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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Yeah, so I was too tired to do anything FF7-related. I'm going to be too tired tomorrow and the day after tomorrow as well, so expect the update some time friday or saturday instead.
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
How dare you be tired?
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Alright, you impatient fucks, welcome to Chapter 32 - It's like I'm not even trying! of Let's play Final Fantasy VII, my name is Andyman Messiah and some of you even know what I sound like now. That's creepy. Anyway, where were we now? Oh right, we had just gotten out of jail when suddenly we saw an opportunity for some nice and awesome plot! Let's do it!

Oh look everyone! It's everyone's favorite madcap comic relief bad guy duo Reeeeeeeno aaaaaaaand Ruuuuuuude!!!

894_ohlookitsrenoandrude.jpg


rudeturk.jpg
...
renoturk.jpg
'Ey, man, what're you so embargo'assed 'bout, man? 'Ey, you like the ladies, don't ya, huh? Huh!? Huh!!? You do, right?
rudeturk.jpg
...yes..
renoturk.jpg
Well, come on, then, come on. Who do you like? I won't tell. My lips are sealed. Look, I'm not even talking to you anymore. Mummuffmufsssss... See?! Come on, just tell me, man.
rudeturk.jpg
...........Tifa.
renoturk.jpg
Hmmmm.......
rudeturk.jpg
....what?
renoturk.jpg
Nothing. Hmmmmmmmmmm!!! It's just... it's a tough one. Hmmm Hmm Hmmmm!!!
rudeturk.jpg
..is that the Crazy Motorcycle theme..?
renoturk.jpg
Eh, I'm sure you're up to the challenge! You'll put her on the mean, lean Rude machine, eh? Eh!!? Yeah man. But, poor Elena, man. She's gonna... I mean, you and her...
rudeturk.jpg
...no, she likes Tseng...
renoturk.jpg
Really?
rudeturk.jpg
Yes.
renoturk.jpg
Oh man, that's awesome! That is SO going on my Twitter! Hey, you know who Tseng likes?
rudeturk.jpg
No?
renoturk.jpg
That Ancient girl.
rudeturk.jpg
...is that why he kept hitting her in the face?
renoturk.jpg
That's love for you, baby!

FACT: You will notice that a lot of relationships are entirely based on kicking each other in the face.

896_cloudstrife-deaf.jpg


aeris_portrait.jpg
Maybe you should pay attention to the blue boxes that appear over their heads?
cloudstrife.jpg
Quiet you!
tifalockhart.jpg
Yeah, be quiet, whore!
aeris_portrait.jpg
:(
cloudstrife.jpg
Tifa, don't... look... Both of you be quiet! I have a feeling someone is behind me...
elena.jpg
Hello!
cloudstrife.jpg
Aieee!!
elena.jpg
Hello!
cloudstrife.jpg
Oh, it's you.
elena.jpg
I'm Elena! You remember me, right? The blonde screwball female member of the Turks!
cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah, don't worry, I remember.
aeris_portrait.jpg
tifalockhart.jpg
Hi, Elena!
elena.jpg
Wow, that's some nice stereo! Hi, Aeris! Hi, Tifa!
cloudstrife.jpg
What are you doing here, Elena? Why aren't you with Reno and Rude?
elena.jpg
Oh, I decided to take a walk. It's hard, being the only girl on a team, you know?
cloudstrife.jpg
I couldn't possibly sa...
tifalockhart.jpg
aeris_portrait.jpg
Oh, Elena. we can only imagine...

897_oh.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Tseng? But he's a complete bastard!
elena.jpg
Don't talk like that about my man, asshole!
aeris_portrait.jpg
Yeah, don't talk like that about her man, asshole!
cloudstrife.jpg
But Aeris, he hit you!
aeris_portrait.jpg
No, he didn't. I tripped and fell on his fist!
cloudstrife.jpg
What?!
tifalockhart.jpg
There's, like, a huge difference!
aeris_portrait.jpg
Yeah!
cloudstrife.jpg
Oh yeah? So how did you lose your virginity then? You took your clothes off one day and then tripped and fell on someone's dick?
aeris_portrait.jpg
No. I just had sex, stupid.
cloudstrife.jpg
Right, right...
elena.jpg
So what have you been up to, guys? Not that I'd know already, of course, hahaha!!
aeris_portrait.jpg
Hahaha!!
elena.jpg
We haven't planted any spies in your party at all, hahahaha!!
tifalockhart.jpg
Hahaha!!
cloudstrife.jpg
What?
tifalockhart.jpg
aeris_portrait.jpg
Shut up, Cloud.
cloudstrife.jpg
What?
elena.jpg
Well, this has been a blast but I really gotta go now. Y'know, gotta alert the boys! Advance the plot and stuff!
tifalockhart.jpg
Oh, they don't read the blue boxes either?
aeris_portrait.jpg
*sigh* Men!
cloudstrife.jpg
What?
aeris_portrait.jpg
Well, take care, Elena!
tifalockhart.jpg
Nice to meet you again!
elena.jpg
Likewise!

898_ismellafight.jpg


rudeturk.jpg
Really?
renoturk.jpg
They're really here?
elena.jpg
Yes, they're really, really here!
renoturk.jpg
They're actually really here?
elena.jpg
No, they're actually not here!
rudeturk.jpg
...really?
renoturk.jpg
That's a real letdown.
rudeturk.jpg
...it really is...
renoturk.jpg
I'm really sad.
rudeturk.jpg
..I don't really know what I'm supposed to feel...
renoturk.jpg
I'm really gonna cry now. Hold me, Rude.
rudeturk.jpg
..I really don't want to...
renoturk.jpg
Please?
rudeturk.jpg
....
elena.jpg
No, they're REALLY REALLY ACTUALLY RIGHT OVER THERE!!!!
renoturk.jpg
Alright, they're here!
rudeturk.jpg
...they're really here.
renoturk.jpg
Yeah!
rudeturk.jpg
...what do we do?
renoturk.jpg
Let's have a chat with them!
rudeturk.jpg
..alright.

899_ismellafart.jpg


renoturk.jpg
You can leave now, Elena.
elena.jpg
I can?
renoturk.jpg
Yes, you can really leave now.
elena.jpg
Alright!

900_metalgearimeansector7.jpg


Bring it!

901_itsafight.jpg


I got two things to say about this screenshot. One: I don't give a shit when I mess up screenshots. And two: Rude won't attack Tifa. Not that it's useful to know in any way. Press the attack button, you fucking moron. Eventually they'll run off!

renoturk.jpg
REALLY run off!
rudeturk.jpg
..we really fucked up, Reno.
renoturk.jpg
Nonsense, McSquigglypants! Everything is going as planned!

902_noWAYcanitbeaspy.jpg


aeris_portrait.jpg
There must be a spy in our midst!
tifalockhart.jpg
I bet you'd fuck the spy, you fucking whore!
aeris_portrait.jpg
What?!
tifalockhart.jpg
And I bet you're the spy too!
aeris_portrait.jpg
What, but I'm an important plot device! How can I be a traitor?
tifalockhart.jpg
Because that'd be the best plot twist ever!
bauerarmed.jpg
It's definitely a better plot twist than the one they put in instead.
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Shut up, Kiefer.
cloudstrife.jpg
Whoa, Kiefer Sutherland and Colin Farrell?! It's been a long time since we saw you two!
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Yeah, uh, we saw you battle those two guys and we ran to help you out but we only just got here.
aeris_portrait.jpg
Sweetie, you got the eyes of a chipmunk riding a huge eagle gundam wing commander mechwarrior robot!
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Hey baby, let's kiss with lips!
bauerarmed.jpg
Oh god!
AlWright99.jpg
Hello!
bauerarmed.jpg
Oh god!
AlWright99.jpg
Hello!
bauerarmed.jpg
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
tifalockhart.jpg
I know the feeling, Kiefer.
bauerarmed.jpg
Shut up!!
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
So what are you talking about?
aeris_portrait.jpg
We're saying there might be a SPY!
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Well, I'm guilty, baby.
aeris_portrait.jpg
What? Colin, baby...
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Guilty of lovin' you, baby.
aeris_portrait.jpg
Oh Colin..
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Oh yeah, baby. Let's kiss with tongues!
bauerarmed.jpg
Jesus Christ on a marshmallow-flavoured bicycle, I'm throwing up here!

903_thenyouareafuckingidiot.jpg


puppet.jpg
Not even me?
cloudstrife.jpg
Why would you be a spy, Deceive?
puppet.jpg
Well, my name is Deceive...

796_becausereeverhymeswithdeceivecl.jpg


puppet.jpg
I tagged along with you against your wishes...

803_ohhellnoyourenot.jpg


puppet.jpg
And I'm a cat!
tifalockhart.jpg
You are?
puppet.jpg
Just look!

puppet.jpg
Meow!

puppet.jpg
See?!
cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah, I saw.
aeris_portrait.jpg
I still see!
puppet.jpg
So I have to be a spy, don't I?
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Makes sense to me!
cloudstrife.jpg
But you're not a real cat!
tifalockhart.jpg
Ah HA!
cloudstrife.jpg
You're a ROBOT CAT!
puppet.jpg
Yeah... but... Ahh, okay, so I'm not a spy. Whatever!
tifalockhart.jpg
Exactly! Stop messing around, cat.
aeris_portrait.jpg
The real spy is still on the loose...
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
DUH DUH DUNNNNN!!!
bauerarmed.jpg
Thank you, Colin.

904_cloudstrife-fuckingidiot.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
You must be really stupid, Cloud.
cloudstrife.jpg
Hey, I fucked you, didn't I?
aeris_portrait.jpg
Hahaha, burn ice, bitch!
cloudstrife.jpg
Well, I certainly don't trust everyone.
aeris_portrait.jpg
Oh?
cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah.


In the next chapter of Let's play Final Fantasy VII - FLASHBACK TIME!!

Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Really?
bauerarmed.jpg
Yeah.
 

Dire Roach

Prophet
Joined
Feb 28, 2007
Messages
1,592
Location
Machete-Knight Academy
This little scene really shows off how intricately written the characters' personalities and relationships are in this game. It also indirectly asks the player, "which character would you like to have sex with most?" I can't see how people can deny the fact that this game truly defined the RPG genre.
 

ghostdog

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Dec 31, 2007
Messages
10,816
I totally agree! The "which character would you like to have sex with most?" question is even more important than the "what can change the nature of a man" rhetoric question... I mean you ask yourself the first question all the time, who gives a shit about nature and man and shit?
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
Aeris being the spy WOULD be pretty cool, it would even make sense. The first time you encounter her is with the turks, it could be a really advanced double agent thing set up to get Cloud for some reason. Or maybe Sephiroth in the long run. Whatever.
 

Fat Dragon

Arbiter
Joined
May 24, 2007
Messages
3,499
Location
local brothel
Not sure how I missed this update. Anyways, was pretty lulzy. It really really was.

So, are we done with Gongaga? If you ask me the other parts for that area are just so damned boring that attempting to make fun of it would bore even the most patient men to tears. It's worse than Fort Condor, Cosmic Canyon, Nibelhem and Rocket Town combined. The devs must have been on some heavy stuff when they designed that boring area.
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
dont listan 2 him

moar gungaga
 

Dire Roach

Prophet
Joined
Feb 28, 2007
Messages
1,592
Location
Machete-Knight Academy
Fat Dragon said:
It's worse than Fort Condor, Cosmic Canyon, Nibelhem and Rocket Town combined. The devs must have been on some heavy stuff when they designed that boring area.
How about that snowy mountain peak where there's a random encounter every five or so steps and you have to mash a button to keep your body temperature up?
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Previously! On Let's Play Final Fantasy VII!

cloudstrife.jpg
There might be a spy among us!
tifalockhart.jpg
Really? Any idea who it might be?
cloudstrife.jpg
No, I trust everyone.
aeris_portrait.jpg
Okay!


Now! On Let's Play Final Fantasy VII!

tifalockhart.jpg
Now where do we go?

905_directions.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Let's head up to the ruins!

906_oooh.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Ooooh...
aeris_portrait.jpg
I have a bad feeling about this.
tifalockhart.jpg
Bitch, get yo' whore ass to the clinic then!
cloudstrife.jpg
A bad feeling isn't... ah whatever. You need to stop hanging with Barret, Tifa. He's a baaaa-
tifalockhart.jpg
Hey, shut your mouth!
cloudstrife.jpg
Hey, I'm just talking about Ba.. ah, fuck it fuck it fuck it, let's head up to the ruins! It looks like a ruined reactor!

907_thisisawesome.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Definitely! This is a ruined reactor!
aeris_portrait.jpg
Cloud, have you been playing Legend of Zelda again?
cloudstrife.jpg
Absolutely not! Now come on, let's investigate the reactor!

908_uhoh.jpg


aeris_portrait.jpg
Oh shit! It's the bad guys! Run, Tifa! Run, Cloud!

909_reallyletshidebeforesheSEEYOUFU.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Hide before they fucking SEE YOU!!

910_hidehidehide.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
..we be running, we be hiding...

911_justanothercactusmaam.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Just another yellow cactus, ma'am!

912_damnithinkitwasagreatcactus.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Boy, do I feel like a cactus!

913_NOREALLY.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Even a cactus can see this reactor is ruined!

914_biglargehuge.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
BIG LARGE HUGE MATERIA?!

915_biglargehugemateria.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
I bet it's really easy to spot BIG LARGE HUGE MATERIA!

916_largehugebigmateriahunt.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Oh shit, looks like we got another objective!
aeris_portrait.jpg
We did?
cloudstrife.jpg
We can't let them have the BIG LARGE HUGE MATERIA!
tifalockhart.jpg
Why not?
cloudstrife.jpg
Because they'll use the...

917_yescloudhugebiglargemateria.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
...to make THE ULTIMATE WEAPON!!
aeris_portrait.jpg
:|
cloudstrife.jpg
:D
aeris_portrait.jpg
:|
tifalockhart.jpg
:?
cloudstrife.jpg
:D
aeris_portrait.jpg
...No they're not. Everyone knows the Weapons were manufactured by dwarves deep within the planet!
cloudstrife.jpg
BIG FLOPPY DONKEY DICK!

918_andsotheyflyflyaway.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Fly, helichopter! Fly!
aeris_portrait.jpg
You don't have magical powers, Cloud.
cloudstrife.jpg
Oh yeah? Then why is that heliosomobile... FLYING AWAY?!!
tifalockhart.jpg
This is madness!
cloudstrife.jpg
This is Gongaaaaaaaaaagaaaaaaaa!!

919_titanmateria.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Ah, fucking finally I can grab this shit materia.
tifalockhart.jpg
Alright, now where do we go?
cloudstrife.jpg
We have to go after the Shinra and stop them from getting the HUGE BIG LARGE MATERIA! Move your asses like you haven't moved your asses before, ladies!
tifalockhart.jpg
..Why?
cloudstrife.jpg
Because they're gonna fuck shit up otherwise! Or something. I dunno. Does it matter?! It's the Shinra! I mean, come on! They can destroy the world simply by ordering more paperclips!
aeris_portrait.jpg
Uh yeah, we'll just add it to the list then. I'm sure we'll run into it sooner or later.
cloudstrife.jpg
*sigh* Where to now, gang?
aeris_portrait.jpg
Let's head into town!
cloudstrife.jpg
Why?
tifalockhart.jpg
Let's head into town!
cloudstrife.jpg
'K...

920_awesome.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Awesome! Deathblow materia!
aeris_portrait.jpg
Moving on!

921_iknowyoustupidmotherfuckerwealr.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Cloud, are you brain-damaged?
cloudstrife.jpg
Oh, if only you knew, Tifa!
tifalockhart.jpg
Oh, I do, Cloud! Anyway, what's there to do in this town?

922_alrighttellmeastory.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
We can listen to stories!
tifalockhart.jpg
Oh shit.
cloudstrife.jpg
Let's speed right through it.

923_andthatsallshesays.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
And that's all he says.

924_doyouhaveanactualstorytotellme.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Do you have a story for me?

925_uhhuh.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Uh huh...

926_WEALREADYKNOWYOUSTUPIDOLDMAN.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Really?

927_awww-poorbaby.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Awww, poor baby...

928_andiguesseveryonestoolazytoclea.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
And I guess everyone is too fucking lazy to clean it up? Fuck you, old man. Fuck you. Fuck this town. You're a bunch of failures. The next house we visit better have plot! And it better be GOOD PLOT!

929_ohgodno.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Oh fuck!

930_son.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Missing a comma there, dude. Anyway, what's your son's name?

931_ZACKFAIR.jpg


Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
DUN DUN DUH DUHHHHHH!!!!
cloudstrife.jpg
Thank you, Colin.

932_soundslikeme.jpg


933_goodquestion.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
He sounds a lot like me. But...

934_HMMM.jpg


935_HUH.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Huh? Aeris?

936_youknowtheyounglady.jpg


937_WTF.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
What?

938_WHATTHEFUCKISWITHTHISZACKDUDE.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
The?

939_YESWHATTHEFUCKLADIES.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Wait for it...

cloudstrife.jpg
*sigh*

cloudstrife.jpg
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!!
Colin-Farrell-004.jpg
Smooth.
cloudstrife.jpg
Shut up, Colin.

940_letstalk.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Oh shit, I suppose we're gonna have to talk about this shitstain of a side plot now, huh?

941_eally.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Uh huh.

942_areyouagoddamnmoron.jpg


943_ummnoyoudidntyousaiditwasntimpo.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Hmm...

shit.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah, I remember.

944_isntthatacoincidinc.jpg


945_imTHISCLOSEtospoileverything.jpg


FACT: I'M SO FUCKING CLOSE TO SPOIL IT ALL RIGHT HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

FACT: But that would be mean. :oops:

FACT: Ok, I'll do it anyway. Zack is Cloud's twin brother.

FACT: It's true, I tell you!

946_fiveyearsago.jpg


FACT: EVERYTHING HAPPENS FIVE YEARS AGO!!!

947_soundslikearealasshole.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
What a douchebag.

948_theverylastdatingdialogueforaer.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Whatever.

949_uhhuh.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Whatever! Stop talking already!

950_notyoutoo.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Oh fuck, not you too! What's your connection to this guy, bitch?

951_orly.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Oh really? Your wet panties tells me differently!

953_thatswhatshesaid.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
But...

954_itsuredoes.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Yeah, it sure does.

955_ohyeah.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Uh... *cough* Yeah...

shittacular.jpg


956_itsuredoes.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Oh absolutely! Yes, I worked hard! Real hard!
tifalockhart.jpg
Yeah, you did.
cloudstrife.jpg
I did!
tifalockhart.jpg
?
cloudstrife.jpg
Uh, the others are waiting in the buggy and getting impatient like hell.
tifalockhart.jpg
Any idea where we're headed?
cloudstrife.jpg
Nanaki says we're not far from his hometown. Figure we'll drive past it real fast and throw him out of the buggy.
tifalockhart.jpg
Sounds good to me. Hey, whore!
aeris_portrait.jpg
Yes?
tifalockhart.jpg
You coming!
aeris_portrait.jpg
I'm coming!
tifalockhart.jpg
WHORE!

957_directions.jpg


puppet.jpg
..we be driving, we be rolling..

david-caruso-comic-1.jpg


To be continued!


In the next update:

958_rightnexttothistownohman.jpg


cloudstrife.jpg
Oh man!
puppet.jpg
And right next to the town too!
barretwallace.jpg
Shit!
Redxiii.jpg
YOU UNBELIEVABLE BASTARDS! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!
cloudstrife.jpg
Shut up, Nanaki.
aeris_portrait.jpg
Have a potion! :D
Redxiii.jpg
I'LL RIP YOUR GODDAMN THROAT OUT!

Next on the plate: Cosmo Canyon!
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
CIS comic, hell yeah.


Well this entire update was really good. Moar.
 

ghostdog

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Dec 31, 2007
Messages
10,816
Hey wait , that unearthly GLARE in your eye ....
...could it be you're looking for....

BIG LARGE ENORMOUSLY GIGANTIC HUGE HEAVY LONG DANGLING "materia" ??
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Maybe I should make the next update into A VIDEO UPDATE! It'll be awesome! Me, the incredible Andyman Messiah, playing the game with the incredibilicious skyway screaming at me over skype! Yeah!! Let's do it! Let's do it!!

No. :wink:

What kind of guest appearance do you have in mind, skyway? Maybe I can hit you up with something. I need pretty much all I can get to make Cosmo Canyon good. (Hence David Caruso's sudden appearance...)
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Nah, my lady would kill me if I brought home a cute boy and said I loved him. Even worse, maybe she'd convert him and leave me for him! Oh man. Damn faggots stealing our women!
 
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