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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. PlanHex Arcane Patron

    PlanHex
    Joined:
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    2,013
    Location:
    Copenhagen, Denmark
    What happened to the character portraits in the last two updates?
     
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  2. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Says quite clearly that he's a Mog. Maybe he's just a special kind of moogle, I dunno. My theory is that the moogles probably exiled him to that mountain when they learned that he couldn't fly without sucking down a few nuts.

    We can probably look into this some more but, honestly, why would we?

    Read the uppity upcoming update. The prize is quite spectacular.

    They're like totally controlling a robot so it's like a phone call, y'know. The portraits will return once the minigame session has ended. Which happens right about NOW!

    It's go time!
     
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  3. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    All this was created during one drunken session of mIRC. I've used it over 250 times without paying that guy money, btw.

    Previously!

    Andyman Messiah built a robot Cloud Strife in his basement!
    Tifa and buddies used this robot to play minigames at a comfortable distance!
    Nanaki almost got legally raped by Yuffie because of a bet!
    Then Tifa brought in Al Wright, the 4chan meme known as God!
    Al Wright shot Yuffie with a Deus Ex-style dart gun and made her go sleep!
    Nighty nighty!
    Al Wright/God revealed that Yuffie was/is indeed Bubbles of Pokemon Emerald fame!
    I can't remember if anything else happened!
    I'm sure nothing else did happen!
    But anyway!
    Now all hell breaks loose!
    When we find out if Mog the Mog on Mt. Mog will be able to fly like a Mog?

    [​IMG]

    Yup, he flies.
    Looks like a pokemon.
    Let's catch him! Maybe he'll evolve into something that doesn't suck.
    It's a video game.
    So is Pokemon!
    Oh. Right. But still!
    And so is Final Fantasy!
    Yeah, but still!
    Guys!
    Yeah?
    Flying!
    Oh right. Sorry.

    [​IMG]

    Goodnight, sweet princess.
    What?
    I have no idea.
    ...
    Haha, that's right, Yuffie!
    Pow!
    Give it a rest, Al.
    Pow!
    Hahaha!!

    [​IMG]

    Holy fucking shit!
    Is that a ribbon?
    Yes.
    Why does she have a ribbon?
    So that everyone knows she have a vagina and isn't afraid to use it!
    I have a vagina!
    You sure do, Tifa. You sure do.
    Hey, I don't know about you, Al. But until she put on a ribbon her sex is like totally undecided.
    Haha, it sure is, Nanaki. It sure is.
    Is that some catchphrase?
    No.
    Pow!
    Hahaha! Stop shooting that poor girl with tranquelizzie arrows!
    Pow!
    Hahaha.
    I wonder how long she's gonna sleep?
    Each arrow adds an hour of sleep.
    So how long is she gonna sleep?
    I don't know.
    Why don't we have any avatars?
    Because we're controlling a robot and stuff.
    Oh. But...
    NEXT PICTURE!

    [​IMG]

    Whoa, that little guy got really excited!
    He sure did, Nanaki. He sure did.
    Anyone else listening to Aerosmith right now?
    I sure am, Tifa. I sure am.
    That's great. What does it have to do with this?
    Pow!
    Ow, you shot me!
    I sure did, Nanaki. I sure did!
    But I'm still on my paws?
    That wasn't a tranq dart, fella. That was a regular dart.
    Holy shit, I'm bleeding!
    Take a potion!
    Thanks, Tifa!
    No problem, Nanaki!
    Haha!

    [​IMG]

    I thought we already covered that?
    Next picture!
    No, wait..!!

    [​IMG]

    Oh shit, now he's gonna send Joe Pesci after us!
    Big fucking deal.
    Yeah, come on. Let's help Mog have sex!
    You're right.

    [​IMG]

    How many nuts should we give him this time?
    Try three.
    Why three?
    I'm on Gamefaqs.com right now.
    Oh. Alright.

    [​IMG]

    Oh god, the excitement...
    Tifa?
    I can't watch!
    I'll cover your eyes for you.
    I'll cover your tits!
    You're weird, Nanaki.
    Hey, most girls will kill for a furry bra!
    You're right. Most girls will.
    But you're not a girl? What?
    I don't even know where this joke is headed.
    Me neither.
    Let's just move on.
    Alright, Mog! You can do this!

    [​IMG]

    Fuck yeah!

    [​IMG]

    Pff, yeah right!
    Hahaha!
    She's probably so desperate for some Mog cock that she don't have no time to play Jeopardy.
    That's Favorites.
    Trivial Pursuit?
    What?
    Go, Mog! Go!
    What?
    Hit that!

    [​IMG]

    Fuck yeah, sometimes later!
    You think this is equal to the movie scenes where they kiss on a train and then the train goes into a tunnel and everything gets dark and stuff?
    Yeah, but in this case everything got dark as soon as he put it in.
    Hahahaha!!
    I don't get it.
    Hahahaha!!

    [​IMG]

    Alright, so Mog the Mog have gotten himself a Mog-friend.
    They really should have come up with another word.
    I think it's kind of cute.
    Cute as in the same way you think incest is cute, I guess.
    ..uhh...
    I think Yuffie is waking up.
    Pow!
    Hahaha!
    No sleep for you, Bubbles!
    Hahaha!

    [​IMG]

    Mag?
    So they DID come up with another word.
    It's her name. I bet she's a Mog too. Mag the Mog.
    Mag the Mog totally sounds like a political satire with Robert DeNiro.
    Wag the Dog?
    Hahaha.
    What?
    Did you just call her a dog?
    What? No.
    You sure 'bout that?
    Yes!
    Hmm..
    What does good-natured means?
    Means she'll have sex with anyone that can fly around a treehouse on top of a mountain after eating enough nuts.
    It also means she's specialized in speech and barter and stuff and that her combat skills are lowered and...
    Huh.
    Hold on, I'll go on Fallout-pedia.
    Did you just say Fallout-pedo?
    No.
    You're such a Fallout-pedo!
    That doesn't even make a sense.
    You're like Bethesda. You rape Fallout in it's crib.
    Hahaha!
    Okay forget it, I'm not checking Fallout-pedia!
    Hahaha!
    I don't even think it's called Fallout-pedia.
    Hahaha!!
    What the hell is going on with Mog and Mag the Mogs of Mt. Mog?
    They're still waiting for us to click ok so they can go on their "quiet date".

    [​IMG]

    Awww...
    That's cute.
    You know he's gonna fuck her brains in, right?

    [​IMG]

    You have no sense for kissing on the toes, Al.
    Haha, no, I'm afraid I'm afraid of feet.
    Really?
    Yeah, when I hear lots of tiny feet I just-OHMYMEWHATTHEFUCKISTHAT?!!!

    [​IMG]

    IT'S AN INVASION!!!
    Oh, looks like they busy.
    Man, everything must go real quick when you're a Mog!
    THEY EVEN GOT DIFFERENT COLORS AND EVERYTHING!!

    [​IMG]

    KILL THEM!
    Now you're just being a little too much like Colin Farrell, Al.
    THAT ONE RIGHT THERE! HE TRIPPED AND FELL! KILL HIM!
    No. I think we won the game now.
    We did?

    [​IMG]

    Whatever worries they may have...
    LIKE DEVILISCIOUS OFFSPRING!!!
    ...is of no concern to us now!

    [​IMG]

    Oh look, he's waving goodbye!
    What does FIN mean?
    It probably means Kingston is Mog.
    Who's Kingston?
    He's a FIN.
    What?
    Nothing. Bad joke. Sorry.
    Well anyway! We're done now so let's get out of here!

    [​IMG]

    What, who the fuck are you?

    [​IMG]

    Hey, awesome! Monopoly money! We can like use this to buy stuff.
    We can?
    No.
    Alright, alright, alright.
    Yes, yes, yes?
    We actually don't get anything for playing Mog House?
    No. We're lucky that guy was standing over there, looking, watching, observing us and felt generous.
    I want to kill something.
    We all do, Tifa! We all do! Hey snowboard kid!
    Yeah?
    POW!
    Holy shit, Al!
    Hahaha... Bazooka dart!

    [​IMG]

    What is ??????????? ?
    It's the best weapon in the game!
    Really?
    No, it's a nut.
    That's totally nuts!
    Eh, let's get the fuck out.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Ah, dancing men in chicken costumes...
    [​IMG] Yeah, there's nothing better.
    [​IMG] Hey, where's Al?
    [​IMG] He's carrying Yuffie. He'll be a little late.
    [​IMG] Man, I can't believe Yuffie is Bubbles!
    [​IMG] Me neither. Hey, do you think this is something Andyman Messiah had planned all along?
    [​IMG] Hahaha, no fucking way. This whole LP is just a whole mess of random bullshit he makes up as it goes along.
    [​IMG] Really?
    [​IMG] Yup.
    [​IMG] That's disappointing.
    [​IMG] It's also wrong!
    [​IMG] Yeah, it is!
    [​IMG] No, I mean Nanaki is wrong! Andyman Messiah is the Grant Morrisson of LPs. Nothing really makes sense in the beginning, but then you get into it a little bit and everything seems to fall into place!
    [​IMG] Really?
    [​IMG] No, I'm just fooling with you.
    [​IMG] Oh.
    [​IMG] No, I'm just fooling with you again!
    [​IMG] Oh.
    [​IMG] There's a script, you know. Ever since Emerald.
    [​IMG] Really?
    [​IMG] Oh yes. Final Fantasy 7 is a direct follow-up.
    [​IMG] But what about our adventures?
    [​IMG] Oh, they're in there as well. Don't worry.
    [​IMG] Uh, so... hm.
    [​IMG] Wow.
    [​IMG] Yeah. Wow.
    [​IMG] I know it's a lot to take in, but please... bear with it.
    [​IMG] Uhh...
    [​IMG] Good morning, Bubbles!
    [​IMG] ...God?
    [​IMG] I sure am, Bubbles! I sure am.
    [​IMG] Can you hit me with a tranq dart again? I'm kinda sleepy.
    [​IMG] No, Bubbles! I cannot! For we must rush to the aid of our companions!
    [​IMG] Cloud and Aeris? Hey, where are those two fucking morons?
    [​IMG] They are well underneath this very place!!
    [​IMG] What, in the basement?
    [​IMG] No! In the prison!
    [​IMG] What prison? What is this shit?
    [​IMG] The prison underneath this very place!!
    [​IMG] Well, how do we get to this prison UNDERNEATH THIS VERY PLACE!!??
    [​IMG] Haha, give me a sec.

    *A sec later*

    [​IMG]
    STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!

    [​IMG] Ha-HA! Success!
    [​IMG] What the fuck did you do, God?!
    [​IMG] Ha-HA! Trade secret.


    To be continued!
     
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  4. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
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    I didn't see that coming
     
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  5. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
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    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    Some day, I will find God's trade secret...
     
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  6. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
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    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    A'ight, we'll wrap this crap chapter up on thursday, but for now have a crap recap and chill out, oh yeah!
    _______________


    Our heroes arrived at the peaceful tanning créme resort Costa del Sol!

    [​IMG]

    They received directions from a hot girl in a bikini!

    [​IMG]

    And immediately left afterwards!

    [​IMG]

    They marvelled at the beauty of mako pollution.

    [​IMG]

    They walked on one of the most death defying-est rollercoasters ever!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Don't say anything, but it would seem that we're currently walking on a rollercoaster.

    And they fell down!

    [​IMG] We did?

    Yes, and not just once!

    [​IMG]

    Not just twice!

    [​IMG]

    But threece!

    [​IMG] That would be thrice.

    Threece times they fell down from the rollercoaster! And every time they managed to climb right back up again!

    [​IMG]

    They let bridges down!

    [​IMG]

    They took the damn treasure!

    [​IMG]

    They experienced the South first-hand!

    [​IMG]

    And they were forced into submission!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Well, Barret was, at least.
    [​IMG] Cloud!
    [​IMG] Just saying.

    They struck up a conversation with a mineworker about tattoos and learned so much more!

    [​IMG]

    We learned of Barret's achy breaky heart and the childhood friend he thought lost.

    [​IMG]

    Then we went to an amusement park!

    [​IMG]

    And Barret became angry!

    [​IMG]

    But that didn't stop Cloud and Aeris from befriending a fortunetelling cat riding a moogle robot!

    [​IMG]

    Meanwhile Tifa yelled "whore" at Aeris and controlled a Cloud Strife-robot together with Yuffie, Nanaki and God (of Pokemon Emerald-fame) to do half-assed telephone type commentary for the minigames!

    [​IMG]

    And so far the Pesci/Lee/Putin supergroup was nowhere to be seen!

    [​IMG]

    Maybe it's the authority person running around in a banana hamock that scares them away? Who knows?

    All I know for sure is... thursday, I'll raid my parents wine cellar!
    *I promise I'll be really intoxicated.

    Everything will be revealed - Nothing will be answered
    Let's Play Final Fantasy VII
    Star power... activated!


    Honestly, I don't think anyone reads this crap anyway.

    Oh and btw, it's much easier to get good pics of Bruce Lee than of John McCain. Yeah, rub an icecube around your nipple and sue me.

    Thursday, bitches. Thursday.
     
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  7. Fat Dragon Arbiter

    Fat Dragon
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    local brothel
    [​IMG]
    Fucking win.
     
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  8. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    I'd be interested to hear what you think that strange contraption on Putins hand is. It started off as a gun, then I decided to make a cock out of it and now it looks like he's a vacuum cleaner or something, I dunno. It's not like I fucked up. Really, it's not. The damn picture didn't come with any hands attached and I wanted that sitting down picture so bad, but it'd look ridiculous if he didn't have any hands. Meh.
     
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  9. Fat Dragon Arbiter

    Fat Dragon
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    I honestly didn't think nothing of it till you pointed it out. Mega Man arm cannon? Shit, I don't know. I was more interested in that weird voodoo aura coming from Bruce Lee. Did Pesci and Putin hire some Hatians to bring him back from the dead to enslave the Gold Saucer?
     
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  10. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    I don't actually know what I was going for with that, but I'm so going to scrap thursday's update now.

    edit: Jesus, imagine having Megaman cleaning your house.
     
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  11. Fat Dragon Arbiter

    Fat Dragon
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    Just look at Putin's smug douchebag sneer and Pesci's ecstatic grin. They've resurrected the mighty unbeatable god-tank Bruce Lee, and now nothing shall stand in their way while they go about conquering the grand casino Gold Saucer.

    Nobody can stop them. Not even Dio.
    Not. Even. Dio.

    *EDIT*
    Btw, is it true that Bruce Lee could knock the ever-living shit out of people just by punching them from a 1 inch distance? That's pretty badass.
     
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  12. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    He probably had to pay them money first, but yes, it's all true. Bruce Lee, baby. Believe in the dragon.
     
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  13. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
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    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    Yes. And he isn't the only one who can do that.

    Also, the funnier thing is that in real life Chuck Norris would indeed have kicked Bruce Lee's ass.
     
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  14. FrancoTAU Cipher

    FrancoTAU
    Joined:
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    Brooklyn, NY
    And Fedor Emelianenko would destroy both of them at the same time.

    Are we done with the minigames? I do have to say, it sounded a lot better in theory about the potential lulz. It's actually so dull that I don't think you're going to get anything outside of the batshit crazy Mog House.
     
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  15. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
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    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    The man who knows how to grapple as well as strike wins.


    BTW, anyone else having this weird issue with hearing Putin instead of Bond in the new 007 trailer?
     
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  16. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    We still have chocobo racing, but at least we'll be doing that one for a reason.
    Show Spoiler
    Getting the fuck out of prison.
     
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  17. Radisshu Prophet

    Radisshu
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2007
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    5,623
    They're called mogs in FF games, and moogles in Secret of Mana.

    Yes, I know these things.
     
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  18. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    You're weird, Radisshu.

    Thanks.
     
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  19. Elhoim Iron Tower Studio Developer

    Elhoim
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    Actually, they all called moogles in FFIX too.
     
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  20. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    According to http://www.ffcompendium.com/h/species/moogle.shtml they are Moogles, also known as Mogs or Moglis. I have never seen them referred to as "Moglis". I thought that was some wolf boy.

    The sad part about this is the fact that I actually felt compelled to look it up.
     
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  21. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
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    I thought it was McCain not Bruce Lee. But oh well - at least my most favorite superspy is there!
     
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  22. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    Yeah, I know, but the only good picture of McCain I could find was one where he's a pirate or something.
     
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  23. Sovy Kurosei Erudite

    Sovy Kurosei
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    Stop arguing about FF7 with Mareus and get back to LPing it.
     
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  24. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
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    But that gives good lulz too!
     
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  25. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    I stopped fighting Mareus a long time ago, went to bed and sent both my lithuanian hitman and my girlfriend after him.

    Update is on the way. Give me five hours, give or take.
     
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