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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. Jasede Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron Sad Loser

    Jasede
    Joined:
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    Err, Boss-monsters.

    edit: Hmm you're right. Lame. In most FFs you don't get XP from bosses, just to make low-level playthroughs easier. FF 9, for example, can be completed with everyone at level 1.
     
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  2. The Vanished One Prophet

    The Vanished One
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    Is it as easy as completing Fallout without killing anybody?

    edit: by the way, this LP is great.
     
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  3. Jasede Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron Sad Loser

    Jasede
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    No, it's very difficult, but fun, if you like that sort of thing.
     
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  4. Damned Registrations Prestigious Gentleman Furry Weeaboo Nazi Nihilist

    Damned Registrations
    Joined:
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    Just to clarify; 'that sort of thing' generally involves stealing from and running away from enemies for about 50 times longer than it would otherwise take you to finish the game, since there is little other way of making money or acquiring certain items, and the only way to beat a boss at severely low levels is massive abusive of restorative items.
     
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  5. Jasede Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron Sad Loser

    Jasede
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    Not really. Well, not in FF 6 or 8, I can't speak about the others. In FF 6 you need luck and some grinding in Veldt (to learn Volt 3 with Gau). Money isn't all that rare in that game.

    In 8 you need to play the fucking card game for 4 hours. After that you'll never ever grind again and breeze through every battle with the items you synthesized from cards.

    I need to try those for FF 5 and 9 still, and I am sure it'll be fun to me.
     
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  6. Damned Registrations Prestigious Gentleman Furry Weeaboo Nazi Nihilist

    Damned Registrations
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    Ah. The last time I'd heard a description of the process was for FF10 I believe. I suppose it's different for every game.

    FF6 had some of the best difficulty scaling bosses ever. Instant death/status attacks that mattered, hp% loss attacks, counter scripts, all very well done.

    Too bad in the end you just get 128% MBlock and can't be hit by any of it =P
     
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  7. Jasede Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron Sad Loser

    Jasede
    Joined:
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    Or cast vanish, then doom to kill everyone instantly, but that's really lame.

    On a tangent, stone me, but I thought FF 4, 5, 6, 9 were all incredibly fun games to play. People who complain about grinding are just too bad at them to beat the bosses without. FF 4 is especially notable for being marvelously balanced (just like 6).

    Ah, I like those games. Part of my childhood.

    Back to the LP!
     
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  8. kingcomrade Kingcomrade Edgy

    kingcomrade
    Joined:
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    I actually found out about how broken FF8 is by accident. I started playing the card game a ton because I was like "god fuck I am going to rape the computer at this stupid card game" and I ended up with tons of cards, and I got the refine abilities, and I was like "wow I can get spells I normally wouldn't have access to" and then I ended up with, after getting Ifrit, Squall having like 9999 Strength and 10k HP, which I kept at like 1000 HP so he could do his limit break every turn.
    Man.
     
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  9. Fez Erudite

    Fez
    Joined:
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    I suppose it is worth playing a FF game once to see what they are like but I couldn't recommend going through them all, especially with so much variety and other better games out there to try.

    FF8 was pretty crappy and boring when I played it. There was some nice animation at times and the odd interesting idea, but not worth buying or playing through the rest for it. I found that same issue with the cards like you did, KC. Too easy to do.
     
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  10. afewhours Scholar

    afewhours
    Joined:
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    Yeah. I would only recommend FFVI without serious reservations.

    Don't forget the "ZOMG! WE'RE ALL FROM THE SAME ORPHANAGE!" scene. It's officially the worst moment in video game history. I honestly can't believe that no-one at Square noticed that one. You'd think that someone would say. "Er... hang on, this has EPIC FAIL written all over it. Shouldn't we do a rewrite or something?"

    FFVIII also had Rhinoa. God, I hated Rhinoa. Squall is such a fucking idiot, I never resented being railroaded as much as I did then.

    You know what? I'm going to risk sounding like a massive emo and say I found the early scenes with Quistis to be quite poignant. Gawd, I loved Quistis... I have a little model of her on my desk. There's one particular scene where she's trying to connect with Squall on a balcony and she's failing so hard, and you know what? It's probably my favourite moment in any Final Fantasy game ever. I couldn't believe the series was capable of pulling off that kind of drama. It's doubly astonishing that FFVIII manages that and then falls flat on its face in so many other ways.

    FFVIII is easily the most baffling game in the whole series.
     
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  11. Relayer71 Scholar

    Relayer71
    Joined:
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    538
    Location:
    NYC
    FF8 was the crappiest of the series, and one of the crappiest console RPGs in general.
    FF7 was pretty good at the time but hasn't aged well.

    FF9 I recommend as it takes you to the root of the series in terms of characters, system and setting and doesn't take itself as seriously as 7 and 8 (although it has it's dramatic moments) while refining the gameplay experience being the last of the PS games.

    Haven't played FF10 or 10-2.

    Currently playing FF12 - I have to say this game is impressive and I recommend it heartily - especially if you're not really a fan of the FF series or even console RPGs.

    It has some of the largest environments in any console RPG, amazing graphics, great music, EXCELLENT writing AND voice acting, a very mature story dealing more with warfare/politics rather than the usual FF fare, likeable and interesting characters and a fun combat system that is very flexible to customize and the setting is the same as the other great FF title, the strategy RPG FF Tactics. It also has some of the most amazing CGI graphics and great art design.

    Some "fans" hate it due to it's combat system but I think it works - it's fast paced and dynamic.

    Other so called "fans" say the story lacks "character development" which is rather silly because this is also lacking in MOST FF games. The difference being that the characters in FF12 aren't mopy, emotionally retarded, juvenile or freaky in some way or other. The characters in FF12 feel "real" for lack of a better word and are mature - even the youngest of the bunch.

    So if you're going to play ONE FF game, go for FF12.

    As for the earlier games I recommend 4, 5, and 6. They're still fun to play and made especially more now that you can play them on the go on the DS or GBA (the ports) - FF4 being my favorite.

    The FF 3 remake on the DS is good too but it's rather simplistic compared to the rest. And you'll get more of the same without a pretty facelift with FF 1 & 2 - this one is for the fans.
     
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  12. afewhours Scholar

    afewhours
    Joined:
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    Location:
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    I couldn't really get into FFXII. I fired up the game, watched the opening cutscene and thought, 'Hang on a bit, I don't have Star Wars: The Phantom Menace on DVD, what's going on?'

    I imagine it's all very good, and innovative, and a welcome change of pace, and yada yada, but I don't play Final Fantasy for the maturity and cutting edge gameplay, I play it to get lost in emo-fruitfest-animefag-TB land for 40 hours.

    I suppose I should give it another shot someday. Gah, I'm already getting resistant to change.

    Don't do it. FFX scores points for ditching ATB, but fails in every other department. The voice acting is beyond horrible.
     
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  13. SanguinePenguin Scholar

    SanguinePenguin
    Joined:
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    470
    Whatcha talkin' bout Willis? James Arnold Taylor (shit ton of cartoon voices and good range), John DiMaggio(Bender), the distinctive and "chilling" Matt McKenzie, Tara Strong (Bubbles). What was so bad about the voice acting?
     
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  14. afewhours Scholar

    afewhours
    Joined:
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    Hmmm. I can't remember too much, but I guess most of the horror came from the sound editing and the script rather than the unfortunate voice actors. Everything was stilted and horrible. Nothing sounded like an actual conversation: it was just .wav file after .wav file rattling through the speakers.

    But the lass who did Yuna was outright terrible. I remember that much.
     
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  15. ghostdog Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron

    ghostdog
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    yeah, FFX voice acting was mostly bad... I only recall lulu and auron to have some decent voice acting while the blue lagoon boy and his jamaikan friend were horrible. But the big problem was that the english script was horrible. This was due to the fact that the video sequences were lipsynched to Japanese and were never revamped to english. So they decided to change the script in order to match the FMV's and that was a disaster. Too bad they never released a version with japanese audio and english text.
     
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  16. SanguinePenguin Scholar

    SanguinePenguin
    Joined:
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    I think that may be because her stilted talking makes more sense under the "Japanese shy woman" archetype and doesn't translate well to English all the head bobbing and other mannerisms seem to indicate this. I kind of liked the way she looked kinda dumpy (maybe just her outfit) which made her more believable as an early teenie bopper piece of ass.

    If you don't remember that much why did you react so strongly? :lol:

    Nowadays with youtube, FAQs, online demos (of various varieties), one can easily get a feel for the style of the game anyway.
     
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  17. afewhours Scholar

    afewhours
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    I can't remember my birth very well, but I can safely say it was a distressing experience and one I'd never want to repeat.
     
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  18. Fat Dragon Arbiter

    Fat Dragon
    Joined:
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    Location:
    local brothel
    Speaking of FFX, did anybody here ever manage to finish X2? I couldn't make it past the intro movie. As soon as the Britney Spears concert thing started, I said "Fuck this game" and started playing Jak and Daxter.
     
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  19. Murk Arcane

    Murk
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    Skip it all and play FF Tactics.
     
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  20. afewhours Scholar

    afewhours
    Joined:
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    Location:
    UK
    I did.

    [​IMG]
     
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  21. DoppelG Scholar

    DoppelG
    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2008
    Messages:
    198
    Location:
    My mind
    I was gone but now you made me come back, i wish they would ban you for doing that. Someone?

    How is "lame" spelled?

    Nah, you need it too stimulate your anus, you little impotant freak you.
    Thanks for wanting to share it though.

    Anyways.

    Wondering, does anyone belief FF (7) to be an RPG?
    And, when will there be a LP of the latest installments? (Became uninterested in FF after 9 wich failed to impress me even more then 8).
    Pre-emptive strike: afewhours, shut up.
     
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  22. Murk Arcane

    Murk
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    Okay, that was pretty funny. You get that much.

    Door thattaway ------>
     
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  23. afewhours Scholar

    afewhours
    Joined:
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    562
    Location:
    UK
    Ah, la tristesse. Day after day have I posted on this site, longing for the day when some beautiful Codexer will notice my plumage and call out to me. Alas, I have little to offer except a shy smile, a bouquet of flowers, and encyclopaedic knowledge of Baldur's Gate 1. None of these things are of any value here, so I languish on the couch.

    Why did it have to be you who called my name first? Here I was, daydreaming of a chivalrous suitor with strong principles and a sensitive soul. I now awaken, still heavy with sleep and romantic notions, to be greeted by your vile, gibbering visage. My heart breaks, parentheses boy, IT FUCKING BREAKS! WHERE IS THE MAN OF MY DREAMS? DOES HE EXIST ONLY IN MY MIND? OH GOD I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

    I guess nothing has changed. For all the crushing disappointment, nothing has changed. I may never be the belle of the ball, but at least I have my Boston Legal DVDs. James Spader will always be there for me. His voice purrs through my headphones. All is calm. All is tranquility.
     
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  24. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
    Joined:
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    21,104
    Location:
    Urkanistan
    Nerve Gas was better troll (even if alt) than this doppelg who is just boring

    btw it's time for the next update, cue Locue
     
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  25. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Welcome to Let's play Final Fantasy VII! My name is Locue and I'm back in action. In this MOTHERFUCKINGLY LONG UPDATE we're going to tackle the first part of the Shinra HQ and odd adult film genres that never made it outside Asia and Finland. It's going to be awesome, let's do it!

    If you have trouble recalling how the previous update ended, Barret, Tifa and Cloud decided to infiltrate the Shinra by walking in through the front door, waving Barrets gun around and giving several dozen of innocent, hard-working people heartattacks; a reminder that not even the mighty Shinra is spared from the occasional freedom fighters climbing up conveniently hanging wires and raiding them!

    We could have just taken the back door, of course, to avoid fighting through the first fifty-so floors, but doing so would honestly have bored the fuck out of me. It's a five minute sequence feeling easily like a fifteen minute sequence of the characters running up the stairs and talking about how difficult it is to run up stairs. And you only get a measly elixir as a reward anyway. So fuck that, we're gonna kill receptionists for experience points and fat newt.

    As usual, I have my trusty sidekick Colin Farrell with me.

    [​IMG] And I have my own sidekick with me to help us with the update!
    [​IMG] Chloe, I'm at the sneak point!
    [​IMG] Kiefer Sutherland, everybody! The real-life David Hayter! He has busted into more industrial complexes than anyone can count! He's going to help all of us get through this update.
    [​IMG] Metal Gear!? I mean, nuclear weapon?!

    That's lovely. Moving on, though... This the last we saw of our heroes before Colin Farrell decided he had done enough updating.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Damn!

    Yeah. Damn indeed. Well, not really, all they had to do was fight three security guards. It took three, no four clicks because Tifa is so weak at this stage.

    [​IMG] Women!
    [​IMG] Why didn't you use the lightning bolts? (Can't believe I just fucking said that...)

    Well, because we're swimming in potions and I much rather prefer to use those than ethers. Not that I had to use any potions. Meh, let's get this infiltration thing going. It's not really much of an infiltration anyway. First we have a poster to look at.

    [​IMG] Double G?!

    Not that kind of poster, Kiefer.

    [​IMG]

    Alright, so it's a newsletter. Whatever. This is the only chance you'll get to take a look at it so you better take if you want to finish that damn sidequest.

    Next, we head into the elevator.

    [​IMG]

    Barret and Cloud's completely boring bickering aside, this is the only thing that would convince you to take the stairs instead. So do you run up stairs for fiftythree minutes or do you bust through the front and take the elevator and fight battles for twentyeleven minutes? That is the question. You have five minutes to think it through, but real people decide in minus seven seconds. Anyway, elevators are very sneaky, see, and you're going to get attacked by enemies when you take them.

    [​IMG]

    Sometimes, though, it's just a lonely businessman looking to get home to his wife and kids a bit faster than his co-workers.

    [​IMG] Shoot him in the face! He knows something: too much!

    No! Run away, innocent businessman! Run away!

    [​IMG] And let him warn the entire complex!

    Well, yes, but we all feel much better because of it. He has a wife and kids and he has to get home to them before his co-workers get them!

    [​IMG] Then we should have shot them too! His family! His co-workers! How the hell did you get roped in with these pussies, Colin?
    [​IMG] A gay heayy metal guy named Cloud have fantasies about me.
    [​IMG] Is Cloud the black man or the teenager with the hair?
    [​IMG] Honestly? There are times when I can't tell them apart. One of them's a bit smaller than the other though.
    [​IMG] Right.

    Once the elevator stops [not pictured] and we finally get out we run down the fire escape [not pictured] and grab that elixir [sadly pictured below].

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Unless you have severe problems with keeping your characters alive in battles, you will not use this item until disc nevar. Really, it's better to sell it for 1 gil instead.

    Moving onward, we fight more guards, get a keycard and continue our elevator journey! Onward! Also the security guard monitoring the cameras is totally sleeping so we're like totally unnoticed!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That's handy.
    [​IMG] It's retarded, that's what it is. The noise these morons have made so far should have woken up the entire building! Twice!
    [​IMG] It's a fantasy, Kiefer.
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] It's just a fantasy. It's just a fantasy...
    [​IMG] I want to go home.

    No, Kiefer! Please, we need you now more than ever. Look at this!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What the hell? Are you being funny, boy?

    A little. It's some kind of minigame. Cloud went ahead and flattened himself behind a statue or something and now he have to tell the others when it's okay to move without the guards noticing.

    [​IMG] What the hell! This is even more retarded.
    [​IMG] It's a fantasy, Kiefer...
    [​IMG] Why can't they just shoot the guards?
    [​IMG] Cloud tried that before. The script won't let him.
    [​IMG] Well, they should send it back to the writers with a big turd smeared all over it then! Fuck! Tell Cloud he's on his own here. I don't see how he can possibly mess this up.
    [​IMG] ...just be thankful he doesn't have to dress up as a girl again...
    [​IMG] He what?!
    [​IMG] Nothing!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Whatever. Not even that lobotomized Warner Bros coyote would have any trouble infiltrating this building.
    [​IMG] Think happy thoughts, Kiefer...

    The elevator ride brings us to a cafeteria or something. A bunch of Shinra suits walking around. No guards, though.

    [​IMG] Kill them all!

    No, I think we should talk to one of them.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Punch him in the throat, strangle him and convince everyone else in the room he fell.

    That doesn't even make sense.

    [​IMG] That's right, it doesn't. What's your point?

    Uh...

    [​IMG] Exactly.

    Well, we're not going to do that anyway. Let's just reply with six steadfast dots to have him believe we're the foreign cleaning service.

    [​IMG] That doesn't make sense!

    Exactly, but we got a keycard to level 62 anyway.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Jesus fuck!
    [​IMG] Don't take it so seriously, Kiefer.

    Let's ride the elevator again!

    [​IMG] How exciting. I'm off to take a shit.

    Alright, Kiefer. Should we wait for a while 'til you come back?

    [​IMG] No, that's alright. I doubt I'm going to miss anything important.

    Well, alright then. Welcome to level 62! Home of the mayor of Midgar's office and the archives! The floor where stuff rarely gets done!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Uh, Andy?

    Yes, Colin?

    [​IMG] Can we torch this place when we're done?

    Colin? Why would you, of all people, say such a thing?

    [​IMG] Well, I think Kiefer would appreciate it. He's feeling a bit depressed.

    [​IMG]

    Well, the script won't allow us to torch it but.. hm.. tell you what, we'll be leaving in a minute. We can tell him we torched it the moment we're on level 63, alright?

    [​IMG] Extra crispy mayor?

    [​IMG]

    Extra crispy mayor.

    [​IMG] Thanks. I know he's really going to appreciate it.

    Let's hope so.

    [​IMG] Alright, so what do we do here?

    Well, the plan is to get a keycard from the mayor and we have to do this guessing game. The mayor's thinking about a four letter word, like "mako" or "king".

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh.

    And if we guess correctly on the first try we also get an elemental materia which makes us add magic to our weapons and armor!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That sounds awesome, we should really try to get it! So how do we find out what word he's thinking of?

    By using save states.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] But that's cheating!

    Well, yes, but the correct way of doing is to go into the four archive rooms and look at all the different entries, spot the entries that doesn't belong in the particular room and

    [​IMG] Boooring!

    Yes, very. So hey, we got a elemental materia and a snazzy keycard. Let's put them to use. Let's give Cloud the elemental materia. We'll pair it up with a lightning materia so he does lightning damage as well as physical damage.

    [​IMG] Duh.

    Well yes, but this is important since many enemies here are weak to lightning bolts.

    [​IMG] Just like every other enemy in the game. :roll:

    Well... yes. Let's move on to the next floor. Tell Kiefer we torched the place. I think I have a mp3 somewhere of a burn victim. I can play it in the background to help convince him.

    Alright. In the meantime, welcome to floor whatever I lost count. This is the puzzle floor.

    [​IMG]

    This is where the Shinra let its employees run around and test their... ah, what's it called?

    [​IMG] Brains.

    Right. Welcome back, Kiefer.

    [​IMG] I hear you two lit the mayor of Midgar on fire.

    We sure did! You can hear him screaming from here!

    [​IMG] That's a little creepy.
    [​IMG] But totally true. An extra crispy Dominos pizza coming through! I wish we could have recorded the thing. Man, it was rad!
    [​IMG] How very convenient that you didn't.
    [​IMG] Uh...

    Well, it would have been REALLY creepy if we would have done something like that.

    [​IMG] True.

    Alright, Kiefer. This is the puzzle level.

    [​IMG] Right. Do you need my help to get through it?

    No, I have actually already done this a couple of times so I know how to get all the items.

    [​IMG] Good.

    First, let's activate the thing!

    [​IMG]

    The objective is to get all the treasure. We can only open three doors.

    [​IMG] Oh my, how interesting.

    So we go here.

    [​IMG]

    Then here.

    [​IMG]

    And then we get the coupon and we crawl into the ventilation shaft, get the second coupon and run out and open a door and get the third coupon.

    [​IMG]

    As shown here.

    Then we run and crawl back and hand in the coupons.

    [​IMG]

    Yay!

    [​IMG] So what do we get for this little adventure?

    One crappy armor, one semi-useful accessory and one crappy item!

    [​IMG] I want to go home.
    [​IMG] Hey, cheer up, dude.

    Moving on to the next floor...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Hey, this is a gym! Sweet!

    Sure is. I'm not too fond of gyms myself. I like energy drinks, though, but that's it. Let's get one of those for Cloud.

    [​IMG]

    That's really expensive! Oh well, maybe they're extra thirstquenchingly good?

    [​IMG]

    What the?!

    [​IMG] Just like in real life the vending machine seemed to have decided to fuck us over.
    [​IMG] Hit it!

    Good idea, Kiefer.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Bang on it?! What, is that pussy for "hit it really hard"?
    [​IMG] I think it just means "bang on it."

    Regardless, that damn receptionist asks us to stop.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Bang on her!

    I don't think it would be wise to do that. Let's just move on.

    [​IMG] BANG ON HER!

    No! Stop it, Kiefer! We're leaving.

    [​IMG] Pussy.

    There's not much else to do on this floor, except search the locker room! We find some items... and a megaphone.

    [​IMG]

    Weird. Oh well, let's leave it alone for now.

    [​IMG] Take it with you! Maybe the emofag dialogue gets better if it gets enhanced?
    [​IMG] Now you're just being mean, Kiefer.
    [​IMG] Black and white artsy photo fag!
    [​IMG] Hey!
    [​IMG] You sucked in Phone Booth!

    Alright, calm down. No need to get personal.

    On the next floor we fnd another easy puzzle.

    [​IMG]

    You basically run around and collect one part at a time to repair the model of Midgar.

    FUN FACT: Sector 7 is totally destroyed!

    You get some item or something for doing this. Moving on...

    [​IMG]

    Hey, looks like a meeting! Maybe it's finally time for some plot? We have to find some way to listen in.

    [​IMG] Let's go to the toilet, enter the ventilation shaft and listen in from above!
    [​IMG] Excellent idea, Kiefer!
    [​IMG] It was a joke, actually.

    [​IMG]

    Too late.

    [​IMG] Jesus Christ...

    On a pogo stick!

    [​IMG] Yeah, whatever.

    [​IMG]

    Sure is. Let's listen in!

    I didn't take screenshots of the whole meeting, but here are the ones I did take.

    [​IMG]

    JUST BECAUSE!

    [​IMG]

    PONYTAIL!

    [​IMG]

    SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH!

    [​IMG]

    FUCKING FINALLY!

    [​IMG]

    TRUTH!

    [​IMG]

    DO WE KNOW ANY OTHER RESEARCH SPECIMENS, YOU DUMB LITTLE SHIT?! ALRIGHT LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

    [​IMG] What the hell?
    [​IMG] Are you okay, man?

    Yes, sorry. I do that sometimes.

    [​IMG] Right.
    [​IMG] It was... kind of weird...

    Let's just follow Hojo.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That man sure knows the meaning of a strategic pause!
    [​IMG] You don't think it's a bit retarded?
    [​IMG] No, strategic pauses are very important.

    Following Hojo leads us to his laboratory!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Hide between the crates, Cloud! They'll never spot you there!
    [​IMG] Yes, they will!
    [​IMG] No, they won't.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Yes, they will!
    [​IMG] No, they won't!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] See, they didn't notice him!
    [​IMG] Well, this game is fucking retarded anyway.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] IT'S A TIGER! KILL IT!
    [​IMG] What's with you and tigers, man?
    [​IMG] THEY'RE EVIL RAPISTS AND THEY ASSAULT GIRLS THAT LIKE ME!
    [​IMG] You got problems, dude.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What the hell is that kid up to now?

    He's just looking at boobs.

    [​IMG]

    And he clearly couldn't handle it.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That's the most sexually confused kid in the world.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] KILL THE RAPE TIGER!
    [​IMG] Okay, SECOND most confused kid in the world. :roll:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What the hell is he talking about?

    It'll be explained later.

    [​IMG] Okay.
    [​IMG] RAPE TIGER! LET'S GO!
    [​IMG] Shut the hell up, Colin!

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Barret Wallace - voice of reason.

    Let's move on. Taking the special laboratory elevator, we find...

    [​IMG]

    Aeris!

    [​IMG]

    Uh oh!

    [​IMG] IT'S THE RAPE TIGER!

    [​IMG]

    What the hell do you think you're doing?!

    [​IMG]

    Oh. Well, that sounds alright to me.

    [​IMG] NO IT DOESN'T! BLACK DUDE, GET HER OUT OF THERE!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] WHAT?! NO!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] YOU GODDAMN INBRED BASTARD MOTHERFUCKER!! STOP SHOOTING AT EVERYTHING!!
    [​IMG] Jesus fuck! Stop screaming, you idiot!

    [​IMG]

    Suddenly, everything got very glowy.

    [​IMG] LIVE, AERIS! LIVE! OH GOD PLEASE LIVE!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    When tigers attack!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Looks like that fella's more interested in old guys with ponytails, Colin.
    [​IMG] Is Aeris alright?!

    Yes, I think so.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh Colin, I was so scared!
    [​IMG] Don't worry, babe. I'm here.
    [​IMG] Colin...
    [​IMG] Jesus fuck!
    [​IMG] Hey, serious romantic moment in progress, you oaf!

    [​IMG]

    I smell a boss fight.

    [​IMG] Fucking finally!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] TALKING RAPE TIGER!!
    [​IMG] No, Colin! He's really nice! He never meant to scare me. Or rape me. Or hurt me at all.
    [​IMG] Oh. Well... TALKING TIGER!!

    [​IMG]

    I named him "Nanaki" because it's his real name and because "Orange" felt bad. Nanaki is easily the most intelligent character in the game and should be respected.

    Anyway, boss fight. We had Barret and Colin run off with Aeris for a second to protect her or something. Barret gets a plus two on the dating score card.

    [​IMG] He what?

    Nothing.

    [​IMG]

    Alright, you beat this boss by killing the big monster and ignoring the small monsters.

    [​IMG]

    Barret Wallace - always stating the obvious.

    [​IMG]

    Cloud Strife - learned tactics from Scooby-Doo.

    [​IMG]

    Alright.

    [​IMG]

    Alright.

    Time to escape! We enter the elevator and...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Caught!

    Indeed, Kiefer Sutherland. Indeed! Oh well, it's not the end of the world. In fact, it's a great place to place to end this update.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Just come clean, Cloud. We won't judge. You don't really pay attention to anything at all, do you?


    Alright, bye for now. Another update in... whenever I feel like it.
     
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