Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

[Carrie Underwood]

I'm changing my vote too. Option X. Joe Pesci and John McCain should handle this.

 

[Fat Dragon]

Pesci, Putin, and McCain. Pretty good combo.

You have Pesci, the psychotic trigger happy Italian mobster that doesn't really give a fuck about anything. Putin, the experienced and rich asshole that doesn't take any shit. And McCain, the old war veteran who can't let go of his faded glory.

Nobody would stand a chance.

 

[MasterSmithFandango]

My vote is for Dio. I mean... it's fucking Dio.

 

[sportforredneck]

Fuck Dio.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Pesci, Putin and McCain combo.

Also, who would win the McCain Lightsaber Challenge (TM) of those three?

 

[sportforredneck]

Also, who would win the McCain Lightsaber Challenge (TM) of those three?

Putin.

 

[Fat Dragon]

Fuck Dio.

.

Also, who would win the McCain Lightsaber Challenge (TM) of those three?

Probably Putin. He has the look of a deadly Sith Lord.

 

[FrancoTAU]

Putin and Sarah Palin

 

[MetalCraze]

I vote Putin. He shoots muthafucking bengal tigers and journalists on the loose and liberates independent countries. How much more badass can you get? Well if you will say that you were collar-grabbing some gooks in Vietnamese jungles - that's how.

 

[Sovy Kurosei]

I change my vote to Putin. He'll take out what Locue put in hurr hurr hurr

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Right oh, gents. Looks like I have to contact Mr Joe Pesci, Mr McCain and Mr Putin. Great. An italian-american character actor, an american prisoner of war turned presidential candidate and a former KGB superstar turned KGB superstar president go up against God disguised as a 4chan meme, a fucking mudkip and a twelve year old girl in black hotpants.

This isn't even going to be a fight. Pesci'll just get a toothpick and start waving it around menacingly and everyone'll shit their pants and run off. McCain and Putin included.

 

[MetalCraze]

Joe Pesci - an evil mastermind behind it all
John McCain - a brutal collar-grabbing bouncer
Vlad Putin - a cunning sneaky bastard

Quite a dream team you got there.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Joe Pesci - an evil mastermind behind it all
John McCain - a brutal collar-grabbing bouncer
Vlad Putin - James Bond, Jason Bourne and Jack Bauer all at once

Quite a dream team you got there.

Fixed.

Incidentally, anyone else think Bond looks eeriely alike Putin in the Quantum of Solace trailer?

 

[Andyman Messiah]

'Cause they're P.M.P.
They're phynadite
P.M.P
And they'll win the fight
P.M.P.
They're a power load
P.M.P.
Watch them explode

We should all be lucky you guys didn't go with Pesci/McCain/Schwarzenegger, cuz' that'd be horri... what the hell am I saying!? That's fucking brilliant! Bloody brilliant even! 'Cause they're P.M.S. They...

Nah.

 

[Fat Dragon]

'Cause they're P.M.P.
They're phynadite
P.M.P
And they'll win the fight
P.M.P.
They're a power load
P.M.P.
Watch them explode

Awesome. An unstoppable fighting force indeed. This trio is the anti-christ and they drink the blood of Christian virgins. Crazy fucks that shouldn't be messed with.

 

[LarsTheSurly]

Fuck McCain.

If you want a badass, off-the-handle-insane government type, go with Andrew Jackson. No man has ever come close to matching his "Fuck you, I do what I want" style of leadership since then.

The man was an uncontrollable force of psychotic violence, powered by vitriol, liquor and bigotry. Motherfucker fought over a dozen duels. He got shot in the heart, then lived 40 more years out of spite. He was almost the first President to be assassinated, but he beat the poor bastard senseless in broad daylight, until Davy Crockett (Also a legendary badass) restrained him. Jackson was 68 at the time. His attacker was half that age.

He makes John McCain look like a poodle in a pink dress.

 

[Fat Dragon]

Fuck Andrew Jackson.

Including him would completely ruin Andy's awesome P.M.P. theme.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Yeah, but he was both irish and scottish so he didn't really have a choice in the matter, should he or should he not be awesome. I'm not that familiar with him, though, so I'm afraid it'll be a little too out-of-character.

(lol?)

 

[sportforredneck]

Andrew Jackson also won a duel against the best duelist by taking the shot in the chest from the duelist, then giving his best aim and firing. He killed one of the best duelists in America, while almost dying himself because he knew he couldn't win by quickness of draw. That is badassery, but he shouldn't be here. He'd probably just kick the shit out of everyone, much like Putin. Though Putin is at least former KGB murderer.

 

[Fat Dragon]

Andrew Jackson also won a duel against the best duelist by taking the shot in the chest from the duelist, then giving his best aim and firing. He killed one of the best duelists in America, while almost dying himself because he knew he couldn't win by quickness of draw. That is badassery

No, that's retarded and shameful, not baddass. The only way for him to beat somebody was to foolishly allow himself to be shot just so he could have time to aim because he sucked so bad. And then he suffered from illness due to the bullet stuck in his lung for the rest of his life. The funniest part being that Jackson started the fight because he was being emo and butthurt about Charles Dickinson insulting his wife. Boo-fucking-hoo. He was an old and broken raging faggot.

 

[sportforredneck]

No, that's retarded and shameful, not baddass. The only way for him to beat somebody was to foolishly allow himself to be shot just so he could have time to aim because he sucked so bad.

Horse shit. He took a bullet just to beat his ass. Who would do that? Most people would pussy out of a fight with a hardcore duelist. He manned up, went to the duel, got shot, fired back and killed the motherfucker.

 

[Carrie Underwood]

Jackson vs Putin? I'm pretty sure that would destroy the universe.

 

[Fat Dragon]

No, that's retarded and shameful, not baddass. The only way for him to beat somebody was to foolishly allow himself to be shot just so he could have time to aim because he sucked so bad.

Horse shit. He took a bullet just to beat his ass. Who would do that? Most people would pussy out of a fight with a hardcore duelist. He manned up, went to the duel, got shot, fired back and killed the motherfucker.

Willingly taking a bullet to the chest just because you're mad about a little insult is retarded. Simple as that. Doesn't matter if he won the duel, he was still retarded; his foolish actions caused him to end up coughing blood and being sick for the rest of his life. And his victory was pure luck and had nothing to do with being a badass.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

I approve of this history lesson. Please continue. It's very interesting.

 

[Zomg]

Pardon me if this has come up in the thread, but has anyone ever redone the original shithammer translation of this game?