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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
DefJam101 said:
Andyman Messiah said:
But don't, please don't, read the entire thing.

Don't.

Okay I will.
As in "I will heed your advice" or as in "I will not listen to your pathetic ramblings. I've loosened up my pants, FF7-thread here I come!" ?

edit:
God said:
You should. I approve this topic.
You motherfucker.
 

FrancoTAU

Cipher
Joined
Oct 21, 2005
Messages
2,507
Location
Brooklyn, NY
Firstly, I liked the Dyne story update. A mixture of legit mocking of the story and the silly party bickering is ideal.

Also, Cosmo Canyon's nonsense is so much more boring than Dyne/Corel. The Dyne shit at least annoyed me. The Nanaki story is just boring hippy shit.
 

LarsTheSurly

Scholar
Joined
Aug 1, 2008
Messages
137
Location
Surrounded by idiots
Best part of this LP:

In Chapter 15 - "Bon Scott lives!"

I almost pissed myself.
 

Dire Roach

Prophet
Joined
Feb 28, 2007
Messages
1,592
Location
Machete-Knight Academy
I'm actually disappointed that you didn't have Cloud go on a date with Barret like you said you would at the beginning. Hell, it seems you skipped the whole Gold Saucer date sequence altogether!
 

Vaarna_Aarne

Notorious Internet Vandal
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
34,585
Location
Cell S-004
MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
Dire Roach said:
I'm actually disappointed that you didn't have Cloud go on a date with Barret like you said you would at the beginning. Hell, it seems you skipped the whole Gold Saucer date sequence altogether!
So did he ever take Barret on a date? MYSTARY
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Dire Roach said:
I'm actually disappointed that you didn't have Cloud go on a date with Barret like you said you would at the beginning. Hell, it seems you skipped the whole Gold Saucer date sequence altogether!
Read a walkthrough. We're not there yet. We will return to the Gold Saucer on more than two occasions. Most of disc 1 is about following a linear path on the world map and picking up all the party members. The date is near the end of disc 1 or the beginning of disc 2. I don't remember, but I know one thing: it's going to be a while.

Also: you're gay and should wear a hat that says so. A pink hat! Oh yes, I went THERE, you gay pink hat wearer!

I'm probably going to end up doing all the dates anyway, just so you get to see what's it like to go out with a jailbait ninja or a huge black man.
 

LarsTheSurly

Scholar
Joined
Aug 1, 2008
Messages
137
Location
Surrounded by idiots
Andyman Messiah said:
Most of the gameplay in every JRPG ever made is about following a linear path on the world map and picking up all the party members.

Fix.
 

Elhoim

Iron Tower Studio
Developer
Joined
Oct 27, 2006
Messages
2,828
Location
San Isidro, Argentina
Andyman Messiah said:
So what did you guys think of the last update? I'm thinking I really should get some feedback from you faithful readers and stuff.

I llike it most when you focus on the storyline and make a parody out of it, pointing its weak points (which are a lot). As for side jokes, Barret and Dyne coming from the mountains together joke was spot on.

The date is near the end of disc 1

There. Disc 1 finishes in the city of the ancients, after Clouds takes a bath with Aeris.
 

Dire Roach

Prophet
Joined
Feb 28, 2007
Messages
1,592
Location
Machete-Knight Academy
I see; I thought the date happened before you got sent to the desert prison since it can be a bit difficult to get in the mood for hot, steamy buttsex in the same place where you were condemned to get anally penetrated with a cactus by some unruly inmates.

Actually I never even knew about the attraction score system, I thought you always went on a date with whomever you picked to tag along with at the Gold Saucer.
 

JarlFrank

I like Thief THIS much
Patron
Joined
Jan 4, 2007
Messages
30,035
Location
KA.DINGIR.RA.KI
[Steve gets a Kidney but I don't even get a tag.]
Actually I just wanted to say something good about this thread so I get your vote for GD mod, Andyman. But now I've read through most of it and it's *really* good. Got some great lulz out of it.
 

Fat Dragon

Arbiter
Joined
May 24, 2007
Messages
3,499
Location
local brothel
Since this thread has just been bumped I'll go ahead and ask: Do you know when we can expect another update? Not wanting to sound like an impatient jerkass but I'm jonesing for some FF7 lulz. That other FF7 thread has finally died out. :(
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
I should actually have one up tomorrow when I get back to my special FF7-LPing laptop. As long as I'm not too tired, I should be able to deliver the whole Gongaga snorefest.
 

MetalCraze

Arcane
Joined
Jul 3, 2007
Messages
21,104
Location
Urkanistan
Fat Dragon said:
Not wanting to sound like an impatient jerkass
fuck it. I'm an impatient jerkass. And I want my update. FF7-LP is by far my most favorite out of all Codex LP series
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
Fun FF7 facts:

Gongaga is actually entirely optional!
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Yep, but we'll go through it just for the sake of understanding the complicated story better!
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
Don't forget to get the Titan materia!
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Meh, useless crap clogging up my materia inventory. But yes, don't worry. I did.

Hey, FF7-virtuosos, answer me this: is the deathblow materia useful in any imaginable way? Cause it's always been really worthless to me when I've played the game.
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
Andyman Messiah said:
Meh, useless crap clogging up my materia inventory. But yes, don't worry. I did.

Hey, FF7-virtuosos, answer me this: is the deathblow materia useful in any imaginable way? Cause it's always been really worthless to me when I've played the game.

Not really. I guess it can be a bit useful if you level it up to MASTER, I think that increases the chance of hitting, but you'll still do more damage in the long run by just using an ordinary attack.
 

Xor

Arcane
Joined
Jan 21, 2008
Messages
9,345
Codex 2014 PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Codex 2016 - The Age of Grimoire Divinity: Original Sin Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Divinity: Original Sin 2
Andyman Messiah said:
Hey, FF7-virtuosos, answer me this: is the deathblow materia useful in any imaginable way? Cause it's always been really worthless to me when I've played the game.


The whole Mareus ranting and this LP actually inspired me to pick the game up again. It's been...oh...8 years since I played it last, so I figured I'd give it another go.

Anyway, Vincent gets a gun that has max accuracy soon after you recruit him, so he'll hit every time with deathblow when using it. It's pretty useful for a while.
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
Xor said:
Andyman Messiah said:
Hey, FF7-virtuosos, answer me this: is the deathblow materia useful in any imaginable way? Cause it's always been really worthless to me when I've played the game.


The whole Mareus ranting and this LP actually inspired me to pick the game up again. It's been...oh...8 years since I played it last, so I figured I'd give it another go.

Anyway, Vincent gets a gun that has max accuracy soon after you recruit him, so he'll hit every time with deathblow when using it. It's pretty useful for a while.

Oh, that must be why I always gave Vincent deathblow after that whole Lucrecia thing. I had forgotten about that. His Deathblow animation is ridiculous, though. "By SPINNING the rifle, my shot will become even more powerful!"
 

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