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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Yeah! Post MOOOOOOAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

edit: FUCK! Alright, I meant page 67! Come on, folks! That update isn't happening until we reach page 67!
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
The Planet can go fuck itself for all I care! I ain't helping that son'bitch, no sir.

Alright, update time.


Chapter 71 - Spacial Spatialities

When we last launched off, Cloud, Cid and Yuffie were launched off! Into outer space! Whoa!

cidhighwind.jpg
I finally made it... outer space... Let's see, how's the course set...?

ff7677.jpg


AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yuffie.jpg
Hey, old man! Do something!
cidhighwind.jpg
That damn Palmer went outta his way to lock the Auto-Pilot device. We might not be able to change the course.
cloudstrife.jpg
...this is the end?
cidhighwind.jpg
Huh? What the hell are you saying? You're still young, and you give up that easily? I'm not gonna crash into Meteor.

ff7678.jpg


cidhighwind.jpg
We'll bail right before we crash into Meteor.
yuffie.jpg
Umm... so what are we gonna do with the Huge Materia? If you don't want it, maybe you could give it to ME?
cidhighwind.jpg
... If you want the materia, do whatever you want.
cloudstrife.jpg
Cid? You sure about this?
cidhighwind.jpg
...I dunno. I know what I said a minute ago.

ff7679.jpg


cidhighwind.jpg
So why don't you just go ahead and do whatever you think is right?

Well, there's no reason not to get the HUGE MATERIA so let's head to the right.

ff7680.jpg


Welcome to HEY PUSH RANDOM BUTTONS

ff7681.jpg


cidhighwind.jpg
If you punch in the right code, it'll unlock and you can get the Huge Materia!
cloudstrife.jpg
So what order am I supposed to enter the passcode in?
cidhighwind.jpg
I dunno. Just try and punch the code in randomly.

GEE. THANKS A LOT.

ff7682.jpg


The code is Zero Square X X, and you're absolutely fucked if you don't get it right on the first try since you get three minutes before the materia locks itself down. Cid'll offer some hints like "gee, I'm sure the second symbol wasn't a triangle!" but that's about as helpful as eating shit and commiting suicide. I dunno, maybe I'm retarded or something but if there's a time where I think it's entirely justified to consult a walkthrough, it's for trial and error puzzles. Fuck trial and error puzzles. Fuck them in the left nostril with a Builder Bob jackhammer.

ff7683.jpg


Cid agrees with me.

Alright then, we got what we came for. Let's get the hell outta here.

ff7684.jpg


ff7685.jpg


ff7686.jpg


OH NO WHAT HAPPEN?

ff7687.jpg


HEARD A SUSPICIOUS SOUND!

ff7688.jpg


Yeah, they couldn't pass up on opportunity for drama, could they? Fucking bullshit.

ff7689.jpg


GO ON WITHOUT ME!!

cloudstrife.jpg
I can't go without my friends!
cidhighwind.jpg
You're stupid! You're really "#¤%&!! stupid!

So anyway, Shera, who also was onboard the rocket, comes into the corridor and helps lift the debris off Cid.

ff7690.jpg


Charming as always.

ff7691.jpg


Oh, don't apologize! That's even worse. So anyhow, after this turn of events, the gang finally reaches the escape pod and...

ff7692.jpg


cidhighwind.jpg
So this is outer space... Man... it's the real thing. I'm really here in outer space... So long. Shinra No. 26...

ff7693.jpg


POOF!

Alright, let's see how everyone on the planet reacts to that tiny ass explosion.

Well, first of all everyone is totally fucking blinded!

ff7694.jpg


And Bugenhagen's star map is totally fucking exploded!

ff7695.jpg


Bugenhagen is totally fucking son I'm disappoint!

ff7696.jpg


He's totally shaking his fucking head in disappointment!

ff7697.jpg


THIS RANDOM GUY SLAMS HIS FIST INTO THE GROUND! HE ARE DISAPPOINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, enough of that, I gotta wrap this up.

ff7698.jpg


Well, to be fair you completely sabotaged their plan and made it impossible to succeed when you removed the Huge Materia from the rocket. Not that it would have succeeded anyway, but still... gotta admit that was kinda assholish of you, Cloud.

cloudstrife.jpg
Meh.

Yep.


In the next update we pay a visit to Bugenhagen and get ourselves a new summon materia that is almost as useless as all the other summon materias combined! It's going to be awesome! See you then!
 

Radisshu

Prophet
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Messages
5,623
Are we bumping this to 67 now?
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
No, I just wanted to post a couple of scans seeing as how the Codex has been extra shitty this month.

Transmetropolitan_11_p01.jpg
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Taking care of your toys is not the same as being emo. I should know, I still have all my teddy bears. They keep me safe at night.
 

ghostdog

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Dec 31, 2007
Messages
10,816

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Oh my jesus I want that framed and hung in my livingroom! :lol:

edit: hey, all fanart from Ratatosk have been neatly plastered all over the front page.
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
I'm busy teaching people about the wonders of Albert Camus. The playing of Final Fantasy 7 will resume once I have inspired enough people to kill arabs and listen to The Cure.
 

Luzur

Good Sir
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
38,643
Location
Swedish Empire
you have a son, andy?
 

Andyman Messiah

Mr. Ed-ucated
Joined
Jan 27, 2004
Messages
9,933
Location
Narnia
Other than Cloud Strife? No, at least not to my knowledge. Why?

I'm working on updates right now, by the way. Don't expect them posted for a day or two though.
 
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