Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

[Vaarna_Aarne]

 

[MetalCraze]

Where is the update?
We have a shitty main character to kill you know.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Chapter 44 - Smile, muthafucka, and the world will take a dump all over you!

Yeah, I hear you. Sorry for what happened.

Don't worry about it.

...I can't help it...

Oh... Then, why don't you REALLY worry about it?

Sounds like the greatest idea you've ever had, Aeris.

What is this place?

This is the forest that leads to the City of the Ancients. It is called the Sleeping Forest. I must travel to the City of the Ancients and stop Sephiroth. It's only a matter of time before he uses Meteor. Only a survivor of the Cetra, like me, can stop his evil plans.

Alright. Should we come with you and protect you while you're protecting the planet?

Won't be necessary.

Can we give you a lift?

Won't be necessary.

I think it will be very necessary. I mean, you probably need a boat to get over to that last continent we haven't visited yet.

I can teleport over there faster than you can spit.

Really?

Yes, but it only works once.

So let me get this straight...

*giggle* STRAIGHT *giggle*

Shut up. If I understand this shit correctly, all of a sudden you know where the City of the Ancients is.

I don't understand it myself!

The very same City of the Ancients that is part of the whole "Promised Land" thing?

Correct!

The very Promised motherfucking Land that WE were on a QUEST to FIND, so WE could kick Sephiroth's and Shinra's asses and SAVE THE FUCKING WORLD?!!

Yup!

And now you tell me you can FUCKING TELEPORT over there?!!

All I gotta do is snap my fingers!

Right.

*snap* *snap* *snap* :D :D :D Teehee!!

I think I would like to die now.

Oh, but why?

Well... why the fuck do you know where it is all of a sudden?

All Cetras do! :D

Yeah! But I thought they too went on a quest to search for it! And they knew they had found it, when they had actually fucking found it!

Well, I guess I'm just a really special kind of Cetra! I come with all that knowledge unlocked already! :D

Yeah, you're special, alright...

Yup! Anyway, this forest is your next destination!

Right. Thanks for showing it to us before you fucking went off on your o.. Hey, have you left?

Sure has!

Why didn't Deceive stop you? Is this another trick? Are you two... working together?

No, he just couldn't stop me.

Of course he couldn't.

Teleport, Cloud! Teleport!

Is there any rope around here? I really want to hang myself.

Nope! No rope! But boy howdy do I feel like a rope is pulling me in! Well, it's a gentle pull! It feels like I'm being led by something!

I know that feeling.

Splendid!

Aeris?

Yeah?

Has someone ever told you you're a stupid, retarded waste of a great hentai vagina?

I think my mother did once! :D

Right.

Goodbye!

And with that, she takes off with the speed of Grandmaster Flash and Jay Garrick combined.

Oh shit, Cloud! We forgot to ask how to get the hell outta here!

Come on, Cloud!

You can do it, Cloud!

She's getting away, Cloud!

You blew it, Cloud!

Also: OH SHI--!!

Goddammit, Sephiroth! You know Cloud doesn't know shit like that! Anyway, that's the end of the dream. (After a white screen of course!)

(pictured: a white screen)

Cloud wakes up in Gongaga!

(pictured: how 99,9 of us wish we would wake up)

And then Tifa says

And Cloud explains.

MUTHAFUCKA, WE'RE GOIN' TOO! GODDAMN CRAZY MUTHAFUCKIN' WOMEN!! SHIIII!!

Only the Ancients, only Aeris can save us from the Meteor...

Then we must go! What'll we do if something happens to her? If Sephiroth finds her, she's in trouble.

Sephiroth... he already knows.

HE ALREADY KNOWS!?? MUTHAFUCKA SHITFUCK!! WHY IN HELL YA STILL SITTIN' THEN?! WE GOTTA GO HELP THAT CRAZY BITCH!!

Let's go, Emo!

No. I might lose it again. Deceive must have told you, right? If Sephiroth comes near me I might......

Cum in your pants?

...

Sorry.

My fault?

YEAH, MUTHAFUCKA!! YORE FAULT!! I MEAN... SHII... I KNOW YA GOT PROBLEMS, SON! SHIT, ALL US MUTHAFUCKAS DO! BUT YA DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAN' YERSELF, BOY! YA GOTTA UNDERSTAN' THAT THERE AIN'T NO GETTIN' OFFA THIS TRAIN, MUTHAFUCKA! WE'RE ON IT TIL THE END OF THE LINE, WHITEY!!

Wow! That is some of the most authentic black man talk I've ever heard!

DAMN STRAIGHT, MUTHAFUCKA!!

Cloud, we came this far... Aren't you going to settle up with Sephiroth?

No... I'm afraid. If this keeps up, I may go crazy! I'm afraid...

YO, MUTHAFUCKA! JES' THINK ABOUT IT! HOW MANY MUTHAFUCKAS IN THIS MUTHAFUCKA WORLD DO YA THINK REALLY FUCKIN' UNNERSTANNS THEMSELVES? SHIII... PEOPLE GET DEPRESSED IN LIFE CUZ THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT DE FUCK IS UP AND SHIT!! BUT THOSE MUTHAFUCKAS JUST GO ON MUTHAFUCKIN' LIVIN'! THEY DON'T RUN AWAY! THASS HOW IT IS! YA GOTTA LIKE FACE YO FEARS, MUTHAFUCKA!!

...

Cloud... you'll come with us, right? I believe in you.


TO BE CONTINUED, MUTHAFUCKAS!!

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Yay, Transmetropolitan!

 

[poocolator]

So why is the muscular bear lovingly holding the pants-less boy?

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

So why is the muscular bear lovingly holding the pants-less boy?

 

[BloodyPuppy]

What the fucking hell is that comic? It's kind of awesome actually.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Your eyes do not deceive you. It's Miracle Man and is indeed awesome.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

You could say that Miracleman is the opus magnum of all comics. If you ask me, I'd rate it the best out of the top selection instead of Watchmen, From Hell and V for Vendetta.

Also, here's the best part:

Gaiman is winning the legal clusterfuck for good, and he and the artist have said that they'll finish the story as intended.

 

[poocolator]

Holy shit that is awesome.

 

[1eyedking]

Stop spamming that faggot comic everywhere, goddamit.

 

[Spectacle]

Superheroes turn everything they touch into shit, that is a fact. Luckily, thanks to the wonders of AdBlock Plus, this thread is now superhero-free.

 

[kingcomrade]

Superheroes are faggots unless they are space marines

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Oh yeah?

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Superheroes turn everything they touch into shit, that is a fact. Luckily, thanks to the wonders of AdBlock Plus, this thread is now superhero-free.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

*snif*

 

[DefJam101]

Fucking hell that's awesome.

 

[Radisshu]

Huh. The only superhero comics I like are Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol, Batman: Year One, the Dark Knight Returns and the parts in the Sandman that feature super heroes, but I really want to read Miracleman now. Trim the sails and etc

I'd probably like Watchmen, too, if I read that.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

You could say Miracleman is the opus magnum of all comicdom, seeing how it has pretty much the very best of both Moore and Gaiman.

It hasn't been in print for twenty years though, and the copyright is buried under a massive legal clusterfuck that prevents Gaiman from finishing the story.

You'd probably like Morrison's Final Crisis as well. It's like a highly intelligent indie comic that somehow became the big event for DC. And it was awesome. Especially the last issue and Superman Beyond.

You can read all Miracleman stuff here: http://s285.photobucket.com/albums/ll78/vaarna_aarne/Teh Epixx/MiracleMan/

Also, DefJam gets a special nigger bonus because I imagine him being Dolemite in real life. What happened before that pic:

 

[MetalCraze]

So where is the most important FF7 update ever?

 

[BloodyPuppy]

Come on man, I need my fix.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

We're suffering from withdrawal symptons, o majestic brown horse! Let us have a taste of your awesomeness again!

 

[Andyman Messiah]

So where is the most important FF7 update ever?

[Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth]Good news, everyone![/Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth]

I just recently took screenshots of Sephiroth's sword coming out of Aeris' stomach. The appropriate update will soon be posted. Just give me a day to get rid of all this unhealthy euphoria I'm feeling right now, because

I'm fucking done!

 

[Brother None]

Congrats man!

To be honest it's nothing short of a fuckin' miracle that this has been carried so far, but it's a joyride all the way

Hurray Aeris dies!