Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
Welcome to rpgcodex.net, a site dedicated to discussing computer based role-playing games in a free and open fashion. We're less strict than other forums, but please refer to the rules.
"This message is awaiting moderator approval": All new users must pass through our moderation queue before they will be able to post normally. Until your account has "passed" your posts will only be visible to yourself (and moderators) until they are approved. Give us a week to get around to approving / deleting / ignoring your mundane opinion on crap before hassling us about it. Once you have passed the moderation period (think of it as a test), you will be able to post normally, just like all the other retards.
The gist of it: you load minecarts with stuff (anvils, statues, socks etc), accelerate them (rollers or impulse ramps) then slam them into fortifications -- their contents continues to travel forwards, mincing anything in its path. Some designs achieve quite good refire rate.
You can also ram minecarts (preferable heavy ones) themselves into targets.
Also pressurized water can count as ranged weapon i'd say.
Oh, I am a short and sturdy creature fond of drink and industry, sadly René isn't I'm afraid. Never heard about René? One of the best soldiers (for a human) of the realm, world famous petanque player too. Ideologically unsound though, great shame.
Me: *mistypes the word in google searchbar*
Google: Did you mean "petanko"?
Me: Uh... maybe? I mean sure!
Google: -> flat
*shows me yuge amount of animu girl pictures*
Sorry for the delay, men. Pre-holiday days leave no time for things that truly matter. Gotta put new carpets on the walls, cut down a pine tree, buy presents for 150 relatives of me wife, all that holiday routine.
Not having a great time either. Busted a tire yesterday. Lost my half-finished draft for the next update because Windows updated on me first. Pisses me off. But it's coming. Have some damn patience.
AFAIK, smoothing takes longer than building a floor from stone blocks. It's not like we have a shortage of blocks. But that's not the reason we do this.
The real reason is I AM YOUR GODDAMN KOMMISSAR, and I NEED my Quarters to be decent!
Yeah, I've gone and read up on wrestling in DF and turns out its a viable strategy. The only downside is that you might find it difficult to tackle/knockdown creatures larger than your average dorf.
Also, happy holidays, everyone. Loving this thread <3
Human merchants have left, farkin' finally. Now close me those damn gates!
As you wish. Although the dwarves coming our way might consider it rude.
What dw-- OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
Twelve, thirteen, fourteen... Fifteen new arrivals. Let's hope they don't intend to settle here. We have neither beds nor booze for all of them. Especially booze.
*approaches Spigot and Eryfkrad, while the others stay behind her*
HALT! State your name and busin-- Hold on. I recognize that wrinkled mug of yours.
Yeah, me too. *spits on the ground* You are not welcome here, traitor. Head back to whatever hellhole you came from.
I will exchange words with Kommissar Grimwulf. Not with you.
You wish. The boss is a busy dwarf.
Leave. Now.
*steps in* Calm down, friends. We came here in peace, carrying no weapons, armed with nothing but goodwill.
Are you fucking aware who is the dwarf leading you?
We know more than you do. Either you show us the way to your leader, or... We might be unarmed, but we are not harmless. Trust me, I can fight my way through a bunch of old dwarves pretending to be stronger than then truly are.
*looks at the small horde of migrants standing in front of him*
You must have a deathwish or somthn'. FINE. Follow me to the Outpost, but remember this - if anyone down there tries to hang you, I'm sure as hell not gonna stop them.
Good luck putting a noose on my neck. HAH!
20th Malachite, 126, Mid-Summer
The Outpost, Dining Room
*standing around the new arrivals*
*whispers to his leader* Well, aren't you a famous one?
*whispers back* Be quiet.
Traitor!
Murderer.
Nobody wants you here.
*enter the room*
What on earth are you doing here? GET BACK TO YOUR WORKSTATIONS IMMEDIATELY!
As soon as you turn back the traitors, Kommissar.
I would prefer execution. They deserve it.
That's rich. We deserve it? All of us, kids included?
You followed her, and that speaks for itself. Tell me who's your leader, and I'll tell you who you are.
Kommissar Grimwulf. May we speak in private?
Why--
Don't do it, boss. This dwarf is the most wanted criminal in all dwarfendom. Her posters are hanging in all dwarven taverns. In fact, there is a hefty reward for bringing her to justice, dead or alive.
BONAZ, BABEH! *grips his war hammer and steps ahead*
Can anyone enlighten us, hard-working dwarves with no time to look at the posters or visit the taverns, what is the whole deal?
Everyone, meet Lithium fucking Flower!
The dwarf who killed her own kind to protect the fucking elves!
Daaaaaaamn, I remember now! Tekkud Actionbridge, the outpost liaison, told me everything about her! By the way, where is Tekkud?
He went back to Plankplunged a few months ago. Who cares? Boss, let me lock the traitor in a storage room, then we can decide what to do with the others.
Olon Wallrims the Blockaded Oars, JUST SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU! Awright, you there. Lethargic Power?
Lithium Flower.
Is it true what Spigot says? Did you fight for the elves against the dwarves?
No.
HOW DAR--
I was leading the elves in a battle against the dwarves.
We won that battle.
Am I the only one who's really confused right now?
You should keep up with the news more often, doctor Azira. Talking to new migrants, traveling merchants, and especially Tekkud the liaison helps.
Ey, Grimwulf ol' chap. Wanna see Kommander Kalin in akshun? Coz Imma SMASH dat elf-lovin' traitor RITE NAW! For a bonaz.
I'll kill her for free.
*steps in front of the migrants* My words exactly when I first met Lithium Flower. The only difference is, I granted her the privilege of saying the last words. When she finished, I decided to join her on a journey to Redlabored. Just like the rest of us.
Fair enough. I am willing to listen to whatever she has to say.
Hrmpf. Fine. Explain yourself, Minimum Fever.
Where do I begin?
How about why are dwarves and elves fighting?
There is a war raging on as we speak.
Right, the War of Dents! Tekkud told me.
The elves started it about a year ago. Attacked one of our settlements out of the blue.
Clearly a provocation. Masterful deceit to lure the dwarves into a full-scale invasion. Such an obvious trap, but our leaders decided to bite it. Fools.
That's correct. One elven attack resulted in twelve consecutive attempts to take over the elven territory. Twelve major battles, twelve miserable defeats of dwarven armies.
Ahhh, yes. I've heard rumors but found it hard to believe that our armies were beaten despite the superior numbers.
Relying on numbers and underestimating the elven combat skills. A common mistake among our kind. I've told this to my followers many times, and I will say it again: numbers mean nothing when you're fighting against elves.
'tis true. I get it, you people are sort of isolated from the rest of the world, but trust the dwarf who loves a good tavern talk - our failures in this war is the only topic we discuss these days. A damn tragedy, if I ever seen one.
That doesn't explain why were you fighting for the elves.
Just like our aсquaitance Tekkud Actionbridge, I've spent some years living among the tree-lovers, learning poetry and even writing some pieces. I was an apprentice under Eriya Staketulips.
I have no use for poets.
Poetry is just a hobby, Kommissar. I earn my living by smithing.
Lithium Flower is one of the best metalsmiths I know.
Elves are willing to pay a fortune for quality metal crafts, which is one of the reasons I've spent so many years with them.
HRM! You sold your crafts and your soul to those seeking our deaths! Preposterous!
Trait-- *coughs* Tra-- *coughs* --tor!!
LET HER FINISH, damn you!
Please go on.
I am a calm, peaceful dwarf, believe it or not. I value tranquility above all else.
So when they told me there is a dwarven invasion happening right now, I was infuriated, to say the least.
Aye, cursed elven propaganda. Can you believe they blamed us for attacking them unprovoked?
I started to hate my own kind. Turns out, brainwashing an old smith like me isn't difficult at all. When the dwarven army besieged Leafydessert, panic and chaos engulfed the settlement.
They were afraid of us. Good.
Unsurprisingly. Most of them were young elven commoners. Not soldiers.
Who put you in charge of defenses?
Nobody did. I took it upon myself.
Look, those elves were living a secluded life, most of them haven't seen a single dwarf in their life, not counting Lithium Flower.
True. I knew the enemy and their tactics. And I hated the invaders for breaking my peaceful life more than any elf could. Believe it or not, that day I could hear Dumed herself talking to me.
Dumed? The Goddess of war, valor, and fortresses?
It was the time to prove my valor, test my ability in a siege, and win this war once and for all.
*spits* Well? Huw many dorfs did ye kill?
Personally? Just one. Leading the army doesn't imply doing all the killing yourself.
Puthetik.
How many dwarves did you kill?
*raises his war hammer* Ye'll be da first.
Hold on, my unrelenting Kommander. I want to hear the end of this story. Flower, my dear, how did you end up here with a group of loyal dwarves to add?
After the battle, I left Leafydessert in search of a new home, where I could live in peace and solitude.
Let me farkin' guess - not a single dwarven leader was willing to accept yar treacherous butt, so you came here begging?
Partially correct. I wasn't met with open arms in other settlements, to put it mildly. But that's not the reason I wanted to settle in Redlabored.
What was it then?
Long story short, I found out the truth behind elven propaganda. Dwarven invasion was nothing but self-defense.
And now you regret what you've done?
Not proud of it, certainly. But I have no regrets. Fighting on elven side was my destiny manufactured by none other than Dumed. I might be the only dwarf still living who knows elven combat tactics.
Lithium Flower is a hero. Despite her most wanted status, she traveled far and wide, spreading the word and warning the others about the elven threat. Sooner or later they will invade, and every dwarf who doesn't prepare for it will inevitably die.
And their first target will be your fortress.
Nonsense. We have nothing to do with the ongoing war, and we are not a part of other dwarven civilizations.
That's why nobody will come to your aid when it happens. Last thing I heard before leaving Leafydessert is a rumor related to your fortress.
Aye, another peculiar titbit of the elven propaganda. Is it true that you raped and murdered twelve elven virgins who came visiting your fortress hoping to trade? And then you burned their corpses along with nearby forest?
Yep, sounds like something Spigot could do.
Shut up, Azira!
Whatever the case, the elves are calling for your blood. You must be prepared. I am the only one who can prepare you properly. This was my destiny all along.
FEH! Da Prolbushas are rehdy far whatevur.
May I remind you we almost got ourselves killed by a single werebeast just recently? If it wasn't for Baud, we wouldn't be receiving new migrants right now.
Who's Baud? One of your soldiers?
Alas, no. Just a carpenter.
We don't have real soldiers, truth be told.
SHUT YER TRAP!
Kommissar. I've gathered many dwarves and led them to Redlabored, risked my life while doing so - all that to state my proposal here and now. Put me in charge of Redlabored's military, and I promise: we shall fear the elves no longer. On the contrary, I will make an army that will bring the war to the elves. We shall succeed at what other dwarves failed: perform a proper invasion, conquer their lands, and put an end to the elven threat, once and for all.
Put you in charge of the military? Doesn't work like that.
ELEKSHUNS, BITCH!
A liberal approach..? I see.
HEY! It's bureaucratic, not liberal!
Works for me. I'm sure the others will vote for Lithium Flower, as soon as they get to know her better.
That would be rational. We don't do rational here in Redlabored.
I don't believe we've been introduced. I am General Secretary Sqeecoo, the creator of Combinedsound.
An honor to meet you, Sqeecoo. I am a simple hunter, tracker and animal trainer. They call me Smart Cheetah for my keen senses and ability to communicate with animals, bending them to my will.
But can you communicate with LIZZURDS?
Kekekekeke
Hehehehehe
Kekekekeke
Mom? Dad?
Hold on. Honey, are these dwarves your parents? The ones who abandoned their children?
... No?
RUN
KEK
*run away*
Motherfuckers! I'M GONNA F-- *starts chasing Lizzurd and Moist Cloister*
Ahhh, is there anything better than a heart-warming family reunion?
Yes. HARD WORK! And it is YOUR GODDAMN JOB to organize hard work in my fortress! A JOB YOU ARE COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF! Gods be my witness, Henry, if you don't assign new migrants to their tasks RIGHT NOW, I will personally PUT THAT DAMN BABY INSIDE YOUR OVER-ENTHUSIASTIC WOMB and fucking MAKE him stay there until ALL THREE CHOSEN FACILITIES are fucking DONE! DO YOU HEAR ME?!
It's hard not to hear you when you shout like that.
I give you one day, Henry! ONE DAY! *walks away*
Your will is my command... Kommissar. *whispers to herself* For now.
18th Malachite, 126, Mid-Summer
The Outpost, Helly's Office
*power-walks into the room* HELLY!
Ahhh, if it isn't my best weaponsmith! What troubles you?
*throws a newspaper on the table*
What is this?
A NEWSPAPER!
We have a newspaper..? Also, what is a newspaper?
A HERESY, that's what! *regains his composure* You must excuse my outburst, but this is so insulting! Such violent, shameless lies!
*picks up the newspaper* Oh... my.
Not only this exists, despite the fact we haven't invented the printing press, but the author - whoever he is - is spreading lies about me! Lies and propaganda!
Want to know what I think? It's Grimwulf.
W-what? The Kommissar? Why would he do that?
Not my Kommissar.
*looks around nervously*
Don't worry, my dearest friend. Nobody is eavesdropping. Can I ask you a question?
Uh, yes. Sure.
Why are we not making any progress? Tell me what you think, honestly.
Lack of dwarfpower, I suppose?
No. We have plenty.
How should I know? You are the Kaptain of Kutting Kultists, not me.
Then I will tell you. Look at the jobs list, which is a bit outdated, but relevant nonetheless. *gives Andnjord a long list*
By the Gods! What the hell is it with all those building orders? Are we building some kind of megaproject already? No wonder there is no dwarfpower available, everyone is busy either building this, hauling stones for it, building blocks for it or hauling the blocks for it.
Two words: Kommissar's Quarters.
He's blaming me for all our failures. Of course he does. But I stand by all my decisions - we need fresh, beautiful clothing and metal weapons. Grimwulf is just a bad leader.
This discussion is dangerous, Helly. If you're suggesting what I think--
I'm not suggesting anything... yet. Although I do want to ask a small favor. Two favors, even. First one, let's keep this small talk between us.
Can do.
As for the second... Would you be so kind as to ask around if anyone is up for a little, hmmm. How should we call it? A little... change in leadership? A HAR HAR HAR HAR HA HA ha, ahhhh.
26th Malachite, 126, Mid-Summer
The progress on Kommissar's Quarters is going slow.
It used to have doors, furniture, and even his statue. We moved it all back. Why? Kommissar's orders. Why would he order such a thing? Because he demanded "EVERY FUCKING SQUARE METER TO BE COVERED IN STONE BLOCKS, HUELLY."
Being traditional dwarves, we cannot construct stone floors while anything is placed on top of them, be it a chair, a table, or even a door. Bad omen, everyone knows that. So we had to start from scratch, and Grimwulf blamed Helly for that. Poor Helly.
I wonder if another dwarf in Grimwulf's shoes would behave like a tyrant? Probably. After all, Grimwulf is the leader of our not-so-small fortress. Every leader has needs and requirements.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if the Kommissar goes insane before we manage to finish his quarters. He doesn't even have his old bedroom - we are using it as a storage for Baud's teeth.
Our old communal dormitory is also a storage for random bones and skulls. For whatever reason.
This place is getting more and more depressing. And crowded. She sheer amount of children is unbelievable!
Redlabored? More like Childlabored. Sorry, sorry.
Helly's idea to set up textile industry isn't really working out. Mostly because she is the only clothesmaker in the fortress, and she's too busy managing this place and babysitting Melbil.
However, thread and cloth production is sort of going as planned. Not like it matters - Spigot bought a small fortune of thread and cloth from the human caravan. More than we need, to be honest.
Someone built a jeweler's workshop when I locked myself up in the carpentry, working on Combinedsound. So thoughtful of them. It flatters me to think they did it before building the smelter. Which is still not ready!
Combinedsound... My masterpiece. Chaosdwarft asked me recently what's the deal with the weird image I chose for decoration.
The answer is simple. "The Stars: The Truth" is a well-known manual concerning the creation of star charts.
When I look at the stars, I can't help but think, what if our world is only a small part of a world much, much larger? Yes, in our world a deer might not be that serious of a threat. But what if somewhere far away there is an alpha deer commanding a huge army of soldier deers? Such a beast would possess a commanding presence, sharp intellect, and pose an enormous threat. I wanted my trap to be capable of crushing any deer, including that impossible creature.
The Deer of deers... Grimdeer.
6th Galena, 126, Late Summer
The Outpost, Kitchen/Still
General Secretary Sqeecoo?
Hey, Chaosdwarft! What's up?
Nothing, just wanted to ask your opinion on a... thing I'm working on.
Sure thing! What are you working on?
After you locked yourself inside that workshop, and I, uh, happened to see your sketches of gems and skeletons, I couldn't stop thinking about them. I mean, Combinedsound is a wonderful artifact, but those sketches were very impressive as well.
Oh, thanks! Did you like forms or coloring? Do you think I would do better with a proper pencil instead of a piece of charcoal?
That's... not what I wanted to discuss. You see, those sketches inspired me to try my own hand at drawing. Would you like to take a look?
Of course!
Here. And, uh, don't tell anybody about my album. Please.
Guest Room and the lack of beds:
Passage of Memories and sealed gates:
The barracks and Prolebashers:
Kommissar's Quarters:
The Outpost:
Stone District:
What do you think? Depressing, isn't it?
This whole place is depressing, so I say your depiction is pretty accurate. Do you intend to update your album with new drawings on a regular basis?
I do. Everyone should have a hobby, right? You're keeping a diary. Someone is posting newspapers. I figured that drawing an album is my thing from now on.
Totally agree. Hey, is your beard fake?
*starts sweating* N-no.
If anyone's wondering about the weird choice of avatar for 14-year old Chaosdwarft, it is based on the necromancer from Diablo. Just like his actual Codex avatar.
Meanwhile in the Barracks
DIE, YE FFFFFFFFUCK!!
N-NO! PLEASE!!
*SMASHES and BASHES Storyfag with great ferocity*
There is much more. 54 pages of battle, just Kalin using Storyfag as a punching bag, while Storyfag being helpless.
It's a painful read.
*yawns*
Wassup, buddy? Aren't ya FUKKEN ENTURTAIND? Ye'r NEXT!
*lying on the floor, gasping for air*
This is so lame. We got it, you are a great fighter, blah-blah-blah. Fighting is stupid. But if I must do it, at least give me a weapon! REEE! I want my warhammer! Or at least a stick with nails!
How about a sword? I heard our miners struck obsidian layer recently. You could ask for an obsidian short sword, Lagole Lon.
Alright, first, swords are overrated. Second, why do you people call me Lagole Lon?
I thought that was your name?
It's Lagole Gon!
I'll make ye a tru wrestlur, Laggy boy. Wanna kno why?
*rolls eyes*
Coz wrestling is GAI AS FUK. And SO ARE YOU!
Whatevs.
Kommandorf Kalin! When will you send us out on a mission?
Wot mishun?
Oh, you know. Raid something? Maybe explore some long-forgotten crypt? Don't get me wrong, the barracks are fine and all, but it feels kind of pointless without a little adventure every now and then.
Oh, yes. The mighty adventurers armed with fists and wooden axes. Really shows the average IQ of the local military.
All dat mouth-blabberin' makes me thirstan. Imma gonna go to da bar. BRUTHA FARK! Ye'r in char-- Huh?
*doesn't even hear anything, too busy holding a shield, axe, baby Doren, and goblet at the same time*
Unlike dwarven children, dwarven babies are carried by their mothers at all times, fed with booze through a goblet/cup/mug. Dwarves do not use cribs, the very concept is offensive. So until a baby reaches childhood stage at 12 months, he or she is "chained" to his mother.
Are you sure you don't want to take a vacation?
Mother Brother Frank doesn't do vacations. Doren, hold my shield. *gives the baby her enormous wooden shield*
*drops it*
Egh. Your father's genes.
I think I lost another tooth...
Come on, Kommander. You should give Brother Frank a year or so to raise her child. We can't even spar, because she's holding the baby all the time.
Half of Rodlubr is babies, anutha half is cryin' pusis. Only KOMMANDER KALIN is a tru dorf! Learn ba mah exampul! If ye cun't SMASH Brutha Frenk, den SMASH her fag of a husbund insted!
Fag?
My life is pain.
12th Galena, 126, Late Summer
Redlabored, Kommissar's Quarters
*consumes deer lung roast with great appetite*
*enter the room*
You called for us, Grimwulf?
Aye. Take a seat.
How do you like the deer lung roast? I'm getting better at cooking, if I dare say so myself.
It's a deer lung. I would eat it raw.
Oh. Sooo... Congratulations on your new quarters! Are you satisfied?
Hrmpf. Not really. Baud's furniture is crappy at best. Goddamn BOULDERS scattered everywhere. But it's a start.
Why did you call for us? I am a busy dwarf.
First, I've come up with a new mandate: export of animal traps is PROHIBITED.
We don't have any animal traps, Kommissar. Except for Combinedsound, but nobody is going to sell an artifact.
NO SELLING! It is IMPERATIVE!
Umm, alright. Gotcha.
Next issue. I was walking past the Food District recently, and you know what I saw? SAME SHIT as three months ago!
What THE HELL?!
For someone who's supposed to be leading us, you can be awfully careless at times. Helly stopped digging out the fortress ages ago. She reassigned the miners to the actual mines.
My question is WHY?
I am a mechanic, Grimwulf. Not a manag-- I'm sorry, not the Kaptain of Kutting Kultists.
All our miners are currently working 19 levels below the ground, looking for metals.
Were they successful so far?
Nope. But they found a massive gold cluster!
According to my accounts, Redlabored has 160 gold nuggets!
The smelter is fully operational - Lizzurd is making gold bars as we speak.
Each nugget can be smelted into 4 gold bars, and each gold bar can be minted into 500 coins. If my calculations are correct, which they are, we are sitting on a fortune of 320 000 gold coins!
Imagine what could Spigot buy from the merchants if he was given actual gold coins to work with!
Grimwulf? Are you here?
Just trying to... process this. So let me check if I understand the situation. My fortress has no real food industry, we are eating and drinking through what might be the last of our stock. We don't have rooms, beds, or anything capable of providing accommodation to our 70-something dwarves. Most of the fortress isn't even dug out yet. HOWEVAR! Helly decided to STRIKE THE FUCKING EARTH, digging for GOLD AND SHIT, in order to produce ABSOLUTELY INSANE amounts of gold coins - COINS, as in MONEY IN A KOMMUNISTIC PARADISE - because this way we can buy shit - oh, wait, WE CAN'T - just remembered we SEALED OURSELVES UNDER FUCKING GROUND, and NO MERCHANTS WILL COME HERE EVER! IS MY ASSESSMENT FUCKING CORRECT, I ASK YOU?!
Umm...
No need to shout. Or spit.
Well, we might find some other use for gold coins.
LIKE WHAT?!
I don't know... Kalin's bonus, maybe?
GWAHAHA HA HA HA, that is rrrrich.
Have to admit, that's a good joke indeed.
That wasn't a j--
Seeker, go to Huelly and tell her that NO GOLD COINS will be minted while I am the Kommissar. Trading is a kapitalistic concept. GO!
Aye aye, Kommissar! *leaves the quarters*
Can I go too?
Not yet. There is a problem we need to discuss.
Which of our hundreds of problems are you talking about?
Safety. Sometimes I think my administrators are trying to destroy the fortress along with its inhabitants. Spigot is doing everything in his power to start a war with the elves. Kalin conscripts every old, demented and physically impaired dwarf he can find into his glorified kindergarden he calls a military squad. Hilly is driving the Glorious Workers insane by refusing to start working on Kommunalka. You and Sir Coo Coo are the only half-arsed professionals I can trust. She made a deer trap out of deer, did you know?
Yes, Grimwulf. I know. Everyone in the fortress does.
It's magnificent.
What did I do to win your trust? You can't even remember my name.
Sick Vsadnik?
My point exactly.
Hurr, names are irrelevant. You constructed the gates - the only thing protecting us from the outside world.
Sadly, they won't protect us from ourselves.
That's the thing. We need a prison, but with our current manager I bet we won't have one in years to come. Which makes positions of Captain of the Guard and Hammerer obsolete. More importantly, nothing stops the dwarves from practicing criminal activity.
Do you have a plan, or are we just stating the obvious?
We need Skullfort to protect the fortress without preventing the merchants from visiting. And we need some way to punish unlawful komrades. I say we kill two deers with a single elegant solution. Gulag.
Gulag?
Gulag.
Am I supposed to know what is Gulag?
Let me chew it down for you: whenever I receive a report of someone doing TROUBLE and/or HOMO, I'll banish the criminal to the surface. Without a single pickaxe, so that they won't try to dig their way back to the fortress.
So, an exile?
No. Gulag.
I fail to see the difference.
They will live and die right above us. They will build their own wooden houses, hunt and forage for food, defend themselves AND the fortress from any hostiles. And above all else, they will build Skullfort. I'll make sure we haul most of Redlabored's stone block to the surface.
Why would they build your Skullfort?
It's the only way to come back. Once the Skullfort is constructed, I will let them come back.
Your plan is deranged, but I expected no less from Grimwulf. Anyway, what does it have to do with me?
I need an Overseer, nay, a Koordinator. Someone must make sure they don't fuck up the construction. And trap the Beard Gates properly.
In other words, you want to banish me to the surface for no reason.
What, no! I need you right here to remind me what your name is. You will go to the Gulag once a month or so, that's all.
... I need to think it over.
You do that. We don't have any criminals just yet in any case. But who knows, maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and see a goddamn revolution raging on. Gotta be prepared for anything.
Meanwhile in the Barracks
*covered in sweat and bruises*
Don't just STAND AND SWEAT! Punch Storyfag in his ugly face!
Can't take it anymore...
Brother Frank, COME ON! You are tired too! I know you are!
Do I look tired, Doren?
Da
Mommy will beat your Daddy into submission. You want that, don't you?
Dada
Huff, puff. Come on, Brother Frank.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEheheheheh
Let us take a break while Kalin isn't looking.
Each dwarf is assigned a profession according to their highest skill. Storyfag, Stukos (Dayyalu's wife), Citizen, and Bobr have weapons equipped, but sometimes they participate in wrestling demonstrations which boosts their skill. This doesn't prevent them from training with their selected weapons, so everything is fine.
Reinhardt and Lagole LonGon don't have weapons, though. They are hugging each other for the most part.
The only break I'll give you is BREAK YOUR LIMBS if you don't work out! Less talking, MORE TRAINING! The weakest dwarf will get ANAL PUNISHMENT!
Sounds homo.
No homo. Azira's candles.
I'm thirsty. Where are the water boys?
Heh. Take a lucky guess...
Daily reminder: we sealed ourselves underground. Previously other kind-hearted dwarves were bringing buckets of water to the barracks. But now there is a real risk of dying of thirst during DETH DRILLS, especially for highly disciplined dwarves who honor Kalin's training schedule.
Kalin needs not to worry for himself, I'm keeping a close eye on him. He won't exhaust himself to death, or die of thirst/hunger.
No promises for the rest of you. Micromanagement is no easy task.
19th Galena, 126, Late Summer
Redlabored, Andnjord's Workshop
Lizzurd, my gruesome friend! Take a look at this war hammer. Isn't it beautiful?
Shiny. Kek.
A little present I made for a friend.
Kalin, yes? I read the newspapers.
Don't mention this slander in front of me! Work that smelter, Lizzurd! I need MORE metal bars. MORE war hammers, MORE copper picks!
Sure. I'll smelt metal ores, and you protect me from my daughter. Deal? Yes? No? Yes?
No?
24th Galena, 126, Late Summer
The Outpost, Muddy Chapel
*praying to Uzol silently*
*admiring the statue, trying to hold back tears*
She is in a better place.
... Yeah. Thank you, mister Tindrli.
*looks at Unib's statue*
This is a random design, as in, I (the player) ordered to make a statue of Unib, that's it. Everything else is Grimwulf's (the dwarf) doing.
Beautiful, isn't it? The Kommissar made it personally. I'll never get used to this statue. And to the fact my wife is dead.
...
Don't like visiting her tomb. Have you been there?
No.
The memorial slab is horrifying.
Random design by Catacombs.
Kommanding Physician Azira told me the cause of death was bleeding out, but this stone slab... It says she suffocated. Strangled by a sheep wool sock..?
Catacombs is old. Probably demented. Ignore the memorial.
*sigh* I hope she didn't die in vain. Goodbye, Unib, my love. We'll be together again in the afterlife...
1st Limestone, 126, Early Autumn
Redlabored, Kommissar's Quarters
Autumn has come. Are you ready to hear our reports, Grim?
No.
GUD! Can we go naw?
We'll do it the other way around this time. I will report to you.
Eh? Ar you alright, boss?
I hate each and every one of you. NO EXCEPTIONS! And here is why.
MAKE YOUR KEY CHOICE
Before we begin, I want to introduce the concept of favors.
A favor is something you can call any time of this playthrough. Could be anything, starting from a free ticket out of prison/army, and ending with anything within the realm of possibility and common sense. If the Kommissar owes you a favor, you might want to use this opportunity to achieve better standing / a bit of comfort in life / some treasures / whatever else you're trying to achieve here. Is it clear? No? Don't care, here we go:
I gave you barracks. Position. Authority. Recruits. Not one, but two silver war hammers. Why the HELL are you failing me??
The Prolebashers are good at two things: complaining and beating Storyfag. Fucking MELBIL, quite possibly your son, can do the same! WHAT ELSE could you possibly need to create a proper squad?
I NEED MILITARY FORCE! AND I NEED IT NAW!! A REAL FORCE, not this!
I want you to address several issues:
1. Brother Frank.
She is your best soldier. Hell, she is better than you.
Talented > Proficient
But she gave birth recently, thus her powerful breasts are needed elsewhere. Make your decision.
1.1. Replace Brother Frank for now. Specify which dwarf you want to conscript instead. When little Doren grows up, you can recruit Brother Frank once again. This option ensures both Doren's and Brother Frank's safety.
1.2. Fire Brother Frank and roll with 9 squad members. Same as option 1.1, but no replacement. How thoughtful of you to consider severe lack of dwarfpower in Redlabored!
1.3. Keep Brother Frank in the Prolebashers. I'll be honest, I don't remember what happens to baby-carrying mothers in a military squad. Brother Frank is enduring for now, despite the severe lack of HANDS to carry both baby and equipment, but I really have no idea if this is gonna last. If Doren dies, and Brother Frank goes insane - that's on you. Oh, and in the unlikely case we do have a battle - her baby WILL BE PARTICIPATING in combat too!
2. War Hammer distribution
Andnjord kept his word, providing you with two silver war hammers. Now you have three of them, including your old one made of copper. One thing you should know: silver is an amazing material for war hammers (but not for other weapons) due to its amazing density. Copper is a shit material for the same reason. You have three hammerdwarf-wannabes in your squad: you, Lagole Lon, and Reinhardt. What's your decision?
2.1. I git superior WAR HAMMER, Laggy boi gits an ordinary one, Reiny gurl gits coppar. Cuz she's a bitch.
2.2. I git superior WAR HAMMER, gib Reiny anutha one, and let Laglo have da copper. Cuz he's gai.
2.3. Let dem both have silver. I'll take da crossbow, he he he he.
DAILY REMINDER, you do NOT have an archery range. In case of real battle, ye'll be farkin' useless. And vulnerable.
As always. you can replace any squad members and change the schedule at will. I would recommend against the latter because a few of your squad members are starting to git gud. Well, one of them, actually. Brother Frank.
GODDAMIT, why is my fortress having MORE BABIES? Awright, I'm done. No more guessing games! I want to know here and now HOW MANY BABIES do we expect in Autumn? And don't give that "can't diagnose pregnancy without splints and crutches" crap. You have an intern now, a good intern, Bliblablubb. While you were doing NOTHING, she worked hard on the hospital and medical supplies.
This is your hospital:
This is your current supplies, stored in that chest you see at the south wall:
Now give the exact number of newborn babies we'll have in Autumn. We are currently at 71 population, including 22 adult she-dwarves who are the prime suspects of being pregnant.
Sometimes they pop out twins and even triples. But a competent doctor like you SHOULD be able to determine what's coming.
Pick a number from 0 to infinity. If you get it right, I'll owe you a favor.
Also, Blobra is almost finished working on your temporary hospital. You may task her with a new mission, or leave it up to her. Blobra probably knows what to do better than you.
Forget it. No words can express my hatred. I hate you. I! HATE! YOUUU!!
Look at this shit:
LOOK!
LOOOOOK!!
This is an OUTRAGE! Goddamn SABOTAGE of MY FORTRESS!
I'll hang you.
UNLESS you FIX YOUR DAMNABLE MISTAKES! You only have THREE MONTHS until next elections!
1. Miners.
There is no lack of picks, only a lack of good management. What's your goal now?
1.1. Abandon the mines, focus on Redlabored.
1.2. Abandon Redlabored, focus on gold mines.
1.3. Abandon Redlabored, focus on obsidian mines.
1.4. Abandon Redlabored, DIG DEEPER.
1.5. Abandon ALL mining. Focus on other activities!
1.6. Assign Redlabored, gold, obsidian, deep diggin' at the same time and let the miners figure it out themselves. Can't be arsed to think right now. I AM A MOTHER, OKAY?
2. Workers.
Food industry failed, because we ran out of BARRELS!
But surely you expected that when you decided to STOP DOING CARPENTRY!
Textile industry failed due to lack of dwarfpower. They've just finished setting up workshops and hauling raw materials to nearby storage.
Metal industry failed for the same reason. Just finished setting up.
Stone industry failed due to lack of competent masons AND masonries. Dwarves are unhappy, their work speed is severely reduced. LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING UNPROCESSED STONES!
Why are they unhappy, you ask? Because SOMEONE decided to IGNORE their needs! We NEEDED that goddamn Kommunalka!
I need my fortress CLEAN AND TIDY, damn you! I'm sick of goddamn BOULDERS scattered everywhere I go! But now we have NO STORAGE SPACE, because it's FULL OF BOULDERS that NOBODY IS CAPABLE OF CUTTING FAST ENOUGH!
Every single activity HAS FAILED! Do you know what you really nailed this Season? What you did really good? That's right, NOTHING!
So here we go again with current activities. This is your LAST CHANCE!
1. Masonry. Stone blocks and stone furniture - quite essential. Requires 4 dwarves.
2. MORE Masonry. Set up two additional workshops to process raw stone faster.
2. Food and Booze. DOESN'T WORK WITHOUT BARRELS! Requires 2 dwarves.
3. Carpentry and woodcrafts. Again, there is plenty of wood stocked inside Redlabored. We might even open the gates for a week or so to haul some wood from the surface if we run out. Requires 2 dwarves.
4. Farming. Yes, we still have unplanted seeds. Requires 2 dwarves.
5. Metalworks. Tools, weapons, armor. Requires 2 dwarves (one to smelt ore into metal bars, one to strike the forge).
6. Textiles. We have plenty of pig tails and some hairs, so we can make thread and cloth. Requires 2 dwarves.
7. Clothing. New clothing out of thread, cloth, leather. Requires 2 dwarves.
8. Bowery. Glorious wooden crossbows. Requires 1 dwarf.
9. Gems. Unlike metal ores, we mined quite a number of uncut gems. Requires 1 dwarf.
The fewer activities you choose - the more grunts AND miners you'll have. Gotta try to keep a healthy balance between miners, builders, and haulers, but we need DWARFPOWER to do all those things.
Your broker career is successful and full of disaster in equal measure. I hate you for the elves, but also appreciate your work with the humans. Can't decide whether I want to hang you or award with a medal. You know what, throw a d6.
6 - critical success. You get awarded quarters and one personal favor from the Kommissar.
5 - success. The Kommissar owes you a favor.
4,3,2 - failure. You are a failure. Always have been.
1 - critical failure. You will be punished after your term of office runs out. During next elections the fortress will also vote for how to punish you. Could be anything from prison to execution. Or even Gulag. Komrades will decide your fate.
You have one favor from the Kommissar. Owe you for the Combinedsound, which will be proudly displayed in Redlabored's Museum one day.
We have plenty of bones.
Also, plenty of cookable stuff along with half-empty food barrels (CAN'T be used to store booze, but CAN be used to store food)
You are Redlabored's best cook and bone carver. What would you rather do: cook food or carve bones?
MAKE YOUR IMPEACHMENT. OR DON'T. PLEASE DON'T!
Guess I should have seen it coming. I didn't.
Still don't.
Trying to replace the Kommissar is a risky endeavor. ONLY THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATORS are allowed to play this game, everybody else can skip this section freely. We'll do this thing every Autumn, so feel free to try next year. In case you're elected as an administrator, that is.
If you are unhappy with Kommissar Grimwulf for whatever reason, want to see him replaced, and willing to take action, MAKE SURE YOU READ THE GODDAMN RULES CAREFULLY! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
1. Make a post stating your will to prepare a mutiny/takeover/revolution/rebellion - call it whatever the fug you want.
2. Roll a d12. But before you do that, read the spoiler below CAREFULLY!
12 - Critical success. Proceed to the next step and gain 3 supporters (unassigned dwarves).
11. Major success. Proceed to the next step and gain 2 supporters (unassigned dwarves).
10. Significant success. Proceed to the next step and gain 1 supporter (unassigned dwarves).
5-9. Success. Proceed to the next step.
3-4. Failure. You were uncareful and raised suspicion. You have to lay low and forget about impeachment, but at least there is no direct evidence of your scheming.
2. Major failure. You exposed yourself. Won't be long until they figure it out. You will be punished after your term of office runs out. During next elections the fortress will also vote for how to punish you. Could be anything from prison to execution. Or even Gulag. Komrades will decide your fate.
1. Critical failure. You confronted Grimwulf in a drunken stupor, stating your intentions of organizing a rebellion. You are fired EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. Kommissar will appoint a temporary replacement for your position, and decide your fate PERSONALLY and RIGHT NOW!
3. If your dice throw was 5 or higher, you are now at step three. You have three months to make ACTIVE propaganda HERE in this thread. You'll need as many supporters as you can get. Convince them that Grimwulf needs to be dealt with. Present your own candidate to lead Redlabored. Could be yourself. Could be anybody else, AS LONG AS THE CANDIDATE IS ONE OF THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATORS - whatever works for you. First day of Winter marks the start of step 4.
4. During elections we'll choose administrators for the next year. IF you were successful at throwing your die at step 2, we will ALSO vote for the new Kommissar. Hopefully, you got some supporters, because every vote counts.
5. If komrades vote for the new Kommissar, congratulations. You have beaten Grimwulf at his own game.
6. If Komrades vote for Grimwulf to be YOUR GODDAMN KOMMISSAR, it's over for you. You and SOME OF YOUR SUPPORTERS will be banished to the surface. Welcome to Gulag, baby. Beware of the sneaky elves.
If you fail to understand the rules, read them again. If you still fail to understand them, READ AGAIN. Or ask questions. But MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOIN' before throwing that d12!
What's the point of being the Kommissar? What can he do?
Short answer: ANYTHING.
1. Rename himself. Or any other dwarf.
2. Imprison, exile, execute other dwarves.
3. Cancel elections.
4. Cancel voting.
5. Appoint whoever he wants to whatever positions. Or take them all for himself.
6. Take over the LP along with the save game.
7. Redesign entire fortress to his liking.
8. Feed the children to cave monsters.
9. Perform plastic surgery on Azira.
10. Make cheese
Literally WHATEVER the hell he/she wants. Just post your desires here in case you'll be elected, and I'll oblige.
This is top stuff. Pure, unadulterated incline, this.
So, couple of personal takeaways (long post alert!):
1. We've basically got our own Coriolanus ( Lithium Flower ) in our fortress. Shakespeare would be so proud, and so would be Ralph Fiennes. Let's just hope that the same fate doesn't befall her. But then again, it would make a sweet sweet narrative - If she ends up being a real hero and saves us from the elven threat, mayhaps the conspirators could use her against Grimwulf, only to discard her afterwards, once she's no longer needed? Fortress Could use some neat court intrigue plot, methinks.
2. Rekvesting a mano a mano, Hardtalk interview with her for The Angerith ExaMiner (I think this is name better-suited for our KKKontent). Up to Grimwulf whether he wants it funneh or drama
2.1. excellent articolo btw, couldn't write it better myself.
2.2. Kalin getting his grubby hands on dat warhammah basically validates what *the author* wrote, no? Basically, AngolaGate, only kooler and with dorfs.
3. In case the gunpowdah plot goes through and a coup d'etat is really attempted, my thinking is that both sides will need powerful propaganda that is the infamous Fourth Estate. Since I am the only journalist in the fortress, I expect my value to skyrocket. Or perhaps it would be more wise to expect an assassination attempt instead. In any case, fun times ahead.
4. Does Dwarf Fortress have any sort of intelligence service mechanics? In other words, can we use some of that gold me & Tinderly dug up in our free time from reenacting Brokeback Mountain: Dorf Edition to recruit foreign correspondents *cough, spies* in elven, human and dorfen lands? Esp with Flower telling us that war is imminent. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.
Stepped one foot in this place and I'm already a dead she-dwarf walking. Sweet stuff!
Дядя Grimwulf, I only have a basic understanding of Dwarf Fortress skills, but would I be correct in my assessment that I don't actually have any skills that would make me a good military commander? Looks like a few of my skills are used by managers and brokers though.
Having gotten a taste of the messy politics involved in appointing these officers and the unchecked authority they wield, I think I better chill with the sabre-rattling for now and concentrate on making friends and allies. Hopefully Helly can assign me to metal crafting so that I can start demonstrating my use as soon as possible. However, if spigot rolls like shit and gets bodied, I'm going to try to position myself as a replacement, citing my...colorful foreign policy experience and a strong social skillset.
Otherwise, will have to wait if/when Helly gets bodied to make my move.
Here is an idea - and let me know if I'm asking for too much - but between my strong social skills and the fact that narratively, if not mechanically, I led the latest migrant wave, would it be possible for me to roll a die to see if I can convert some number of the unassigned dwarves into supporters to be used not for the purposes of impeachment but for future votes? (with the understanding that this support would be lost if these dwarves ever become assigned). Basically I would be trying to create a voting block that would support whoever I tell them to. If this succeeds, then I would hold off on campaigning for any positions of power in the near future. Why sit on the throne when you can be the power behind it? (all for the good of the fortress, of course. It is imperative that competent people are in place by when the elves come slitting throats.)
well, I'm satisfied that my peers will not unduly punish me and confident that my beloved Kommissar (WHO I AM NOT TRYING TO IMPEACH) will look upon me with kindness
We can expect 8 babies in Autumn, Kommisar Grimwulf
Oh, and Bliblabblub seems to have done an acceptable job at producing supplies. I don't micromanage as long as she doesn't actively kill any patients.
Also, I think it's about time that Helly has a checkup. She did recently give birth to a child, and have been derelict in her duties as manager. Gotta check up on her physical, if not mental health.
Talk of impeachment is Serious Business. We should stop that by liberal use of anal candles...
The Bard Returns!
Please enlist me as Givi, a dwarf from faraway Caucasus Mountains (endowed with as many cliches and stereotypes as you're able to recall being a Soviet-nostalgic maniac). Journalist and founder of the first weekly newspaper of KKK - The Boozfood Chronicle (we need propaganda), host of the Hardtalk show Smashtalk, where he gets to interview each dwarf once per week.
p.s. Also make him gay. like, voraciously gay. George Michael lvl.
p.p.s. Use my avatar
I'm paying attention to all comments from all komrades posting in this thread. Every post, sometimes even non-RP ones, have an impact on what is unfolding. And your dwarf counterpart's development.
For instance, I wasn't planning to implement impeachment mechanic initially. Helly's posts made me do that.
Basically, I'm gonna put whatever you say in this newspaper. If the conspirators coerce you into cooperation, so be it. You are free to print anti-Grimwulf propaganda.
To a certain extent, yes. Let me just copy-paste a snippet from wiki:
Secret agents[edit] Agents will visit from hostile civilizations to spy.v0.44.01 They assume cover identities and gather information concerning artifacts, then leave to report back to their civilization. Agents cannot be forced to reveal their true identities, but players can distinguish them from other visitors by closely inspecting their names, roles, and equipment. For example, an agent might arrive at your fort claiming to be called "Urist McBard" despite being an elf carrying only weapons and armor, with no bard skills whatsoever.
n other words, can we use some of that gold me & Tinderly dug up in our free time from reenacting Brokeback Mountain: Dorf Edition to recruit foreign correspondents *cough, spies* in elven, human and dorfen lands?
This one is a bit tricky to answer. We can recruit other civilized beings. From the top of my head there are two ways to do it:
1. Assign a messenger and send him out on a recruitment mission.
2. Establish a tavern and/or an inn to receive guests, which may later petition to work for your fortress. Some of them will work as mercenaries, you could say.
While both are theoretically possible, we will make this kind of decision via voting a bit later. Currently Redlabored is sealed, Iron Curtain style.
Here is the thing. Unlike Rimworld, DF is a large-scale game. One one hand, it allows playing political games, which is fun. On the other hand, it leaves less opportunity for small-scale personal day-to-day stories. I cannot provide spotlight for every single dwarf in every single update, otherwise they will be bloated. During past updates, I try not to create pure RP scenes (ones that don't tell you about something changing in-game).
If a dwarf dies / goes insane / suffers some other terrible fate - I PROMISE TO MAKE A HUGE DEAL OUT OF IT. You don't need to ask "What happened to this or that dwarf". If you didn't notice Baud-level story, chances are, the dwarf in question is alive and kicking.
It's hard enough to prevent myself from focusing on little details. Which I often find amusing, but at the same time realize I'm the only one who feels that way. E.g., your dwarf was aroused recently watching a performance.
Some dwarves perform (dance, stand-up comedy, playing music, sing) in taverns and (less often) in dining rooms. Givi is pure gay (not bisexual), so only a manly performance would give him a hard-on. Amusing, yes? No? No. I knew it.
Дядя Grimwulf, I only have a basic understanding of Dwarf Fortress skills, but would I be correct in my assessment that I don't actually have any skills that would make me a good military commander?
You have no combat skills, which makes you a poor fighter, then again - most of our current fighters are horrible. All these skills are trainable.
But leadership is not all about skills. It's about decisions. Look at Kalin - a good fighter, no arguing with that. But do you honestly think he is a good Kommander?
Here is an idea - and let me know if I'm asking for too much - but between my strong social skills and the fact that narratively, if not mechanically, I led the latest migrant wave, would it be possible for me to roll a die to see if I can convert some number of the unassigned dwarves into supporters to be used not for the purposes of impeachment but for future votes? (with the understanding that this support would be lost if these dwarves ever become assigned).
I don't see why not. You brought 15 dwarves to Redlabored, including yourself. Let's exclude those you cannot convert:
- One of them is Smart Cheetah, he can make his own decision.
- One of them is Rigoth Beantomb, Smart Cheetah's wife. I would say she came along with her husband, not necessarily with you.
- Five of them are children. Komrades of Redlabored earn their right to vote at the age of 12.
That leaves us with 7 possible loyalists. As a general rule, dice rolls in KKK come with risks and rewards. So before you roll that d12, think hard - do you really want to do that?
12 - critical success. You converted 5 of your followers to blindly vote for whatever you tell them.
11 - major success. You converted 3 dwarves.
10 - success. 1 dwarf converted.
4-9 - no success, but no failure either. The right to vote is sacred. Making a dwarf support you blindly was a difficult task.
3 - failure. You insulted one of your followers by such a proposal. If you apply for ANY position during upcoming elections, one vote from the unassigned dwarves will be AGAINST you.
2 - major failure. Same thing as 3, only now you insulted 3 dwarves.
1 - critical failure. 5 dwarves will vote against you. Say goodbye to your political career in the near future.
Your supporters are not lifetime supporters. If you win extra votes, they will only last until the upcoming elections (elections themselves included).
: *slowly sips beer at the bar, approaches Kommissar after Spigot's meltdown is over* Guten Abend, Der Kommissar. Couldn't help but overhear the little Streit you had with a komrade Spigot here. The whole Redlabored probably did, especially the "antler up yours" part, he he...
What I was saying is, according to my calculations... *scribbles some numbers with sauce-covered finger on her plate* charisma modifier... 145% higher elf tolerance... 689% lower aggression levels... With my superior broker skills and undisputed Verpflichtung to the kommunist ideas, I could be a 1523% more efficient broker than komrade Spigot ever was. Just saying...
Our broker will be chosen via voting during next elections, just like every other administrator. Spigot is not fired just yet. He will remain our broker during Autumn.
1 - critical failure. You will be punished after your term of office runs out. During next elections the fortress will also vote for how to punish you. Could be anything from prison to execution. Or even Gulag. Komrades will decide your fate.
However, since he rolled a 1, voting for Spigot holding any administrative position will be prohibited in upcoming elections. Instead, we will vote for his punishment. More on that in Autumn update(s).
Our broker will be chosen via voting during next elections, just like every other administrator. Spigot is not fired just yet. He will remain our broker during Autumn.
1. Critical failure. You confronted Grimwulf in a drunken stupor, stating your intentions of organizing a rebellion. You are fired EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. Kommissar will appoint a temporary replacement for your position, and decide your fate PERSONALLY and RIGHT NOW!
