Official RPG Codex Discord Server

  1. Welcome to rpgcodex.net, a site dedicated to discussing computer based role-playing games in a free and open fashion. We're less strict than other forums, but please refer to the rules.

    "This message is awaiting moderator approval": All new users must pass through our moderation queue before they will be able to post normally. Until your account has "passed" your posts will only be visible to yourself (and moderators) until they are approved. Give us a week to get around to approving / deleting / ignoring your mundane opinion on crap before hassling us about it. Once you have passed the moderation period (think of it as a test), you will be able to post normally, just like all the other retards.
    Dismiss Notice

Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. kingcomrade Kingcomrade Edgy

    kingcomrade
    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2005
    Messages:
    26,884
    Location:
    Cognitive Elite HQ
    God, shut up.
     
    ^ Top  
  2. Damned Registrations Prestigious Gentleman Furry Weeaboo Nazi Nihilist

    Damned Registrations
    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2007
    Messages:
    14,111
    God finds your suggestion offensive, comrade.
     
    ^ Top  
  3. Murk Arcane

    Murk
    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2008
    Messages:
    13,456
    skyway's complaints make no sense to me

    focus on the gameplay, that's the real draw of any scenario based tactical rpg

    you don't need any one class to beat the game. i replayed the game using only squires and got through most of it, and in just about every play through i tend to solo with just ramza once i hit level 20 or so.

    try to solo the first level with just ramza and delita, it's 50% your cunning and 50% "omfg why did the ai have delita run into 5 enemies with half health".

    doable though!
     
    ^ Top  
  4. kingcomrade Kingcomrade Edgy

    kingcomrade
    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2005
    Messages:
    26,884
    Location:
    Cognitive Elite HQ
    Skyway is a moron, he sounds like he doesn't have any real complaints, just a desire to be a little bitch.
     
    ^ Top  
  5. Murk Arcane

    Murk
    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2008
    Messages:
    13,456
    eh, i'll level... well not really, but offer to help

    what level are you stuck on and what is your main party's stats? if your characters are of lower level than the enemies units in the story battles then just go level up a bit as you should in any game
     
    ^ Top  
  6. Jasede Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron Sad Loser

    Jasede
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    23,590
    Fainaru Fantajii, not Fantasii
     
    • Brofist Brofist x 1
    ^ Top  
  7. RK47 collides like two planets pulled by gravity Patron

    RK47
    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2006
    Messages:
    28,368
    Location:
    Not Here
    Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
    The problem here is....uh...you really want me to spoil it here? I'm giving a lot of space















    What happened at Nibel:
    Cloud was out of sight. She didn't see her. It freaked her out, how did he know all this shit when he wasn't supposed to be there? She waited and watched him to make sure.

    Cloud was actually there in the night of Nibel, but he was just a mere Shinra trooper. Too embarassed to tell Tifa that he is just a loser or anyone else for that matter.

    He just stayed in the inn. Never going out. The only soldier to survive to the Mako Reactor is him. Zack actually tried to kill Sephy but failed. Cloud who arrived too late, managed to critically wound Sephy before he too was left for dead. Then the Shinra covered up the whole thing and took both Zack n Cloud as guinea pigs. Cloud wasn't doing so hot, being in half vegetable states, Zack kept telling him about his life etc...and somehow Cloud just took it as his own somewhat 'established identity', minus the name.

    They tried to escape from Shinra who hunted them down. But Zack didn't make it. And Cloud was left to die in the waste in a vegetative state, somehow he recovered to make it to Midgar where Tifa found him at the train station with Zack's sword and 1st class SOLDIER uniform. Cloud never tried to clear up his muddled past, just accepting that he made it out alone. And Zack never existed. Who cares? He's a hero. Isn't that enough?

    This just made shit worse cause Sephy knew the truth, but was gonna mindfuck him into convincing him that there was no Cloud, he's just a reconstructed clone of some random dude named Cloud. When presented with that possibility, our Blonde hero went into perma-mindfuck cause he couldn't answer the questions or cover his own plotholes on his own. With the testimonies against him, he didn't stand a chance.

    He wasn't there at Nibel reactor. Tifa didn't see him.
    Zack was there. Aerith knew he died there and Tifa took a picture with him and Sephy back at Nibel.
    There was a Cloud. But he left no trace after leaving Nibel when he was a kid and never heard from again till he resurfaced in Midgar.

    Enough mindfuck for you?
     
    ^ Top  
  8. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Why hello there, my adorable puppy beatniks. I'm not posting beyond the grave, I've just been kinda immobilized and outta touch with a computer. Wasn't meant to happen, but when your family calls are you just gonna let that phone ring? Hell no!
    So this thread's gonna hang for awhile and I'd apologize for that but I just don't have it in me. Here's a :wink: smiley to go along with that harsh sentence, and here's another. :wink: If you thought this thread was kind of entertaining, don't worry. I shall return, alright?

    But for now... hey, here's something I wrote.

    - TONTO!
    - Yes, Kemosabe?
    - FETCH MY RIDING SLIPPERS AND BRUSH MY TORNADO'S ARSE! (I imagine he's delivering this line with a particularly messy Manchester accent.)
    - Yes, Kemosabe.
    - WE'RE GOING ON THE ROAD AGAIN!
    - Yes, Kemosabe.
    - DO I LOOK GAY IN THIS MASK, TONTO?
    - Yes, Kemosabe.
    - ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, TONTO?
    - Yes, Kemosabe.
    - WE SHALL RIDE INTO THE SUNSET!
    - Ouch, Kemosabe.

    Also some off topic rants: I haven't checked the Dark Heresy thread, but I'm sure Gob's gotten his ass ritually gangraped with a flamethrower-chainsaw-minigun and tossed into space where his body will drift endlessly into space until it is picked up by strange celestial beings who will mistake his puncture wounds for stigma. They will resurrect him, worship him like a God, follow whatever teachings he can be bothered to give them (mostly about ordering proper Mojitos) until he is betrayed, raped once more and tossed into space again. I will be disappointed by anything less and so I'm terrified to look in the thread.

    If I'm not dead: kill me and take my loot. I have a +6 Warhammer in my ass and yes, that really was the joke.

    Hugs and cuddles.
     
    ^ Top  
  9. Fat Dragon Arbiter

    Fat Dragon
    Joined:
    May 24, 2007
    Messages:
    3,499
    Location:
    local brothel
    Sounds like a life to be envied.
     
    ^ Top  
  10. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    Do want.
     
    ^ Top  
  11. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    I'm requesting Gob fanfiction. Right here, right now.
     
    ^ Top  
  12. Murk Arcane

    Murk
    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2008
    Messages:
    13,456
    i want you, inside of me
     
    ^ Top  
  13. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Alright, one sentence each.
    Said Gob to the Emperor.
     
    ^ Top  
  14. Murk Arcane

    Murk
    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2008
    Messages:
    13,456
    and with blessing from the emperor, gob was given the imperial 'power fist(ing)'
     
    ^ Top  
  15. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    fake edit: Apologies to anyone who came with joy when they saw a new post in this thread and expected an update.

    Updates are on the way. Expect them tomorrow, the tomorrow after that tomorrow and the tomorrow after the tomorrow of this tomorrow. That's three updates for you, proving that I haven't just jacked off to blue alien space porn all month.

    I've been re-reading Harlan Ellison too. :oops:
     
    ^ Top  
  16. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    And there was much rejoicing.
     
    ^ Top  
  17. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,104
    Location:
    Urkanistan
    *emperor voice* the LP must flow
     
    ^ Top  
  18. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    'Ey, babes and boys, we be coming back from the lands of de dead to bring you more japanese-jamaican roleplaying shenanigans!

    When we last left off, Cloud and Yuffie got into some kind of weird argument about Oasis and I promised the following!

    My heart is filled with the blackest of all shame.

    [​IMG] Hey!

    Uh, WHITEST of all shame!

    [​IMG] Thas' muthafuckin' better!

    Yes, as you can see, my co-commentator for the update is none other than the brownest of all black men: Barret "Machine Gun Man" Wallace!

    [​IMG] Thank you, white boy.

    So when we last left you guys...

    [​IMG] We were standing 'round an' list'ning to some muthafuckin' nazi parade music while you were jerkin' to Blackie Lawless.

    Ah yes. Good memory, Barry!

    [​IMG] Barry?

    Barret. I said Barret.

    [​IMG] Could have sworn you said Barry.

    Nope.

    [​IMG] 'Cause if ya did, lemme tell ya... the other guy who called me Barry I dropped down a muthafuckin' canyon! Got that, white boy?

    Got it.

    [​IMG] Good. Well, us black men are like elephants, ya know? We don't forget nuthin'! An' you know what else I remember? The last time I heard this nazi type music, the Shinra president were goin' through town on a big car. I knew what the fuck was goin' on!
    _______________

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] No, fucker escaped in a helicopter 'fore I could finish him off.
    [​IMG] That's so fuckin' typical of you, spikey! You always let 'em bad dudes escape in fuckin' helicopters!
    [​IMG] Didn't have much to do with it.
    [​IMG] Typical!
    [​IMG] I'm telling you he jumped five meters up and grabbed hold of the helicopter with one hand while holding a big shotgun with the other!
    [​IMG] How could he do that?
    [​IMG] Handjobs.
    [​IMG] ZING!
    [​IMG] DING!
    [​IMG] CHING!
    [​IMG] ???
    [​IMG] Oh really?
    [​IMG] Or so I heard.
    [​IMG] So that muthafucker Rufus gives handjobs?
    [​IMG] I get the feeling we should try and crash that parade ASAP!
    [​IMG] Yeah, you're right, Cloud. ASAP!
    [​IMG] You don't know what ASAP means, do you, flower girl?
    [​IMG] ASAP!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What the fuck is up with you and climbing shit all the time, Barret?
    [​IMG] Hey, climbing is my life!
    [​IMG] Right. Anyway, I don't think we can all climb up.
    [​IMG] What? We're actually GONNA climb all the way up?
    [​IMG] It sounds like a good plan.
    [​IMG] But there's a fucking elevator right over there!
    [​IMG] Yeah, but there's a guard.
    [​IMG] Not following you.
    [​IMG] We can't risk it.
    [​IMG] WE'VE KILLED HUNDRED THOUSANDS OF GUARDS SO FAR! YOU WOULD'VE THOUGHT IT WOULD'VE DRAWN ATTENTION TO US AFTER THE FIRST HUNDRED AND FIFTYTHREE AND A HALF!
    [​IMG] That doesn't make it right, Cloud.
    [​IMG] I'm outta here!
    [​IMG] What? No, you have to climb up.
    [​IMG] What? Give me one reason why I should climb up!
    [​IMG] Well, I only got one good arm, whitey!
    [​IMG] And I'm frail.
    [​IMG] You're not frail!
    [​IMG] I am!
    [​IMG] Whatever, what about you, Yuffster?
    [​IMG] Can't risk my testosterone treatment.
    [​IMG] Your what?
    [​IMG] Uh, I mean it's that time of the month again.
    [​IMG] Hey, that's even better. Yeah, it all starts leaking terribly if I do any kind of climbing, Cloud. Why risk it?
    [​IMG] Yeah, me too. Why risk it?
    [​IMG] Women! How about you, Nanaki?
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Oh right, I almost forgot you were a talking tiger.
    [​IMG] So you see now, Cloud? You have to do it.
    [​IMG] *sigh*

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Alright, how do I do this? Priscilla, you look like you know how this can be done.
    [​IMG] Well, you can't just climb up from the ground.
    [​IMG] Why?
    [​IMG] The water is lava!
    [​IMG] No, it's not.
    [​IMG] No, you're right. But the structure is, like, electrified or something.
    [​IMG] Wouldn't that mean the water is...
    [​IMG] No.
    [​IMG] But surely...
    [​IMG] No.
    [​IMG] Alright, so how do we do this?
    [​IMG] Mr. Dolphin can catapult you up to a safe ledge.
    [​IMG] WHAT?!
    [​IMG] Good luck, Cloud.

    [​IMG]

    _______________

    So the plan was that Cloud would use a dolphin to catapult himself to the top?

    [​IMG] Sure was, white boy. I came with him to send him off.

    To send him off?

    [​IMG] None of us thought he'd actually make it and I drew the shortest straw.
    ________________

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] This is bullshit.
    [​IMG] This is the most intelligent creature in the world.
    [​IMG] Guess that's why he ran away as soon he saw that monster.
    [​IMG] *Swam* away.
    [​IMG] Whatever. I have a strange urge to go back to Fort Condor and kill stuff right now.
    [​IMG] What? Now?!
    [​IMG] Yes, now. I'll be back in a sec.
    [​IMG] Will you be back later?
    [​IMG] Yeah, yeah.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Ah, the glory of tank rushing! Well, guess I gotta go back and play with that shark now.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Alright, let's do this!
    [​IMG] Finally!

    *FLIP!*

    [​IMG] Ta-dah!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Good job, Cloud! We'll meet you upstairs as soon as possible!
    [​IMG] ASAP!
    [​IMG] How will you do that?
    [​IMG] I dunno! We'll kill that guard by the elevator or something!
    [​IMG] YOU WHAT?!
    [​IMG] Keep going! You're doing good!
    [​IMG] I'LL KILL YOU ALL!

    *much climbing later!*

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That's one fucking big airship.
    ___________________

    [​IMG] That’s one fucking small white ass, HAR HAR HAR!!

    You’re such a nasty old black man.
    __________________

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Wonder if I ever get to fly it around the world some day? Fuck, where do I go? A door, a door... Ah, a door!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Whoops!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] How lucky am I to be taken for a new Shinra recruit when I'm actually infiltrating the place? Thumbs up, man!
    ___________________

    [​IMG] To be muthafuckin' continued!

    Fo' shizzle!

    [​IMG] Damn straight, homie! Tomorrah!
     
    ^ Top  
  19. Damned Registrations Prestigious Gentleman Furry Weeaboo Nazi Nihilist

    Damned Registrations
    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2007
    Messages:
    14,111
    Just thought I'd mention this in case you were actually fighting in Fort Condor for a reason: Theres no actually need to deploy troops. If you just wait in your base you fight the soldiers and eventually commander personally. Much quicker imo.
     
    ^ Top  
  20. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    If it weren't so damn gay, Locue could fuck me anytime he wants.
     
    ^ Top  
  21. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    That's alright. My lady would beat me senseless if I dragged home some weirdo.
     
    ^ Top  
  22. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    LAST YEAR! ON LET'S PLAY FINAL FANTASY VII!!

    A DOLPHIN KICKED US FIFTY THOUSAND MILES INTO THE SUN!
    [​IMG]

    WE WERE TREATED TO A FIFTY THOUSAND HOURS LONG FMV OF PULSATING PURPLE TEENAGE BOY ASSES!
    [​IMG]
    (damn, they took it down!)

    SOME GUY MISTOOK US FOR A TOTALLY GAY FIFTY THOUSAND YEAR OLD SOLDIER!
    [​IMG]

    AND NOW!

    ALL HELL!

    BREAKS LOOSE!

    WHEN TOUGH-AS-NAILS MERCENARY CLOUD "Steel Buns" STRIFE FACES HIS ULTIMATE CHALLENGE!

    [​IMG] I do?

    TO CHANGE IN FRONT OF OTHER MEN!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh, that's no challenge. Actually...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was fifteen. Slim. Clean. Not a single hair on my ballsack. My ass so perfect and smooth. I always made a point to stretch in the nude before I slipped into the red leather back in those days. I still remember how fabulous I felt wearing it, how I got a glimpse of Sephiroth. He was standing in front of his mirror comparing the colors of different condoms with his enormous penis, my eyes hitting him like powerful interrogator lights. his flawless, naked body. I instantly knew, knew that I just had to have him and his enormous penis.
    [​IMG] I am NOT changing with you! EVER!
    [​IMG] Aww... :(

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Hehe, I still got it! :)
    [​IMG] Hey, you gotta zip it up properly!
    [​IMG] Why?
    [​IMG] Because otherwise me and the dreamy duo are gonna dance for you!
    [​IMG] Awesome!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    To watch and hear the dreamy duo's fantastic performance, follow this cleverly disguised Rickroll-link!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Don't worry, dude. Even though I actually came here to infiltrate your ranks and kill Rufus or something I will never let the parade down, man! You can count on me!
    [​IMG] Excellent!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Yes, let the parade begin!
    [​IMG] I'm sure you're wondering how this is going to work.
    [​IMG] Not really. I've seen a parade once before.
    [​IMG] Well, this parade is a little different than most parades, young one.
    [​IMG] Oh yeah?
    [​IMG] Yeah, for one we don't have any civilians.
    [​IMG] None?
    [​IMG] Nope. Rufus don't like them.
    [​IMG] Why is he the president now?
    [​IMG] You don't know about president Rufus?
    [​IMG] I heard Rufus was the winner of the Midgar cocksucking championship fifteen times in a row.
    [​IMG] Hey!
    [​IMG] Eek.
    [​IMG] That's the Midgar handjob championship!
    [​IMG] Right. Always mixes those up.
    [​IMG] And it's only twelve times in a row.
    [​IMG] Right, right. What a gay motherfucker.
    [​IMG] Hey!
    [​IMG] Eek.
    [​IMG] It's not gay as long as you don't do it over twelve times.
    [​IMG] Which explains why he's the president now.
    [​IMG] It sure does! Anyway! If you see any civilians you have to shoot them.

    MEANWHILE!

    [​IMG]

    END OF MEANWHILE!

    [​IMG] What's that in the distant? A fantastic penis!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Yeah, that's Doom Cock, the Shinra army's defense against the sea!
    [​IMG] The sea?
    [​IMG] Yes, the pesky sea! President Rufus' father knew that something would emerge from the sea one day and decided to build an enormous cannon on the city.
    [​IMG] What a progressive man!
    [​IMG] IT'S TIME FOR THE PARADE!
    [​IMG] Yay!!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Wait, what?
    [​IMG] Not like those parades you're used to, huh, boy? We do things differently here!
    [​IMG] But what do I do?
    [​IMG] Get out there, run around in circles and scream "I want cock", of course!
    [​IMG] Alrighty! :D

    [​IMG][/URL]

    [​IMG] But I did everything they told me to do. :cry:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Drew Karpyshyn!
    [​IMG] Go back to the military complex and report to your commanding officer!
    [​IMG] Casey Hudson!

    So Cloud went back.

    [​IMG] I heard you screwed up completely!
    [​IMG] Yes.
    [​IMG] We'll fix that!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] It's just like I'm fifteen years old again!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] All three of you?!
    [​IMG] We're gonna show you a real good time, boy.


    TO BE CONTINUED!
     
    ^ Top  
  23. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    So I herd u lieks teh mudkipz?

    DOOM COCK!!!!!!
     
    ^ Top  

As an Amazon Associate, rpgcodex.net earns from qualifying purchases.