney.gif
Dibs on the boots!

Cain.gif
Dibs on the body!
Cain.gif
What???

Bach.gif
He had some kinda note...

Cain.gif
Fuck that, guy is dead. To hell with him and his notes, this is my crew and i say we get to a tavern and round up some juicy booty.

BGMain2011-12-1320-34-30-87.jpg


Romney.gif
Woah! Bears!
Palin.gif
Ya know, i'm kinda like a bear: Strong and courageous and protective of her cubs and furry.

Ginger.gif
Why don't you go give it a good old bear hug then?

Cain.gif
Hah, i bet you a real bear lover aint' you Rommers?

Romney.gif
What do you mean?

Cain.gif
Like 'em big and furry don't ya? Nuthin betta than havin a big teddybear to cuddle up on? Am i right?

Ginger.gif
Hehe, i bet you're right Hermie! He looks the type.

Romney.gif
I don't know what the hell you two are implying, but i probably resent it!

BGMain2011-12-1320-35-04-93.jpg


Cain.gif
Aight crew! Saddle up and lock'n'load, we be movin' on.

BGMain2011-12-1320-35-13-04.jpg


Ginger.gif
Wait! Who's that? No, it can't be, it can't be....

reagan.gif
Hello folks! Nice to meet you.

Romney.gif
It's....REAGAN!

Ginger.gif
wow...wow

Bach.gif
By god's divine love! You have been brought back to us! We thank thee Jesus, with all our black hearts!

Perry.gif
Is it really you? How can it be? You are dead!

Palin.gif
It is such an honour Mr president, you are the last great american value president, i mean leader with constitutional...you were a good guy, Mr President man.

Cain.gif
Reagan huh? Heard of you. Wanna suck my cock?

reagan.gif
It's good to see all you hopeful candidates fighting for the american spirit which i hold so dear. To answer all your questions, let me just say that i am an american dream and i can never die!

Perry.gif
*sniff* that's.. beatiful!

Cain.gif
Arr, stop crying you pussy!

Ginger.gif
Nicely put Mr. President. I'm sure i speak for all of us, when i say it's a great honour.

reagan.gif
The honour is all mine my young friends, for you truly represent the best and brightest among us.

Romney.gif
Not to mention the richest among us!

Ginger.gif
That's the same thing Rommy, now shut it, i wanna hear some more from Reagan, our lord and saviour.

reagan.gif
You have much to do, if you are to tear down the wall of socialism before us, my patriotic eagles.

Palin.gif
I'm kinda like an eagle, all flyey and feathery and i protect my eggs and things.

Ginger.gif
What are we to do, oh great lord of mammon?

reagan.gif
You need to go out, get the common man on your side..

Bach.gif
Eww, common people!

reagan.gif
...win their trust and tear down the policies that protect them, so they can feel the hand of freedom once again. It's the american dream.

Perry.gif
Sounds awsome Mr. President. Can i get an autograph? I don't have any paper but maybe you could just etch it under my left nipple with this rusty dagger i found?

reagan.gif
And never forget, that you must face the corruption of the dark one and his minions wherever you meet them.

Ginger.gif
Great stuff, Reagan! Then what must we do?

reagan.gif
Then we must...we must...where am i? Nancy?

Ginger.gif
Oh yeah...the alzheimer thing...

Romney.gif
Seem's that Jesus should have kind of fixed that when he brought him back. Pretty lazy job.
This of course, wouldn't have happened if he had believed in space jesus.

Ginger.gif
Well anyway, you heard the man! We have a job to do!

Cain.gif
Cram it fat boy!

Cain.gif
You heard Alzheimer Reagans! Let's get crackin on this here evil social thang!

reagan.gif
Is that you Gorbachev? Are the aliens coming yet?

BGMain2011-12-1320-37-51-52.jpg


The gop crew follows the grey bricked road north (and kills some big headed blue union members along the way) and soon travels further upwards toward the friendly arm inn.


BGMain2011-12-1320-38-05-18.jpg


BGMain2011-12-1320-43-22-12.jpg


Bach.gif
Wait! I can feel something! There's something hidden here!

Ginger.gif
What? Is it the dark one?

Bach.gif
Nah it's some witchy stuff. Over here! There's something in this log!

BGMain2011-12-1320-43-26-29.jpg


Bach.gif
A ring! A beautiful shiny ring, i bet it's got some witchy stuff going on too!

Ginger.gif
Gee, how convenient that you had an insight. One is tempted to think that you had been here before, or maybe someone want's us to find it.

Perry.gif
I really don't care one way or the either, lets go up to that tavern and get some food.

BGMain2011-12-1320-44-27-76.jpg


robbins.gif
Halt! Might i have a word with you?

Romney.gif
Hey look! It's that guy from that movie where he crawls through a lot of shit.

Ginger.gif
Oh, and that movie where he is a fucking pedophile!

Romney.gif
Actually he wasn't a pedophile in that movie, in fact that was the fucking point of that movie!

Ginger.gif
Well, i haven't seen it, but i read something about it and just naturally assumed that that guy is a pedophile.

robbins.gif
I come bringing warning to thee! We know what you are here for, and i say unto thee, that we will none of it! Look around you! People are happy, commerce is flourishing and ...

Perry.gif
Let me stop you right there pinko! You know what i see? I see a country overrun with gibberlings and wild dogs in the countryside. I see no trade caravans going back and forth and i in fact hear that you've got problems in a mine down south. Sounds like typical socialist illusion to me.

robbins.gif
The wilds are protected territory and might i remind you that gibberlings are an endangered species.

Cain.gif
Yeah, and i'm da one endangering them! HARHARHAR!

robbins.gif
Anyway i didn't come here to battle, simply to convey our wishes that you let the rightful rulers take care of things. That said, i will be on my...

Ginger.gif
Sheesh, i've never noticed you forehead was so big!

robbins.gif
Excuse me, it's a sensitive topic. I prefer not to discuss it.

Palin.gif
Oh my yes, it certainly kinda is kinda big, you betcha!

Perry.gif
Well, that's the understatement of the year! It looks like a fucking hill is risng up from your head!

robbins.gif
Please, no more. I have to be going.

Ginger.gif
Go? I'm surprised you can even maintain balance with that giant noggin' on your sholders. What's that thing weigh anyway? 30-40 pounds?

robbins.gif
WELL FUCK YOU TOO! You had to play hardball eh? Well motherfuckers, i didn't crawl through a thousand yards of shit by being a pussy. You going down holmes!

BGMain2011-12-1320-44-48-35.jpg


BGMain2011-12-1320-45-04-85.jpg

robbins.gif
Weergh!!!

Perry.gif
Put that in you dope pipe and smoke it, you liberal hollywood rat!

Ginger.gif
Holy fuck that was close! And he was just one guy! Half our troops are completely in panic over those socialist facts he spouted off!

Romney.gif
Don't worry they'll get over it. Ignoring facts is what we republicans do best.

BGMain2011-12-1320-45-57-74.jpg


Cain.gif
Nice fuckin crib! I see several fine young bitches a wanna plough.

Ginger.gif
Let's get some rest first and check out our new stuff.

Cain.gif
Shut it flab-face! let's get somes sleepers and check out da bling!

burningHands.jpg


Bachmann fails a scribe bruning hands scroll.

wizardry.jpg


On the plus side, that witchy ring sure is witchy.


Next time: The great Friendly Arm Inn heist.
 

Crooked Bee

(no longer) a wide-wandering bee
Patron
Joined
Jan 27, 2010
Messages
15,048
Location
In quarantine
Codex 2013 Codex 2014 PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Codex 2016 - The Age of Grimoire MCA Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 BattleTech Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire
This looks like it would be really funny -- if only I knew who most of these people are. :P (I'm not into American politics.)

Anyway, :salute:
 

Derper

Prophet
Joined
Oct 22, 2009
Messages
1,144
Location
Aaaargh
Looking forward to the Chaotic Good Ron Paul and the inevitable "Sarah Palin banging Herman Cain"-episode. Palin was quite fond of black basketballers in her time as a sports reporter.
 

torpid

Liturgist
Joined
Aug 2, 2010
Messages
1,099
Location
Isma's Grove
This is great! And much better than the actual primary.

He's like Hitler, Al-Qaeda and abortion all rolled into one.

:lol:

Needs a Ron Paul NPC who wants to dissolve anything that smacks of government.
 

Sceptic

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Mar 2, 2010
Messages
10,871
Divinity: Original Sin
Hilarious stuff, and I've barely been following the primaries. The lack of Ron Paul is duly noted though. Torpid's right, he should have a glorious appearance as an NPC. Preferably a recurring one, but IIRC none of the bad guys (other than Sarevok) appear more than once.
 

WetWorks

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Oct 10, 2007
Messages
3,532
Location
Facedown in the mud
Project: Eternity Codex USB, 2014
Part 3

1.jpg


Perry.gif
Right! let's fleece this place! We need some fuckin' money.

Ginger.gif
Isn't that kinda stealing and somewhat illegal?

Perry.gif
HAHAHA! That's a good one Newt! But seriously we need gold.

Romney.gif
Newt, i get where you are coming from, but you gotta put this in the right perspective:
We steal money from people, then we buy stuff from people with their own money. Presto! Everyone's happy.

Ginger.gif
Oh yeah, so it's like giving taxpayer money to corporations, who then use them to produce something they can sell back to the taxpayers.

Ginger.gif
Well, i'm convinced now!

Palin.gif
Will we be creating jobs? As a reprensentatative of the non-washington elite who is kinda like a bear i think it's gotta be all about...

Romney.gif
...job creation, yeah we got you there Sarah. Well, when we buy stuff from people with their own money we create numerous jobs both in service and production.

Palin.gif
Ohh, that's good!

Romney.gif
Yeah. *snicker*

Bach.gif
I'm having a vision! It tell's me we better talk to people before we create jobs.

Cain.gif
I gots a job for you right here witchy-bitchey! HARHARHAR!

Romney.gif
Not now Herman.

4.jpg


rove.gif
HEY over here fellas!

Ginger.gif
Oh wow it's the archduke of suffering, Karl Rove!

Romney.gif
Good to met you Mr. Rove.

rove.gif
Likewise. How are you all doing?

Ginger.gif
Pretty good Mr. Rove , though i think you should know that Bush is dead.

rove.gif
Well, that certainly is a shame. Still, he had a good run.

Perry.gif
Yeah! He was a man among mere ants! *sobs*

rove.gif
Yeah well fuck him, he kinda fired me. Say, you guys wouldn't be interested in doing me a tiny favor?

Cain.gif
Dependz on da mount a green, cracker!

Romney.gif
Yeah, we are broke Mr. Rove.

rove.gif
Don't worry about money...

Romney.gif
Sorry, Mr Rove but that's what i do; worry about money.

rove.gif
I meant, you'll get some for doing this minor task. See i've been working on breeding a superior giant spider that feasts on baby-blood and...

Bach.gif
I thought you were working for the fair and balanced christian fundamentalists at Fox News?

rove.gif
I am, the man-eating spider thing is just a hobby.

rove.gif
But these spiders got loose and took over my damn house, so basically i need someone to clear 'em out. Think of it like evicting a dead soldiers widow, that always makes me feel better.

Ginger.gif
Sounds fun, we'll do it Mr. Rove.

Romney.gif
Wait a second, this sounds dangerous!
rove.gif
It's a piece of cake, trust me.

Ginger.gif
If Karl Rove says it's easy then it's easy. Guy's the most trustworthy republican since Nixon.

Romney.gif
Well okay then.

Ginger.gif
See you later Mr. Rove, we gotta steal from the poor before we get to the spiders.

rove.gif
Oh, sounds fun! Steal something for me will you!

Cain.gif
Oki-dok Perry-man, go do yar thang!

Perry.gif
What? Me? Why do i have to do this?

Cain.gif
Coz i'm gonna make you ma bitch if you don't.

Perry.gif
Convincing argument. I'll go steal.

5.jpg


The devious perry picks his first lock and steal a couple og gold pieces...

6.jpg


soviet.gif
Halt in the name of Obama!

Perry.gif
Whoah! Agressive fucking cops! They gonna kill me! Someone call the UCLA!

8.jpg


Perry.gif
Run guys! They're onto us!

7.jpg


Perry.gif
Police brutality! Rape! I'm black!

9.jpg


Ginger.gif
Well that was fucking useless. You suck Perry!

Romney.gif
Yeah, you suck! You can't even get away with stealing a couple of gold! And you call yourself a republican!

Cain.gif
Ya wanna suck, Perry?

Ginger.gif
What the fuck now?

Palin.gif
Let's go and see the kinda great, big outdoors cause it's kinda like Alaska here and maybe we kinda could find some animals to kill cause that's what we kinda do in Alaska.

Romney.gif
Which animals?

Palin.gif
Well...all kinds of animals. Alaska is not so far away it doesn't have normal animals.

Romney.gif
So name one animal?

Palin.gif
Well Mitt, all of them really.

Romney.gif
Heh, i knew she was gonna say that.

10.jpg


Miss Palin summons another one of her Alaskan spirit animals, just as some socialist dire wolves attack.

Palin.gif
Git 'em Willow!

Bach.gif
That sure is a nice lion!

Cain.gif
Whoah, dat's a big pussy! :smug:

12.jpg


Cain.gif
Awww man, dat fuckin' smelly pussy is stealin' all da kills!

13.jpg


14.jpg


15.jpg


Cain.gif
YEAH! Gibberlings! I fuckin luv killin' endangered species!

Ginger.gif
Man that goddamn spirit animal rocks this world! It's really pretty unbalanced but fuck that!

Palin.gif
If i am elected as a humble representatative of non-elitarian alaskan i will send my pussy to Iraqistan and win the genocide.

Ginger.gif
Heh, i'm not sure your pussy is allowed according to the Geneva convention!

Cain.gif
Dat's ma man Newtie! Hih'-Fih'!


Next time: Hollywood Revenge and more stuff stealing!
 

WetWorks

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Oct 10, 2007
Messages
3,532
Location
Facedown in the mud
Project: Eternity Codex USB, 2014
part 4

18.jpg


Obama.gif
So this is Beregost, that town where Rove's spider house is?

Ginger.gif
*snicker* Yeah rommy, that it is.

Obama.gif
What so funny?

Perry.gif
Why, nothing Mitt. Nothing at all.

Cain.gif
Yo brutha, wat u say me an u go out and git us some chicken?

Obama.gif
Why, that certainly sounds nice. I didn't know you could be so friendly Herman.

Cain.gif
Evrathang for ma nigga!

Bach.gif
This is wrong! We cannot have the dark one in our midst!

Perry.gif
Lighten up bitch!

Obama.gif
What the hell are you people talking....

Obama.gif
Oh, very fucking funny. HA HA HA, which one you did this?

Palin.gif
Do you play that there game of basketball, i know a lot of them players of that game basketball, cause they sometimes would come up to alaska and i would show them into the great hairy alaskan wilds.

Ginger.gif
Don't look at me Rommy, i had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Cain.gif
Arr, just roll with it man, it aint so bad bein a brother. Po-lice don't beat ya up if u gots da money.

Obama.gif
It's those motherfuckers at Fox news isn't it. God damn it. Change me the fuck back!

Perry.gif
You think you got it rough? Someone made me a fucking Halfling!!! You try finding a decent pair of shoes with these fucking feet.

19.jpg


With a pouty Romney in tow the nominees kill some welfare queen.


Cain.gif
Aww yeah a tavern, let's go trawl for sum pussy.

22.jpg


penn.gif
Hey you! Yeah i'm talking to you! Obama put out a bounty on you!

Ginger.gif
Hey it's the other guy from that pedophile movie! Was he the pedophile?

Obama.gif
None of them was a fucking pedophile, just as i'm not motherfucking black!

Perry.gif
Great, all we need now is Kevin fucking Bacon.

penn.gif
Wait? Are you Obama?

Obama.gif
Fuck you, you two bit actor! I'm not damn Obama and i hated that gay movie you were in!

Perry.gif
To be fair, all his movies are pretty gay.

Ginger.gif
Was that the movie with the retard?

Obama.gif
No, you don't know shit Newt. Now shut the fuck up and give me my face back!

23.jpg


24.jpg


Bach.gif
He said there was a bounty on us, that means we can expect attacks form Hollywood at any moment!

Ginger.gif
Yeah, who could have thought Hollywood would attack us...

Cain.gif
Why in the flyin' fucks don't this bar have a barkeep??? And where's the pussy???

25.jpg


The crew heads to another tavern and invest in body armour.


Ginger.gif
So are we going for Rove's house now?

Perry.gif
Are you crazy! I'm not gonna fight some spiders! The could poison us and we could die!

Cain.gif
Pussy! And not the good kind.

Ginger.gif
Well, what then?

Obama.gif
How about we get my fucking picture back! People are fucking looking at me like i was some kind of criminal or something.

Cain.gif
Don't worry brutha, u'll get used to it. It's a black thang.

Perry.gif
Here's what we'll do; We are gonna do on a donation drive, cause we need some gold.

Ginger.gif
This again? Didn't we try this already, and found out how much you sucked at liberating money?

Perry.gif
That's cause i was a victim of racial profiling, white businessmen in suits are subject to the worst kind of racism.

Ginger.gif
Well ok, i guess we could give it another try.

27.jpg


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29.jpg


30.jpg


soviet.gif
Halt in the name of cultural marxism!

Perry.gif
Run guys! The jig is up!

31.jpg


Ginger.gif
Not this again Perry! YOU SUCK!!!

32.jpg


The crew flees communist opression, and returns back to the Friendly arm inn.

Obama.gif
Aren't we going from crime scene to crime scene here?

Ginger.gif
I'm sure they won't remember us.

Ginger.gif
You really do suck Perry!

33.jpg


the nominees get a quest to liberate some jewels from a gang of juvenile hobgoblins.

Cain.gif
Aight girl, whip out dat pussy!

34.jpg


Cain.gif
Wait dat aint no pussy!

Palin.gif
No that is kinda of Alaska's guardian angel, the great kinda spiritual bear, that is kinda like me you betcha!

Ginger.gif
You both go through garbage cans for old food?

35.jpg


36.jpg


Perry.gif
Look at that fuckin bear go!

Cain.gif
Holy pizza, dats evan greater than ur pussy!

Ginger.gif
Spirit bear for fucking president 2012!!!

37.jpg


The crew are snubbed with no money, but get's a reputation boost.


Cain.gif
Goddah biatch! No fuckin green!

Perry.gif
Well why don't we go back to Beregost and steal some more of that welfare money? I mean we paid for them in bullshit taxes, so they are hours.

Obama.gif
That's a good one Perry, when did you last pay taxes?

Perry.gif
1992, before i got rich.

Ginger.gif
I'm pretty sceptic about you socalled abilities Perry. What did we get from your last run?

Perry.gif
Uhm...22 gold pieces, 20 crossbow bolts, a book about the history of the north and a dagger. But i'll do better this time i swear!

Obama.gif
Well, it's either that or we go for the Spiders.

Ginger.gif
*sigh* well allright then, let's try this one more time Perry. Better not fuck up this time!

Perry.gif
I won't!

38.jpg


39.jpg


41.jpg


43.jpg


soviet.gif
Halt in the na... oh hi Rick Perry! Out stealing again, are we?

Perry.gif
yessum...i'm really sorry...

44.jpg


Ginger.gif
What the fuck now, perry!

Perry.gif
Well sir, i kinda got busted...

Ginger.gif
Again?!? That's it, no more fucking stealing you useless asshole. You getting caught repeatedly has cost us massive reputation loss. They're even considering voting democrat in fucking Wyoming!

Bach.gif
Maybe we should give up our lawless ways, and engage in some proper and patriotic work.

Obama.gif
Yeah let's kill those spiders.

Perry.gif
No please! We are gonna die!!! We don't have anything to cure poison! Please!!!

Cain.gif
U be really gittin on mah nerves perry-man, u a god damn chicken!

Obama.gif
Anyway i don't give a shit if i die until i get my picture back!

Ginger.gif
yeah, just shut the fuck up Perry or we are gonna send you in first.

Perry.gif
Noooo!! I swear i'll be good from now on!

45.jpg


The republicans buff up before entering the spiders nest, while Rick Perry sobs uncontrollably in fear.

Could this be the end of the quest for the presidency?

Next time: Spiders and maybe something more if anyone is still alive and maybe Sarah Palin is gonna say something intelligent which is not likely but you never really know because this is probably the age of miracles and Michelle Bachman says that god is a really good guy and abortion is a bad thing.
 

WetWorks

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Oct 10, 2007
Messages
3,532
Location
Facedown in the mud
Project: Eternity Codex USB, 2014
Part 5

46.jpg


Cain.gif
Chaaaaaarge Crackers!

47.jpg


Cain.gif
Whatcha got ya pussy spiders? Whatcha Got, huh?

48.jpg


Cain.gif
FUCK YEAH! Dat was too fuckin easy! Whose da man homies???

Cain.gif
I SAID WHOSE DA MAN CRACKERS?

Obama.gif
*Sigh* you are Herman.

Ginger.gif
Yeah yeah, good work and all that.

Perry.gif
Can i open my eyes now? Are all the big bad spiders gone?

Cain.gif
Hmm, a wonda if onez could fuck a spider? Where's the poon-tang on this thang?

Palin.gif
I think it might kinda be like a male type of species spider.

Cain.gif
Aight then, wheres da ass?

Ginger.gif
Lets go get some money from Rove.

49.jpg


Romney.gif
Hey look everyone ! I got my face back! How i missed my bland and generic face.

Bach.gif
Did Fox news news apologize for their atrocius deeds?

Romney.gif
Nah, but they did send me a gift certificate for a free sandwich.

51.jpg


rove.gif
Hi fellas, took care of my bug problem?

Bach.gif
Yes, Mr. Rove those devilish and unnatural spiders are gone now. Please rethink breeding something so blasphemous again.

rove.gif
Yeah yeah, i'll get right on that.

rove.gif
Here, have some money. Now get out of here, i have to conduct a business transaction with the man downstairs.

Ginger.gif
What now?

Romney.gif
Well, wasn't there a mine down south that had some union problems? I thin...

Cain.gif
Shut da mormon-hole, i'm da boss! Dere's a free entaprize near dat dere Nashkel dats gots som problemz. We go dere an make sum dough.

Romney.gif
You are such a phony Cain! Nice guy when white voters are around, and complete ghetto when there are none.

Cain.gif
You gotz ta play da game Rommers. If ya don't, ya loose.

52.jpg

53.jpg

54.jpg

55.jpg


Perry.gif
Hey look, this here soldier corpse, that had been killed by one of those Ogrillion, had a letter on him.

Bach.gif
We must take it to his grieving family. They deserve to know.

57.jpg


58.jpg


The republican nominees find themselves in front of the grieving widow of the slain soldier.

Ginger.gif
Mam? It is with sincere and honest regret that i must inform you that your husband was killed by a roadside Ogrillion.
We are always thankful for the service of our courageous men and women of the military. Allow me to give this letter to you, that was found on your husbands corpse.

Ginger.gif
Now how about a goddamn reward for that letter?

59.jpg


Extortion pays off.

The crew continues towards Nashkel.

Bach.gif
I sense danger ahead!

Cain.gif
Aight, out wit da bear, toots!

62.jpg

63.jpg

64.jpg

65.jpg


Ginger.gif
I said it before and i'll say it again, that Bear has one he'll of a career ahead of him. I foresee a Gingrich/Bear ticket in 2012.

66.jpg


Romney.gif
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING PERRY??? ARE YOU SCALPING THAT ROBBER?

Perry.gif
Yeah, so what? You never know when you might need a human scalp. Or maybe someone wants to buy them.

Romney.gif
Someone wants to fucking buy them? You sick deranged little fuck! At least i now know which kind of person votes for you.

Perry.gif
Jesus! Everyone complains that we are conservative and intolerant, and then we we finally honor a nice native american tradition everyone get's their fucking panties in a bunch. God damn political correctness...

68.jpg


Newt gets a level.

69.jpg


Ginger.gif
Yeah Bitches! 7 HPs! Suck it down!

Romney.gif
Actually that's pretty bad newt; You got +4 hps for you 18 con, and that means you only rolled a 3 on your d8.

Ginger.gif
Wait wait wait! Isn't 18 con only +3 hp? And isn't a clerics hitdie d6?

Cain.gif
NEEEEEERDS!!!!

70.jpg


The beautiful village of Nashkel.

Cain.gif
Awww yeah a tavern! time ta git ma freak on!

Bach.gif
We better buff up, there's danger in that tavern.

Perry.gif
You having another vision, witch?

Bach.gif
No, but i can see Susan Sarandon through the window and she looks pissed!

Ginger.gif
Susan who?

Romney.gif
She's a Hollywood movie person, newt. You wouldn't know her.

Ginger.gif
Is she the one with the tits?

71.jpg


72.jpg


sarandon.gif
You creationist Nazis killed my ex-partner!

Ginger.gif
Wait! Were you married to that gibberling we killed?

Romney.gif
I think she's talking about Tim Robbins.
Ginger.gif
Was that the shit-guy or the pedophile-guy?

Romney.gif
They're were both in the pedophile movie, so it's the shit guy.

Bach.gif
Hold on a minute. you said partner, You weren't even married?

sarandon.gif
Of course not. Me and Tim didn't put much stock in that whole marriage thing.

Bach.gif
YOU CHEAP HARLOT! HOW DARE YOU HAVE SEX OUT OF WEDLOCK!!! YOU ARE INFECTING OUR YOUTH WITH YOUR PREMARITAL SEX!!! I SHALL PAINT THE WHITE HOUSE RED WITH YOUR BLOOD AND PUT YOUR HEAD ON A PIKE IN FRONT OF IT!!!!

73.jpg


Ginger.gif
Someones obviously on the rag.

Palin.gif
Where did that there kinda black person go to?

Romney.gif
Herman? He hurried on outside with Susan Sarandons corpse and a sixpack of lubricant.

74.jpg


More armour is purchased.

Next time: A trip to the Carnival
 

The_scorpion

Liturgist
Joined
Dec 10, 2006
Messages
1,056
WetWorks said:

:retarded:






















though only a tiny fraction of their audience probably noticed that minor glitch



Btw. funny lp
keep it up
:love:
 

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