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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. szoreny Novice

    szoreny
    Joined:
    May 31, 2008
    Messages:
    43
    Location:
    Lancaster County Pennsylvania United States Amuric
    Or there was, - jus' the stress of managing a greasy bucket, st ides, and dipping sauce with one hand finally 'jus pushed 'em close to the edge'
     
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  2. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
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    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    Jazz.
     
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  3. Fat Dragon Arbiter

    Fat Dragon
    Joined:
    May 24, 2007
    Messages:
    3,499
    Location:
    local brothel
  4. PlanHex Arcane Patron

    PlanHex
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Messages:
    2,013
    Location:
    Copenhagen, Denmark
    Hey Locue, quit trying to troll the mentally challenged at the escapist and get to Nibelheim so I have an excuse to post this.
     
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  5. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
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    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    I prefer Metal Gear Awesome and Resident Awesome 4.

    I'm still working on updates. Don't worry.
     
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  6. ghostdog Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron

    ghostdog
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Messages:
    10,789
    Just get drunk before continuing. Your liver can handle anything as long as you're LPeeing FF7.
     
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  7. FrancoTAU Cipher

    FrancoTAU
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2005
    Messages:
    2,507
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    Can we vote for changing your name back to Locue? This Andyman sillyness has gotten boring.
     
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  8. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
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    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    What does that have to do with anything? :cry:
     
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  9. sportforredneck Cipher

    sportforredneck
    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2007
    Messages:
    7,715
    Quiet Locue.
     
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  10. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Alright, make a poll somewhere and convince Dark Underlord he should change my name to whatever wins the poll.

    Come on! It'll be great! Let's do it, bitch!
     
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  11. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Alright, update time. The first part of this update was written before I decided it was a good idea to get drunk and demonstrate how you register your A to the Cunt at the Escapist forums.

    -----------------------

    Hi everybody. It's Andyman Messiah, your favorite Kiefer Sutherland-impersonator! Join me now as I drink lots of beer and plays minigames in Final Fantasy VII! Hell yeah, let's do it! This is gonna be awesome!

    FACT: No, it's not.

    Yeah, you're right, FACT-guy.

    FACT: Hell yeah.

    In fact... hey, Tifa! Tifa! Get over here, bitch! And bring that tiger and that jailbait ninja with you.

    [​IMG] What do you want?

    Cover this for me.

    [​IMG] What?! But it's... it's minigames...

    I know. Here, use this Cloud Strife-robot I built in my basement.

    [​IMG] What?
    [​IMG] Great! This way we won't actually have to enter the stupid arcade!
    [​IMG] Wow, we can just sit outside and throw rocks at the people in those gay chicken costumes!
    [​IMG] Wow, that's great! Thanks, Andyman Messiah!

    Well, I'm off to get drunk and spam the fuck out of the Escapist. Do a good job now.

    [​IMG] We will!

    You know I'll know if you don't do a good job. At least five sentences about every screenshot!

    [​IMG] Five sentences?! But there's like fifty screenshots!
    [​IMG] It's gonna take like an hour!

    Better get started then. You know I'll release the hounds of hell on your asses if you do a shoddy job.

    [​IMG] Asshole.

    [​IMG]

    Alright, here we are. We're controlling a robot that looks just like my stupid asshole jerkoff ex-SOLDIER childhood friend ex-boyfriend.
    That's weird.
    It's stupid, that's what it is. He must think the people reading this shit are morons!
    Aren't they? I mean... they're reading it!
    Good point. Hey, five sentences! Next picture!
    Before we do that, can we like kill that woman over there?
    What woman?
    That woman over there.
    The one that's looking at us like we're the devil?
    She probably refers to the one that's looking at us like we're a fucking robot.
    Oh. Right.
    Can we kill her?
    You wanna kill her because she's looking at us?
    Hell, I wanna kill her because she got freaky looking arms!
    Oh yeah, yeah...
    So can we kill her?
    Maybe later, when we're done.
    Fair enough.
    Next picture!

    [​IMG]

    What the fuck are we doing now?
    We're looking at the arm wrestling minigame.
    But we're not actually playing it.
    Why are we not playing it?
    Because it fucking sucks.
    Oh yeah.
    Next!

    [​IMG]

    What now?
    It's the "Basketball Game."
    Also known as "the only way to get arcade money."
    Yes, you can easily get all the GP you need in a few hours playing this shit.
    That is, of course, if you want to play this shit for a few hour.
    That's if you want to play this shit for a second. Next picture!

    [​IMG]

    G-Bike?
    What does the "G" stand for?
    Gravity?
    Gas?
    Gravity Bike? Gas Bike?
    I don't fucking know! What the hell does the X in X-Men stand for?
    Xavier-Men!
    Maybe sometimes a letter is just a letter.
    Hahaha, you're so cute, Yuffie.
    Five gil.
    Ahahaha.

    [​IMG]

    Fortune telling? Didn't we see Cloud and that whore talk to some cat...
    ...who claimed he was a fortune teller. Yes, he did.
    But there's a fortune teller machine here.
    Maybe they got cats working the streets?
    That's stupid, Yuffie.

    [​IMG]

    That guy is going to be tired until we raid the underwater shinra research facility base.
    Really?
    Yes.
    Hm.
    Yes.

    [​IMG]

    See, this is why I hate kids. This kid is gonna hog the snowboard minigame until we...
    Oh I got something to say, I killed a baby today.
    What?
    It doesn't matter much to me, as long as it stays dead.
    Well, I think SOMEONE unpacked his punk rock record collection! :D
    Fuck yeah! :D

    [​IMG]

    3D Battler? Is this like Virtua Fighter?
    No, it's like 3D Battler.
    It's actually like rock paper scissors.
    You're funny, Yuffie. Haha. Rock paper scissors... Ha!
    It's true!
    Yeah right.

    [​IMG]

    Mog House?
    Mog House?
    A Mog House?!
    Moo-ooo-og Hooo-ouse!!
    Do we want to play Mog House?
    No, we fucking don't.
    I want to play Mog House.
    Alright, let's fucking play Mog House then. Whatever. Play Mog House. See if I care.
    Mog House?
    A Mog House?!
    Shut the fuck up.
    Insert quarter!
    Insert quarter?!
    TO BE CONTINUED!!!
     
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  12. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
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    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    PROFIT!
     
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  13. FrancoTAU Cipher

    FrancoTAU
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2005
    Messages:
    2,507
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    I played through this game twice and I honestly can't remember any of these mini games besides the snowboarding one.
     
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  14. Radisshu Prophet

    Radisshu
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2007
    Messages:
    5,623
    I remember thinking Mog House was really cool when I first played this game.
     
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  15. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    It's time for Mog House! Mog House? A Mog House? It's time for Mog House! Alright!

    [​IMG]

    I bet he gets real confused all the time! :D
    I bet he's just really retarded.
    Yup.
    Do we have to do five sentences for every picture?
    Yes.
    Uh.
    Why? It's really hard to say something interesting.
    Can you handle the hounds of hell?
    What are the hounds of hell?
    It's Joe Pesci, John McCain and Vladimir Putin.
    What, a midget, a prisoner of war and a russian? Haha, bring them on!
    You think you can take them?
    Bitch, I'm a tiger.
    Yeah, but...
    Tiger.
    But...
    Tiger.
    ...
    Tiger.
    Point taken.
    Yeah.
    And some say commentary is difficult!
    Yeah.

    [​IMG]

    That's handy.
    So, uh, let's get this straight...
    You mean totally gay.
    No, I mean, oh ho ho ho, I see what you did there.
    Yeah, you sure did.
    His name is Mog.
    Yep.
    And he's a Mog.
    Yes.
    And he lives on a mountain called Mt. Mog?
    Sure does.
    Hm.
    Yep.
    That's handy.

    [​IMG]

    Pipapopupo?
    Sounds like a pokemon.
    He's a pokemon?
    He looks like a pokemon.
    Yeah, but...
    Did anyone say pokemon?!
    Go away, Al Wright!

    [​IMG]

    Haha, dumbass.
    This will not end well.
    It won't?
    Nope.
    You sure?
    Yes.

    [​IMG]

    Holy shit, who vandalized this?
    You mean this isn't a genuine screenshot?
    Well, it is, but someone's painted stuff on it.
    You're just seeing things, Yuffie.
    Am not!
    Hahaha, you're so dumb, Yuffie.
    I'm gonna have my revenge real soon!
    Haha.

    [​IMG]

    Well, I guess he doesn't train as hard as he should.
    What exactly is this training?
    He goes up on a blue mushroom and jumps off of it.
    He does this everyday?
    Yes.
    I think I know why he can't fly.
    You do?
    Yes.
    Why can't he fly?
    He's dumb.
    Hahaha.

    [​IMG]

    Oh look, he's flapping his wings.
    Quick, warn the people in New Orleans!
    Dude, that's not funny.
    I know it isn't. But you're forgetting something.
    What?
    I'm a tiger.
    Oh right...
    Yep.

    [​IMG]

    Alright, let's see if he makes it!
    Ten bucks and a blowjob says he'll fly.
    Ten bucks and no blowjob says he won't.
    You got a deal!
    I'm staying out of this.
    Alright.

    [​IMG]

    Shoot out the lights!
    Blackened!
    Black!
    Out there in the night!
    Lord of the dusk!
    Alright, how many of these are song titles?
    All of them?
    Damn right.

    [​IMG]

    Alright!
    Damn.
    Alright!
    Damn.
    Alright!
    I'm not gonna watch this.
    I'm fine with that.
    Don't leave me, Tifa!
    Sorry, Nanaki. You're on your own.
    But!
    Come over here, tiger man!
    Ahhh!!!

    [​IMG]

    Oh, I'll feed you a nut, Nanaki!
    Ahhh!!!
    I'll feed you so many nuts, Nanaki... You're gonna be sick of nuts!
    Umm...
    You gonna watch, Tifa?
    No, I brought Al Wright.
    Hey, Yuffie!
    What do you want?
    Pow!
    Argh, you shot me in the head with a dart gun!
    Haha, I sure did, Bubbles! I sure did!
    Bubbles?!!
    Yuffie is... Bubbles?
    She sure is, Nanaki... She sure is.
    But that's...
    I know. What a plot twist, huh?
    Not really, I kind of saw it coming.
    No, you didn't.
    Yeah, I guess I didn't.
    Uh, Mr Wright?
    Yeah?
    Did you kill her?
    No, I just made her sleep for a while.
    Oh.
    I can kill her if you want me to...
    No no no, that's okay.
    Okay?
    Okay!
    Alright. Pussy.
    Well, I AM a tiger...
    Haha, you sure are, Nanaki! You sure are!

    [​IMG]

    So, back to the game.
    Don't overfeed him? What kind of fucking game are you playing here?
    Retard House.
    Sounds like a game made by retards for retards.
    Yeah, call me crazy but I think I've figured out why Mog can't fly.
    Really? Well, let's hear it then.
    Well, these nuts, right? They're, like, his favorite food, right?
    That's what it says.
    So he probably eats them all the time.
    Probably.
    And he needs to eat nuts to fly.
    Yup.
    What are you trying to say, Nanaki?
    Jesus Christ, Tifa. He's trying to say Mog's a fatass!
    Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say.
    Well, he's right. But he's OUR fatass and by Go, I mean ME! We're gonna make that fatass fly! Alright?! Let's do this!!
    Alright!
    Alright!
    ...
    Oh right, she's still out cold.
    Good!
    Haha, you were gonna suck girl cock, Nanaki.
    Shut up, Tifa!

    [​IMG]

    How many nuts do we give him.
    Give him five.
    You sure?
    I'm God, right?
    Alright.

    [​IMG]

    Wow, that fella got excited!
    You mean he got even more retarded.
    I don't think you can get more retarded once you're declared retarded.
    Oh there are levels of retarded. I think Mog's a level 4 retard.
    And now he's a...
    Level 4 retard.
    Oh, so he was a level 3 retard a minute ago?
    No, he was a level 2 retard.
    Oh.

    [​IMG]

    Oh, indeed, Tifa! Oh, Indeed!
    Will he be able to fly?
    Find out next week.
    On Let's Play Final Fantasy 7!
    Oh yeah!!
    Pow!
    Did you just shoot her again?
    I sure did, Tifa. I sure did.
    Hahahaha!!
    Hahahaha!!
    Hahahaha!!
    Pow!
    Hahahaha!!


    TO BE CONTINUED!
     
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  16. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    ZOMG PLOT TWIST
     
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  17. Dire Roach Prophet

    Dire Roach
    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2007
    Messages:
    1,592
    Location:
    Machete-Knight Academy
    Mog is a 28 year old virgin AAAAAHAHAHhaha... haha... ha... :(

    I wish I was retarded too so I could impress chicks by eating nuts and pretending I could fly.
     
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  18. RK47 collides like two planets pulled by gravity Patron

    RK47
    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2006
    Messages:
    28,363
    Location:
    Not Here
    Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
    i never understood how to win that game when i played it the first time. In the end I never did win it.
     
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  19. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    5 nuts the first time. 3 nuts the second time. That's how you do it. I'll demonstrate in the next update.
     
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  20. ghostdog Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron

    ghostdog
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Messages:
    10,789
  21. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
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    Location:
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    You'll bust a nut once you see what I have in store!
     
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  22. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
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    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Well, actually it doesn't say he's a virgin. It just says he's ready to settle down and become a one Mog Mog living on Mt. Mog.

    We all do, Dire Roach. We all do.
     
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  23. Sovy Kurosei Erudite

    Sovy Kurosei
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,535
    I thought the race was called moogles, not mogs.
     
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  24. ghostdog Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron

    ghostdog
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Messages:
    10,789
  25. FrancoTAU Cipher

    FrancoTAU
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2005
    Messages:
    2,507
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    Do you win anything? I spent 5 minutes on it and never touched it again, so I have no clue.
     
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