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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. S_Verner Scholar

    S_Verner
    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2008
    Messages:
    153
    What, the shit that they export or the stuff that people like us watch?

    It's just artistic mediocrity, a way of making up for the fact that they cannot animate(hair) or color well enough to make one bit of the face look different from the other, and the hair is like that to say "we can't make the main character look unique because we suck".
     
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  2. poocolator Erudite

    poocolator
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2008
    Messages:
    7,948
    Location:
    The Order of Discalced Codexian Convulsionists
    Now now, I wanted speculation, not an outright rapexplanation. Where's the fun in that?
     
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  3. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Welcome to the town.

    [​IMG]

    Its main attraction is a huge rocket covered in moss.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    This is Cloud. He's not only our main character and the hero of the game. He's also dangerously stupid.

    [​IMG] Hey!

    Well, what the fuck do you think they built the rocket for?

    [​IMG] Rocketeering?

    Just shut up and enter the bar.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I love stories!
    [​IMG] Alright, tell your story!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That's all?!
    [​IMG] Cool story, bro.
    [​IMG] Stand back, Tifa! I'm going to kill this idiot storyteller!
    [​IMG] No, you're not.
    [​IMG] Alright, maybe not.
    [​IMG] Let's see what the other guy has to say.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Who's the Captain?

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Now that's a story!
    [​IMG] Whatever. Did you see a tall, goth'd up, samurai lookin' dude in a black cape?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Bummer.

    So far this town is quite boring. What do you say, citizen?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Fear not, bored citizen! Cloud and his merry friends have come to shit this town up!

    How fantastic.

    [​IMG] Shut up, horse. Let's enter that house.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I wonder who lives here...
    [​IMG] Whoever it is, I'm sure he is capable of impregnating women with his mind.
    [​IMG] Or a really huge spear.
    [​IMG] Goddamn, Tifa...
    [​IMG] Let's explore!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] It's a totally awesome miniature flying aeroplane ship!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] You fucking thief.
    [​IMG] Whore!
    [​IMG] I didn't say we should steal it, I just...
    [​IMG] WHORE!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Uh, hello.
    [​IMG] She's stealing your flying machine!
    [​IMG] What?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Alright, planet saving dude and dudettes! Go find the Captain!

    [​IMG] Not so fast, narrator horse! Who are you people anyway? Why are you running in and out of houses and stealing shit?
    [​IMG] I'm Aeris.
    [​IMG] I'm Tifa.
    [​IMG] I'm Cloud. We're on a quest to save the world so it's okay for us to steal shit.
    [​IMG] Right. Well, my name is Shera. I'm the...
    [​IMG] THE SUPERHOT BABE FROM HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE?! THE PRINCESS OF POWER?! THIS IS SO AWESOME! OMG! YOU WERE THE FIRST JERK OFF FANTASY I EVER HA...
    [​IMG] Uh, no, that's my twin sister...
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] ..oh.
    [​IMG] I'm the Maid (and Occasional Lab Assistant) of Power!
    [​IMG] Okay. Not interested.
    [​IMG] We have almost the same measurements though. Well, give or take a few fantasies.
    [​IMG] Not interested.
    [​IMG] I have some of my sister's old clothes.
    [​IMG] Any lingerie?
    [​IMG] No.
    [​IMG] Any panties?
    [​IMG] Panties are lingerie.
    [​IMG] Right.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Why does everyone think we're with Shinra?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] RUFUS?!
    [​IMG] RUFUS?!
    [​IMG] HANDJOB CHAMPION OF MIDGAR?!
    [​IMG] :|
    [​IMG] :D
    [​IMG] Well, that was a "joke" I never thought would return.
    [​IMG] Blame it on Rufus.
    [​IMG] Whatever, you strange children of stupidity. Go find the Captain.

    Having met the Captain's assistant, Cloud and his merry friends set out to find the Captivating Captain, the most Captaineous Captain in a long line of Captains. The Captain that truly is THE CAPTAIN.

    [​IMG]

    Not that one, though. Unfortunately.

    They found the Captain of Final Fantasy VII inside the rocket.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Excuse me?
    [​IMG] Yeah?
    [​IMG] Are you the Captain?
    [​IMG] Hah!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Need something?
    [​IMG] Hmm...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Let's ask him if it's okay if we take the airplane.
    [​IMG] Hmm... Let's save state before we try this.
    [​IMG] Pussy. [F1]
    [​IMG] Can you give us the little airplane you got in the backyard?
    [​IMG] We're on a quest to save the world!
    [​IMG] Hmm... Let me think about it for a little while... Hm...
    [​IMG] Yes?
    [​IMG] Alright, I've been giving it some thought and...

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Cid Highwind - the greatest Final Fantasy character ever.

    [​IMG] NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!
    [​IMG] Fuck! Load state! LOAD STATE!
    [​IMG] Pussy. [F3]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Alright, let's try this again.
    [​IMG] Try what again?
    [​IMG] What can you tell me about this rocket, Cid?
    [​IMG] This rocket? You want to know about my rocket?!
    [​IMG] ...Yes.

    [​IMG] (Better be ready with that load state button just in case, Tifa.)
    [​IMG] (Pussy.)

    [​IMG] You know Shinra developed a lot of technological gadgets during the meaningless war, right? Now it's a Mako company, but in the old days it was a weapons manufacturer. Well, they came up with a Rocket Engine. There was so much experiment about the thought of going into outer space. Our dreams got bigger and bigger. They put a major budget into it and made prototype after prototype! Finally, they completed Shinra No. 26. And they chose the best pilot in Shinra, the best damn pilot in the world! Me! And finally we get to the day of the launch. Everything was goin' well...
    [​IMG] But?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] And so, Shinra mixed their outer space exploration plans. After they told me how the future was Space Exploration and got my damn hopes up... DAMN THEM! Then, it was all over once they found out Mako energy was profitable. They didn't even so much as look at space exploration!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Look at this rocket. I was supposed to be the first man in space with this! But shit... everyday it tilts a little bit more. At this rate, I don't know which will come first; this thing falling down or me gettin' outta here. My last hope is to talk to President Rufus. He's a young man, surely he has dreams of his own.
    [​IMG] Well, good luck with that.

    And so Cloud and his merry friends went back to the Captain's house.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What?
    [​IMG] Did Cid say anything?
    [​IMG] Nope.
    [​IMG] Oh.

    SUDDENLY!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I...I'm sorry.
    [​IMG] Really, don't mind us.
    [​IMG] Shut up! Sit your ass down in that chair and drink you goddamn TEA!
    [​IMG] Uh... okay.
    [​IMG] DAMN, I'm pissed! Shera! I'll be in the backyard tunin' up Tiny Bronco! And make sure to serve them some tea! All right!?

    I fucking love Cid.

    [​IMG] He's a goddamn asshole!

    He sure is, Aeris. He sure is. *sigh*

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] It's because I fucked up.
    [​IMG] What happened?
    [​IMG] Well...


    Let's go back in time...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Even the moon'd get tired of waitin' around for your ass!
    [​IMG] I'm... I'm sorry.
    [​IMG] Don't take so much time checkin' that #*$#*&' oxygen tank! Shera, bein' careful's good, but it won't do any good, no matter how many times you check that oxygen tank. That thing wouldn't break even if hell froze over.
    [​IMG] But...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I will only accept asses, Shera! You're not stupid, so be more efficient!
    [​IMG] I'm sorry......

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Fuck yeah, I'm going to the moon!

    BUT SUDDENLY!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] WHAT THE FUCK?!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] It's Shera, Captain. Don't mind me, go ahead with the launch.
    [​IMG] Shera!? What are you still doin' in there!?
    [​IMG] I was still concerned. The results of the oxygen tank test weren't satisfactory.
    [​IMG] You stupid little #$&*#! It's gonna get so hot in there that there ain't gonna be SHIT left when we blast off! You're gonna be burnt to a crisp! You're gonna die! You know that, doncha!?
    [​IMG] I don't mind. If I can just fix this, the launch will be a success. I'm almost done.
    [​IMG] Almost done!? You're gonna die!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Cid Highwind, the best damn pilot in the world, was suddenly forced to choose: save the life of his assistant or travel into space with a possibly broken rocket and the incinerated corpse of his assistant.

    [​IMG]

    He made his choice.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Shit!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] SHIT!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] SHIT!!!!!!!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Whew! That was close... Hey, what's that... oh fuck...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] OH NO NO NO!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] PLEASE DON'T FALL PLEASE DON'T FALL PLEASE DON'T FALL PLEASE DON'T FALL!!


    Today...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Shit, why didn't you fall, you stupid fucking rocket!?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That's why it's alright. I don't care what he says to me. I'll live my life for him.
    [​IMG] Sounds like a fair deal.
    [​IMG] ...Oh, I hear him coming.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Sorry!

    [​IMG]

    But before our heroes can answer the heroic asshole...

    [​IMG]

    It's Palmer!

    [​IMG] Well, if it ain't fat man Palmer. How long were you figurin' on keepin' me waitin'!? So? When's the Space Program gonna start up again?
    [​IMG] Hey-hey! I don't know. The President's outside, why don't you ask him?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What'd you come here for?
    [​IMG] I want to borrow the Tiny Bronco. We're going after Sephiroth, but it seems like we've been going in the wrong direction. But now, we think we know where he's headed. But, we have to cross the ocean. That's why we want your plane...

    POINTLESS QUESTIONING: Apart from all the fucking buts in that terrible dialog, does this shit make any fucking sense to anyone? Seriously? They're the fucking Shinra! You'd think they would have access to something way better than Cid's shitty plane.

    [​IMG] $*#&! First the Airship, then the Rocket, and now, the Tiny Bronco. Shinra took outer space away from me and now you want to take the sky away from me too!?
    [​IMG] Oh my... You seem to forget it was because of Shinra, Inc. that you were able to fly in the first place.
    [​IMG] What!?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That fat fuck? Stealing the plane? Ahahahaha!!
    [​IMG] We have to stop him!
    [​IMG] Ahahahaha!! Yeah, whatever! Ahahahaha!!
    [​IMG] Quickly, Cloud!
    [​IMG] Ahahahahaha!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Alright, time for a joke boss fight.

    [​IMG]

    This is Fat Fucking Palmer. His attacks consists of hitting his own ass with a seductive slap (which btw uses some MP) and firing a gun. Chances are you'll kick his ass before he even has a chance at firing it, or even slapping his ass. He slapped his ass when I scanned him for the picture. Lucky me.

    When you beat him, the Bronco suddenly starts moving!

    [​IMG]

    Unfortunately, Palmer notices!

    [​IMG]

    And ducks out of the way!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Whew! Close one, eh, Palmer?

    [​IMG]

    You fat fuck! Come here!

    [​IMG]

    Palmer!!

    [​IMG]

    Oh my, this doesn't look good...

    [​IMG]

    Ow! Poor Fat Fucking Palmer! Well, he'll be back again, don't you worry. And now we can take the Bronco instead.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] CLOUD!
    [​IMG] WHAT?
    [​IMG] WHAT ABOUT CID?
    [​IMG] WHO?
    [​IMG] CID!
    [​IMG] I DUNNO!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Cid Highwind - Master of Rhymes

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Okay! I want EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE, to start using that sentence IRL. Because honestly, have you ever heard anything so awesome before?

    FACT: No, you fucking haven't.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Well shit, thanks for wrecking my plane.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Yeah, instead of, y'know, buying an actual boat or something.
    [​IMG] Well, I thought it was a good idea...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] So anyway, what are you going to do now, Cid?
    [​IMG] Dunno. I'm history with the Shinra and I've given up on the town.
    [​IMG] How about your wife? Shera?
    [​IMG] Wife? Don't make me laugh! Just thinkin' 'bout marryin' her gives me the chills. What're you guys gonna do?
    [​IMG] We're going after a man named Sephiroth. We'll have to get Rufus of the Shinra someday, too.
    [​IMG] Uh huh. You need someone to watch your asses then?
    [​IMG] We're quite proficient at watching our own asses.
    [​IMG] Heh, too bad. I'd watch yours in a flash.
    [​IMG] Well then, follow my ass.
    [​IMG] Hehehe...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Maybe I can show you my... spear some time.
    [​IMG] Oh, I hope so.
    [​IMG] Whoa, whoa, WHOA!! Wait a goddamn minute now!

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Cid Highwind - International Man of Awesome

    [​IMG] ... shit.

    TO BE CONTINUED!


    IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF LET'S PLAY FINAL FANTASY 7!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    IT'S THE TEMPLE OF THE ANCIENTS! ONLY ON LET'S PLAY FINAL FANTASY 7!
     
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  4. The Vanished One Prophet

    The Vanished One
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2006
    Messages:
    1,244
    I SEE A GRAMMAR MISTAKE HERE! *Summons the Codex Resident Grammar Nazis*

    Awesome update :D
     
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  5. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    DAMN MY SLIPPERY FINGERS!
     
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  6. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,104
    Location:
    Urkanistan
    <3 ~~*~*~~**TEMPLE OF THE ANCIENTS!!!**~~*~*~~ <3
    Is it... Is it... THAT place?
     
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  7. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Unfortunately not. We're going to The Temple of the Ancients. You're thinking about The Forgotten City of the Ancients. Get it right, skyway! Jeez.

    Storywise, it is time to date the crap out of Aeris. Before that, though, we're gonna do Yuffie's quest just because I feel like it. No Aeris dies for christmas, folks.

    edit: Scratch that, we're going on a date first.
     
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  8. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,104
    Location:
    Urkanistan
    Goddamnit.
     
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  9. Radisshu Prophet

    Radisshu
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2007
    Messages:
    5,623
    This is a top notch @%€£¤"##% LP.
     
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  10. oldmanpaco Master of Siestas

    oldmanpaco
    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2008
    Messages:
    13,438
    Location:
    Spring
    I can only hope and pray I can drag my CotAB LP out 10+ months. You are an LP God.
     
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  11. DefJam101 Arcane

    DefJam101
    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2007
    Messages:
    8,047
    Location:
    Cybernegro HQ
    They should've killed the pilot after the crash--ya'know, like in The Mummy.

    Hold on to your drawers and don't piss in 'em!
    Hold on to your drawers and don't piss in 'em!
    Hold on to your drawers and don't piss in 'em!
    Hold on to your drawers and don't piss in 'em!
    Hold on to your drawers and don't piss in 'em!
    Hold on to your drawers and don't piss in 'em!
    Hold on to your drawers and don't piss in 'em!
    Hold on to your drawers and don't piss in 'UMMMGAH!
     
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  12. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Now I feel like shit. Thanks a lot.
     
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  13. oldmanpaco Master of Siestas

    oldmanpaco
    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2008
    Messages:
    13,438
    Location:
    Spring
    Always happy to help.
     
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  14. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,104
    Location:
    Urkanistan
    Yeah you've spent 10 months of your life playing a shit game just to become a local celebrity among small circle of lifeless RPG nerds that won't bring you anything except several posts of appreciation on the forum nobody cares about. How does it feel to be a star?
     
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  15. Demnogonis Saastuttaja Magister

    Demnogonis Saastuttaja
    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,338
    Location:
    Bureaukratistan
    This was awesome :D
     
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  16. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Like a massive plasma ball held together by gravity.

    edit: WAIT A MINUTE! "LOCAL CELEBRITY"??!! FUCK YEAH!! I'M A CELEBRITY!! WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

    edit2: Also: you make me sad, skyway. I'm going to take a vacation and leave the thread hanging for a month again. :cry: :cry: :cry:

    edit3: this is edit number 3.

    edit4: this is edit number 8 minus 1 plus 5 multiplied with a glass of wine divided by cheese.

    edit5: Now that I'm a celebrity, I can do wacky stuff like this. It's pretty much expected of me now.
     
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  17. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    Verily, a heart of a Codexer.
     
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  18. Sovy Kurosei Erudite

    Sovy Kurosei
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,535
    Cid is even more awesome than I remembered him.
     
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  19. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,104
    Location:
    Urkanistan
    Clearly womyn are the source of all evil.
     
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  20. ghostdog Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron

    ghostdog
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Messages:
    10,789
  21. Fat Dragon Arbiter

    Fat Dragon
    Joined:
    May 24, 2007
    Messages:
    3,499
    Location:
    local brothel
    It says a lot about a game's cast when its best character is just a stereotypical redneck.

    EDIT:
    [​IMG]
    Fucking A.
     
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  22. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    Women = Time and money

    Time = money

    Women = Money to the power of two

    Money = The root of all evil

    Women = Evil
     
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  23. Dire Roach Prophet

    Dire Roach
    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2007
    Messages:
    1,592
    Location:
    Machete-Knight Academy
    Grats on achieving Codex celebrity status, horse! And you did it in less than five years, too. :honourblade:
     
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  24. asper Arcane

    asper
    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2007
    Messages:
    2,170
    Project: Eternity
    MOAAARRRUMMMMTGAHHHHH SH----IT!! DONT PISS IN YOUR DRAWERS

    this LP is the best entertainment I'm having these days, please don't stop
     
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  25. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    And once again, my readers make me feel horrible.
     
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