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GTA IV is a massive piece of shit

Discussion in 'General Gaming' started by <3sRichardSimmons, Jan 18, 2021.

  1. <3sRichardSimmons Arcane Patron

    <3sRichardSimmons
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    I recently decided that I'm not going to buy anymore games until I've at least tried all the unplayed games sitting in my Steam and GoG accounts. It turns out that GTA IV is one of these. I bought it roughly around launch and it ran like total shit on my system so I decided to shelve it for an upgrade instead of refunding because I really liked III-San Andreas. Then I upgraded and tried it again... and it still ran like total shit. Then I upgraded again... and it still ran like total shit. Then I upgraded again about a year ago to a system comfortably able to run current-gen games at minimum 60 FPS on High settings, but just never got around to reinstalling GTAIV. Today I did, and guess what? It still runs like total shit, but that's not all!

    Upon reinstalling I'm immediately presented with a mandatory registration/login for "Rockstar Social Club". Cool. I vaguely remember this being a thing the last time I tried to play this stupid fucking game, but it's always great when a company forces their DRM dick all the way down your throat before even letting you "enjoy" the product that they already know you legally purchased.

    After hemming and hawing about whether or not I actually give a shit enough about this game to install roughly 1gig of bloatware DRM bullshit, I decide "fuck it, I decided I'm going to at least play all my games once.". So I install this stupid fucking nonsense, and then upon launching it I get a prompt that essentially says "Haha you dumb fuck. We just bloated up your system with a bunch of non-essential spyware, but if you actually want to play this game you need to link your Steam account (which by the way is permanent)."

    Well fuck. I've already gone this far. So why not I guess?

    And then I start the game and, guess fucking what? It still runs like shit. I mean, I guess I'm getting 30FPS instead of the 3FPS I was getting 10 fucking years ago, so perhaps there is an elegantly linear time/hardware/performance algorithm that this game is running on, but Jesus Christ.

    But okay, whatever the game runs like shit, I can deal with that; I occasionally play console games and can tolerate 30FPS.

    Then I watch the opening movie. As a frame of reference for those who haven't played it, all the character faces roughly look like this:


    :prosper:

    Sitting through the intro I get treated to some badly animated S&M, a hand knocking/noclipping on/through a doorway, and some really hilariously bad fog that is obviously designed to "hide" draw distance limitations.

    Well, whatever. Gameplay uber alles, right?

    Haha. No. After a five minute long cutscene, I'm finally able to have some actual control. I get in the first presented vehicle (a sort of Chevy Malibuish thing), and holy shit does this thing drive worse than some of the semis I've been behind. I'm talking 50' turning radius, top speed of ~45MPH, and most bizarrely an e-break that apparently locks all 4 wheels.

    Okay, but whatever, I'm clearly just nitpicking, everyone knows the fun of these games comes not from their realism but rather their ability to create mayhem and simulate psychopathy. So, considering this, I eagerly go full tilt (again, roughly ~45MPH) towards the first pedestrian I see (a drunken hobo, excellent!), barrel into him full speed, and... watch as he sleepily slouches onto the hood of my car and then fades away into nothingness? What the fuck?

    Am I doing this wrong? Does this game somehow magically figure its shit out? Because so far this is a solid 0/10
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2021
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  2. Ivan Arcane

    Ivan
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    :balance:
     
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  3. Origin Augur

    Origin
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    What did you upgrade, keyboards? It runs nice both on my old desktop i5 + 550ti as well as on my laptop i5 + 1050. Hardly a bleeding edge specs.
     
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  4. Multidirectional Arcane

    Multidirectional
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    He probably has shadows on highest and night shadows enabled. Those things are very performance heavy and from what I recall the game starts at night. Anyway, game has problems but driving was always one of the best things about it to me. And I never experienced the disappearing pedestrian thing he mentions.
    The best part of GTA IV was multiplayer, shame it's dead now.
     
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  5. karoliner Magister

    karoliner
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    It's the worst GTA.
     
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  6. Kalin Arcane Zionist Agent

    Kalin
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    [​IMG]

    Only GTA you'll ever need.
     
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  7. mediocrepoet Arcane Patron

    mediocrepoet
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    Codex 2012 MCA Project: Eternity Divinity: Original Sin 2
    I played this on a moderate system in 2008/2009 that I'd had for a few years at that point, so... are you sure you're getting reputable PC parts and not like a collection of seashells and dead hamsters?

    The game ran fine except for the very end where
    Show Spoiler
    the waves were so high and intense that I couldn't even drive my boat forward to catch the guy. I have no idea why but it was pretty lame. Might've been a games for windows live issue.


    Later, I rented the game on playstation and beat it there.
     
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  8. Crispy Don't get old. Undisputed Queen of Faggotry

    Crispy
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    Looks like shit but seems to run p. smoothly to me.

    Hardly unreasonable specs.
     
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  9. DalekFlay Arcane Patron

    DalekFlay
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    Hmmm, I played the expansion packs like 5 years ago and remember them running buttery smooth at max settings, which was a nice change of pace from when the game came out. Maybe I'm misremembering though. Anyway, the game is definitely clunky but personally I think GTA always was after 3. The more mechanics and mini-game shit they add, the more annoying the games were to play for me. Especially since their keyboard and mouse decisions are often retarded. I actually like the heavy cars though, cars that feel too light and like they're floating always bug me.

    Game undeniably has some charm though. I remember dropping off a dead body in the middle of the night in the rain, the area lit up by my car lights, Genesis playing on the radio, and just feeling like it was great stuff. That's where Rockstar games excel, not gameplay. You gotta be an immersionfag I guess.
     
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  10. Bigg Boss Arcane

    Bigg Boss
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    Missing GTA 2.
     
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  11. mediocrepoet Arcane Patron

    mediocrepoet
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    I'm about 90% certain that the issue I was having was some GFW issue with authentication and the game thinking I was running a pirate copy even though I wasn't. Either way, it was a pain. The system I ran it on was far worse than the one in that video, so I have no idea why anyone would be having performance issues now unless it's possibly driver related or something.
     
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  12. Gregz Arcane

    Gregz
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    If you must play one of these, play Vice City.
     
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  13. Maxie Arcane

    Maxie
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    had to refund because it ran like shit both vanilla and 'fixed' with performance mods
    sloppy product. fuck rockstar games
     
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  14. Burning Bridges Enviado de meu SM-G3502T usando Tapatalk

    Burning Bridges
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    I never owned GTAIV

    But didn't it use the same engine as L.A. Noire? That was a massive piece of shit indeed. It seriously felt like the entire game was running in an emulator.
     
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  15. MadMaxHellfire Arcane

    MadMaxHellfire
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    after san andreas, i was overwhelmingly underwhelmed by how little this game has to offer. its best part is sitting in your apartment watching television. not kidding, i mean it.
     
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  16. Morpheus Kitami Learned

    Morpheus Kitami
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    It honestly amazes me how much worse GTAIV is compared to the PS2 games. In terms of gameplay, IV is just so slow and tedious that I can never really muster up the interest to actually play it. Gotta go hang out with your friends or you can't advance in the storyline! Chase sequences with rubber band AI so you don't catch them before you're supposed to! Make sure you don't tip over your Ford GT by taking that turn at 50 MPH! V isn't much better, but at least I don't feel like the game is actively trying to prevent me from having fun at all times.
     
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  17. mediocrepoet Arcane Patron

    mediocrepoet
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    I actually kind of enjoyed the story line of IV with the immigrant trying for a better life. But I thought the best was Vice City just for driving around to 80s music.
     
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  18. PulsatingBrain Huge and Ever-Growing Patron

    PulsatingBrain
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    Ballad of Gay Tony and Lost and Damned were definitely better. I wish they'd have done similar expansions for 5. I feel like they were free to be a little stranger in these smaller expansion stories.

    Totally agree, I think it's the best driving in the series.
     
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  19. Burning Bridges Enviado de meu SM-G3502T usando Tapatalk

    Burning Bridges
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    Funnily, it seems that they are repeating the same with RDR2.

    A phenomenal base game and then nothing but the online mode that gradually becomes a futuristic battlefield with flying motorcycles that autists can play every day, all year. Have they introduced magic to RDR2 already? If yes, it will eventually turn into some sort of Ninja game with pokemon magic.
     
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  20. DalekFlay Arcane Patron

    DalekFlay
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    LA Noire is permanently capped at 30fps because of the dumb face technology or whatever, which is why it plays like ass.
     
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  21. rusty_shackleford Arcane

    rusty_shackleford
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    consoles
     
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  22. Devastator Literate

    Devastator
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    @OP: You should mod it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdZGd2fwFBg. OG GTA4 looks pretty bad without mods (but not as terrible as on consoles where Bloom is over 9000 so you can't even see where you are going at times).
     
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  23. DonGabo Novice

    DonGabo
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    Last edited: Jan 19, 2021
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  24. Machocruz Arcane

    Machocruz
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    I will always remember GTA4 for the soft porn Cinemax lighting on PS3.
     
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  25. Poseidon00 Prophet

    Poseidon00
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    Vice City is my most played GTA by far. I couldn't get into San Andreas, there was just something...wrong with the main character.

    Only thing I really enjoy about GTA IV/V is getting into car crashes on my motorcycle at max speed and watching me ragdoll across the city.
     
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