Welcome back to the LP. I'm Locue. You're my audience. This is Let's Play Final Fantasy VII.
Yeah, baby!
Now that we're done with the boring tutorial mission, you'll find that the game picks up quite a bit...
ahaHAHAhaHA!!!!
Anyway, we find our heroes - along with Biggs, Jessie and Wedge - hiding out somewhere and just talking about what they just did.
Again, we don't really know for sure and Barret seems to be giving it some serious head time.
FACT: Barret Wallace - (black) man and the very original Final Fantasy VII-emo. So get off Cloud's back, you horrible, horrible people.
Anyway, after a bit of hiding Jessie eventually says we should get moving.
So let's do just that.
Now we're actually in the city. Looks peaceful, doesn't it? Well, wait for it... Waaaaait for iiiiit...
OH MY FUCKING HOLY SHIT GOD COCK!
FACT: Final Fantasy VII have more pointless huge ass explosions than all Metal Gear Solid-games combined.
WHEN WILL ALL THE GODDAMNED EXPLOSIONS STOP!?
WE'RE IN THE CITY NOW YOU GODDAMN PRICKS! THERE ARE INNOCENT PEOPLE HERE! STOP BLOWING SHIT UP ALL THE TIME!
GOD
DAMNIT!!
Alright, let's move. Barret, black man of action, immediately takes charge.
What we're dealing with now, is a city in panic and we can use this to our advantage to disappear and get back to our hideout. Barret tells us to split up and meet up at the Sector 8 train station. So yeah, let's.
On our way through a city of panic, we observe citizens running around scared and tackling each other out of the way.
We meet a pretty girl selling flowers, but she's actually not the important thing now - it's actually her flowers - so let's investigate further!
See, flowers are very rare in the city of Midgar in this day and age, because they have evil life-sucking corporations and mad bomber freedom fighters to worry about. It's hard to be a pretty flower in this cold, old world and so the poor little things have to resort to prostitution to survive and get through college. It's really horrible.
So let's buy one and put it in our pocket.
The pimp girl wanders off to look for new customers. Let's continue our valiant escape!
See that electricity? Let's see what happens if we OH FUCK MY HAIR!
Goddamn these terrorists! Oh, looks like they have graffiti here. Let's have that old man over there read it for us!
Uh-huh.
Well, that's nice.
Alright, I guess we better escape. Let's try exiting to the south.
Uh-oh!
Alright, it looks like we've been spotted by some soldiers. We can handle this either by running away or fighting them.
Will this have consequences? Hahahaha, no! But if you don't decide quick enough, the game will pick the option Mickey Mouse is pointing at. And there's really no reason not to fight them as you get experience, money and maybe an item or two.
FACT: Of course, if you'd rather we didn't fight them then just pretend we didn't! 'Cause it all plays out exactly the same way anyway. Those two soldiers won't disappear just because we kill them. They just get replaced! It's just like the real army!
So we fight them - or run from them, whatever - and we run into more soldiers. We fight them too. Then we run into a third bunch of soldiers.
Goddamn! Was it something I said? God
DAMN!
Alright, now we're surrounded. The game doesn't give us any choices this time. Now, we're going to get killed for sure, right? I know that's what all of you unbelievers are thinking, huh? Well, screw you! Cloud has an ace up his sleeve.
He's a goddamn hero.
FACT: Cloud Strife, train surfer.
Great escape? OR GREATEST ESCAPE?!!
In the next update: come meet the resistance!