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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    My norwegian fishwives will keep me safe from those pesky lithuanians.

    I've been way too busy with Christy Canyon to do any Cosmo Canyon.


    Here's a preview.

    I'm going to combine party bickering with the shoot me now-narrative I jazzed with in the chapter where I killed Dyne. It'll be anything but half-assed! Consider the buttcheeks hanging out, ladies! Oh yeah..
     
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  2. FrancoTAU Cipher

    FrancoTAU
    Joined:
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    Brooklyn, NY
    Wait, I was gone for 2 weeks and there wasn't an update in this thread? You suck, Locue. I'm voting for your banning the next time a poll pops up.
     
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  3. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    You know I love the attention. I've just been busy studying for exams so I can enjoy life to the fullest. The thread is on hiatus until I sort things out and resume my daily routines of playing FF7 and snorting cocaine off of cosmetically enhanced female breasts. It'll take a couple days.
     
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  4. DefJam101 Arcane

    DefJam101
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    Cybernegro HQ
    Oh, I get it now. Cloud's a guy, isn't he.
     
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  5. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    Yes?
     
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  6. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    Location:
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    THIS WEEK: LET ME PLAY FINAL FANTASY SEVEN FOR YOU UPDATES FUCK YEAH!!
     
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  7. LarsTheSurly Scholar

    LarsTheSurly
    Joined:
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    Location:
    Surrounded by idiots
     
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  8. Chefe Erudite

    Chefe
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
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    4,731
    You're only at Cosmo Canyon?

    Weak.
     
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  9. So are you going to be taking on Ruby or Emerald Weapon? There's a super cheap tactic on destroying Ruby, from what I remember. You could basically set your Knights of the Round Table summon to auto-counter and heal or some shit. I think Gamefaqs has a guide on the set up you need. Also, I'm not sure if you've bothered with any grinding, but once you have access to the northern crater anywhere towards the end, head into the room with the "Magic Pot" encounters (it has underwater teleports). Easy way to max out everything.
     
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  10. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    Location:
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    :shock: SHOCKINGLY TRUE! :shock: SHOCKINGLY FALSE! :shock: SHOCKINGLY SHOCKINGLY! :shock:

    It's more like "You're only at Cosmo Canyon? I can't believe you survived that long."

    Yes and yes. Somewhere in the thread I promised I was going for 100% completition so I'll be beating those guys off eventually. I'm also going to breed chocobos and race them. It's going to be a blast.

    Grinding has never been my thing. The encounter rate so far seems to handle it for me.

    Anyway, I'm going to update tomorrow.
     
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  11. Chefe Erudite

    Chefe
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
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    He's a long way from that. And if he really is enjoying it as much as he says he is, then he probably won't be getting KOTR. Also, if you morph magic pots, you'll get a ton of max ethers (IIRC). Just watch out for those goddamn little reptile things with the lantern and knife. They'll fuck you up hard.

    The only way I beat Ruby was by abusing a glitch in the PC version to get 99 dazers, and threw them every other turn. You cannot beat him without KOTR, it's impossible, which makes the reward he gives you (a gold chocobo) completely worthless.

    Not really.
     
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  12. Hot. But seriously, you might want to consider gamesharking for a gold chocobo. Breeding one takes hours to get right unless you're incredibly lucky. As for grinding, I understand as most feel that way. I actually like grinding in quite a few jRPGs (color me masochistic) and enjoyed maxing out the materias to make a party of badasses. But it does make the last boss just too easy.

    Yes I know, just thinking ahead of time. KOTR wasn't hard to find though, was it? Didn't you need to just take a gold chocobo to a hidden cave on an island? For ethers, FF 7 had an item glitch where you could easily get 99 of anything. Couldn't help but abuse it. Also, those reptile guys you're thinking of were Tonberries, if you let them reach you (they slowly approach each turn) I think they did around 9999 damage to one of your characters. They have a ton of HP too.

    Yeah I always thought the reward was retarded. I don't believe I ever got close to beating him without relying on KOTR, which took forever because you had to sit through the animations repeatedly. You should've been rewarded with something else, like a Ruby summon or something different.
     
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  13. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    You found the easter egg.
     
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  14. Chefe Erudite

    Chefe
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
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    4,731
    I only used the 99 trick for Ruby weapon, because I could not beat him any other way. The rest of the game I played fair. :D Yea, Tonberries, they were horrible. They skirted around the stage a bit before slowly walking up and one shotting you. To say they had a ton of HP is an understatement. Each of my characters were doing 9999 per hit (I think Yuffie had 4x slash, so she was doing at least 35k per turn) and it still took quite a few rounds to take one of those bastards out.

    KOTR wasn't hard to find (there are only two or three unexplored islands by the end of the game, and it's on one of them), but you had to have the gold chocobo, and that takes a looooong fucking time to get.

    I was thinking about pulling out my old FF7 discs and installing it again if I can find that XP patch. I wonder if I can find a way to take out Ruby now. After all, the last time I fought him was almost nine years ago.
     
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  15. If you do install the PC version, I believe there's some mods floating around that retexture all the blocky character models as well as their portraits. I also slightly remember there being something to replace the midi tracks with the OST versions as well, but I might be thinking of another game.

    I don't think Ruby would be any easier now than before to exploit, unless you decide to grind your characters for max HP and such. His attacks were deadly and was a bit tougher than Emerald who was no slouch himself. Speaking of Tonberries though, if you ever played FF 9 they were child's play compared to those Yans. Innocent looking rams that casted meteor and comet, quick death for whole party.
     
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  16. Xor Prestigious Gentleman Arcane

    Xor
    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2008
    Messages:
    9,345
    Codex 2014 PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Codex 2016 - The Age of Grimoire Divinity: Original Sin Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Divinity: Original Sin 2
    The sound on the windows version sucks ass. Download ePSXe and run it off the PS1 CDs, it'll look better and you get savestates.
     
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  17. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2007
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    21,104
    Location:
    Urkanistan
    PC version of FF7 was a godawful experience because of their lack. Of course if you're a bad enough dude to grind through several locations for a good hour just to die in the end and start it all over again you can try.
     
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  18. Damned Registrations Prestigious Gentleman Furry Weeaboo Nazi Nihilist

    Damned Registrations
    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2007
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    14,111
    Supposedly you can kill Ruby by abusing a status effect- either Stop or Sleep, I forget which. Hades can inflict it though. Would still take nigh forever though, since you'll have to do it with 1 character without casting KotR or Ultima, which both trigger brutal counter attacks iirc.

    Ironic that Emerald gave the better reward, despite being a total pussy by comparison.
     
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  19. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
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    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    I'm drunk, I'm feeling miserable, I've played the fuck out of Fallout 3, let's get this shit outta the fucking way.

    [​IMG]

    Alright, welcome to Cosmo Canyon. I wish I'd be entering Christy Canyon instead.

    Yeah, so this is some kind of spritual center where all sorts of people gather to find their ways and shit. Originally it was home to the red flaming tigertail tigers but they're all dead now or in hiding or something because you don't see any of them ever in the game until right at the end, I think. I have no idea. I don't care. I don't care.

    *sigh*

    Cosmo Canyon is a whole town advocating enviromental protection. This is where everyone's favorite freedom fighters and reactor blower uppers Avalanche was founded. This is where Greenpeace would hang out. This is where eagles come to shed a single tear in the name of the freedom they enjoy thanks to the peace loving bums at Cosmo Canyon. Needless to say, Cosmo Canyon is a big fucking deal if you're on a quest to save the world, which is about the only reason I can tolerate Cosmo Canyon: "because you gotta."

    That and several shots of tequila. Moving on...

    [​IMG]

    Even more *sigh*

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What kind of fucking name is Bugenhagen?

    Good you asked, Cloud! Johannes Bugenhagen was a german, slightly polish dude who helped Luther with the whole protest reforming bit. Kind of an all-around cool dude from what I read in school.

    [​IMG] Does Johannes Bugenhagen have anything to do with Final Fantasy 7 Bugenhagen?

    No. They just thought his name would fit a strange old man living in an observatory.

    [​IMG] Of course, who wouldn't?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Shit, he ran off! Oh well, I suppose we don't have to stay here and bid him farewell and stuff. Aeris! Prep the buggy!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What the hell, woman! Don't stand in my way and talk nonsense! We have a crazy planet-enslaving albino necromancer samurai to find and kill!
    [​IMG] No, we have to check this place out first.
    [​IMG] Oh, okay.

    [​IMG]

    Choice and consequence time! If you answer YES then he'll say you're stupid. If you answer NO, on the other hand...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Alright, what a shame. I guess we should go then.
    [​IMG] They helped me when I was on the road. Please let them in.
    [​IMG]

    :COCKS: You're a friend of Nanaki?!

    [​IMG] I have never seen that tiger before in my entire li... OW!
    [​IMG] Yes, he's a friend of ours.
    [​IMG] ..traitor!

    :COCKS: Really?

    [​IMG] ...

    :COCKS: UMMGAH!!!

    [​IMG] What?

    :COCKS: Please enter! UMMGAH! A FRIEND OF NANAKI IS A FRIEND OF COSMO CANYON!!

    [​IMG] Uh, okay.

    :COCKS: UMMGAH!!!!!!

    [​IMG] So where's the casino?

    :COCKS: What?

    [​IMG] Cloud!
    [​IMG] Uh, I mean...

    [​IMG]

    :COCKS: What kind of friends are you? You've travelled with him since you left Midgar and you're asking ME who he is?

    [​IMG] Uh, he never talks about himself in the cutscenes.
    [​IMG] Like we normal people do. :D

    :COCKS: Nanaki is a tiger.

    [​IMG] That's all?

    :COCKS: He was born here.

    [​IMG] Sounds good to me. We don't all need mysterious pasts to be interesting characters.
    [​IMG] I'm a little disappointed.
    [​IMG] I'm sure we'll get to know Nanaki's terrible past pretty soon. This whole place reeks.
    [​IMG] Of fish?!
    [​IMG] Of plot.
    [​IMG] Oh.
    [​IMG] Sure. Get Barret and the others. Looks like we're going to stay a while here.
    [​IMG] Alrighto, Cloudy! What are you going to do?
    [​IMG] I'm going to kill Nanaki.
    [​IMG] Alright. Have fun.

    Alright, before we do anything. We have a Turtles poster to check out in one of the shops. Do this and we won't have a problem later on.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] So don't even think about doing anything to me! See that sniper up there in the tower? He's watching you, buddy.
    [​IMG] Right. I'm sorry I threw you tailfirst out of the buggy.
    [​IMG] Good. Now please listen to my boring backstory.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Please tell me you're done.
    [​IMG] I'm done.
    [​IMG] Good.
    [​IMG] But my grandpa isn't!
    [​IMG] Your... grandpa..?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh no...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] This will only end in tears.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] A mad man lives here.

    [​IMG]

    Bugen Bugenhagen?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What's the meaning of life?
    [​IMG] He's not into mathematics.
    [​IMG] Is he into being an old douchebag?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I can take care of myself.
    [​IMG] You can? You look a little... inexperienced.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] METAL GEAR?!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Well yes, that or just very emo.
    [​IMG] Heh! Says you... :roll:
    [​IMG] Tigers get fucking huge, don't they? I should have known.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Well, you can't have everything. Where would you put it?
    [​IMG] I want to grow up to be able to protect you and the village.
    [​IMG] Ho Ho Hoooo. No Nanaki. You can't stand on your own yet. To do that now would destroy you in the long run.
    [​IMG] Nngh!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Don't look now, Nanaki, but I think your grandpa is trying to give us a really subtle table dance.
    [​IMG] Right.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Please tell me you're done.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Can you help us in any way that doesn't require us going inside a dark, scary dungeon deep within the Cosmo Mountains to fight some ancient monsters you long ago made a pact to not deal with until you saw a group of heroes enter town?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh shit.

    TO BE CONTINUED!!


    IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF LET'S SUFFER THROUGH FINAL FANTASY SEVEN:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Hooray for threesomes!
     
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  20. inwoker Arcane

    inwoker
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    Apr 27, 2007
    Messages:
    8,744
    did aerith already die?
     
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  21. Fenril Scholar

    Fenril
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2007
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    568
    Location:
    Portugal
    So basicly the oldman is into overgrown cat fucking?

    That should earn the game an M rating right there.
     
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  22. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    Her name is Aeris. And no she's not dead, she just went to help the others park the buggy.

    I don't know how I feel about that at all.
     
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  23. FrancoTAU Cipher

    FrancoTAU
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    2,507
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    Brooklyn, NY
    Well, the upside is that we get to see some woman abusing with Cid soon.
     
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  24. Fat Dragon Arbiter

    Fat Dragon
    Joined:
    May 24, 2007
    Messages:
    3,499
    Location:
    local brothel
    Nice avatar, Andyman. :) Glad to see this thing finally updated. One of the best ones so far, it was funny as hell, especially near the end with Bugenhagen.

    Ummgah!
     
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