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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. peak Scholar

    peak
    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2006
    Messages:
    134
    Location:
    Meshuggah City
    <a href="http://youtubedoubler.com/?video1=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fv%2FgvRRIY3YGFU&video2=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fv%2FZnHmskwqCCQ">hai guis look what i made</a>
     
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  2. 1eyedking Erudite

    1eyedking
    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2007
    Messages:
    3,581
    Location:
    Argentina
    Flawless!

    Also, I can't believe you're 52 pages in and STILL only gone through disk one. You really do have the constitution of a horse, at least.
     
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  3. Edward_R_Murrow Prestigious Gentleman Arcane

    Edward_R_Murrow
    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,585
    Location:
    Motherfuckerville
    Damn. You have some serious endurance to not only be able to play through this "game", but keep making the funnahs consistently.

    I really should finish the Quest 64 LP. Maybe that'll sate people for a bit, even though it's nowhere near as good as this or the Sailor Moon LP.

    Also the added text in the death scene was hilarious.
     
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  4. Gragt Arcane Patron

    Gragt
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2007
    Messages:
    1,864,860
    Location:
    Dans Ton Cul
    Serpent in the Staglands Divinity: Original Sin
    To be honest, my source material is already very lulz worthy.
     
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  5. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    It's a miracle it didn't take much longer as I was busy as fuck (and still is) and didn't really have time to play shitty games for the amusement of internet people. I maintain that this thread will end somewhere between 100-150 pages if people also keep posting catchphrases, bumps and occasional praise.

    You really should finish it because I was reading and enjoying it.

    An update is on the way.
     
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  6. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
  7. Imbecile Arbiter

    Imbecile
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2005
    Messages:
    1,267
    Location:
    Bristol, England
    [​IMG]
     
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  8. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Yesterday, my folks decided to send me to the glue factory. Currently hiding in a phone booth somewhere in Norway.
     
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  9. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    15,463
    Location:
    Insert clever insult here
    Damn they build big phonebooths in Norway!

    [​IMG]

    That filly only dates horsies who update their LP's! See what you are missing!
     
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  10. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
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    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    Fight da power, talking horse! Do it for Boxer!
     
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  11. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
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    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Name one other horse currently doing an LP, you snotty little X-Chromosome!
     
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  12. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Hey, guess what I found under my pillow? A sparklingly sparkling new update of everyone's favorite crap jrpg let's play! Thumbs up, alright!!

    Time to get the fuck started with this again. Aeris is dead. Her plan to stop an elite trained killing machine with the power of prayer failed, proving once and for all that Bon Jovi's famous one hit wonder "Livin' on a prayer" is all bullshit. Time to start running after Sephiroth again.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Cloud, do you have any mindfuckery or hallucination that might help us deduct which one of the two exits out of this place Sephiroth could have taken?
    [​IMG] He definitely said something about just abandoning this stupid search for the promised land and heading south, back to Costa Del Sol and buy the entire beach and drink mojitos all day and all night and sometimes even when the day turns into the night and it gets kinda cold and you really have to go in and put on a pair of extra pants and temporarily interupt your mojito on the beach sampling but you don't really want to because it's really nice even if it's really cold and--
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] Yeah, yeah, definitely Costa Del Sol!
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] So come on, dawgs! He's getting away!
    [​IMG] ..I think he headed north...
    [​IMG] Yeah, I think so too.
    [​IMG] Man, you white folks always trynna keep a nigga down!

    So our heroes headed north!

    [​IMG] Muthafucka racist shit!

    Into the snowy vastness of snowy vastness!

    [​IMG] That's some poetry right there.

    Shut up, you!

    Anyway! After a very straight and narrow one-path-dungeon with over 9000 treasure chests to open, our heroes soon found a teleporter!

    [​IMG] No, we didn't!

    Quiet, you! A teleporter which had the awesome power to warp them to civilization!

    [​IMG] No, we found a couple of ladders!

    Quiet you!

    [​IMG] :cry: STOP CALLING ME A JEW!! :cry:

    Look! A new town!

    [​IMG]

    Welcome to Icicle Inn. A town famous for it's snow, ice, snowmen and occasional klan meetings (they blend in really well). The shop to the left has all the latest in weapons-for-odd-people-travelling-by so be sure to take a look if you give a fuck. The enemies outside town should give you all the money you need to properly outfit our lovable rapscallions. Once you're done it's time to investigate houses, so let's do that! Come on, let's do it! Let's fucking do it!

    [​IMG]

    In this house the mother of a nine year old is complaining that her son hurt his ass when he tried out his sparklingly extreme new snowboard.

    [​IMG] Snowboards are awesome. I hope I'll get a chance to ride it down a mountain and collect balloons some time soon!
    [​IMG] I think snowboards are the Spawn of Satan and should be destroyed in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour.
    [​IMG] What?
    [​IMG] You will burn in hell, Cloud. Together with all your snowboard-loving friends.
    [​IMG] Jeez, that's pretty harsh. Would it help if I went down on you?
    [​IMG] No, sorry. There's just something about snowboards that turns me into a religious freak. Don't worry about it. Just don't ever bring up... that... again.
    [​IMG] Muthafuckin' duly noted, you crazy bitch!

    [​IMG]

    In this house, and its surroundings, we hear that should we ever want to climb up a mountain we should not come unprepared as it's really dangerous. They also tell us to take the map hanging on the wall so we do just that.

    [​IMG] Wow, I can't wait to climb up a mountain! And I hope I'll get a chance to use a map too!
    [​IMG] Don't forget to practice rubbing your hands together to warm yourself.
    [​IMG] No need to practice there, girl. I got excellent circulation.
    [​IMG] Yeah. Stuff jus' cums 'round with Cloud.
    [​IMG] Yeah, I'm.. Wait, what? What did you say?
    [​IMG] Nuthin'.

    In Icicle Inn of Icicle Inn, we activate a conversation between two guys and one of them mentions that a Cetra once lived in this town.

    [​IMG]

    Apparently she was abducted by the Shinra. DUN DUN DUHHHH!!!!!

    [​IMG] QUICKLY! LET'S INVESTIGATE!
    [​IMG] Yo, can I get a beer instead?
    [​IMG] Sure.

    BARRET LEFT THE PARTY!

    [​IMG] HEY CID!
    [​IMG] WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, YOU DOG RAPING, SEMEN DRINKING, MIDGET KICKING, ASS WIPING, BUTT SUCKING, COCK BLOCKING, SALAD EATING, PISS TAKING, DOUBLE BITCHING, TRIPLE FISTING, PRINGLES FARTING LITTLE "#¤%&!!!!!!!!
    [​IMG] Join our party?
    [​IMG] Sure, what the heck.

    CID JOINED THE PARTY!

    [​IMG] I really need to go to the bathroom before we do anything else.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Wow!

    CLOUD GOT NEW FETISH!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] He sure is, Dump Taking Man! He sure is!
    [​IMG] Al Wright!? What the hell are you doing here?
    [​IMG] Just keeping an eye on things.
    [​IMG] Right.
    [​IMG] Catch any new pokemon?
    [​IMG] Get the hell outta here.

    So with Cid and Tifa inside of him, Cloud ran as fast as he could to the only house he didn't investigate and stumbled upon... a laboratory with real flashing lights!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Wicked awesome, dude!

    With confidential security camera footage just waiting to get totally watched!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Wow, we're totally gonna watch confidential security camera footage!

    And the weirdest wall decoration ever!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Motherfucking shit on a shitcovered shitbrick, that's some weird motherfucking wall decoration alright!

    Yeah, seriously.

    [​IMG] Ain't got no clue what cumdrainingly sluttastic mushroom induced fever dream that could have inspired that shit.

    Is that two spears and a shield?

    [​IMG] Spears and a shield?! I was talking about the yellow ring!

    I drew a circle around it to draw attention to and emphazizzle the weirdness of the spears and the shield!

    [​IMG] The spears and shield ain't weird, you uncultured fuckfaced hobosmelling cunt! It just means whoever lives here's into culture and shit. Provided, of course, that's really what we think it is. I mean, we're looking at it and we see a spear and shield, but it could be packet of raisins!!

    Raisins?

    [​IMG] Well, you don't know how they pack "#¤%&!! raisins in other countries!!

    No, I guess I don't.

    [​IMG] That's right you don't, you cockrobbing buttplugger. And that circle was fucking ugly as shit too. Ugly as a shit laid in the afternoon.
    [​IMG] Guys We got confidential security camera footage here!
    [​IMG] Alright, what should we watch?
    [​IMG] Start from the goddamn fucking beginning, you cranberry juice drinking seamonster molesters!
    [​IMG] Alright!
    [​IMG] Yeeeeesssss???
    [​IMG] Al Wright, get the fuck outta here! Trying to watch a movie here for christs sake!

    Right now, someone is masturbating.


    --THE ORIGINAL CRISIS--

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] 2000 years ago, our ancestors, the Cetra, heard the cries of the Planet. The first ones to discover the Planet's wounds were the Cetra at the Knowlespole.
    [​IMG] Tell us, Ifalna. Where is the land called Knowlespole?
    [​IMG] Knowlespole refers to this area. The Cetra then began a planet-reading.
    [​IMG] Ifalna, exactly what does planet-reading entail?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] It said something fell from the sky making a large wound. Thousands of Cetra pulled together, trying to heal the Planet... But due to the severity of the wound, it was only able to heal itself, over many years.
    [​IMG] Do the Ancients, rather, the Cetra, have special powers to heal the planet.

    No, they just patted it on its back and prayed really hard.

    Seriously.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] The Cetra tried desperately to cultivate the land so as to not diminish the needed energy.
    [​IMG] Hmm... Even here so close to the North Cave, the snow never melts.
    [​IMG] THE NORTH CAVE?!! SNOW THAT NEVER MELTS?!!
    [​IMG] Get out of here, Sutherland!
    [​IMG] Sorry, just came by to borrow... A CUP OF MILK!!
    [​IMG] You're ruining the recording!
    [​IMG] Sorry.
    [​IMG] Stupid prick. Please continue, Ifalna. Is it because the planet's energy is gathered here to heal its injury?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] The Planet tried to persuade the Cetra to leave the Knowlespole, but... When the Cetra... were preparing to part with the land they loved...

    [​IMG]

    DUH DUH DUNNNNN!!!!

    [​IMG] It looked like...our...our dead mothers...and our dead brothers...

    AND OUR DEAD FATHERS AND OUR DEAD AUNTS AND OUR DEAD CAR SALESMEN AND OUR DEAD MATTRESSES AND OUR DEAD SHOES AND OUR DEAD SEMEN STAINED FUTONS AND OUR DEAD DEADITES AND OUR DEAD BURN VICTIMS AND OUR...

    That's enough, Caps Lock-narrator.

    ALRIGHT.

    [​IMG] ...Showing us spectres of their pasts.

    [​IMG]

    New catchphrase, muthafuckas. I have't any idea! I HAVE'T ANY IDEA!!

    [​IMG] That's when the one who injured the Planet... or the 'crisis from the sky', as we call him, came. He first approached as a friend, deceived them, and finally......gave them the virus. The Cetra were attacked by the virus and went mad...transforming into monsters. Then, just as he had at the Knowlespole. He approached other Cetra clans..... infecting them with.... the virus...
    [​IMG] You don't look well. Let's call it a day.

    --END OF RECORDING--


    [​IMG] Aeris mom is "#¤%&! hot!
    [​IMG] Next video, please.


    TO BE CONTINUED!

    IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF LET'S PLAY FINAL FANTASY 7: EVEN MORE INCREDIBLY AWESOME PLOT EXPLANATIONS!
     
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  13. Radisshu Prophet

    Radisshu
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2007
    Messages:
    5,623
    So all the monsters in FF7 are mutated cetra?
     
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  14. Gragt Arcane Patron

    Gragt
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2007
    Messages:
    1,864,860
    Location:
    Dans Ton Cul
    Serpent in the Staglands Divinity: Original Sin
    Whoa, you did it! Sephiroth is pleased!

    [​IMG]
     
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  15. Demnogonis Saastuttaja Magister

    Demnogonis Saastuttaja
    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,338
    Location:
    Bureaukratistan
    If memory serves, you're getting to the two or maybe three suckiest parts of the game in a row. So be prepared with at least a bottle of beer per hour, maybe two.
     
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  16. Gragt Arcane Patron

    Gragt
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2007
    Messages:
    1,864,860
    Location:
    Dans Ton Cul
    Serpent in the Staglands Divinity: Original Sin
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  17. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    15,463
    Location:
    Insert clever insult here
    OMG, I need to claw my eyes out and bleach my brain after that Sephiroth pic. Fucking hell.

    And yes, my new favourite curse is "you cockrobbing buttplugger". Awesome.
     
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  18. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    It's going to take a helluva lot more than just a couple of beers per hour. We are talking about the shittiest, suckiest, most cyanide capsule desiring part of the entire fucking game. I have half a mind of getting a couple dots of mescaline just for the occasion.
     
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  19. poocolator Erudite

    poocolator
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2008
    Messages:
    7,948
    Location:
    The Order of Discalced Codexian Convulsionists
    The biggest dick on a pubescent boy I've ever seen...
     
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  20. BethesdaLove Arbiter

    BethesdaLove
    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2008
    Messages:
    1,998
    So you've seen quite a few? On what occasion?
     
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  21. Gragt Arcane Patron

    Gragt
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2007
    Messages:
    1,864,860
    Location:
    Dans Ton Cul
    Serpent in the Staglands Divinity: Original Sin
    When I updated my SM thread in a couple of days, I expect Andyman Messiah to spam it with futa pics of Sailor Moon.
     
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  22. MetalCraze Arcane

    MetalCraze
    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2007
    Messages:
    21,104
    Location:
    Urkanistan
    Andyman, please continue the LP - otherwise remember that I have a history of litigating.
     
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  23. Gragt Arcane Patron

    Gragt
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2007
    Messages:
    1,864,860
    Location:
    Dans Ton Cul
    Serpent in the Staglands Divinity: Original Sin
    I smell the start of a new Codex meme.
     
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  24. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
    9,933
    Location:
    Narnia
    Why do you expect such a horrible thing from such a nice guy? I am probably the nicest guy on Codex. The only shit I do is semi-cute, semi-weird drunken behaviour. Maybe I can post some topless pictures of Samantha Fox or something...

    It's alright. I have a history of littering.

    I'm actually putting together an update right now of the last two plot expositions. I'm so sober I can feel the tapeworm.
     
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