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In Progress Let's Play as 1200s Lithuania in Crusader Kings II: The Hitman Gods, the Teutons and the Mongols

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Cassidy, Aug 13, 2013.

  1. The Brazilian Slaughter Arcane

    The Brazilian Slaughter
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    BUMP FOR THE GODS< BUMPer FORmer TRUE FAITH!
     
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  2. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
  3. Cassidy Arcane

    Cassidy
    Joined:
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    Location:
    Vault City
    [​IMG]

    All Hitmen open roads to Rome

    Skyforger: Zviegtin' zviedza kara zirgi

    [​IMG]

    The best successor for the current Emperor and King of Lithuania was chosen, not without polemic, but Vida was currently the brighest of the entire dynasty.

    [​IMG]

    By the hammer of Perkunas, the world has changed. Orthodoxy is dead, and once moribund, the true Romuva faith has prevailed! Yet, the revenge for the Baltic Crusades is not complete, far from it, setbacks have proven the followers of the false god remain extremely powerful, and once thought defeated, almost like a Djinn out of a lamp, Islam has returned through the seemingly invincible Timurids.

    [​IMG]

    DEATH TO RUSSIA!

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    Where is your god? Where?

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    Apostates of Odin! Meet your deserved fate!

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    Pomorze will be restored as a Kingdom of the old gods!

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    They never stood a chance. The last time the Wendish Empire was stopped was only when all of Christendom sent their men to the meatgrinder to die by the hundreds of thousands, and the mistakes of the Hammerade against Germany won't be repeated again.

    [​IMG]

    Thus, the legacy of another Pommeranian Crusade was completely erased, the weak Sweden standing no chance against the mighty Empire. Victory!

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    Slaying Timur himself and maiming his heir, the Lithuanian Hitmen may have failed to protect the Empress from a sick form of retaliation, but nevertheless they succeeded at paving the way for the dynasty of Tamerlane to be completely eradicated, and now the Khaganate that ironically retained the name of its founder was ruled by an entirely different dynasty, and all the efforts in attempts to break it apart proved themselves futile. At least the gruesome death of Dannila the Avenger was avenged with the death of the last descendant of Timur.

    [​IMG]

    Yet ultimately, where is your god now goatfuckers?

    :incline:

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    The chosen heir of the Empire becomes capable in education, and will ensure Lithuania will have an edge in knowledge and technology compared to the rest of the world, as much as their spies will.

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    Vida married matrilineally with a genius, in the hopes they will have another genius as their son.

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    More scum, for a change.

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    WHY DON'T YOU DIE RUSSIA?

    [​IMG]

    Another conquest, and Poland was now completely surrounded by the Wendish Empire, their fate was sealed. With this victory, there was one more thing on the horizon, one possibility that would allow a drive of conquest towards Rome mostly avoiding conflict with the extremely powerful Unholy "Roman" Empire.

    Strangely, in spite of the hopeless of his kingdom's situation, the King of Poland was known as the Merry... yet ultimately, the Piast would be given one final choice ]: to abandon the false god... or to abandon their kingdom, for the Emperor was willing to allow their dynasty to continue ruling over Poland as a vassal kingdom to the Emperor. Would they be ready to abandon all their worldly power for a false god and become destitute nobles? Once the time comes, the answer will come.

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    DIE ALREADY RUSSIA! PERKELE PERKELE PERKELE!

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    The 15th century, in spite of the unspeakable tragedy that befell the first and great Empress Dannila, had everything to be a golden age in the history of the Baltics, the mighty Wendish Empire protecting the last pagans on Europe from two false gods. History has changed.

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    The majority of the Baltic and of the Rus worships the old gods. Everything has changed.

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    Meanwhile, in the absurd chain of events triggered by the Lithuanian Hitmen that transformed Hungary into kebab...

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    There was no time to be lost. Forward through the Carpathians, forward through the Balkans, forward through the road to Rome!

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    The techniques and crafts used in Lithuanian construction are the envy of the world, for Lithuania has advanced ahead of her time in such field, an advance which benefits will speed progress dramatically in Kaunas.

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    For upholding the true Romuva faith, Svitrigail became known as the Holy.

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    Leading a second army to crush a band of traitors, the Emperor was proven a patient, wise, if cowardly leader of men.

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    Meanwhile, in Finland, the consequences of the foolish conversion of the ruling dynasty to the dying Orthodox Christianity finally exploded into massive rebellions from those who believe in Perkele against the king, and their Kingdom may yet fracture, which unfortunately will be a great opportunity for Norway to conquer them.

    [​IMG]

    Thanks to the great skills of the missionaries of the Empire, the Poles have once again returned to their true gods.

    :outrage:

    [​IMG]

    Oh shit...

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    It is not like the Prophet(PBUH) wouldn't actually approve of this .

    [​IMG]

    But one of them was only 2 year old. Svitrigaila is no Muhammad(PBUH), so instead of doing the unspeakable, he simply released the 2-year old and waited for the other one to become 13, which would happen in a few months.

    [​IMG]

    Svitrigaila: "I'm waiting her to go through puberty. Therefore not pedophile."

    :hmmm:

    [​IMG]

    Yet not all was good news, unless of course the Danes considered being ruled by frogs an outrage and rebelled.

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    This conquest was one small of many steps yet remaining to deliver the final blow thousands of lost souls yearn. Yet from such an unlikely chain of events that transformed Hungary in a Caliphate triggered by none other than the legendary Lithuanian Hitmen, the greatest opportunity to stand next to the gates of Rome the Empire ever had has risen. Whether they will succeed before the end of this era of Holy or Unholy Wars(1453) or not, remains to be seen.

    TO BE CONTINUED
     
    • Brofist Brofist x 2
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  4. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
  5. The Brazilian Slaughter Arcane

    The Brazilian Slaughter
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    Drive to Rome.... and burn it to the ground.

    FOREVER
     
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  6. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
  7. Cassidy Arcane

    Cassidy
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    I hope I'll manage to reach Rome before 1453, but we'll see.

    =============

    [​IMG]

    The Ending Medieval Era

    Máddji

    [​IMG]

    Over the Baltics, the old gods, the gods of the strong, they are almost supreme after centuries tearing down the tyranny of Romanism and generations, a mighty Empire preparing itself to deliver the final vengeance against Christendom. Once again people celebrate the 25th of December as a date of the gods, of the winter solstice, rather than the way the false god and the false church usurped such thousand years old tradition truly linked to the gods, no matter how much they tried to hide it.

    [​IMG]

    Unfortunately another bright heir died giving birth, and a new successors was elected, the most capable of the Gediminaitis.

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    The leftovers of the Rus are in chaos. It is time to restore order in those lands for banditry has been leaking through the borders with the Wendish Empire. DEATH TO RUSSIA!

    [​IMG]

    And then... the race has begun, the road to Rome.

    Unfortunately the Empire is at truce with the Sultanate of Hungary.

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    The Emperor has decided to let it slide, strongly suspecting his concubine actually wanted to kill herself but lacked the courage for it thus asked for a Lithuanian Hitman to put her out of her misery. To prevent it from ever repeating again, the sick fuck Emperor took notes from an extremely obscure and either sickening or arousing book called "Codex S.G.C. Meltdown" and renamed the place where the concubines lie to "Lovers' Lab". Viola was put into manacles and had her mouth stuffed with a hollowed ball of leather, so one of the "Majors Blackhart", as the aides of that place were nicknamed, could feed her without removing it, to ensure no further suicide attempts either by her own hands or by she asking someone to kill her. Eventually keeping all concubines like that became the standard for the "Lovers' Lab" as much as tuna wrap somehow ended being the meal shared with them. At least as long as the current Emperor lives.

    [​IMG]

    A perfect mistress for hitmen.

    [​IMG]

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    Another trouble solved before it could become real.

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    The Romuva Church has always desired to conquer Estonia from the Romanists, but they failed twice already.

    [​IMG]

    What is wrong, Liberal?

    :troll:

    [​IMG]

    The Emperor grew older, and also more jaded and cynical. Poland's demise was inevitable, but much of Christendom was answering their call for aid. A rapid conquest was of essence for the final steps in the integration of Poland, rightful clay of the Wendish Empire.

    [​IMG]

    Shells, shells in the night.

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    Everything was building up in a crescendo in the 15th century. Old kingdoms were dying, a new Empire grew ever powerful, halted only by the entirety of those who kneel to the cross together.

    [​IMG]

    The Wendish Empire was something anyone could be proud of.

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    The allies of Poland fortunately arrived too late, or they would be trouble, serious trouble. Almost all of the de jure territories of the Wendish Empire have been taken, but ultimately, to destroy the kingdom of Poland was unwise next to the possibility of greater integration, to showcase that the Empire is fair.

    http://i.imgur.com/sj2FuBy.jpg

    Men were given titles purely based on their merit and skill to rule over them, as long as they didn't hate the Emperor.

    [​IMG]

    DEATH TO RUSSIA!

    http://i.imgur.com/VsEL3ep.jpg

    Soon reduced to a single province, Poland was about to cease to exist as a Catholic and independent kingdom.

    [​IMG]

    Regardless of all the sex slaves concubines, there was only one person Svitrigaila truly loved.

    [​IMG]

    The High Chief of Krakow should have expected this, and the reduction of Romanist Poland to a single county wouldn't happen so soon.

    [​IMG]

    Meanwhile, finally the truce with Hungary is over, and about time, for they may cave in to the Persian invasion any time now. Another step to the road to Rome before that happens is critical.

    [​IMG]

    Damn

    [​IMG]

    A new genius in the family, but unfortunately a woman, and thus, likely to die at childbirth as it happened with all other female geniuses. Why are the dumbfuckest of the dumbfucks so much better at having lots of children?

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    A genius in hitmanning, but to the dismay of many, she adopted the Persian mannerisms of her guardian. Ironically she looked more Persian than the sandnigger and kebab apes residing at Persia at the moment.

    :M

    [​IMG]

    DEATH TO RUSSIA!

    [​IMG]

    They never give up...

    :rage:

    DEATH TO RUSSIA!

    [​IMG]

    Mosques went flying sky high over the holiest city of Islam, and with gigantic wooden plaques with the words "BEHEAD THOSE WHO INSULT ISLAM! RAPE AND KILL ROME!" and alike, they reacted as expected.

    [​IMG]

    Svitrigaila the Holy grew even more jaded, even more cynical, he lost the religious zeal he had for most of his life as he thought of all, and began to wonder if there are no gods or god after all.

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    Jerusalem's finest hour has begun, as soon the full might of the massive Timurid Khaganate shall fall upon them. Perhaps conquering Mecca wasn't such a good idea.

    [​IMG]

    Another small step, still a long way to go.

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    The rabble may rise again and again, but ultimately Lithuanians will dominate all of Eastern Europe culturally, and erase the taint of Russia forever, bringing much rejoicing to Vaarna_Aarne

    [​IMG]

    They should have done their research before plotting against the headquarters of the Lithuanian Hitman.

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    Realizing Hungary is the soft underbelly of Europe, the Pope declared a crusade as well, to attempt conquering Hungary first than the Tengri Persians. The crescendo of the final conflict between the good old gods and the false evil god continues.

    [​IMG]

    The brightest child of the dynasty is tutored by the Emperor himself, to ensure she will truly be among the greatest of the greatest, while the final conquest of Poland is at hand.

    [​IMG]

    In the end the Queen of Poland accepted vassalage to the Emperor, and now, with some goodwill, it would be possible to convince her to be tutored by a Romuva individual that will guide the Piast to return to the Potato gods they have abandoned for so many generations.

    [​IMG]

    Others are likewise expected to throw the cross on the dirt and embrace the POTATO.

    [​IMG]

    The goodwill that will make the Queen of Poland forgive the long aggression of Lithuanian on her country comes in the form of restoring the Kingdom of Poland.

    [​IMG]

    And now the future is secured. The Piast lost the war, as unfortunately they could not otherwise see the truth of the potato gods, but they still shall rule over the Kingdom of Poland, and beyond. The Wendish Empire was now complete, the Lithuanian-Polish Empire, the restoration of the potato gods to their rightful place.

    :outrage:

    [​IMG]

    And another elected heir died first. A new one is chosen. Svitrigaila has lived long, longer than many of his predecessors.

    [​IMG]

    The Rus are finally finished off, a best day of my life.

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    They may hurt the faithful.

    [​IMG]

    But they will not break their will, and eventually the absurdity of the false god becomes obvious and the superiority of the True Romuva Church clear.

    [​IMG]

    Somehow, Jerusalem stood.

    [​IMG]

    And the successful defense of Jerusalem was only part of the good news for the enemies of the Empire. They were more effective than the Persians, and Aquitaine now conquered what was left of Hungary. Fortunately there is one good thing in here: Aquitaine is a weak realm, and it will be simple to advance further close to Rome by defeating them.

    [​IMG]

    The crescendo grows. The Medieval Age is ending, and the greatest glory of the Lithuanians may yet happen first.

    TO BE CONTINUED
     
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  8. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
  9. Vaarna_Aarne Notorious Internet Vandal Patron

    Vaarna_Aarne
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    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2
    Say Cassidy, where'd you get that flag for Wendish Empire?
     
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  10. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
  11. Kashmir Slippers Augur

    Kashmir Slippers
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  12. Fafnir Liturgist Patron

    Fafnir
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    Grab the Codex by the pussy
    Wendish Superiorty!
     
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