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Let's Conquer the world as Glorious Lithuania

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Merkwürdigliebe, Jan 6, 2011.

  1. Cassidy Arcane

    Cassidy
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Messages:
    7,321
    Location:
    Vault City
    [​IMG]

    No homo, right?



    A) With Perkunas to their side, they shall win. Don't give them any time to recover: it is now the time to deliver a crushing blow into the heart the Teutonic Knights and their oppression against the real Prussians.


    B) They are the invaders, the agressors who tried to crush the mighty potato and force by sword and torture their religion into the people. No quarter!
     
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  2. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2009
    Messages:
    873
    Location:
    Sweden
    Grab the Codex by the pussy
  3. Oesophagus Arcane

    Oesophagus
    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2010
    Messages:
    2,330
    Location:
    around
    A) Either get in there fast or retreat alltogether
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEuuyVPmdhg

    A) Not a peace treaty necessarilly, but a ceasefire. That is, however, highly unlikely, cause if you take Latvia they'll be pissed at you - So try to "distract" them for long enough.

    Question regarding this LP: are you using any diplomacy-enhancing mods? If so, how do alliances work? Do they "mean" anything, or is the AI a complete backstabbing cock as always?

    Also, potato talk makes this LP SO much better!
     
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  4. Gondolin Arcane

    Gondolin
    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2007
    Messages:
    4,587
    Location:
    Purveyor of fine art
    B

    B

    Potato for the potato god!

    Also: Developers cannot into paganism. Is there any way you can replace your coat of arms with something that's not carrying a cross on his shield?
     
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  5. Infantryman Scholar

    Infantryman
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2010
    Messages:
    459
    Location:
    War Saw, Potatoland
    A - Build a few rams and start the assault! The heathen crusaders must be slaughtered at once!

    B - Be afraid! Königsberg shall burn to the ground!
     
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  6. Fens Ford of the Llies

    Fens
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2009
    Messages:
    1,899
    Location:
    pitcairn
    B - they will come asking for potato but shall receive none

    B - respect the emperor, expel the foreign barbarians
     
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  7. eklektyk Erudite

    eklektyk
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2010
    Messages:
    1,775
    Location:
    mexico of europe
    B

    B

    And keep da good work goin.
     
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  8. Merkwürdigliebe Arcane

    Merkwürdigliebe
    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    2,796
    Location:
    Third Reich from the Sun
    Heretics, Heretics everywhere!

    [​IMG]
    Welcome back to glorious Lithuania, after some careful deliberation it has been decided that a direct assault is the wisest course of action due the risk of an enemy force intervening to break the siege. Though before we can assault we need to build some siege equipment, and some heavy infantry is brought in this should greatly aid in the siege.

    [​IMG] Was no silly "deliberation", was my decision to attack.

    And just who are you?

    [​IMG] Am head hit man, I leader of prestigious organization that run Lithuania

    Head hitman? Well there certainly doesn't seem to be anything else of you.

    [​IMG] Not mock me heathen or I send hit men for you!
    [​IMG]
    Time passes as the preparations for the assault continues, and news of a mounted crossbow reaches lithuania, this could prove interesting.

    [​IMG] Just imagine hitman on horse with crossbow, could hit before they can count to potato

    Sure sounds good, but doesn't look that we have any assassins what so ever in this country

    [​IMG] That because we all do important stuff and run country, no have time to kill, though train many new one soon to do the kill stuff

    [​IMG]
    The temple at Hrodna is further expanded, the expansion and construction of such holy sites is in full progress through all of Lithuania since uniting the people in one faith is of utmost importance for the wellbeing of the nation. Indeed in most of Lithuania Christians are in Majority and foreign missionaries are tirelessly working on spreading their heathen faith.

    [​IMG] I has solution for problem, send hit man to kill missionary

    So where are they, I don't see any assassins?

    [​IMG] That because they so well hidden

    We don't really have any assassins actually right?

    [​IMG] ... well maybe not any ready for kill....

    Hmm guess we will have to deal with those missionaries later, I don't get why we simply can not round up and kill them, but I guess that would make it to easy
    [​IMG]
    A few months later our forces are ready for the assault, various pieces of useful siege equipment has been constructed. Just in time as our spies have reported an enemy relief force heading for Riga, it may not be a huge army but combined with the defending army it could be troublesome. So this is our chance to capture Riga, looks like our preparations for the assault has paid off.

    [​IMG]
    As we move in and get closer look at the enemy forces it would seem they are a bit smaller than anticipated, mostly it is made up of depleted forces from the previously defeated army, however our army is made up mostly of ill equipped and poorly trained soldiers, making a direct assault a bloody business at best.
    [​IMG]
    our forces stand ready for the assault on riga!
    [​IMG]
    Some of our new reinforcements are seen here, a couple of companies of heavy infantry. If used correctly they should be able to break through the enemies defenses
    [​IMG]
    First some light infantry are sent in, the heavy infantry is kept in reserve to strike at a possible weak point in the defenses once the enemy has been tiered out from fighting our other soldiers
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG] I has sent small force to sneak to back and open gate for horsemen

    How the hell do you sneak on an open field in broad daylight?

    [​IMG] It is mystery skill of Lithuanian hitmen

    [​IMG]
    Our siege weapons are approaching the enemies gates and walls, so far all is well

    [​IMG]
    But then disaster strikes some how the enemy manages to set our ram ablaze! This means that our only way in will be on top of the walls, this could get bloody indeed.

    [​IMG]
    Our forces get our on top of the wall and engage the enemy, but against the bad odds even our brave Lithuanian soldiers may be struck by fear
    [​IMG]
    Though reinforcements are on their way, a little while after another siege tower hits the stretch of wall carrying some of the finest warriors of Lithuania, the inexperienced militia holding the wall offer little resistance and the tables are quickly turned.
    [​IMG]
    The walls are ours! Now we can open the gates and let the rest of our forces in
    [​IMG]
    One of the first companies sent into the city is assailed by some enemy knights, our poor untrained forces are cut down quickly against such veteran fighters and run in panic.
    [​IMG]
    Though we have something to counter those knights with, heavy spearmen. They are completely fresh and ready for battle, the enemy weary soldiers shall surely fall quickly.
    [​IMG]
    The enemies bodyguard is apprehended by spearmen and the charged in the flank by our heavy axemen these experienced soldiers with effective weapons to fight cavalry with quickly slaughter the enemies knights
    [​IMG]
    Indeed even their general fall, were is your god now?
    [​IMG]
    A final charge to take out the last defenders
    [​IMG]
    And victory is ours!
    We lost a quarter of our forces, but mostly easily replaceable ones.
    [​IMG]
    Well looks like Latvia is now part of glorious Lithuania, the order has been struck a terrible blow indeed, but their heartlands are still in their full control. In order to finish the order once and for all we must take Prussia, but it is defended by the mighty Teutonic castle at Königsberg and defended by some of the finest warriors in the baltic, to take it we must first prepare well. Perhaps assassinating their leader would make matters easier.

    [​IMG] no is bad idea

    And what would be a better plan

    [​IMG] I train good hit man to take out leader, will make them disordered and make attack easy

    but that was my plan

    [​IMG] is mine, you just try to steal. you no good potato thief!

    [​IMG]
    Any way our first assassin Lithuanian hit man is under training now that we have captured a town with the correct establishments for such a project. The necessary building happens to be a brothel which is interesting

    [​IMG] Being hit man is hard work, need relax after job done

    I suppose that makes sense.

    [​IMG]
    And here he is our first hit man, he is a bit on the... incompetent side. Though in the future we shall surely be able to train some better ones, once we get the hang of things.
    [​IMG]
    An envoy from Lithuania has reached a representative of Kiev, and manged to create a trade agreement for mutual profit, now that Lithuania has secured a baltic port city it is become much more important in the trading world. And we are even able to get maps of Kiev included in the deal.
    [​IMG]
    While the populace of Latvia are overall fairly happy with the new rule of Lithuania some are not, and a large army of catholics and Order supports have rallied together. They are many but leaderless and aimless, at worst they will plunder unprotected villages, they will have to be dealt with, but for now there are more pressing matters for the glorious Lithuanian army to attend to.
    [​IMG]
    Following the new victories and conquests a resurgence in the old faith is happening all over Lithuania, people are rallying under the banner of Lithuanian Duke in the name of the gods ready to defend their faith from all. Their zeal shall surely be put to use to further the glory of glorious Lithuania.
    [​IMG]
    but in the footsteps of the re surge of faith many heretic preachers have spring up as well. Heresy can not be tolerated so our hit men are tasked to silently take them out. However he fails his missions and is caught and brutally killed by heretic fanatics.
    I wonder why our hitmen are so incompetent.

    [​IMG] he was Latvian, hitmen from Latvia no good as Lithuanian hit man

    [​IMG]
    But then as things are starting to go our way the treacherous Poles decide to attack us. No doubt are they scared by our growing power, and also would like to take piece of Lithuania while we are already fighting a war. Well let them come, the gods shall grant the faithful victory!

    [​IMG]
    Many are the heads of the hydra of heresy, this one was once a devout follower of the true faith. Something needs to be done.

    [​IMG]
    Our new hitman tries to take out one of the heretical preachers, but fails. he is at least some what more competent than his predecessor and manages to escape for another attempt at least.
    [​IMG]
    A small enemy raiding force is spotted, and an army is dispatched to deal with them.
    [​IMG]
    Diplomatic efforts to reach an understanding with the Poles fail, they are intent on destruction and conquest. very well their destruction and subjugation through conquest shall be their reward!

    [​IMG]
    A small but well equipped Polish force is spotted near hrodna, the towns garrison should be enough, but a few extra soldiers are recruited just in case.
    [​IMG]
    Once news of Polands declaration of war reaches the court at Novgorod they are quick to declare war on the Poles honoring our alliance. With our allies at our back victory shall surely be ours!
    [​IMG]
    Our new priests are much more devout than the old ones, these new ones who are at least relatively zealous shall aid greatly in rooting our heresy.
    [​IMG]
    Our hit man fails once again, why can't they take out one mad gibbering heretic?

    [​IMG] Is still only Latvian hit man
    So that makes all the difference? really how large can the differenc be between a Lithuanian hit man and a Latvian one?

    [​IMG] Is huge
    [​IMG]
    The Teutonic force is attacked, they are few but well equipped. Also I sort of remembered this script function just now, should improve the battles some what.

    [​IMG]
    Our forces hide in the very sparse forest, only the general remaining visible the enemy should be eager to attack such a lone target. How we can hide in these few trees is beyond me.

    [​IMG] Is Lithuanian natural stealth skill

    [​IMG]
    the enemy advances, few but well armored
    [​IMG]
    As they get quite close a volley of arrows is fired, the enemies until now unaware are late to raise their shields i defense and many are struck down.
    [​IMG]
    It looks like the enemy commander and all cavalry are charging right at our archers, possibly unaware of the stakes planted in the ground, this could be a quick victory
    [​IMG]
    Though in the last moment the break of the charge and mill around confused as what to do, though one company of knights manages to quickly charge our cavalry archers and engange them in melee before they realize they should run
    [​IMG]
    An enemy troops trying to flank our main line is quickly stopped by a cavalry charge.
    [​IMG]
    The enemy infantry fights well, but are greatly out numbered, this can only have one outcome.
    [​IMG]
    our general him self and his men charge the enemy knights that attacked our cavalry archers, it's a quite devastating charge felling many of the enemies finest men.
    [​IMG]
    On the other flank our light cavalry has suffered a similar faith and a quickly overcome, but they stand their ground and fight bravely to the last man. :salute:

    [​IMG]
    Mean while the enemy main line had completely broken and they are all routing
    [​IMG]
    Though in the folling chase and confusion the enemies cavalry manages to charge our general and his bodyguard as they are chasing some routers oblivious to the world
    [​IMG]
    Our brave general and crown prince dies in the charge, a huge blow to the morale of our troops, though luckily the battle is just about won, so it shouldn't effect the outcome by any amount.
    [​IMG]
    Indeed the last enemy forces are confronted and the day is won
    [​IMG]
    A solid victory despite the loss of the crown prince, his conquest of Latvia, and his sacrifice today shall never be forgotten. :salute:
    [​IMG]
    A new heir to the throne is chosen, the previous heirs 14 year old son. He may not be ready to lead yet, however his Grand father the Duke is luckily in good health.
    [​IMG]
    Some small teutonic forces are sighted by our spies. Enemies at every front however we can only deal with one of them properly at a time. So shall we

    . A. Aim to destroy the Teutonic Order once and for all.

    or shall we

    [/b] B. Focus in the treacherous Poles, their lands are not as well fortified, but neither are they nearly as wealthy as Prussia[/b]
     
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  9. JarlFrank I like Thief THIS much Patron

    JarlFrank
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2007
    Messages:
    26,953
    Location:
    KA.DINGIR.RA.KI
    Kill the knights first to wipe out one threat once and for all, before attempting to make mashed potatoes.
     
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  10. LusciousPear Savant

    LusciousPear
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    720
    Location:
    SF
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Shadorwun: Hong Kong
    This looks immensely fun!

    A A A A A
     
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  11. Cassidy Arcane

    Cassidy
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Messages:
    7,321
    Location:
    Vault City
    A: Crush the Teutonic Knights and pave the way for the Grand Potato Empire!
     
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  12. Hellraiser Arcane

    Hellraiser
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2007
    Messages:
    9,085
    Location:
    Danzig, Potato-Hitman Commonwealth
    A. Crush the crusading Teutonic scum and then fight for the title of the true land of the potato with Poland.
     
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  13. Oesophagus Arcane

    Oesophagus
    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2010
    Messages:
    2,330
    Location:
    around
    A) for great potato!
     
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  14. Merkwürdigliebe Arcane

    Merkwürdigliebe
    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    2,796
    Location:
    Third Reich from the Sun
    The battle of Königsberg


    [​IMG]

    We continue the story of glorious Lithuania were we left of last time.
    [​IMG]
    Our hitman tries to take one of the vile heretic scum, but fares just as well as the last one.

    [​IMG] We need Lithuanian hitman I tell you, is big difference!

    [​IMG]
    The Lithuanian hitman may be better but the priests sure ain't, one of hthem even succumbs to heresey him self!
    [​IMG]
    And so does another one, these heretical scum can not be tolerated!
    [​IMG]
    There thats better, death to the heretics!
    [​IMG]
    The current plan is to Finish of the already weakened order, however first the Polish force threatening Hrodna must be dealt with.
    [​IMG]
    What is this? Everyone seems to want a piece of glorious Lithuania, now the Danes as well decide to declare war on us, we really should send a hit man there...
    [​IMG]
    Though there is some good news as another heretical priest has been revealed as the heretic he is, and subsequently burned, suffer not the heretic!
    [​IMG]
    A new hit man is trained, he looks considerably more promising than the last ones.

    [​IMG] Is Lithuanian, has it in blood
    [​IMG]
    Well at least he doesn't get caught even if he fails his missions, so he may yet have some potential
    [​IMG]
    The town of Hrodna has grown greatly the last years and is now large and prosperous (not in that way) and we may consider building some mighty stone walls to better protect it. However the war taxes our treasury greatly and we do not have the funds for it currently.
    [​IMG]
    One of our commanders is ambushed by brigands and highwaymen on his way back from his mission of establishing watchtowers. He is greatly outnumbers but with the greater quality of his men victory is not only possible but highly probable
    [​IMG]
    Our force is small but skilled and well equipped, unless they get in lucky hits the enemies arrows shouldn't be able to harm them.
    [​IMG]
    Charge!
    [​IMG]
    Just a few meters from the enemy line, only two men fell from the enemy arrows. And with the high momentum of galloping horse, man and armor we should trample them beneath us!
    [​IMG]
    The charge is utterly devastating, about half the enemy force is taken out in one blow.
    [​IMG]
    The bandits are not very skilled in close combat, used to only confront defenseless peasants with their bows. The bandit leader is quickly cut down, seeing this the remaining men run for their lives. Victory is ours!
    [​IMG]
    Superiority through quality, though usually when Lithuania is facing her foes the situation is the opposite.
    [​IMG]
    novgorod one again honors the alliance and declares war on Denmark, but sign a truce with Poland, presumably because they have no direct land border. Well no matter as long as they keep the Danes in Estonia of our backs we should be able to deal with the Teutons and Polacks.
    [​IMG]
    This time however our hit man succeeds in his mission
    [​IMG] See no problem for skilled Lithuanian hit man

    [​IMG]
    Alright he can handle a simple heretic, but how about an enemy general?
    [​IMG] Is no problem, Lithuanian hit man kill any one, could kill Jesus man if was not dead already

    So they could kill Jesus if they hadn't already been captured and killed, because they can't even assassinate a rambling mad man?

    [​IMG]Is not what I mean, not mock me!

    [​IMG]
    Another success in battling heresy is rep ported, the last of the heretical priests have been executed. Though Latvia is still rife with heresy.
    [​IMG]
    As the grand Lithuanian army approaches the enemy captain bringing reinforcements turned his tail and bravely fled, leaving the Polish general in a dire situation, where he is greatly outnumbered

    [​IMG]
    The Polish army is very well equipped though and it will not be an easy victory.
    [​IMG]
    We set up stakes in the woods and prepare and ambush, with some luck the enemy cavalry will not realize the presence of the stakes until it is to late, impaling their mounts.
    [​IMG]
    The polack force approaches
    [​IMG]
    Thanks to superior Lithuanian stealth skills we hide in the woods among the non existent grass and bushes, one day I have to find out how that works
    [​IMG] I tell you, but I have kill you then

    No thanks
    [​IMG]
    Cavalry archers move out of their hiding place and starts firring on an unsuspecting foe.

    [​IMG]
    It is surprisingly effective considering their armor, but we strike form behind negating the advantage of their shields
    [​IMG]
    The enemy being quite close the archers open up a surprise volley that is relatively effective
    [​IMG]
    The enemy knights become quite annoyed by the cavalry archers. Really when the knights are aware of the threat the cavalry archers thhe archers are no more of a threat than a bee is to a bear. However the the bee may enrage the bear and lure it away from our forces.
    [​IMG]
    Some of our heavier cavalry manages to get charged by Polish knights however to devastating effect.
    [​IMG]
    Some enemy heavy swordsmen engage our ill equipped troops in close combat it would be a slaughter, however one of our skirmisher companies unleash a surprise volley of javelins. So many fall so quickly that their morale and organization is completely ruined and they rout.
    [​IMG]
    meanwhile the enemy general recklessly charges into the woods and gets caught in yet another ambush, his body guards are quickly slaughtered
    [​IMG]
    Indeed he him self goes down quickly, however he is not killed, merely wounded and captured. His ransom should be a nice sum, perhaps it could be used to fund the construction of walls for the city he was so eager to assault.
    [​IMG]
    Upon their general being captured the rest of the enemy either routs or surrenders, victory is ours!
    [​IMG]
    An envoy is sent to the Polish court offering the ransom of the captured knights and nobles. However the Polish Kings responds by sending the envoys head back on a pike. Such an insult can not be tolerated, and the heads of the Polish nobles are sent to the Polish King in turn.
    [​IMG]
    This worsens our relations with Poland, and the Pope as well. Should our relations with the papacy grow to bad we may find our selves the victims of a crusade soon enough. We shall be ready!

    [​IMG] Or I send hitman, kill pope

    They can't even kill a lone heretic priest in the woods, how can they kill one of the best guarded men in the world?

    [​IMG] Trust me, has ace up sleeve
    [​IMG]
    Some mercenaries are hired to aid in the assault on Königsberg. Their loyalty is questionable being Prussian, but as long as we use them correctly it should not be an issue. Also as you can see mercenaries are much more expensive than in vanilla, a nice touch if you ask me, also these are some quite excellent spear men. The attack value of a basic levy spearmen is 2 for comparision.
    [​IMG]
    Our latest Lithuanian hit man performs another successful mission this time Killing a high level Order commander. I'm starting to think that they might be useful after all.

    [​IMG] See once we have Lithuanian hit men they much better than poor Latvian ones.

    Yeah I'm sure thats all the difference.

    [​IMG] It is.

    [​IMG]
    This hitman is proving to be quite capable.
    [​IMG]
    As the glorious Lithuanian army stops for the day a temporary fort is established. being caught with out defenses against the plentiful Order heavy cavalry would be devastating.
    [​IMG]
    New reaches Lithuania of a Islamic Jihad on Jerusalem, excellent if the Christians and muslims are fighting each other this should be all the easier for us.
    [​IMG]
    Our hitman moves in to for an assassination attempt of the favored successor of the grand master.
    [​IMG]
    However it fails miserably, well I suppose that was a difficult mission even for a Lithuanian hit man.
    [​IMG]
    The Order army is split in two one small one patrolling the country side
    [​IMG]
    And a large elite force defending Köngsberg (fun fact, Königsberg didn't even exist at the current date) castle.
    [​IMG]
    here is a picture of it (not so fun fact, this doesn't even exist today.)
    [​IMG]
    An attempt is made to assault the small force at night to prevent the larger forge intervening, however the grandmaster is sly as fox and has possibly foreseen this turn of events and is ready for battle. This could end poorly for Lithuania to say the least, where is our hitman to take out this nuisance?

    [​IMG] Is training new one, old one killed in impossible mission

    I though they could kill any one?

    [​IMG] yes is can kill all... except not all
    [​IMG]
    The battle begins
    [​IMG]
    The small enemy force is straight ahead.
    [​IMG]
    However the enemy is brining in large reinforcements.
    [​IMG]
    Some spear men are deployed to cover from attack hitting ass and flank.
    [​IMG]
    For such a clever commander the grand master is reckless to say the least and charges ahead of his main force into our lines. Brave but meaningless
    [​IMG]
    Some heavy axemen charge in from the flank, not all hitmen operate in the dark.
    [​IMG]
    The smaller enemy force advances, and most of the enemy cavalry is deployed directly at our rear, many soldiers have been redeployed to prevent distasteful rape of our army.
    [​IMG]
    Mean while the Lithuanian axe hitmen have managed kill the Order grandmaster, such a blow to enemy morale way turn the battle to our favour, for as it is now we are both out numbered and the enemy troops are of superior quality.
    [​IMG]
    Indeed even the enemy knights are shaken by the fall of their leader, imagine the fear that the lesser men must feel!
    [​IMG]
    nearly all our forces have been moved to fight the larger army only a few remain to engage the smaller force should it charge, it would seem it is kept in reserve. Luckily through holding our position in the beginning we have the stakes to cover our flank from the inevitable cavalry charge.
    [​IMG]
    Several enemy companies rout after the fall of the grandmaster, though the battle is still in the enemies favor
    [​IMG]
    Finally the enemy reserve charges, why has he held back so long? Well no matter it has only benefited us
    [​IMG]
    The main force is nearly completely broken and is retreating, though some of our forces are routing as well.
    [​IMG]
    The other Order commander repeats the mistake of the ex grandmaster, these knights pursuit for glory and honor shall be their undoing.
    [​IMG]
    He actually manges to singlehandedly (with his body guard of course) to break one of our companies. Though not with out losses
    [​IMG]
    After his forces sustained huge casualties he retreats him self, though we send some light cavalry that was previously chasing routers to intercept him long enough for our heavy cavalry to reach him and finish him.

    [​IMG]
    Thats is the final nail in the coffin and the battle is won, a glorious victory indeed. One wonders what the outcome would have been should the Grandmaster not have foolishly thrown his life away, but it is best not to dwell on such thoughts.
    [​IMG]
    The remaining defense of Königsberg is just a few of the cowards that abandoned their brothers in the previous battle, victory is simply a formality at this point.
    [​IMG]
    Though we still need some siege equipment to take the city.
    [​IMG]
    Hmm interesting, a new way to produce armor has spread to Lithuania, this shall surely be off use.
    [​IMG]
    I have a quick look at our victory conditions, interesting enough capturing Rome it self is one of them, perhaps once day the Drank Duke shall parade through the streets of the ancient city it self! Though at that point the title of Duke would hardly be fitting.
    [​IMG]
    The vile Danes and Poles have formed an alliance, not that it changes anything they were both our foes already.
    [​IMG]
    A small Polish force is spotted near Hrodna even with some Knights in their ranks they should be little more than a nuisance.
    [​IMG]
    Finally the army is ready for the the assault on Königsberg
    [​IMG]
    I decided to auto calc this battle considering how small the enemy force was the battle would pretty much consist of marching from point A to point B to claim victory.
    [​IMG]
    Ah glorious, Prussia is added to the lands of the glorious Lithuania. The city is very modern and has many skilled craftsmen they shall come of great use producing arms and armor for the nobles of Lithuania. While all affiliates of the Order are expelled the local Lords as allowed to keep their land as long as they swear fealty to the Grand Duke. The Order is not eliminated, but it has lost all of it's possessions, thus rendering it next to useless, and offers no threat.
    [​IMG]
    The castle it self took some damage in the fighting and repairs are ordered, also the construction of a shrine to the gods.
    it should be noted that unlike other factions Lithuania has a choice of holy sites dedicated to different gods giving different bonuses similar to Rome Total war.
    [​IMG]
    A monument is also contrcuted at the site of the great victory over the Order, glorious indeed! However we are still at war, and we are at war at two fronts, which one shall we deal with first?

    Either

    A) Take the Danish Lands in Estonia, they are separated from the Danish mainland and should be an easy target.

    or

    B) All out assault on Poland, there can only be one potato nation!
     
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  15. Furious Flaming Faggot Educated

    Furious Flaming Faggot
    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2010
    Messages:
    925
    Location:
    The President of France
    You must unify the potatolands! I'd say go for Poland first. Also, it might be worth editing your update before posting it and using spellcheck.
     
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  16. Oesophagus Arcane

    Oesophagus
    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2010
    Messages:
    2,330
    Location:
    around
    A) and B) - Estonia should be easy to take, and Polato seems to haven no large forces, considering what they've thrown at you so far
     
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  17. Cassidy Arcane

    Cassidy
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Messages:
    7,321
    Location:
    Vault City
    B) Hitman-Potato Empire!
     
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  18. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2009
    Messages:
    873
    Location:
    Sweden
    Grab the Codex by the pussy
     
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  19. Serious_Business Best Poster on the Codex

    Serious_Business
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2007
    Messages:
    3,781
    Location:
    Frown Town
    TW = more like total derp. Or total turd. I don't know fuck being clever, this shit is too easy. Like hell you're going to loose even one battle. Do you have some kind of AI mod installed? I hear they actually can mod the AI in M2, although I never tried it. Wouldn't make much sense playing without such a mod, otherwise it's just map painting with tedious repetitive micromanagement of battles. Even then, not sure it'd fix it, but I'm curious if it'd at least make your losses more credible and not 5% every time.

    But I like broken english, is good, is very potato indeed [​IMG]
     
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  20. Merkwürdigliebe Arcane

    Merkwürdigliebe
    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    2,796
    Location:
    Third Reich from the Sun
    Yeah I'm running a custom AI script, it's at least some what non retarded such as protecting against flanking attacks and such. Still I've been meaning to try a nice little tool that randomly picks an AI script before each battle, thus making it much more unpredictable.
    Still the main problem for the AI so far has been rushing in their general and getting him killed, the battle against the main Teutonic army for example I probably wouldn't have won if the grand Master didn't rush straight in and get killed. Unfortunately it is not possible to fix that issue according to AI modders. Though I wonder how the Ai woould use the general if it's classification was changed from "heavy cavalry" to say "heavy infantry", it would probably hold it back much longer making it more difficult.

    Otherwise yeah there is no real way to lose unless you are fighting on every single front, but still I wouldn't count it out, Novgorod will back stab me sooner of later, being heathen and having poor relations with the pope should make him call a crusade soon probably, and Kiev is neutral so I don't think a war with them is to far away.

    Also on Rome being part of the victory conditions should we have it as a goal to take Rome, or simply not bother?
     
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  21. Oesophagus Arcane

    Oesophagus
    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2010
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    2,330
    Location:
    around
    Having a pagan potato pope?

    :incline:
     
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  22. dunduks Liturgist

    dunduks
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2003
    Messages:
    389
    Pope needs to know, that potatoes are to be feared! : x :incline:
     
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  23. Merkwürdigliebe Arcane

    Merkwürdigliebe
    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    2,796
    Location:
    Third Reich from the Sun
    Pop a Pole

    In today's update we pop some moles, sorry Poles.

    [​IMG]
    So Novgorod and The Cumans have started a little border dispute it would seem, hopefully they should still be able to tie down the Danes in Estonia and cover our back while we deal with the Potatolanders.
    [​IMG]
    Looks like the small Polish force is heading for Mensk, no matter a relief force from Vilnius should be able to handle it while the main force heads into Poland.
    [​IMG]
    Spies report the fortress of Thorn to be lightly guarded, perhaps and excellent opportunity to capture the enemies most important military facilities and recruiting grounds.
    [​IMG]
    The Poles blockade the Port of Königsberg, it is a very small force but as we completely lack a navy we are unable to do anything about it. The need for a strong navy is becoming clearer as the coast line of the previously land locked nation continues to grow.
    [​IMG]
    A couple of ships are commissioned in Riga, they are rather poor quality ships but they should be enough since the Polish navy isn't much more than a handful of old rotted semi wrecks.
    [​IMG]
    Interesting, very interesting.
    [​IMG] Just think of possibility, could hit target from very far away
    yes but the sound should draw attention no?
    [​IMG] Yes but bigger cannon shot longer yes? build really big cannon and fire target. Maybe make so big they not realize is cannon... and then...is dead
    Brilliant I'm sure it will work
    [​IMG]
    meanwhile the remnants of the Teuton navy bloackades Riga, they have no land yet they linger. Actually this is a bug since they don't have a "family tree" they can't be destroyed, it's a bit odd but the only faction that was intended to not have one was the papal states who are supposed to be indestructible, thus the feature of not having a family tree was coded to make the faction in question indestructible. I could fix this by a quick edit to a file giving them a family tree, would eliminate them so we an finally get rid of them, it wont make any difference to the game since they can't revolt.
    [​IMG]
    Lithuania's first naval battle is a success. One day we shall rule the waves as well as the land.
    [​IMG]
    Königsberg could be upgraded to a "fortress", greatly increasing it's defenses and allowing to recruit more/new troops, though it's quite expensive.
    [​IMG]
    Hrodna now has some stone walls, making it considerably harder to assault than previously.
    [​IMG]
    Our new hitman goes for a really easy target for some "practice" and fails. I wonder when we get some better hitman.
    [​IMG] Is because no has cannon, must move with time. Cannon is latest tool for hit man, dagger is so 1244.
    [​IMG]
    Glorious Lithuanian navy blockades a Polish port... not that probably does any difference since the Ai cheats so much with money any way...
    [​IMG]
    Seems the Danes has a very strong army at Estonia, the Novgorodian army isn't strong enough to take it, but they keep them in there and off our backs. Excellent this means we will be able to take it once we've dealt with Potato land.
    [​IMG]
    A small Polish force approaches Königsberg, why all the small piecemeal forces and no large doom stack? I don't get it.
    [​IMG]
    What do you mean Poland has Lithuanian archers?! Traitors! I'd order my hit men to take them out if they weren't so incompetent.
    [​IMG]
    The Polish general in a flash of brilliance decides to charge straight into our spearmen, good thinking indeed. That or they said something about his mother...
    [​IMG]
    He quickly gets out flanked and surrounded
    [​IMG]
    And captured as he tries to run away
    [​IMG]
    Yeah that pretty much break the enemy army, why must the enemy general always be so retarded? Why?!
    [​IMG]
    Well it does seem that the Poles does have some more to come with several large armies appear out of nowhere the following turn.
    [​IMG]
    First up to deal with captain coleslaw
    [​IMG]
    his forces seem decent enough
    [​IMG]
    Hmm fog this might actually prove challenging!
    [​IMG]
    Actually it clears up and it's back to the normal easy way (supposedly the battle difficulty is "very hard").
    [​IMG]
    Something or another is happening here... probably their knights chasing our light cavalry to no avail.
    [​IMG]
    Alright so the close combat part has begun let's see what happens now.
    [​IMG]
    ... they start routing... the fucking fuck? They have a huge moral bonus for the high "difficulty" level and their leader is still alive.
    [​IMG]
    Creative Assembly, am disappoint
    [​IMG]
    Alright let's pop the next stack of Poles popping up every where.
    [​IMG]
    What is this obviously chrsitian structure doing in pagan prussia? memo to self, destroy all heathen temples.
    [​IMG]
    Once more we use our awesome Lithuanian hitman skills to hide in plain sight in broad daylight
    [​IMG]
    Well this is going well, we've got ranged superiority, and they have lightly armored troops so I guess it makes sense that so many dies.
    [​IMG]
    Oh hey look what that? Is it a bird? is it a Potato? No it is a Polish general charging straight into our sharpened stakes!
    [​IMG]
    Guess what happens, this isn't "Artificial Intelligence" this is fucking Artificial Stupidity.
    Such idiotic tactics can not be described in words only this is enough
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    As predicted they go all running over the place now.
    [​IMG]
    A victory most surprising.
    [​IMG] You only win because hit men
    What do you mean that retarded general rode straight into a sharpened stake and got impaled
    [​IMG] Was no sharpened stake, was Lithuanian hitman disguised as sharpened stake
    [​IMG]
    We've got one more Pole to pop, this one looks fairly large and well equipped at least, might pose a challenge to the mighty Lithuanian army?
    [​IMG]
    Mean while a couple of Polish army seems to be a having a pick nick south of Mensk and are in no hurry, well at least they killed of the rebels in the area for me. No matter what you say about a Pole but they are always so courteous as to help you even when at war with them :salute:
    [​IMG]
    Riga has also grown quite large, however there is no money to expand the walls for now, all the funds of glorious Lithuania is spent in it's army'
    [​IMG] See this why hit men so bad, need more funding. if we had more could make really really small cannon.
    And whats that good for?
    [​IMG] Could hide in clothes and use when they no expect, and if they wonder what is that long thing in pants, just say is happy to see you
    [​IMG]
    The next turn... they just don't stop coming...
    [​IMG]
    We fight the large group next to Hrodna, oh we get reinforcements from the city garrison that we absolutely need to win!
    [​IMG]
    First thing that happens is that the Poletato general charges our line, guss what happens next?
    [​IMG]
    If you guessed that their general died you where wrong, one of their cavalry units charge our archers and utterly destroy them and they flee head over heel
    [​IMG]
    No the second thing to happens is that their general dies no the next thing, the effect is just about the same though. At the rate we're killing of Polish general you would think natural selection would kick in soon and we would face some intelligent ones.
    [​IMG]
    And thats pretty much it...
    [​IMG]
    At least the poles manages to scrounge up enough potatoes to pay the ransom this time!
    [​IMG]
    more armies wonderful, we will be poping poles to the end of our days!
    [​IMG]
    mean while in a different part of the world the other crusading state (besides the Teutonic Knights) has taken a great blow from an Islamic Jihad.
    [​IMG]
    Indeed that was the last of them, they usually get destroyed pretty early, overall one of the hardest factions to play.
    [​IMG]
    Potatoes inc! Take cover
    [​IMG]
    The Poles sneak up cleverly and blockade our port once again, though that if swiftly amended.
    [​IMG]
    Another Polish force is attacked next to hrodna, it should be easy but...
    [​IMG]
    ... it's a fucking bridge battle. One wonderful battle of attrition coming up!
    [​IMG]
    Well utilize that artificial stupidity should they decide to charge
    [​IMG]
    Actually this one is not suicidal and decides to sit back and relax on the other river bank
    :thumbsup:
    [​IMG]
    This is like that thing that happens after football games, a big brawl.
    [​IMG]
    The enemy archer opens fire into the melee mostly hitting their own men in the back... also we quickly with drae the spear men from the bridge since their exhausted by now and let some axemen charge in, they should be enough to break the weary enemy on the bridge.
    [​IMG]
    yeah, with some luck we won't be stuck fighting on the bridge like this until the battle timer ends.
    [​IMG]
    Well we make it to the other end and manage to spread out a bit that should make things to faster at least
    [​IMG]
    Cavalry is through :salute:
    [​IMG]
    Take that traitorous archers!
    [​IMG]
    After a while the Poles realize that our cavalry beating up their archers is not a good thing and decide to charge our cavalry
    [​IMG]
    We retreat back to our own lines and they follow, you can see their commander there in the bloody white and red
    [​IMG]
    Good bye Polish commander, at leat you were somewhat smarter than your predecessor
    [​IMG]
    Mean while enemy reinforcements arrive and their general charge as well, very intelligent.
    [​IMG]
    Except well he dies... think thats him on the ground there
    [​IMG]
    Both commanders dead and the enemy routs
    [​IMG]
    Somewhat bloodier but that thanks only to the bridge
    [​IMG]
    This time they also have enough potatoes for the ransom
    [​IMG]
    Damn it now we have to fight them again
    [​IMG]
    Our new assassin actually manages to kill his target!
    [​IMG]
    He is still completely shit though well with some more practice perhaps...


    Any way so what will our over all strategy be

    A. Continue to fight the Poles head on hopping to wear them out in a war of attrition, they will eventually run out of at least the high level troops such as knights (about 1 companey per castle per 10 turns)

    or

    B. make a gamble and send a decent sized force to capture some Polish territory ignoring their main forces.
     
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