Dear Yui,
This is a letter that I will probably never send to you. It is one that I am writing for myself in order to try to deal with and hopefully subdue some of the feelings I am feeling inside about you. It is really only meant for my eyes, but, if someday, for some reason, you do actually read this, I feel an explanation is important and that is how this letter will begin.
I do not and would not ever want to hurt your feelings. The reason this letter cannot ever reach your eyes is because of the damage I feel it might cause you, in terms of emotional impact. I realize that I may not be that important to you – at least, I’m not as important to you as you certainly are to me.
You have to understand, I’ve never met anyone like you. Even though I don’t know a whole lot about you, I feel so close to you anyway, like we were actually meant to be together.
Yui, the reason why I felt this way is because I saved you once 18th July. And died in the process. But I got better.
Yes, this is exactly why I’m writing this letter that will never go anywhere. I cannot ever tell you truly how I feel. I cannot send this to you or in any way share these feelings, really, with anyone. So I write.
Trust me, more than anything else in the world – I wanted to save you. And you only.
Since you are so unique, and so special to me, I couldn’t bear the thought of causing any sadness in you. It’s actually pretty conceited and maybe even a little delusional of me to think, especially a mere loser like me, is even capable of saving in you, but so powerful is my will to make it right, that I risked that chance again. The chance that I might die and we will return to being strangers once more.
I’m not sure if I am in love with you or not. It doesn’t seem possible, having only seen you once to thrice in just over a month, but what I am feeling is very, very strong. After having the pleasure of seeing you in person again, and being struck by your beauty just like the first, I felt like my heart was absolutely pierced. From the first second I saw you again until these days after, there has been a pain and a longing within me that I can’t ignore. I’ve gone from telling myself an equal number of times that I don’t love you and that that’s a crazy idea to admitting that, yes, I do love you.
That’s part of my problem now – I don’t know which way to turn or how to ease this pain. I mean I could tell you that you need to watch the road before crossing and just go back to being strangers again, but that wouldn’t be fair. I don’t want to lose a friend, but how do I remain friends with you when every time I think about you and especially when I see you I want to pour out my honest and true feelings?
One thing is for sure: you will always be special to me. You are unique in many ways that are almost indescribable.
Farewell,
The Loser