Official RPG Codex Discord Server

  1. Welcome to rpgcodex.net, a site dedicated to discussing computer based role-playing games in a free and open fashion. We're less strict than other forums, but please refer to the rules.

    "This message is awaiting moderator approval": All new users must pass through our moderation queue before they will be able to post normally. Until your account has "passed" your posts will only be visible to yourself (and moderators) until they are approved. Give us a week to get around to approving / deleting / ignoring your mundane opinion on crap before hassling us about it. Once you have passed the moderation period (think of it as a test), you will be able to post normally, just like all the other retards.
    Dismiss Notice

Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. afewhours Scholar

    afewhours
    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2007
    Messages:
    562
    Location:
    UK
    MULTI-HEADED BARRET DICKS HITTING ASS AND LEG OH GOD ITS HEAVAN
     
    ^ Top  
  2. Hümmelgümpf Arbiter

    Hümmelgümpf
    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2007
    Messages:
    2,949
    Location:
    St. Petersburg, Russia
  3. Suicidal Arcane

    Suicidal
    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    1,902
    Location:
    Worstest cuntry EU
    Borat.
     
    ^ Top  
  4. Damned Registrations Prestigious Gentleman Furry Weeaboo Nazi Nihilist

    Damned Registrations
    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2007
    Messages:
    14,111
    Barret (Largely because this involves your, ahem, first 'date' being a bit more interesting, iirc.)
     
    ^ Top  
  5. Jasede Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron Sad Loser

    Jasede
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    23,583
    Tifa.

    ...what. Why are you looking at me like this?
     
    • Brofist Brofist x 1
    ^ Top  
  6. Sovy Kurosei Erudite

    Sovy Kurosei
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,535
    Thank you.

    I vote for Aeris.
     
    ^ Top  
  7. dragonfk Erudite

    dragonfk
    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2007
    Messages:
    2,487
    Tifa
     
    ^ Top  
  8. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Current voting has led me to:

    Barret 2
    Borat 1
    Tifa 2
    Aeris 1

    The voting will continue for a while longer.

    (Mind you, no matter who you vote for I'm going to show you the other three ones when I feel like it. 'Course, you can also just watch them on Youtube.)
     
    ^ Top  
  9. Suicidal Arcane

    Suicidal
    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    1,902
    Location:
    Worstest cuntry EU
    So, does FFVII allow you to have only one NPC companion with you at a time or something?
     
    ^ Top  
  10. Jasede Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron Sad Loser

    Jasede
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    23,583
    No. You can have three in your party (? I think. It's terribly few compared to most real FF games (like, not 7, 10, 10-2 or 12. Or 8.))

    They're voting on who they'll have the date with in the casino with the terrible, terrible music.
     
    • Brofist Brofist x 1
    ^ Top  
  11. JoKa Cipher

    JoKa
    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    689
    Location:
    Nordland
    Tifa.
     
    ^ Top  
  12. ghostdog Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron

    ghostdog
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Messages:
    10,789
    Awh , come on , Barret is a great date for a let's play thread... I mean we've all chosen one of the girls in our first playthroughs .....erm... right?
     
    ^ Top  
  13. Suicidal Arcane

    Suicidal
    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    1,902
    Location:
    Worstest cuntry EU
    Oh, I see. My choice remains the same, though.
     
    ^ Top  
  14. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Yeah, you can only have three characters in your party. It was never a real problem for me because you only really have two favorite characters and Cloud, who must be in your party at all time unless
    Show Spoiler
    he's drooling uncontrollably or something
    . We're voting about the dating game thing they put into the game for the lulz.

    Show Spoiler
    Near the end of Disc 1, I think, all the heroes meet up at the big amusement park thing in the middle of the desert and Cloud gets to go on a terribly awkvard ferris wheel date with one of the three women - or Barret.


    Tifa now leads with 3 votes but I'm not putting together the update for some time so if Suicidal wants to spell-check Borat into Barret we'll have a tie. :wink:

    Edit: Alright, alright, Barret it is. Damn you, ghostdog.

    Fake edit 2: Voting is closed. I'm putting together an update. Poor Tifa won't be getting any flowers. :cry: :P
     
    ^ Top  
  15. Sovy Kurosei Erudite

    Sovy Kurosei
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,535
    I wonder why you can date Barret but not Red XIII.
     
    ^ Top  
  16. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    You do realize you're essentially comparing a black man to a red tiger, you racist interspecies sex fuck?

    Well, I have no idea, either. You'd think they'd try and fix that somehow.
     
    ^ Top  
  17. Radisshu Prophet

    Radisshu
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2007
    Messages:
    5,623

    I'm sure there are fanfics that correct this.
     
    ^ Top  
  18. kingcomrade Kingcomrade Edgy

    kingcomrade
    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2005
    Messages:
    26,884
    Location:
    Cognitive Elite HQ
    Aries, you fags. Seriously. Go out with Aries.
     
    ^ Top  
  19. Elhoim Iron Tower Studio Developer

    Elhoim
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2006
    Messages:
    2,810
    Location:
    San Isidro, Argentina
    The bad thing is that by choosing Barret you´ll miss the theatre play, which is kinda fun when you fuck it up choosing the incorrect answers...
     
    ^ Top  
  20. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Real men don't go to the theatre.
     
    ^ Top  
  21. Sovy Kurosei Erudite

    Sovy Kurosei
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,535
    Real men work on their LP threads and not disappoint their audience.
     
    ^ Top  
  22. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Yeah, well, real men don't have audiences! Or.. y'know... I dunno.

    I'll have the date up in a sec. Cheesus!
     
    ^ Top  
  23. Jasede Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron Sad Loser

    Jasede
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    23,583
    Real men send their friend a PM from time to time, asking how he's doing.
     
    • Brofist Brofist x 1
    ^ Top  
  24. kingcomrade Kingcomrade Edgy

    kingcomrade
    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2005
    Messages:
    26,884
    Location:
    Cognitive Elite HQ
    [​IMG]
     
    ^ Top  
  25. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Real men don't have friends that go by "Jasede the yiffmaster" on the RPG Codex.

    kingcomrade: I'm definitely more of a cat person, but seeing that picture definitely made me ill. I can't help it. I'm only human. Somebody should tell that damn dog that it's not nice to ask your food provider if he can take a fucking picture of you when it's raining.

    Also in this post: update!

    Chapter 5 - Come meet the resistance!

    The train comes to a stop and our fearsome freedom fighters doesn't walk out of it, they JUMP out of it.

    FACT: Just because you don't have a button on your keyboard/gamepad that's for jumping doesn't mean they can't jump. JRPG characters have no problem with jumping and in fact, if they wanted to they would probably jump all the time everywhere all over the place! But they don't, because that's what the players would have them do if they could! Fill in the blanks yourself, Art!

    Barret gives us a most quick and rousing debriefing, well in hearing range of the Shinra-paid guard.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Alrighty! Now, we can either just follow our people back to the hideout and progress the story - or we can go to the area to the right and fight monsters for cash and experience. That's what I didn't do because it's a serious waste of time. The monsters are not difficult, leaves behind only a tiny amount of exp and cash and perhaps a potion or even an ether if you're really lucky. But I didn't bother with that shit. Let's get the show on the road!

    WE GO LEFT!!! TWICE!!!

    [​IMG]

    Uh-oh, looks like AVALANCHE's getting ready to raid that bar!

    Barret proceeds to kick some innocent alcoholics out on the mud and then plays a kick-ass drum solo on the chest!

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Barret Wallace is everything you wanted Tarzan to be when you were young: black.

    Alright, alright, let's stop the racist jokes.

    Before moving on, let's have a talk with this woman and see what she has to say:

    [​IMG]

    Yeah, looks like I was right in assuming there would be civilian casualties. Oh well, I'm sure they were evil.

    When we try to enter the bar, Barret stops us.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What the hell do you mean, Barret? You know I only have eyes for you, my big black bear!
    [​IMG] Yeah, but you know what a bunch of cunts the women are, man. They get some shit in their sights an' they gotta have it. Fuck. Jus' gotta watch out for my man, y'know.
    [​IMG] Trust me, Barret. You have nothing to worry about.
    [​IMG] I'm glad ta hear that, boy. Now get inside.

    And we go inside to meet the "little baby" that's been threatening Cloud and Barrets relationship as of late.

    [​IMG] Come out, you little cunt!

    [​IMG]

    That's not her, Cloud!

    [​IMG] Um, whoa, boy do I feel bad now...

    And you bloody well should!

    [​IMG] Alright, alright, don't rub it in...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh Christ, it's hard to be your daddy's new boyfriend.

    This is Marlene, Barrets daughter. She's going to give us a few headaches during the course of the game, but hey - she's a cute one, isn't she?

    [​IMG] I don't know...

    Bitch, you're sleeping with her father!

    [​IMG] Uh...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Did the scary man scare you, darling? Well, did he?
    [​IMG] Uh...
    [​IMG] He scared you, didn't he? Do you want me to scare him for you?
    [​IMG] *sniff*
    [​IMG] Wanna see the big bad man scared?
    [​IMG] Oh fuck.
    [​IMG] Watch that language!
    [​IMG] Nnng!

    You're only making it worse, Cloud.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    FACT: While this might look like dating dialogue, it's not. So feel free.

    [​IMG] Well, I fought together with him but... ah, no, I did not fight with Barret this time. (Can't say I didn't try though.)
    [​IMG] Wow, you've grown up! When you were little you used to fight all the time!
    [​IMG] Can't you let it go, please?
    [​IMG] Not until you pay for the damages.
    [​IMG] Nnng!
    [​IMG] And stop sounding like a constipated horse!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh yeah, I have a flower sticking out of my pocket. I almost forgot about it.
    [​IMG] Hmm... It's a rare thing. You never see them in the slums.
    [​IMG] Really, well, I...
    [​IMG] I hope you didn't think about giving it to me, fool. You know I'd only wipe my pretty little girl behind with it.
    [​IMG] It has some thorns in it...
    [​IMG] All the better. Hand it over, I have a little behind that needs wiping.

    [​IMG]

    Alright people, here's another one of them dating choices. Giving it to Tifa give us 5 points to her like you better-meter. Giving it to Marlene makes Barret like us 5 points more. Choices, choices.

    [​IMG]

    Yes, like the artist I think a little bit of Tifa died just now. I'm also pretty certain that the language Marlene uses is pretty darn accurate seeing as how Barret is.

    Speaking of Barret, in he walks and immediately drops into a fearsome fighting stance!

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Barret Wallace never take any chances! Even his own, white and pure as the driven snow daughter can be Victor Charlie!

    But soon, he relaxes and puts her on his shoulder.

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Barret Wallace, father of the year and owner of the world's strongest shoulders.

    [​IMG]

    HOLY SHIT IT'S A SECRET ELEVATOR! LET'S not follow them right away! Let's have a chat with Tifa before we go to get our pay.
    [​IMG] Do we have to?

    I know you don't like each others, but we really have to.

    [​IMG] No, we don't! We need to get our money. Come on!

    We really have to.

    [​IMG] Give me one good reason!

    We have to... for the Internet.

    [​IMG] The Internet.

    The Internet.

    [​IMG] WELL, THE INTERNET CAN GO FU...
    [​IMG] DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING LANGUAGE, BOY!
    [​IMG] ... sorry, sweetie!

    Alright, so Cloud sits his ass down by the bar and...

    [​IMG]

    Oh man, we get more dating dialogue!
    [​IMG] Give me something hard!

    No!

    [​IMG] What?

    You just got 5 points for Tifa's date!

    [​IMG] What? For drinking like a man?!

    Yes, but you're gay! You have to drink like a gay man! You need little umbrellas in your drinks!

    [​IMG] But I hate shit in my drink!

    Then I guess you should be heterosexual then!

    [​IMG] How can you say that?!
    [​IMG] Hey, boy, I'm still here, y'know!
    [​IMG] Nnng!
    [​IMG] What'd I tell you about that?
    [​IMG] That I should stop doing it.
    [​IMG] That's right. Alright, you wanted a drink - I'll get you a drink.
    [​IMG] ... please... no stuff in it...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] You know, I AM relieved you made it back safely.
    [​IMG] Shit, that wasn't even a difficult job.
    [​IMG] Yeah, I guess not. I mean, you were in SOLDIER! You're elite, muthafucka, aren't you! Haha! Well, make sure you get your money from Barret.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Yeah. Why?
    [​IMG] I don't know. You look tired. Been up too long together with your lover, have you?
    [​IMG] That's none of your business, you old whore.


    In the next update: WE RIDE THE SECRET PINBALL MACHINE ELEVATOR!!! (and get cash and stuff also.)
     
    ^ Top  

As an Amazon Associate, rpgcodex.net earns from qualifying purchases.