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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. I wouldn't have a problem playing through FF 7 again, probably because I actually enjoyed it and like me some PSX jRPGs. Doing a whole LP thread though, too much work. People should get paid for doing these. Yes, even horses.
     
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  2. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    Heh, it's just a hobby. I'm not expecting to get anything out of this. Not money, not fame, not anything. If people get a few chuckles out of it, for whatever reason, that's great.
     
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  3. ghostdog Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron

    ghostdog
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  4. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    I can has carrot? :o
     
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  5. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    MY CARROTS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY CARROTS? :(
     
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  6. DefJam101 Arcane

    DefJam101
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    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    Thas't moer liek ti!

    But seriously.
     
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  8. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
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    [​IMG]

    There you go horsie, let the nice girl take you out for a walk and then you'll get more carrots:

    [​IMG]
     
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  9. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Them horses there're a little bit too... BROWN... for my tastes, Garfunkel.

    I mean, I'm more of a light brown/slightly orange/slightly lightish red color.
     
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  10. Sovy Kurosei Erudite

    Sovy Kurosei
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2004
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    1,535
    I just noticed Low Q added caption to the filenames of the images when I checked the last three updates.
     
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  11. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    I've always done that, haven't I?
     
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  12. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
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    We want more!

    We want more!

    We want more!
     
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  13. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    Sometimes more is less. And you know what else is less? Lesbians!
     
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  14. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
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    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    HAY GUYS UPDATE TIEM!!

    When we last left our heroes... DANGEROUS DANGER DUNGEON!!

    [​IMG]

    FACT: For all of you nerds out there, the filename is "1043_youbastard.jpg".

    Well, looks like we gotta get down and dirty inside this ancient cavern of mysteries! First we gotta climb down!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Going down the cave!
    [​IMG] Shouldn't that be "Going back in time"?
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Colin?
    [​IMG] *push!*
    [​IMG] AHHHH!!!
    [​IMG] What happened to Cloud?
    [​IMG] He slipped and fell.
    [​IMG] Damn hairgel.

    [​IMG]

    Welcome to spooky cave. Cooky cave is really not that much trouble. It's easy to navigate. The enemies are ghosts. There's nothing worthwhile to get. You can really just run right through the Gooky cave.

    [​IMG]

    Occasionally you run into stones that can be cracked open. Do this if you want to fight more enemies. If you don't want to fight more enemies, leave them the fuck alone.

    Before every every screen transition, Bugenhagen will stop and explain stuff to you.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] A CERTAIN BATTLE!!?

    FACT: This is Kiefer's only real function in the LP.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Hey! Don't steal my lines, you redheaded stepchild of a great dane.

    Moving on, the next area is a bit tricky.

    [​IMG]

    See that? That's oil.

    [​IMG] OIL?
    [​IMG] That's what he said, Cloud. Oil.
    [​IMG] OIL IN MY FF7?!!
    [​IMG] Yes, Cloud. Oil in your... FF7.
    [​IMG] I had oil in my FF7 once!
    [​IMG] I'm sure you did, Cloud.
    [​IMG] I like oil!
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Uh, Colin?
    [​IMG] *push*
    [​IMG] AHHH!!!!

    And if you run on it...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] See if you like oil now, bitch!
    [​IMG] What happened to Cloud?
    [​IMG] He slipped and fell.
    [​IMG] I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!
    [​IMG] Stop slipping and felling, dumbass! :D

    ...you're gonna get hurt!

    [​IMG] I bet you fought with all of your might to resist posting this image, Andyman.

    [​IMG]

    Not really, I concentrated and fought YOUR MIND so you would do it for me. Thanks, God!

    [​IMG] Damn you, Andyman Messiah!

    Moving on:

    [​IMG]

    So many, many pretty doors! Alright, go in somewhere and come out somewhere else. I'm not going to show you how to get through this puzzle. If you spend more than five minutes on it (and that's a fucking stretch!), rest assured:

    [​IMG]

    Rape is horrible but it feels slightly better when a cute kitten is the penetrating perpetrator. Not that I'd *cough* know... ANYWAY!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] ALL ALONE!?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Hoo hoo! Time for a boss fight!

    [​IMG]

    Hmm... an empty room except for a door with an evil looking face on it.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Alright, boss fight. Meet The Ghost of Native American Nightmares. That's probably not his name but I'm too lazy to check. He's the easiest boss of the game. Why? Because he's undead and dislike Holy magic like a double cheeseburger without any cheese. Throw a fucking cure spell on him and watch him go into the light accompanied by huge explosion. Eventually. NEXT!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Yeah, no prob.
    [​IMG] It was Aeris' magic that did mos...
    [​IMG] NO PROBLEM, BUGGY! I'M HAPPY TO HELP!
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Glad to hear we can count on you, Cloud!

    Moving on, we finally reach the plot point we've all been dying to see!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Hey, Nanaki! Looks like your father's a bit STONED!! AHAHAHA!!!
    [​IMG] Daddy... :cry:
    [​IMG] AHAHAHA!!!!!! STONED!!! AHAHA!! I'M A FUCKING GENIUS!!
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Huh?
    [​IMG] *push*
    [​IMG] AHHHH!!!
    [​IMG] Thanks, Colin!
    [​IMG] Don't thank me, rape tiger. Thank Aeris.
    [​IMG] Thanks Aeris!
    [​IMG] Don't worry about it, Nanaki!
    [​IMG] Hey, Sutherland! Why don't you help me?!
    [​IMG] Meh.
    [​IMG] Nanaki, your father held off countless armies on his own. He is a true native american tiger hero.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] You should be proud of him.
    [​IMG] Father...
    [​IMG] Looks like a private moment. Let's wait outside.
    [​IMG] But I wanna hear!
    [​IMG] *push*
    [​IMG] AHHH!!
    [​IMG] Fuck yeah, Aeris!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] WHAT?! OH HELL NO YOU DO--
    [​IMG] *VIOLENT PUSH*
    [​IMG] AHHH!!!!!!
    [​IMG] What was that, grandpa?
    [​IMG] Just the wind, Nanaki. Just the wind.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] UMFTBBKRZZZ!!!!
    [​IMG] TIE HIM UP!! GAG HIM, GAG HIM!!!!!
    [​IMG] Boy that wind sure is violent!
    [​IMG] It sure is, Nanaki. It sure is. Must be a storm brewing! But... about the misson, let's be honest here! Even if they stop every reactor on the planet, it's only going to postpone the inevitable. Even if they stop Sephiroth, everything will perish. But hey...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I will do this! I will save the planet! Yeah, baby! AWOOO!!!! HOWL TO THE MOON, YEAH!!! AWOOOO!!!
    [​IMG] Sounds like an air raid siren..
    [​IMG] AWOOOO!!!
    [​IMG] Nanaki! Stop howling! You'll wake the dead!
    [​IMG] AWOOOOO!!!!!!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Your father is crying, Nanaki!
    [​IMG] He must be touched to have such a good son! Let's howl together, father! AWOOOO!!!

    *SOME TIME LATER! AWOOO!!!*

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That's convenient.
    [​IMG] Convenient, your ass, white boy.
    [​IMG] Don't... talk about my ass... please.
    [​IMG] ...?
    [​IMG] Whistle, whistle.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Yeah, don't... don't fucking count on it...
    [​IMG] I thought you liked oil? :D
    [​IMG] I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!
    [​IMG] What a fascinating group of heroes. Oh well.


    TO BE CONTINUED!

    In the next update: NIBELFUCKHEIM!

    [​IMG]
     
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  15. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
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  16. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
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    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    UMMMGAH!!!
     
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  17. Fat Dragon Arbiter

    Fat Dragon
    Joined:
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    local brothel
    Nice update, was very humorous. Congratulations on being the first horse to ever make Cosmo Canyon an entertaining place. :)

    Ummmgah out to the sunset, majestic steed.
     
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  18. dragonfk Erudite

    dragonfk
    Joined:
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    What the fuck Locue?

    I left you at 12 page and on 43 Aeris is still alive? Move baby, move !! I want her dead! DEAD!
     
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  19. DefJam101 Arcane

    DefJam101
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    :lol:
     
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  20. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    Location:
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    This LP is strictly following the chapter system from the Caves of Narshe walkthrough.
    Show Spoiler
    No, it isn't.
    I had to fiddle a bit with the chapter numbers but we're on schedule again.
    Show Spoiler
    You're just fucked up.


    The checklist is something like this:

    1: Nibelheim (get Vincent).
    2: Nibelheim mountains (get pissed off).
    3: Rocket Town (get Cid, the wifebeating, cursing astronaut wannabe, and celebrate).
    4: Date night (get a date with Aeris).
    5: Temple of Ancients (get pissed off).
    6: Black Materia hunt (get slightly less pissed off, actually).
    7: The forest that sleeps or whatever it's called (get drunk).
    8: Forgotten Ancient City of the Ancients City Builders or whatthefuck (watch Aeris get killed).

    So that's like eight hundred updates. Patience!
     
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  21. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    I just realized I unintentionally abused Ozzy's Bark at the moon. :oops:
     
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  22. PlanHex Arcane Patron

    PlanHex
    Joined:
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    I say we all boycott this LP until we get that date with Barrett that was initially agreed upon.


    edit: also, i found something awesome to pass the time til the next update

    http://i37.tinypic.com/2cx91jo.jpg
     
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  23. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    I'm going to hack the game (read as: edit the screenshot in Ms Paint) and switch out Aeris with Cid.
     
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  24. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
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    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    Ummmgah!
     
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