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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
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  2. Jaime Lannister Arbiter

    Jaime Lannister
    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2007
    Messages:
    7,183
  3. Radisshu Prophet

    Radisshu
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2007
    Messages:
    5,623
    My lovely horse,
    running through the field,
    where are you going
    with your fetlocks blowing in the wind?

    I want to shower you with sugar lumps,
    and ride you over fences!
    Polish your hooves every single day,
    and bring you to the horse dentist!

    My lovely, lovely, lovely, horse!

    My lovely horse,
    you're a pony no more!
    Running around with a man on your back,
    like a train in the night, yeah,
    like a train in the night!

    (Sax solo)
     
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  4. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Do Yakkity Sax.
     
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  5. Sovy Kurosei Erudite

    Sovy Kurosei
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,535
    I think there is more content to go through on Disc 1 than there is on Disc 2 and 3 combined. But it has been a couple years since I last played through FFVII.
     
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  6. Melcar Arcane

    Melcar
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2008
    Messages:
    31,792
    Location:
    Merida, again
    Yup. Disc 2 and 3 felt rushed compared to disc 1.
     
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  7. Walkin' Dude Liturgist

    Walkin' Dude
    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2006
    Messages:
    796
    By discs 2 and 3, you are hurrying to get it over with, so you can move on with your life.
     
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  8. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Previously, on the whitest of all the whiteknighted Let's Play Final Fantasy 7 threads... a whole bunch of shit happened, but most importantly:

    We recruited two new characters for our planet saving adventure:

    [​IMG] Vincent, the depressed failed experiment movie monster guntoting dude who used to work for Shinra or something;
    [​IMG] and Cid, the highly suicidal, wifebeating, tea drinking, cigarette smoking, profanity using redneck pilot-would-be-astronaut-hero with a heart of gold.

    And we got ourselves a boat!

    [​IMG] It used to be a aeroflyingplane but now it's a boat!

    Indeed.

    With this fantastic... boat, we will be able to progress further into the plot! Like The Temple of the Ancients!

    [​IMG] Yay! :D

    But first! Look where our boatplane landed!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Looks like the Wutai region.
    [​IMG] Looks like a bunch of fucking trouble to me...
    [​IMG] Oh, oh, oh! Let's investigate! Pleeeeeease???
    [​IMG] Oh alright. Who can say suspect anything bad coming from that sweet face of yours.
    [​IMG] A smart person?
    [​IMG] Shut up, Cid.
    [​IMG] Yeah, shut up, Cid. You can come with us if you want.
    [​IMG] Golly gee! #¤%&" thank you...

    With Tifa and Aeris away to slip into dry clothes, it's up to Cloud, Cid and Yuffie to investigate this strange, narrow continent and fight its many bolt3-throwing birds.

    [​IMG] Sweet!
    [​IMG] #¤%&"!!

    FACT: If you're working on limit breaks, stay awhile and fight birds. They come in groups of four and cast deadly fucking lightning on you. I usually stay here and max out all characters limit breaks.

    Anyway, let's go climbing!

    [​IMG]

    Suddenly!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I know this area pretty well. It gets pretty tough past here. Better get ready...
    [​IMG] Wha-? You serious, kid? Cuz if this's one of yer tricks, I'm gonna...
    [​IMG] No, it's REALLY tough...

    SUDDENLY!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] It's the Shinra!
    [​IMG] #¤%&"!! thank you, Eagle Eye!
    [​IMG] Shut up!
    [​IMG] Hey, that's not them! These are the other guys from before!!
    [​IMG] Have we met?
    [​IMG] Shut up, doofus! What the hell is this shit, Yuffie?! You sided with the Shinra?!
    [​IMG] What?! No! I didn't know they were here! I have nothing to do with this one!
    [​IMG] Whaddya mean 'this one'!? 'This one'! So you WERE plannin' somethin'!!
    [​IMG] No, umm, uh......
    [​IMG] #¤%&"!!!!!
    [​IMG] What should we do!?
    [​IMG] Uh... Get them! Grab them and ask questions later!!

    Kick the soldiers to the moon. Note that if you come here with Yuffie in your party, you'll fight the soldiers with two party members. It shouldn't be a problem though.

    Immediately after the fight, Cloud realizes that Yuffie is gone! Oh noes! Luckily, Barret comes running to save the day and fill the empty party member slot.

    [​IMG]

    Well, most of all he comes by to tell us that Yuffie made off with all of our materia, save for our fire/bolt/ice materia which, btw, is all level 3 now and easily overpowers all other materia we picked up. Anyway, I'll let Cid handle the rest of the dialog.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Alright, let's go spank some jailbait ninja ass.

    [​IMG] Alright, but we have to be careful if the Shinra is involved in something here.
    [​IMG] Didn't ya hear what they said, you dumb #¤%&"!! piece of #¤%!? They ain't after us! They're huntin' somethin' else!
    [​IMG] Oh right. Well, then all we have to watch out for are these warlock eagles!
    [​IMG] Fuckin' warlock eagles!
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Hey, what happened to Barret?
    [​IMG] He's allergic to birds casting magic at him so he asked me to go instead.
    [​IMG]Oh okay.
    [​IMG] #¤%&"!!!

    Following the linear cliffed-out path, our heteroes discover... A TOWN!!

    [​IMG]

    Welcome to Wutai, the japanese themed town. We're here only to do one thing!

    [​IMG]

    Play hide and seek with Yuffie!

    ...fucking sigh.

    Wutai is a p. cool town. The weapon store is closed right now but the item store is here to provide you with many exciting hipotions. And if that isn't exciting enough, here's just some of the stuff you can do in Wutai!

    Talk poetry philosophy shit fuck crap with some of the citizens walking around.

    [​IMG]

    Kill a kitten. (Noone's gonna notice, I guarantee.)

    [​IMG]

    Sell girl scout cookies.

    [​IMG]

    Barge into senile old people's homes.

    [​IMG]

    We can also pick up another fantastic catchphrase:

    [​IMG]

    GOOGAH, everybody! Tell your friends. GOOGAH!!!

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Final Fantasy 7 - it's all about the baby talk.

    [​IMG]

    ORLY?

    [​IMG]

    ANSWER ME, GODO!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOGAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAGAGAGAGAGAG!!!!! GGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!!!!!!

    [​IMG] Now you're just annoying...

    Shut up, goth.

    [​IMG]

    ..guh??

    [​IMG]

    ..gah??

    [​IMG]

    Jerk.

    SUDDENLY!

    [​IMG]

    IT'S BATMAN!

    [​IMG] My hero!

    Shut up, goth. It's just Yuffie.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] You scared of the Shinra? Then why don't you fall into line and obey them, just like all of the other towns! These guys are the ones who are really fighting the Shinra!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] You get beaten once, and then that's it? What happened to the mighty Wutai I used to know?

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That's my style! And it's my own business, not yours! Don't you try and dictate what I should do!

    FACT: Oh man, those goddamn unruly teenagers oughtta be smacked on the head with a lightsaber!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] OH SNAP!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Hah! Seems like that old son of a #¤%&"! apparently isn't the most fit for fight ninja mother#¤%&"!! in the world!
    [​IMG] Let's cheer him up.
    [​IMG] ..what about Yuffie?
    [​IMG] She ain't going anywhere.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Well fuck you too.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh well, time to go search for Yuffie again.
    [​IMG] #¤%&"!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Nothing here.
    [​IMG] She must have ninja'd herself outta here. Come on.
    [​IMG] Alright.
    [​IMG] Hey, you fellas do whatever you want. I'm thirsty.
    [​IMG] What?
    [​IMG] I said I'm thirsty. Gotta be a bar or something around here, right?

    Sure enough...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I hate #¤%&"!! turtles!!
    [​IMG] It'll have to do.

    They enter the pub and...

    [​IMG]

    OH SHIIIII--!!

    IT'S THE TURKS!!

    [​IMG] Let's be really sneaky and talk to them!
    [​IMG] Alright, be carefu..wait, what?! TALK TO 'EM?!! YOU #¤%&"!! CRAZY?!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Get them!
    [​IMG] *sigh*

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Reno?
    [​IMG] Tell me, Elena... What are we doing here exactly?
    [​IMG] Why.. we're having a day off, Reno! It's the only free time we've had since.....Oh. Fuck.
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Exactly. Now sit down and let these nice people be on their way.
    [​IMG] Thank you. We were just about to leave.
    [​IMG] Can I just get a beer first?
    [​IMG] No.
    [​IMG] #¤%&"!!!
    [​IMG] How about I buy you a [Hyper] at the item store?
    [​IMG] I can buy my own #¤%&"!! [Hyper]!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Hey look, a crate!
    [​IMG] Think we should open it?
    [​IMG] Why not? What could happen?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Yay!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What the..?!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] ....

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] 1, 2, 3, 456789 YUFFIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
    [​IMG] Great work, Cloud.
    [​IMG] SHUT UP! THAT LITTLE SHIT IS HISTORY! NOBODY STEALS FROM CLOUD FUCKING STRIFE!
    [​IMG] Uh, she already stole our materia.
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Okay, okay, jeez...
    [​IMG] KILL KILL KILL!!!!!
    [​IMG] #¤%&"! retards...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] WHERE IS THAT LITTLE WHORE?!!
    [​IMG] Maybe behind the...
    [​IMG] SHUT UP! LET'S ASK FOR A HINT!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK SHE IS?!! DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH YOU GODDAMN SLANTY-EYED MOTHERF---!!!
    [​IMG] Cloud!!
    [​IMG] WHAT?!!
    [​IMG] Behind the...
    [​IMG] OH!! Right. Ahem. Behind the... yes. Sorry.
    [​IMG] #¤%&"! retards...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Knock, fucking knock.
    [​IMG] Who's there?!
    [​IMG] It's the screen!
    [​IMG] The screen, what?
    [​IMG] The fucking screen I'm fucking gonna shoot you through, that's what!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] :twisted: Hello, Yuffie... :twisted:
    [​IMG] Uh...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE, YOU WHORE!!
    [​IMG] WHORE!!
    [​IMG] GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, TIFA!! This... this is my whore! :twistedl:
    [​IMG] *sigh*
    [​IMG] #¤%&"! retards...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Ah HA!! Cid! Vincent!
    [​IMG] Yeah?
    [​IMG] Guard every possible exit! This time, there will be no escape!
    [​IMG] Lucky for us there's only two possible exits.
    [​IMG] What if she jumps into the #¤%&"! river?
    [​IMG] Don't be stupid, Cid.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Now stand there!
    [​IMG] *sigh* All #¤%&"! retards...

    So anyway...

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Do you want to shoot her now, Cloud?
    [​IMG] What?
    [​IMG] Shoot her. Do you want to shoot her? You said you wanted to shoot her. You can borrow my gun.
    [​IMG] Hahaha, don't be silly! I'm the hero! I can't kill someone. Shame on you, Vincent!
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Now come on, Yuffie.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Relax your ass, Yuffie. It'll make things easier for you.
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Do you have some kind of desk or something at your place?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Cid, Cloud's going to rape that poor girl.
    [​IMG] No. He's just being a dumbfuck.
    [​IMG] Well, maybe we should do something? Just in case.
    [​IMG] Whatever happens, I'm staying the hell outta this, goth boy.
    [​IMG] Asshole.
    [​IMG] Goth.

    MEANWHILE! BACK AT THE TURTLE'S PARADISE PUB!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Come on, give us a hand!
    [​IMG] No.
    [​IMG] W-what?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] We know it's your day off, but...

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Was that really the right thing to do?
    [​IMG] I reckon it was.
    [​IMG] And that's how a professional should act?!
    [​IMG] Elena, a pro isn't someone who sacrifices himself for his job. That's just a fool.
    [​IMG] Rude?
    [​IMG] ...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] ..she stormed off...
    [​IMG] Eh, let her have her way for now. She'll be back.
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Relax, man.

    AND NOW, LET'S SEE WHAT OUR HEROES ARE UP TO!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] AHHHH!!
    [​IMG] Say you're sorry, you little shit.
    [​IMG] AHHH!!! I'M SORRY!!! AHHH!!!!
    [​IMG] Don't mess with me, Cloud. I got protection.
    [​IMG] AHHH, ALRIGHT!!!!! JEEEEEZ!!!
    [​IMG] I told you nothin' was gonna happen.
    [​IMG] ..so violent...

    LATER!

    [​IMG] Whew.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Alright.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Well, this looks like a trap.
    [​IMG] You suspect too much.

    Oh well. Before we walk into the trap, let's look at the last Turtles poster.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Yay!
    [​IMG] I #¤%&"! hate turtles!

    Alright. Now: trap time!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] After we lost the war, we got peace, but with that, we lost something else. Now look at Wutai...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Listen, Yuffie. I don't care about the history of Wutai or your feelings. You've got our materia and I want it back... now. If you give it back now, we'll drop the whole thing.
    [​IMG] Yuffie: I know. I know that...

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] You stupid #¤%&"!! Why didn't you grab her!? You goddamn #¤%&" #¤%&"!!!!!!!!! #¤%&"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    [​IMG] Give me a break, Cid. It was cutscene paralysis!
    [​IMG] #¤%&"!! cutscene paralysis...
    [​IMG] Hey, do you want out of the cage or not?
    [​IMG] #¤%&"!!!!
    [​IMG] Well?
    [​IMG] #¤%&"!!!!
    [​IMG] ...I-I wanna come out of the cage, Cloud.
    [​IMG] Alright!

    [​IMG]

    Alright, long story short, our heroes end up here:

    [​IMG]

    And they find out that...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Look! Someone is kidnapping Yuffie!
    [​IMG] Good #¤%&" riddance!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] IMPOSSIBLE!

    [​IMG]

    Oh fuck, it's Santa Claus and he has come for our women.

    FUCKING AWESOME!

    Seriously, that's gotta be the most awes---Oh wait, no, sorry.

    [​IMG]

    It's just the crime boss serial rapist playboy of the Midgar slums.

    [​IMG]

    Yeah. Him. Whatever.

    [​IMG] FUCKING AWESOME!

    Shut up, Cloud.

    [​IMG]

    And you! You shut the fuck up most of all!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Cloud Strike - fucking deaf.

    [​IMG]

    Sigh.

    Alright, chase the fuck outta them.

    [​IMG]

    Shit. Wanna bet we'll end up fighting these soldiers by accident?

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Yeah, beat them to a pulp and exit the house.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh hey, it's Reno and Rude!

    [​IMG]

    Alright, long story short we team up with Reno and Rude.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Awww... cute...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] It's the fucking mountain.
    [​IMG] Oh! I knew that!
    [​IMG] Uh huh.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Awww...

    Alright, there's nothing interesting to do here right now, except rescuing Yuffie and Elena of course. We're going to return here later.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    SUDDENLY!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Wheel keep on turning, blondie!
    [​IMG] Jesus Christ, shut up and kill him already!
    [​IMG] Thought we had forgotten you, or something? Hey guys, have anything to say?

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Cid Highwind - Harder than God!

    [​IMG]

    FACT: Vincent pretty much wrote the book on kidnapping girls. He knows inefficiency when he sees it.

    [​IMG]

    Oh?

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Fer starters!

    [​IMG]

    This leads up to a boss fight with a flying dragon or something. Vincent shoots it down. Moving on.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Oh for fuck's sake, again?! Wrong answer, whatever, and now...

    [​IMG]

    The ladies are hanging upside down.

    [​IMG]

    Uh huh.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Well, things look bad! Now where's Reno and Rude?!!

    [​IMG]

    Oh good!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Whistle whistle.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Whistle whistle.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Whistle whistle.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Whistle whistle.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Whistle whistle, yep, whistle whistle.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Secret? What secret?
    [​IMG] Shut the #¤%&"! up, Cloud.

    [​IMG]

    Shit! Where's Rude when you need him!

    [​IMG]

    Oh there he is!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Number two is good. I like number two. I number two all the time. Moving on.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    DUH DUHHHHHHH!!!

    [​IMG] I never expected you to come to my aid...
    [​IMG] You're a Turks, Elena!
    [​IMG] Y-yes, sir!
    [​IMG] Alright!

    SUDDENLY, RENO'S CELLPHONE STARTED VIBRATING AND PLAYING "MR BRIGHTSIDE"!!

    [​IMG] Shit, it's Tseng. Hold on. Reno. Yeah? Yeah? Yeah. ... Yeah. No. Yeah. Uh, yeah.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] ...?
    [​IMG] He wants us to go search for Cloud and his buddies.
    [​IMG] ..shall we..?

    [​IMG]

    Fuck yeah. Also notice that Cid is the only one who doesn't get into a action battle motherfucker stance.

    [​IMG]

    A sidequest well done.

    Epilogue time:

    [​IMG]

    Yeah, we get all our materia back. Of course, Yuffie puts it back on us in a mess but let's not complain. That Kiefer Sutherland guy doesn't fuck around.

    Anyway:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Go warm up the fucking planeboat. We're outta here.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Alright, Cloud.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Uh huh.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Start the engine.
    [​IMG] This thing has an engine?
    [​IMG] #¤%&"!! retards...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Why won't this #¤%&"!!! thing start faster?!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Piece of shit!
    [​IMG] Calm down, kid.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Maybe it's out of fuel?
    [​IMG] OUT OF FUEL?!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I'LL FUEL IT WITH MY PISS!!
    [​IMG] Yeah, that'll work...
    [​IMG] Hey, you're supposed to be some kind of pilot or something. You do it.
    [​IMG] Why the hurry?

    [​IMG]

    I want to be as far away from this goddamn continent before Yuffie realizes we--Oh hey, Yuffie!
    [​IMG] Problems with the planeboat?
    [​IMG] Yes, some #¤%&"!! teenage ninja girl stole the motor.
    [​IMG] Whut?!
    [​IMG] Of course. I have it safely tucked away in my infinity pants.
    [​IMG] Fantastic. Give me a hand putting it back?
    [​IMG] Sure.
    [​IMG] This is some quality storytelling right here.
    [​IMG] I still don't get it.
    [​IMG] That's because you're a #¤%&"! moron, Cloud.

    And so ends part one of Yuffie's Quest. Tune in next time for part two of Yuffie's Quest. Only on Let's Play Final Fantasy VII.
     
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  9. Jeez, looking back at this now is funny. I never realized just how bad the dialogue was, maybe being younger it was easy to overlook. But now, ouch. They always talked about remaking this game, if they end up doing so I seriously hope they retranslate it. Star Ocean 2 deserves the same treatment, get some fucking people with a sense of the English language to do the work. I always hated how they translate jRPGs basically word for word.
     
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  10. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    GOOGAH!!!

    Hiho, hiho!
     
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  11. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    15,463
    Location:
    Insert clever insult here
    GOOGAH horsie, GOOGAH!
     
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  12. asper Arcane

    asper
    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2007
    Messages:
    2,170
    Project: Eternity
    Damn, this pedophile guy is disturbing. I thought jprgs were for all ages.

    Aaaa......p.
     
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  13. DefJam101 Arcane

    DefJam101
    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2007
    Messages:
    8,047
    Location:
    Cybernegro HQ
    Long update is fucking long.

    Googah!

    [​IMG]
     
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  14. poocolator Erudite

    poocolator
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2008
    Messages:
    7,948
    Location:
    The Order of Discalced Codexian Convulsionists
    Oh Jaysus, I'm soo fucking wasted rigfht now....asdfasdfasdf
     
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  15. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    FACT: No one can be truly wasted on the internet. It is merely an excuse for typing poorly, much like "sry, english not first langage".

    BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
     
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  16. poocolator Erudite

    poocolator
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2008
    Messages:
    7,948
    Location:
    The Order of Discalced Codexian Convulsionists
    FAP FAP FAPETTY FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP
     
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  17. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    STOP JERKING OFF! YOU'LL GO BLIND!
     
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  18. theverybigslayer Liturgist

    theverybigslayer
    Joined:
    May 25, 2004
    Messages:
    985
    Location:
    Port Hope
    Is this from the Father Ted series?
     
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  19. Radisshu Prophet

    Radisshu
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2007
    Messages:
    5,623
    INDEED IT IS

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzYzVMcg ... re=related
     
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  20. Melcar Arcane

    Melcar
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2008
    Messages:
    31,792
    Location:
    Merida, again
    So... when can we expect some horse porn?
     
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  21. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,104
    Location:
    Urkanistan
    I like long updates.
     
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  22. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    looseendsinwutaishortboringfuckingupdateletsdoit!

    I completed the TP posters quest.

    [​IMG]

    I received one (1) of every stat booster as well as a couple of turbo ethers or turbo potions or ether potion turbo fucks or whatever they're called, I forget. A stupid prize for a stupid quest, let's move on.

    After doing that shit, it was time to complete the second half of Yuffie sidequest. Climbing the whatever gauntlet fuck shit fuck fuck tower.

    [​IMG]

    We fought a fat guy who transformed into a monster, a little girl who transformed into a another monster, a lady who transformed into a another monster, a dude who transformed into another monster and then we fought

    [​IMG]

    Yes. D, ...dad!? He transformed into yet another monster who was like three monsters except it was only one monster.

    [​IMG]

    They almost murdered each other but Yuffie somehow won and received the big ass fucking giant oh my stars it's huge water snake god summon materia thing and her final limit break. Then Cid tried his best to act fatherly or something:

    [​IMG]

    Stop being so fucking stupid, Cid. You're supposed to be the bestest character in the game. You're making me look bad. Anyway, that's all for Yuffie's quest.

    Next I did a fuckton of stuff that I didn't bother taking screens for. Here's a list:

    1: I got all characters' limit breaks. Cloud, Nanaki, Aeris, Deceive (Cait Sith, remember) and Yuffie all have every damn limit break in the book. The rest are only missing their last lb. I can't believe I bothered with Aeris.
    2: I did one Fort Condor battle. It was over in a less than two minutes. Fire catapults.

    STUPID TRIVIA: So far, I have only missed ONE Fort Condor battle. Yes, between updates I have gone all the way back there to do the shit. This means I'm so goddamn awesome I'm borderline stupid.

    3: I almost bought the Costa Del Sol villa. I bought it and then loadstated my way out of the deal. I'm filthy rich, selling useless materia/equipment/items.

    4: I went to the Weapon Seller's house and was informed that I need the keystone to get to the next area. Rumors travel fast in the land of FF7, I had never met this man before but he sure knew all about my plans to fuck shit up in the ancient temple of the ancients. He said he sold the keystone to someone and he also said that there's some dangerous power in the temple and Cloud was like whatever, who bought the keystone motherfucker and the guy said the guy that run the Gold Saucer bought it for his collection so HERE WE ARE!

    [​IMG]

    Yeah, whatever, what do we need to do to get that stone, underwear man?

    [​IMG]

    Bitch, I just fought enough battles to get over 60000 battle points so I could buy Cloud's final limit break, don't you have CCTV or some shit you can watch instead? And Dio was like "no, mofo" so I just reached into the monitor with my huge horse man hands and broke his earring and Cloud was like "OH MY GOD ANDY HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HIS EARRING?!!" but I was like "HAND OVER THE KEYSTONE, DIAPER DUDE" and Dio knew I was like serious and shit and he handed over the keystone in a hurry

    [​IMG]

    and then I was like FUCK YES WE'RE OUT OF HERE!!! and I just screamed MOVE YOUR ASS CLOUD FAGGOT LET'S FUCK SHIT UP!!!!! all the way out to the tram: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH-- and then I stopped and was all ohnowhatthefuckisthisshit?!!

    [​IMG]

    Goddamn, don't you just hate it when stuff breaks down and forces you to do stuff you hate? I sure do!

    [​IMG]

    Luckily Deceive bounced up to us with a great plan!

    [​IMG]

    Holy shit that's brilliant! Let's stay at the inn until the tram is repaired? Oh my me, what would we do without you, Deceive?

    [​IMG] I put the "con" in "convenient"!

    You sure do.

    Anyway, the whole gang invaded the hotel. I have no idea if that's supposed to be a smart idea since this is supposed to be like an amusement park owned by Shinra or something but I suppose I'm just a dumb ol' horse.

    [​IMG]

    Yes, and thank holy Vishnu for that.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] WE'RE AFTER SEPHIROTH BECAUSE HE WANT TO RULE THE WORLD OR SOMETHING AND WE HAVE TO STOP HIM! IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, JUST FUCKING FOLLOW MY GODDAMN LEAD AND SHUT UP! ALRIGHT? THANK YOU AND GOOD FUCKING NIGHT!



    NEXT: DATE NIGHT.
     
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  23. Demnogonis Saastuttaja Magister

    Demnogonis Saastuttaja
    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,338
    Location:
    Bureaukratistan
    I hope you'll date Barret. It's clear that Cloud is a faggot, through and through, so you shouldn't force him to rail against his nature.

    I wonder if there's any fanfic pics of Barret fisting Cloud with his gun-arm. Maybe it's better to not find out, though.
     
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  24. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    15,463
    Location:
    Insert clever insult here
    The Heavenly Horse is nearing the end of it's Heavenly Endurance, obviously. Quick, some carrots marinated in whisky or something to keep him going strong!
     
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  25. Elhoim Iron Tower Studio Developer

    Elhoim
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2006
    Messages:
    2,810
    Location:
    San Isidro, Argentina
    I remember Cid falling asleep during that scene...
     
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