Chapter 29 - I scratch your balls, you scratch mine.
Recently I changed my internet forum alias bullshit name thing to better reflect my modest personality. My name is now Andyman Messiah, the artist previously known as Locue, who in turn was the artist previously known as robocopfan9 I kid you not. People used to walk past me and they'd turn and yell "hey, robocopfan9!" and I'd like react instantly and turn around to face them and I'd drop my semi-automatic knife which I was carrying on my head and I'd be like "fuck you, fuck you, i'm Locue now!!" and they'd go like "oh sorry, i didn't know" and I'd be like "that's okay, man" and throw my knife after them. And now when I was shopping for a new couch that fucker yelled "hey, Locue!" and I was like "fuck you, fuck you, I'm Andyman Messiah!!" and I threw my knife after them and they were like "oh sorry, i didn't know" and I was like "I'll kill you with death, you cocksucker!" and then they threw me out of Hot Topic and I had to buy my tomatoes someplace else. It sucked, man!
Anyway, welcome to Final Fantasy's Costa Del Sol. It's probably just as boring as the actual Costa Del Sol. I haven't been there because Spain hate my guts, but I'm pretty good at knowing stuff I don't know anything about.
Before we begin: this is a motherfuckingly boring and short update. There was probably a lot of potential here but I just didn't care for it. You can probably skip it and wait for the next update instead and not miss anything. Remember that Flappyjack of Pokemon Emerald fame and everyone's favorite piece of Barret-dialogue will be in Chapter 30. So ignore this crap and wait a couple of years.
Anyway, here goes:
Those damn kids arrive! Goddammit, I hate them all.
Anyway, from now on, whenever you wanna get back to the first continent you can hitch a ride with this boat. You'll especially wanna do this when you get the second enemy skill materia and if you're fucking dumb like me who's going for a 100% completed FF7.
Btw:
FACT: I use the word "anyway" a lot.
YES IT SURE IS HOT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER HERE!
YES I'M SURE WE'LL BLEND RIGHT IN!
TOO BAD BARRET DIDN'T KEEP HIS SAILOR SUIT!
HE SURE DID!
Our intrepid heroes leave the screen, and causes Rufus and Heidegger to finally leave the boat.
HE SURE WAS! KILLED MOST OF OUR MEN, SIR.
THEY SURE WERE, SIR!
HE SURE DI...! Wait, what? How is this Heidegger's fault?
I can completely understand what Heidegger is going through right now.
Alright, let's do some sightseeing. You'd think there's plenty of stuff to do here. Well, if only you knew! Here's just some of the exciting things you can encounter in Costa Del Sol!
PEOPLE WHO WEAR HATS!
PEOPLE WHO TRY THEIR BEST TO ONLY WEAR HATS! (But don't.)
NOCLIP!
OLD FRIENDS WITH AMNESIA THAT YOU CAN'T REMEMBER!
BATHING GIRLFRIENDS!
HOSTILE TAKEOVERS BY UNDERAGE SHEMALE NINJA PROSTITUTE ENTERPRENOURS!
INCENTIVE TO LOCK YOUR DOORS!
And directions to the only other place you can travel to. How awesome.
What you don't find, however, is Professor Hojo. I have no idea why I didn't meet him this time. You normally have a chat with him at the beach but this time, instead of a creepy scientist with a ponytail I just got a bikini babe who pointed me in the direction of Sephiroth. And it only takes her like three sentences compared to Hojo's mad scientist bullshit.
FACT: Me = Not complaining.
FACT: You = ???
Yeah, so we leave town after doing all these completely trivial things. There are a couple of items lying around that you can and should collect but it's nothing special. Also don't buy anything.
Anyway, let's make sure we're on the right track. Hey, old man. Did you see a guy in a black cloak?
Awesome. To be motherfuckingly continued!
Up next: HAAEY!! BAAEBY!!
Nuff said!