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FUN FACT: I actually painted over a goat.cx-style picture.
LP Status: Yes, I am almost done with this shit, and I'm NOT going to breed any chocobos! I honestly don't want to. I want to finish this as soon as possible so I can go on with my life. I will do the remaining sidequests but that's it as far as optional goes.
You'll be better soon. You've been asleep for a long time.
I'm.......... hungry.
Hey, why don't you ask?
.....what? About food?
Don't worry, I don't know what happened to Cloud either.
That sounds like something that'd make her worry even more.
Guess I shouldn't tell you not to worry.
What an asshole.
None of them knows if he's all right either.
Barret Wallace - Rubbing it in is his life.
He's... still alive... right?
Tifa Lockhart - Being a stupid deaf bitch is her life.
Bitch, I told you! Noone knows!
How long was I asleep?
Lesse now.... musta been 7 days.
This game is extremely generous with sevens and fives.
What about Sephiroth?
You ain't over it yet. Remember that huge light, in the Northern Cave? Since then, the crater's been surrounded by a huge barrier of light. Everyone knows Sephiroth sleeps in that big hole, protected by the barrier. We can't do a damn thing about. We just gotta wait til he wakes up.
THE MORE YOU KNOW: Barret briefly goes into ebonics mode now.
An' on topa that,
FACT: Ebonics mode turned off.
some huge monster called Weapon's been on a rampage.
Weapon?
Muthafuckingly stupid name, huh?
What is it?
Remember that huge monster that was with Sephiroth at the bottom of the crater? Well, it's up here now. They say it's some legendary monster from the past.
Weapon... is protecting Sephiroth.
Dunno. But he's up here goin' around tearin' shit up. Right now, Rufus' fightin' it. Hate to say it, but he got guts. Well, mostly an elite trained army of muthafuckas an' shit but guts too.
And don't forget that he's the Midgar Handjob Champion as well.
Yeah, well... uh, I wouldn't know SHIT about THAT, Tifa! Goddammit!
Okay.
Goddammit!
Okay.
Time... Hey! What about Meteor?!
Shit, it's turned red.
An' it's glowing too.
That's probably bad.
It sure is.
SNEAK ATTACK!
Yeah, well, seems like that muthafucka's more int'rested 'bout betrayin' the shiiiiiiiiiiiiii-- outta us and waking up spooky samurai faggotty muthafuckas an' all kinds of other shiiiiiiiiiiii---
Well, Hojo wanted to examine him.
What are you going to do with Cloud.
YOU DEAF FUCKING BITCH. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO WE HAVE TELL YOU? CLOUD IS MISSING! WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THIS LIKE EIGHT FUCKING TIMES! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
Sorry.
GODDAMMIT!!
Yeah, seriously, Tifa. Goddammit.
I said I was sorry.
Well, in any case... We're not really looking for... Sephiroth's alter ego. I mean, Meteor's been summoned so it's all pretty much over now.
Huh, so you's jus' givin' up, huh? Huh?
Huh huh.
Pretty much. We'll evacuate to our large underground vaults and stay there until this whole mess is over.
Will there be room for us?
Well, yes.
But we're not going to be allowed in?
Well, no. We need entertainment after all. Personally, I'm a huge fan of those adorable "Tiger on Girl"-films that's been popping up lately...
:!:
Man, where's that muthafucka Colin Farrell when ya need him!?
But since that damn tiger escaped our clutches...
:!:
It was probably that muthafucka Colin Farrell that did it! I knew he was a tiger fucker!
Well, don't worry about it.
:
Heidegger! Enter the room in a sudden pedophiliac "Father Christmassy" manner!
Execution?! What're you gonna get by executin' us?!
Well, I still enjoy a good snuff film. And so do the rest of the population.
Man, you're seriously messed up.
The people will never enjoy something like that!
Sure they will! They're idiots after all. The people will feel better as long as someone is punished for this whole mess. We'll tape the whole thing and broadcast it live. Then every year, on Wank In Your Poop Day, we'll show it nonstop on every monitor! Moahahahaha!!
Wait!
Yes?
When... when's Wank In Your Poop Day?
Hmm...
Christmas Day..?
..Okay.
...
But remember...
:
EVERY DAY IS CHRISTMAS DAY!
No! You fiend!
Moahahahaha!!
Goddammit!
Goddammit!
Well shit, looks like they all died anyway.
Time to start working on that Fallout 3 LP I've been thinking about. Be sure to keep an eye out for the wacky wasteland adventures of Rufus Shinra-Neeson! Coming to a General RPG Discussion section near you.
In the next update: Grand Theft Airship! Stay tuned, muthafuckas.
Jesus Christ, how long is that fucking thing? And how boring? And how the fuck is it possible that some consider it the best game ever? The writing is poor, the gameplay is poor, the combat is poor - what the fuck?
Jesus Christ, how long is that fucking thing? And how boring? And how the fuck is it possible that some consider it the best game ever? The writing is poor, the gameplay is poor, the combat is poor - what the fuck?