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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

RK47

collides like two planets pulled by gravity
Patron
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
Messages
28,396
Location
Not Here
Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
waah.jpg
 

RK47

collides like two planets pulled by gravity
Patron
Joined
Feb 23, 2006
Messages
28,396
Location
Not Here
Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
Shit , I really want to see the ending too. You can just skip the optional shit. Come on man. Kick Sephy's ass!
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
I'm going on vacation, therefore the thread is going on vacation too. Don't expect any updates until cats take over the world or I get back.

Also fuck all you people!
 

Adus

Novice
Joined
Jun 28, 2009
Messages
2
Andyman Messiah said:
RK47 said:
Andyman Messiah said:
FUN FACT: I actually painted over a goat.cx-style picture. :oops:

LP Status: Yes, I am almost done with this shit, and I'm NOT going to breed any chocobos! I honestly don't want to. I want to finish this as soon as possible so I can go on with my life. I will do the remaining sidequests but that's it as far as optional goes.

:lol: But but.. KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND BABY

Fuck the Knights of the Round.

My thoughts exactly. After playing through this whole game again taking 2000 screenshots along the way, the last thing I needed was more tedious shit.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
PREVIOUSLY, on Final Fantasy 7:

ff7173.jpg



NOW, on Final Fantasy 7:

ff7174.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
The glare...
barretwallace.jpg
You'll be better soon. You've been asleep for a long time.
tifalockhart.jpg
I'm.......... hungry.
barretwallace.jpg
Hey, why don't you ask?
tifalockhart.jpg
.....what? About food?

ff7175.jpg


ff7176.jpg


barretwallace.jpg
Don't worry, I don't know what happened to Cloud either.

That sounds like something that'd make her worry even more.

barretwallace.jpg
Guess I shouldn't tell you not to worry.

What an asshole.

barretwallace.jpg
None of them knows if he's all right either.

Barret Wallace - Rubbing it in is his life.

tifalockhart.jpg
He's... still alive... right?

Tifa Lockhart - Being a stupid deaf bitch is her life.

barretwallace.jpg
Bitch, I told you! Noone knows!
tifalockhart.jpg
How long was I asleep?
barretwallace.jpg
Lesse now.... musta been 7 days.

This game is extremely generous with sevens and fives.

tifalockhart.jpg
What about Sephiroth?
barretwallace.jpg
You ain't over it yet. Remember that huge light, in the Northern Cave? Since then, the crater's been surrounded by a huge barrier of light. Everyone knows Sephiroth sleeps in that big hole, protected by the barrier. We can't do a damn thing about. We just gotta wait til he wakes up.

THE MORE YOU KNOW: Barret briefly goes into ebonics mode now.

barretwallace.jpg
An' on topa that,

FACT: Ebonics mode turned off.

barretwallace.jpg
some huge monster called Weapon's been on a rampage.
tifalockhart.jpg
Weapon?
barretwallace.jpg
Muthafuckingly stupid name, huh?
tifalockhart.jpg
What is it?
barretwallace.jpg
Remember that huge monster that was with Sephiroth at the bottom of the crater? Well, it's up here now. They say it's some legendary monster from the past.
tifalockhart.jpg
Weapon... is protecting Sephiroth.
barretwallace.jpg
Dunno. But he's up here goin' around tearin' shit up. Right now, Rufus' fightin' it. Hate to say it, but he got guts. Well, mostly an elite trained army of muthafuckas an' shit but guts too.
tifalockhart.jpg
And don't forget that he's the Midgar Handjob Champion as well.
barretwallace.jpg
Yeah, well... uh, I wouldn't know SHIT about THAT, Tifa! Goddammit!
tifalockhart.jpg
Okay.
barretwallace.jpg
Goddammit!
tifalockhart.jpg
Okay.

ff7177.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Time... Hey! What about Meteor?!

ff7178.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Shit, it's turned red.
barretwallace.jpg
An' it's glowing too.
tifalockhart.jpg
That's probably bad.
rufus.jpg
It sure is.

SNEAK ATTACK!

ff7179.jpg


barretwallace.jpg
Yeah, well, seems like that muthafucka's more int'rested 'bout betrayin' the shiiiiiiiiiiiiii-- outta us and waking up spooky samurai faggotty muthafuckas an' all kinds of other shiiiiiiiiiiii---
rufus.jpg
Well, Hojo wanted to examine him.
tifalockhart.jpg
What are you going to do with Cloud.

YOU DEAF FUCKING BITCH. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO WE HAVE TELL YOU? CLOUD IS MISSING! WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THIS LIKE EIGHT FUCKING TIMES! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

tifalockhart.jpg
Sorry.

GODDAMMIT!!

barretwallace.jpg
Yeah, seriously, Tifa. Goddammit.
tifalockhart.jpg
I said I was sorry.
rufus.jpg
Well, in any case... We're not really looking for... Sephiroth's alter ego. I mean, Meteor's been summoned so it's all pretty much over now.
barretwallace.jpg
Huh, so you's jus' givin' up, huh? Huh?
tifalockhart.jpg
Huh huh.
rufus.jpg
Pretty much. We'll evacuate to our large underground vaults and stay there until this whole mess is over.
tifalockhart.jpg
Will there be room for us?
rufus.jpg
Well, yes.
tifalockhart.jpg
But we're not going to be allowed in?
rufus.jpg
Well, no. We need entertainment after all. Personally, I'm a huge fan of those adorable "Tiger on Girl"-films that's been popping up lately...
tifalockhart.jpg
:!:
barretwallace.jpg
Man, where's that muthafucka Colin Farrell when ya need him!?
rufus.jpg
But since that damn tiger escaped our clutches...
tifalockhart.jpg
:!:
barretwallace.jpg
It was probably that muthafucka Colin Farrell that did it! I knew he was a tiger fucker!
rufus.jpg
Well, don't worry about it.
barretwallace.jpg
:?:
rufus.jpg
Heidegger! Enter the room in a sudden pedophiliac "Father Christmassy" manner!

ff7180.jpg


barretwallace.jpg
Execution?! What're you gonna get by executin' us?!
rufus.jpg
Well, I still enjoy a good snuff film. And so do the rest of the population.
barretwallace.jpg
Man, you're seriously messed up.
tifalockhart.jpg
The people will never enjoy something like that!
rufus.jpg
Sure they will! They're idiots after all. The people will feel better as long as someone is punished for this whole mess. We'll tape the whole thing and broadcast it live. Then every year, on Wank In Your Poop Day, we'll show it nonstop on every monitor! Moahahahaha!!

ff7181.jpg


tifalockhart.jpg
Wait!
rufus.jpg
Yes?
tifalockhart.jpg
When... when's Wank In Your Poop Day?
rufus.jpg
Hmm...
tifalockhart.jpg
Christmas Day..?
rufus.jpg
..Okay.
tifalockhart.jpg
...
rufus.jpg
But remember...
tifalockhart.jpg
:?:
rufus.jpg
EVERY DAY IS CHRISTMAS DAY!
tifalockhart.jpg
No! You fiend!
rufus.jpg
Moahahahaha!!
barretwallace.jpg
Goddammit!

ff7182.jpg


barretwallace.jpg
Goddammit!


Well shit, looks like they all died anyway.

Time to start working on that Fallout 3 LP I've been thinking about. Be sure to keep an eye out for the wacky wasteland adventures of Rufus Shinra-Neeson! Coming to a General RPG Discussion section near you.

In the next update: Grand Theft Airship! Stay tuned, muthafuckas.
 

Monocause

Arcane
Joined
Aug 15, 2008
Messages
3,656
Jesus Christ, how long is that fucking thing? And how boring? And how the fuck is it possible that some consider it the best game ever? The writing is poor, the gameplay is poor, the combat is poor - what the fuck?
 
Joined
Sep 8, 2008
Messages
11,313
Location
SPAAAAAAAAAACE...
Project: Eternity
Monocause said:
Jesus Christ, how long is that fucking thing? And how boring? And how the fuck is it possible that some consider it the best game ever? The writing is poor, the gameplay is poor, the combat is poor - what the fuck?

Why do people like *anything* that's Japanese? :D
 

ghostdog

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Dec 31, 2007
Messages
11,079
Bah FFVII's cutscenes are nothing compared to FFX's TEN HOURS LONG MORONICALLY SCRIPTED HORRIBLY VOICEACTED CUTSCENES.
 

Sovy Kurosei

Erudite
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
1,535
PlanHex said:
Ah well, at least Advent Children has some good fight scenes.

Advent Children is a feature length fight scene that is intermittently broken up by the characters babbling about something or other.
 

Vaarna_Aarne

Notorious Internet Vandal
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
34,585
Location
Cell S-004
MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
Jasede said:
I heard only Twilight fans liked Advent Children, confirm/deny?
Confirmed.

Because Twilight fan is synonymous with faggot.
 

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