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Let Me Trainwreck Final Fantasy VII For You! (Completed!)

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Andyman Messiah, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. PlanHex Arcane Patron

    PlanHex
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2007
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Copenhagen, Denmark
    Might I add that this thread was one of the few that made me register in the first place?

    And also: update! you bitch ass nigga?
     
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  2. Stereotypical Villain Arcane

    Stereotypical Villain
    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2009
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    Location:
    Gritville
    Pro tip: Lock your windows at night.

    Also: This thread was more interesting when Miracle Man comics was being spammed in it.
     
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  3. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Narnia
    I wouldn't happen to know you in REAL LIFE!!! would I?

    Also: This thread was more interesting when it didn't exist, so there!
     
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  4. BirdsCanFly Educated

    BirdsCanFly
    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2009
    Messages:
    337
    Wow. I read through your thread in the last (5?!) hours and I'm impressed. Keep up the good work and don't even dare to think of canceling this LP.


    You know what I find most amusing? The english translation is somewhat fucked up, but in the german translation I couldn't even understand what's going on in the Cloud subconscious scene. Srsly. Maybe it's because I was too young (lies) or too retarded. Anyway, nostalgia is a bitch and FF7 is actually the first (j)RPG I've ever played and I still like it.



    Now slap me.
     
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  5. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    Narnia
    You know what? Don't tell anyone, but I like it too.

    Don't worry, I'll finish this pretty soon.
     
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  6. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
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    34,585
    Location:
    Cell S-004
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    [​IMG]

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  7. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    Oh, I can always count on you.
     
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  8. Fat Dragon Arbiter

    Fat Dragon
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    local brothel
  9. BirdsCanFly Educated

    BirdsCanFly
    Joined:
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    [​IMG]
     
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  10. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
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    Location:
    Narnia
    Chapter 73 - All assholes have beards but not all beards have assholes

    IN THE PREVIOUS UPDATE, our heroes didn't do anything but talk about useless crap. Now join in on update 73 where our heroes do nothing but talk about useless crap, again. Well, there's also two dragons involved so that'll make the update a little less boring at least, whooaaaa...


    [​IMG] Bugenhagen, we need your help. Tell us what do next.
    [​IMG] What to do? Have you lost your way? When that happens we each have to take a good long look at ourselves. There is always something in the deepest reaches of our hearts. Something buried, or something forgotten. Remember it. Whatever that is, must certainly be what you're all looking for.
    [​IMG] That's easy enough to say, but I don't remember a thing.
    [​IMG] It must be there! Look harder!

    What a fucking beardhole! Cloud, call in the rest of the group. We're going to search the fuck outta our hearts.

    [​IMG] Alright.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Ring a ding ding, hey come up here, bitches.

    And up here they came.

    I want to mention something before we continue. The following talk-scene is one of the most damaged and disturbing scenes of all talk-scenes in the game. The translation team really fucking showcased their ineptitude with this one. Nothing makes sense. The sentences are a goddamn mess. If there was proof reading done for this game, which I doubt, this is where they fell asleep and just passed it along. I have tried my best to make it comprehensible, because there's no way I'm transcribing this piece of shit conversation as it is in-game. If you want to look at it, find a script file at gamefaqs or something. I don't recommend it, but I'll leave it up to you. Alright, let's continue.

    [​IMG] Well, remember anything?
    [​IMG] Nope, not a thing.
    [​IMG] Fuck you, old man.
    [​IMG] I remember... Aeris... a lot.
    [​IMG] Goddammit, Cloud. That fine ass bitch is dead. You gotta move on, playa.
    [​IMG] Well, I still...
    [​IMG] Look, there's plenty girls out there with nice asses who can talk to flowers, Cloud.
    [​IMG] It's not that...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] She was so close we couldn't see her. What Aeris did... The words she left behind...
    [​IMG] I was the same...
    [​IMG] Me too...
    [​IMG] Me too.

    ME TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    [​IMG] She said she was the only one who could stop Sephiroth's Meteor.
    [​IMG] But Aeris is gone.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Well, we ain't no Ancients if that's what you mean.
    [​IMG] Here's a question. Why did she even go to that place?
    [​IMG] That's it!
    [​IMG] What?
    [​IMG] We don't know! What did Aeris know? Why did she face Sephiroth without running away?
    [​IMG] You mean... Oh, maybe she returned to that place again?
    [​IMG] Hmm... perhaps I'll have you take me there.
    [​IMG] You going too?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Yeah, what's so surprising, dickweed? If the crazy hundred year old beardhole wants to come with us all the way to the snowy wastelands, I say we let him.
    [​IMG] Also, I have been here on Cosmo Canyon most of my life. I would really like to get out of this shithole.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Oh Cid, you wacky atheist.

    [​IMG]

    Notice how Cid already walked out? That's a guy I can relate to.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] We're carrying around Huge Materia. It's really delicate stuff and we'd like to keep it safe. I know this place is just full of hippie environmentalist retards but I think it'd be the perfect place for it.
    [​IMG] Alright, we'll store it upstairs. Also take this third Bahamut summon materia.
    [​IMG] Thanks.

    NOW LET'S FLY LIKE THE WIND TO THE FORGOTTEN CAPITAL ONCE MORE!!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] And also teen spirit! I love smells. I can smell anything. Ask me about smelling.
    [​IMG] I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE

    MUCH SMELLING LATER!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Well, here we are again!
    [​IMG] Fuck you.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That you're a disgusting beardman who should have died a long time ago?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] GEE, THANKS A LOT FOR THAT INFO.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Uh huh...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Uh huHHHHH...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Right.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I said ri--
    [​IMG] Is that why Aeris went here and got herself killed?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] You sick bastard.
    [​IMG] Oh yes, and when Holy is used, everything will disappear!
    [​IMG] What?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] That sounds like a really bad deal, gramps!
    [​IMG] Why? It's really up to the Planet to decide. What is best for the Planet? What is bad for the Planet? All that is bad will disappear. That is all.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I wonder what we are...
    [​IMG] I'm going to kill this owlman now, okay, Cloud?
    [​IMG] Wait. So our best chance is to find Holy, right?
    [​IMG] Oh yes.
    [​IMG] Aeris had it...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] .. but she... she...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] ... returned to the Planet, yes yes.
    [​IMG] So how do we... oh shit it must be lost forever.... This is the end! Fuck!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I'LL KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING OWL, I'LL KILL YOU!!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Can you read it?
    [​IMG] How old do you think I am?
    [​IMG] Old enough to make yourself useful before I relocate your brains to your ass.
    [​IMG] Wow, that sounds cool, Cid.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I sure wasn't joking.
    [​IMG] You better get to translating this shit, old man.
    [​IMG] I'm not an Ancient. I can't read this.
    [​IMG] Then why the fuck did you... oh you trying to save some time, huh? Right, right... Cid!
    [​IMG] Wait! I might be old, but I can still see pretty damn well!
    [​IMG] Yeah, you can see it's in a foreign language, asshole!
    [​IMG] Look closely, Cloud. Over there.

    [​IMG]

    Alright, question. How the fuck do you miss a goddamn note? Seriously, I wanna know.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] A key? To what?
    [​IMG] I don't know. But it's probably important!
    [​IMG] Not important enough to save your life, asshole!
    [​IMG] Wait, Cid! Böghagen, I mean Bugenhagen, what does it mean. Come on, man.
    [​IMG] Hmm, well, if the music box... maybe it's the one over there.
    [​IMG] Oh hey, a music box.
    [​IMG] Yeah, we'll put the key in it. See what happens.
    [​IMG] Genius!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Brilliant!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] "#¤%&!! That's not a fucking music box, that's a fucking stone with some blue shit swirling inside it!
    [​IMG] Brilliant!
    [​IMG] Genius!
    [​IMG] Shut the fuck up!

    When Bugenhagen puts the key inside the... music box... a mysterious waterfall appears!

    [​IMG]

    See?

    [​IMG] Go inside it. Hope may be inside it. Or...
    [​IMG] Or... what?
    [​IMG] I don't know. Just go inside.
    [​IMG] I don't think I want to.

    But inside the waterfall he goes! Because we'll be here for another two years if I'm going to fan fiction the fuck out of every little scene in the game.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Look! Look at the image projected on the screen of the water.

    [​IMG]

    Oh hey look guys it's Aeris.

    [​IMG]

    And it looks like they're showing us what we already know.

    [​IMG]

    Fantastic.

    [​IMG]

    This scene is the most memorable scene in the entire game. Why would we need to watch it again? Sephiroth's not even in it!

    [​IMG]

    And there goes Holy.

    [​IMG]

    Into the water, yeah, seen it already.

    [​IMG]

    Yup, there it is.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Ho ho hooo!!! It's pale green!
    [​IMG] Aeris...

    Wait! You're going to hold a monologue now, right?

    [​IMG] Yeah, I mean... I thought it'd be fitting to summarize what I've learned and... Shouldn't I?

    Not only should you, you have to! Just thought I'd warn everyone.

    [​IMG] Aeris... Aeris had already prayed for Holy. After I gave up the Black Materia to Sephiroth..... Aeris' words came into my dreams.... She said, she was the only who could stop Sephiroth.... And to do that, there was a secret here.... That was Holy..... That's why, she had the White Materia. Aeris knew about here... and what she had to do. Aeris has left us great hope. But it cost her her life... her future... I'm sorry, Aeris. I should have figured this out much sooner. You left us without saying a word.... It was all so sudden, so I couldn't think.... That's why it took so long for me to figure it out... But, Aeris, I understand now...

    [​IMG]

    And all of this pretty much brings our heroes up to date with what most players, I hope, already figured out.

    [​IMG]

    Our heroes are just about to backtrack to the airship when SUDDENLY!

    [​IMG]

    Incoming transmission!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What happened?
    [​IMG] You remember when the Junon Cannon disappeared? Actually Rufus moved it.

    Yeah, to Midgar. You should know this crap already.

    [​IMG] Where?

    Oh fuck you, Cloud.

    [​IMG] Rufus wants to use the cannon to destroy Sephiroth. That cannon operates on Huge Materia, but whatever they had was used up in the rocket plan.

    Well, actually a daring team of anime heroes took all of it and hid it on a mountain of marijuana.

    [​IMG] So since the cannon's useless now, he decided to move it.

    Why?! If the cannon's useless, and trust me it's useless, why would you... oh forget it!

    [​IMG] To a place where Materia, no Mako is gathered.

    [​IMG]

    Where the fuck do you think, asshole?

    [​IMG]

    Midgar of course!

    Man, I seriously miss that place. We should return there as soon as possible.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Because I'm mexican? That's hardly fair, sir.
    [​IMG] You're mexican?
    [​IMG] *sigh*

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]...my name is Steve.
    [​IMG] Gya ha ha ha!! Even a monkey can do it, Reeve!!
    [​IMG] *sigh*
    [​IMG] Just remember that it's no longer called The Mako Cannon. From now on, it's called...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Okay. Why?
    [​IMG] Because a chick with a dick is hot!
    [​IMG] I agree!
    [​IMG] *sigh*

    Man, what a group of asses with holes in 'em! We better get over there as soon as possible.

    Alright, so we backtrack all the way back to the Highwind...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Wow, remember this place?
    [​IMG] Fuck you!

    And we're just about to board the airship when SUDDENLY

    [​IMG]

    The earth shaketh and quaketh!

    [​IMG]

    What could possibly be causing something so horrible?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE GUNDAM WING ROBOT TRANSFORMER GODZILLA THING!!
    [​IMG] Where's it headed?
    [​IMG] Midgar.
    [​IMG] MIDGAR!! MUTHAFUCKA WEAPON IS GONNA TEAR UP MIDGAR!?
    [​IMG] Looks that way...
    [​IMG] MARLENE'S IN DANGER! WE GOTTA STOP THAT THING!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Aeris' mama... who lives in fucking Midgar, you stupid fuck!
    [​IMG] Barret...
    [​IMG] No, fuck you, man! She's my daughter!
    [​IMG] Barret! I've been itching to say this to you a long long time now.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Barret Wallace - A fucking asshole, established just fucking now!

    [​IMG]

    Reeve Tuesti/Cait Sith/Deceive - Arguably the most human character in the team, also established just fucking now!

    [​IMG] Protect the planet, huh? Hah! That sounds good, alright. Ain't no one that'd go against ya. So ya think you can do whatever you want?
    [​IMG] I don't wanna hear that from anyone in Shinra!
    [​IMG] Nuthin' I can do about that...
    [​IMG] Stop it!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What we did in Midgar can't be forgotten no matter what the reason. We haven't forgotten, either.
    [​IMG] ...
    [​IMG] I know you, Reeve.
    [​IMG] ... it's Steve.
    [​IMG] You can't quit the company because you're worried about the people of Midgar, right?
    [​IMG] .....
    [​IMG] Cloud? Do you want to say anything?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Note to self: never ask Cloud if he wants to add anything when you're settling a dispute.

    [​IMG]

    We gotta get there as soon as possible! Let's do it!


    To be continued...
     
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  11. sportforredneck Cipher

    sportforredneck
    Joined:
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    Messages:
    7,715
    Jesus, does this game ever end?
     
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  12. Elzair Cipher

    Elzair
    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2009
    Messages:
    2,247
    Let's see. He has to fight Diamond Weapon. Then he has to parachute into Midgar, fight a bunch of trash encounters, fight the Turks one last time (optional), fight Proud Clod, fight a three-stage-boss fight with Hojo, fuck Tifa, fight his way through the North Cave, fight Jenova: Synthesis, fight Bizarro Sephiroth, fight Safer Sephiroth, watch a bunch of cutscenes, fight a really easy battle with the real Sephiroth, and watch more cutscenes.

    He still has a way to go!
     
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  13. BirdsCanFly Educated

    BirdsCanFly
    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2009
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    337
    ... and beat the 2 other Weapons because he said he was going for 100%? :p
     
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  14. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    9,933
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    Narnia
    No, I lied. I'm so sorry.
     
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  15. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    "1 Sexy Stomach Rule: Obey"

    I Cut Down 10 lbs of Stomach Fat In Just 1 Week By Obeying

    This 1 Easy Diet Rule
     
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  16. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2004
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    Location:
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    Chapter 74 - WEAPON, huh? More like "MEH-PON", am I right?!

    IN THE PREVIOUS UPDATE, our heroes finally figured shit out. Good for them. Also another one of the planet's gundam wing enforcers rose from the sea and is currently on the way to Midgar, presumably to blow the place up. We have to stop it!


    [​IMG]

    There it is. It's actually really slowly walking towards Midgar. Let's see what happens when it reaches its destination!

    [​IMG]

    Oh right, it stops and roars at us. Oh well, I guess it didn't really want to mess with Midgar after all. Well, let's go fight it then.

    [​IMG]

    TAKE THIS, GIANT ROBOT!!

    OW!!

    [​IMG]

    Sorry, man. Alright, everybody out! Let's fight this thing.

    [​IMG] You're aware that it's like three times bigger than our airship, right?

    Are YOU aware that you're just as big as the airship when you exit it?

    [​IMG] Oh right right...

    Let's park the ship over here...

    [​IMG]

    Alright...

    [​IMG]

    CHAAAAAAAARGE!!!

    [​IMG] ...

    [​IMG]

    Wanna know how to beat this guy in just one word? Omnislash

    [​IMG]

    Look at all that experience and shit! Also look at my levels! I'm a dangerous motherfucker!

    Anyway,

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    I've... no fucking idea. Cid?

    [​IMG]

    Thank god for Cid Highwind.

    So with the threat of WEAPON apparently gone, we cut to...

    [​IMG]

    These assholes again.

    [​IMG]

    Shut the fuck up, you horrible excuse for a woman.

    [​IMG]

    Yeah, whatever.

    So this is my favorite cutscene. I'm a sucker for pretty lights, shoot me.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    And fire.

    Meanwhile...

    [​IMG]

    Seriously, does this matter? You're on a fucking airship and you're hunting a robot that's three times as big. It's direction won't matter at all! Trust me!

    [​IMG]

    Yes, THANK YOU, NANAKI. THANK YOU.

    Oh god...

    [​IMG]

    So anyway, there's a fuckton of cutscenes now. Basically what happens is Sister Ray's blast goes through WEAPON and all the way to the Northern Crater, where it manages to pierce through Sephiroth's barrier and shut it down. Obviously this doesn't go well with WEAPON and...

    [​IMG]

    Yeah.

    This is another one of my favorite cutscenes. It's the "death" of Rufus.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Yeah, look at that big ass energy blast coming right at ya, boy.

    [​IMG]

    Whoa, that's gonna hurt!

    [​IMG]

    Whoa, that's gotta hurt!

    Alright then. Let's get some victory music in here before it's revealed that he survived completely without injuries.

    Next up on the list is checking up on Sephiroth and the Northern Crater, so let's do it.

    [​IMG]

    We all do, Cloud. We all do.

    FULL SPEED AHEAD

    [​IMG]

    ...which I honestly don't know if it's good or bad.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Huh?! Of course it can! With my boy behind the wheels, anything is possible!
    [​IMG] Oh right, sorry. Well, then let's

    SUDDENLY!!

    [​IMG]I hate when you do that!

    [​IMG]

    Huh?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Not the President! To Sister Ray!
    [​IMG] Ha, ha, ha. What is it Reeve? You're speaking strangely.
    [​IMG] None of that matters! The reactor's output is increasing all by itself!
    [​IMG] W-wait a minute! That's not wise!

    IT'S INCREASING BY ITSELF!! THAT'S NOT WISE!!

    [​IMG] It must cool off every three minutes or it won't work! Reeve, shut off the machine!
    [​IMG] We can't do that! It's inoperable!

    SUDDENLY Reeve's cellphone vibrates!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What?! Who?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh goddammit...


    To be continued!
     
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  17. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
    Joined:
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    Messages:
    9,933
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    gay bar gay bar
    i wanna take you to a gay bar
     
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  18. Deep One Novice

    Deep One
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2009
    Messages:
    32
    Oh good fucking grief it's page 68? And that piece of shit game still goes on? Wow.. just wow. :shock: What a bore it must be to play this thing. :lol:
     
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  19. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    9,933
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    You're damn right. Wanna come with me to a gay bar?
     
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  20. Deep One Novice

    Deep One
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2009
    Messages:
    32
    No I'm not gay. :lol:
     
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  21. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal

    Vaarna_Aarne
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
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    Location:
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    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    Do you have any money? I wanna spend all your money!
     
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  22. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    Don't be afraid to open up while you're on the Codex. Your fly, your wallet, we accept all.

    Oh hey I suppose I also finished the game just now. I'll post the remaining updates in intervals so as to maintain the mystery that I'm still busy and bordering on the insane.
     
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  23. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    It's part of my charm, I think.
     
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  24. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    Location:
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    Chapter 75 - Return to Midgar

    IN THE PREVIOUS UPDATE, our heroes fought a toy robot and also Hojo took control of the Mako Cannon. He's clearly up to no good and needs to be stopped before some bad shit goes down! But first let's talk about it.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] We're sunk. Hojo's doing this on his own.
    [​IMG] We can't stop the reactor?
    [​IMG] ...no.
    [​IMG] You're from Shinra! Why is it impossible?!
    [​IMG] ......

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I can't make you trust me...
    [​IMG] You damn fool! Don't you understand anything I'm saying? I don't give a damn about Shinra! If you're a man... no, if you're a human being you'll save this fucking planet, goddammit!
    [​IMG] If we shut down the reactor, all hell will break loose!

    THIS SUMMER!!

    Shut up, Caps Lock Narrator.

    SORRY.

    [​IMG] Why? Can't you just shut off the valve?
    [​IMG] Yeah, it's easy to shut off the reactor's pipe valves... But the reactor made a path for the energy to escape below. Once you open that, it'll be impossible to close it until everything blasts out. And we can't stop the energy from gushing out...
    [​IMG] I have the same problem...
    [​IMG] An explosion!!
    [​IMG] This blast'll be stronger than when Reactor No. 1 blew up!
    [​IMG] Damn!
    [​IMG] Forget about that............ the CANNON! We've got to get to Midgar! That's the first thing!

    [​IMG]

    YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

    [​IMG]

    YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    YEEEE-- oh god fucking damn it, I really hope this is where I get to kill you two assholes.

    [​IMG]

    They arrested Reeve. Oh well, we'll break him out on our way to kick Hojo's ass.

    YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Now, how the fuck do we get in? The city's under martial law.
    [​IMG] Yeah, we can't just walk in through the front door.
    [​IMG] And we can't just walk in through the front door either!
    [​IMG] Yeah, this is going to be tough! With a big t, Barret. A big t!
    [​IMG] ...tough?
    [​IMG] No.
    [​IMG] Tough?
    [​IMG] Hell yeah!
    [​IMG] Maybe we can slip into the city using a wooden horse?
    [​IMG] That only worked for the ancient greeks.
    [​IMG] Right, we better build one outta chocobo poop then.
    [​IMG] ...right.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] You're right! We don't have to build a horse! We can disguise the ship! Brilliant thinking, Cid!
    [​IMG] *"#¤%&!! sigh*

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I still liked our original idea better.
    [​IMG] Shut the hell up.

    After a disappointingly disappointing landing, we reach a conveniently convenient trap door that will eventually lead us to Shinra HQ.

    [​IMG]

    We're going with a party of Cloud, Barret and Nanaki this time.

    [​IMG]

    I'm bored already. Alright, if you don't want any of the treasure (two elixirs) just head down the ladder and follow the path.

    [​IMG]

    Whoa, it's these fucking ass tunnels again. How depressing.

    [​IMG]

    HOW DEPRESSING.

    [​IMG]

    BLAH FUCKING BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHHHHHHHHH

    [​IMG]

    i believe it really i do oh you have no idea how much i believe it

    [​IMG]

    Yes, you actually have a choice here. If you did the sidequest in Wutai, Yuffie's sidequest where she steals your materia and you have to play hide and seek with her and crush a pimp with a blonde mohawk if you recall, you get to choose whether or not you want to fight the Turks this one last time. I guess we bonded with them or some shit.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Wait, Elena.
    [​IMG] Reno! You're not going to violate our orders, are you?!
    [​IMG] Elena, Shinra's finished. We've no reason to fight.
    [​IMG] ....
    [​IMG] ...alright.
    [​IMG] Goodbye, Cloud. Until we meet again.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] If we meet again...
    [​IMG] Remember the spirit of the Turks!
    [​IMG] Our mission's finished.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Huh.

    Moving on...

    Don't worry, Yuffie'll be here to help you on your way.

    [​IMG]

    Hahahaha, oh go to hell, you fuck.

    [​IMG]

    Thanks, Tifa. I'll just leave you here with this nice waterfall.

    [​IMG]

    Good old Cid Highwind. He won't say which way goes to the Shinra building but he will curse and scream at you. Oh well, since we headed right first, let's head left now and VOI-FUCKING-LA.

    [​IMG]

    Go in there, grab all the treasure you can find and then go back to where you met Yuffie and pick the left way.

    [​IMG]

    SUDDENLY!

    [​IMG]

    Take one fucking guess.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] You sure treated us like dogs before! also gyaa haa haaa!!!
    [​IMG] You killed a lot of my precious solders! also kyaa haa haaaa!!!
    [​IMG] Now let's see how you do against anti-WEAPON artillery!!! also gyaa haa haaa!!!
    [​IMG] Yeah, let's see how you do against anti-WEAPON artillery!!! also kyaa haa haaa!!!

    [​IMG]

    I'm not going to screenshot the battle with this thing. If you've survived up to this point this is going to be as difficult as jerking off your neighbour. When you beat it, it'll disappear in a white screen and Heidegger and Scarlet are never heard from again.

    THANK GOD.

    Alright, let's continue.

    [​IMG]

    Say hello to Barret's ultimate weapon. The chest will only appear if Barret is in your party.

    Alright, let's go put Hojo in a barber's chair.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Oh, the failure...
    [​IMG] At least remember my name! It's Cloud!
    [​IMG] Every time I see you, I... It pains me that I had so little scientific sense... I evaluated you as a failed project. But you are the only one who succeeded as a Sephiroth-clone. Heh heh heh, I'm even beginning to hate myself...
    [​IMG] None of that matters! Just stop this nonsense!
    [​IMG] ...nonsense? Oh! This... Hahaha... Sephiroth seems to be counting on the energy. So I'm going to lend him a hand.
    [​IMG] Why? Why would you do that?!
    [​IMG] Quit asking me why, you moron!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Uh, okay?

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] My son is in need of power and help... That's why.
    [​IMG] ...your son?
    [​IMG] Hahaha, although he doesn't know.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] What will he do when he finds out I'm his father? Always looking down on me like that... HA HA HA HAAAA!!!
    [​IMG] Sephiroth is your son?!
    [​IMG] Ha ha ha, I offered the woman with my child to Professor Gast's Jenova Project. When Sephiroth was still in the womb, we took the cells of Jenova, and...

    PARTIED LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMORROW!

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Cloud?

    [​IMG] Yeah?

    Ponytail.

    [​IMG] Oh, right.

    It's a dead giveaway.

    THE MORE YOU KNOW: The ponytail is the hairstyle of choice for all followers of true evil.

    [​IMG] I should have known.

    It's alright. You're stupid.

    [​IMG] Yeah, I'm HEY!

    And now we continue the scene.

    [​IMG] I'm not stupid...

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] And... hehehehe... here are... hehehehe... my results!

    Hehehehe. Alright, you fight Hojo in three stages. First stage is a wussy scientist. Second stage is a wussy monster. Third stage is a wussy wuss. Cut his fruity ponytail off, shove it up his ass, light it on fire and send him down to hell.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Excellent work, guys. Let's go celebrate.
    [​IMG] I'm buying!
    [​IMG] Sephiroth...
    [​IMG] Oh right...
    [​IMG] That guy...


    To be continued.
     
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