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Let's play as the glorious Islamic Republic of Iran!

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Infantryman, Dec 27, 2010.

  1. Infantryman Scholar

    Infantryman
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2010
    Messages:
    459
    Location:
    War Saw, Potatoland
    Soundtrack (self-arranged!)

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    White House. It must be Obama writing something with keyboard.

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    CONNECTING

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    Back to world view?

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    KREMLIN

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    Ah, I get it now, we’re going to see a mosaic of some kind.

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    Damn commies!

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    Ah, the British. I always wonder why are they treated as if they were more influential than Germans and French.

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    Is that where Iranian president lives?

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    I expected to see Best Korea sooner or later.

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    All players logged in.

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    THE GAME IS AFOOT

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    DIPLOMACY

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    ESPIONAGE

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    Nuclear submarine is where we all live in

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    FINANCE

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    POVERTY

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    CONSTRUCTION

    Ok, I’ll stop with stating the obvious and just show the pics.

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    Yeah! Every intro has to end with nuclear explosion, doesn’t it?

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    Wooshhhhh... The loading screen appears.

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    After selecting appropriate game mode, we may choose a country to play as on the map. In this case, it’s Iran.

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    The settings. Because you did not tell me which leader you want for Iran (except Cassidy), I’m going to name him Andhaira, but leave Ahmadinejad’s face because I don’t feel like modding right now.

    The difficulty is Novice, because I’m new to this game and this setting gives helpful feedback on the consequences of the decisions.

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    The game is afoot! It begins with some useless TV news coverage. I turn it off immediately.

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    Islamic Republic of Iran, our glorious country!

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    Let’s zoom the map out a bit. The more red the icon is, the more the given country hates us, and the greener the icon is, the more they like us. Well, it seems Iran cannot into making friends. We don’t even have good relationship with most fellow Muslim countries, because Iran is hardcore Shiite country while others are mainly Sunni. Our diplomatic position is similar to the one of the Third Reich in late 1930s. Our potential allies are frustrated contenders who reject current world order and aim at replacing it with a new one, hopefully the one which will finally grant them their rightful place under sun. These include Best Korea, Venezuela, Belarus, Russia, and to lesser extent, China. Interestingly, Brazil likes us somewhat. Our biggest enemies are the Great Satan and Zionist imperialists. May Allah smite those wicked rats!

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    Iran is riddled with icons representing oil wells. The game is quite graphically intensive, but as I’m playing this on laptop, graphics settings are at the lowest level. It’s nice that the authors were so considerate. Back to the topic. These wells are the lifeblood of our economy. They are our biggest treasure. Allah be praised!

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    Oil accounts for 40% of our exports. Once their price falls, we are doomed to life in poverty and starvation. When they are high, the riches from the decadent west fall upon us in the endless stream. The problem is once we upset those pig-eating infidels too much, their sanctions on oil imports will ruin us. We must tread carefully.

    Iran is the member of the OPEC. Once in a while a summit takes place in which members negotiate the targeted oil price. The higher it is, the higher our revenues are. But if we overdo it, our customers will seek alternative energy sources, cut their consumption, or start buying more oil from non-OPEC countries.

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    Public finances of Iran are in nearly perfect order. Almost no public debt, marginal budget deficit, social security expenditures account for only ~30% of our spending. Filthy west can only look up to us in envy with their horribly expensive social welfare and ludicrous levels of debt.

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    Our economy is not in perfect condition, however. High levels of inflation hamper growth. It makes me wonder, why our predecessors have kept the interest rates at such a low level.

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    Overall taxation is at a low level. Its structure, however, is highly socialistic, with strong emphasis on redistribution which is quite popular among masses, but punishes citizens for initiative and entrepreneurship.

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    Our military is pretty large, but its funding is lacking and equipment is obsolete. Also, the fact that the Great Satan spends more than 150 times more on its armed forces than us is worrying.

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    Ruling party has overwhelming majority in the Parliament. But it doesn’t really matter, as laws are issued as presidential decrees.
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    Our presidential mandate expires on June 2013.

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    Labor syndicates are major cause of extreme butthurt for most western leaders. They organize massive strikes at the slightest remarks of fiscal reforms. No one dares to mess with them in the western world. But in Iran, there is only one, state-controlled syndicate, and strikes are forbidden. This makes country MUCH easier to manage.

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    Iraq. War with this country has left a profound scar on Iranian society, its effects felt even at the present day. Millions of young Persians died in futile human wave attacks against Iraqis, using heavy weapons and mustard gas, to fulfill Khomeini’s dreams of spreading the revolution. Iraq is one of the few countries with significant Shiite population, making it very important for Iran. But even with Saddam gone, the mutual relations are ice cold. We cannot accept that Mesopotamia is ruled by puppets of the infidels!

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    Despite being Islamic Republic, Iran is in rather bad demographic condition. Our fertility rate has reached the sub-replacement level. It is even worse than the one of American white infidel women! Our population is still very young, but at that rate, in 40 years our country will collapse. Which is still better than in Europe, whose demographic suicide has started 25 years earlier.

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    PROMOTE CONTRACEPRION? Who the heck is responsible for that?

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam/islamethics/contraception.shtml

    Islam allows contraceptives? From perspective of a country’s leader it’s not good at all. I mean it’s much easier to forbid them than to throw billions of dollars in form of family allowances in hopes that it will make people inclined to make babies.

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    Let’s review matters of internal security. There’s one terrorist organization working within our borders working to overthrow our government. It is a problem to be dealt with.

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    WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!!? Iran has no spies at all at Great Satan, and instead we’re spying on Potatolanders and some bankrupt rageheads.

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    Iran cannot into espionage. Our intelligence services budget is laughable.

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    Iran cannot into science. The quality of goods produced in our country is very poor, and relative wealth coming from petrodollars makes our economy very uncompetitive. East Asians can produce better for less than us.


    Ok, that was the basic country overview. Now it’s time to choose.

    Issue 1: Our priority for next 3 years:
    A) Gearing up for war! The time for jihad is near!
    B) Transforming our economy. Let’s invest our revenues into research and development so that we become wealthy, innovative and more independent nation!
    C) The most noble pursuit is the social welfare. We must focus on improving living conditions of our people!

    Issue 2: Foreign policy priorities:
    A) Let’s align ourselves with bigger powers, like Russia and China!
    B) Let’s forge a regional alliance of Islamic powers!
    C) We are the only faithful nation in the world, therefore we cannot sacrifice our ideals!

    Issue 3: Contraception policy:
    A) Promote it.
    B) Discourage it.
    C) Forbid it.

    Issue 4: Intelligence priorities:
    A) Let’s focus entirely on Great Satan and Zionists.
    B) Let’s focus on Great Satan and Zionists, and keep lesser networks at their allies.
    C) We’re a regional power, so we must focus on our region.
    D) We should refrain ourselves from using sneaky methods of vile infidel!

    Issue 5: Nuclear policy:
    A) Let’s develop a nuclear bomb!
    B) Let’s confine ourselves to civilian use of nuclear energy.
    C) All we need is oil.



    Example of an answer:

    1-A, 2-B, 3-C, 4-D, 5-C
     
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  2. Drakron Arcane

    Drakron
    Joined:
    May 19, 2005
    Messages:
    6,281
    1-B, 2-B, 3-B, 4-C, 5-B
     
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  3. LusciousPear Savant

    LusciousPear
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    720
    Location:
    SF
    MCA Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Shadorwun: Hong Kong
    Oh man. This'll be fun.

    1: B -- need money to make war
    2. B -- Fuck yes, the United States of Islam!
    3. C -- MOAR BABIES
    4. A -- Destroy the Great Satan!
    5. A -- NUKES!!!!
     
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  4. Zdzisiu Arcane

    Zdzisiu
    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2009
    Messages:
    3,401
    1-B 2-A 3-C 4-B 5-B
     
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  5. Cassidy Arcane

    Cassidy
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Messages:
    7,321
    Location:
    Vault City
    1-B

    Without an economy able of supporting a glorious army, and particularly, without an economy capable of exporting refined rather than raw oil, they will never stand a chance against the Zionist and Great Satan mights.

    2-C

    Most of the Islamic countries are currently ruled by lapdogs and puppets of the Amerikwan Imperialism and of the J00s, and those which aren't are too weak to be any help to Iran. The creation of a major Islamic alliance out of any means than the violent deposition of these traitors through war and guerrillas is impossible, while Russia and China might drag Iran in unwanted conflicts at the wrong time. Therefore, Iran must hold the torch of the emancipation of the Palestinian and Arabs against the Zionist world government alone.

    3-C

    All other options are heresy!

    4-C

    Many of the countries around Iran are NATO lapdogs, and it'll be much easier to operate Intel in them than in the heart of the Great Satan.

    5-A

    Yawm ad-Din, ITZ COMING. Iran must be prepared.
     
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  6. oscar Prestigious Gentleman Arcane

    oscar
    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2008
    Messages:
    7,642
    Location:
    NZ
    1A
    2B
    3C
    4B
    5A
     
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  7. Erebus Arcane

    Erebus
    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2008
    Messages:
    4,109
    1 - B
    2 - A (Having the support of China and/or Russia would be invaluable against the threat of US aggression)
    3 - B (We want as little contraception as possible, without the negative consequences actually forbidding it would have)
    4 - B
    5 - A (Foreign nations are extraordinarily more polite once you have the bomb)
     
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  8. Malakal Arcane

    Malakal
    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2009
    Messages:
    8,108
    Location:
    Poland
    What I learned playing this game is any greater changes mean chaos and anarchy on the streets. This could be different in... alternatively democratic states but still be careful.

    1-B, 2-A, 3-C, 4-C, 5-C

    Seriously drop the nuclear programme its goddamn expensive and not worth it. Like you need more energy. And using bombs? Suicidal.
     
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  9. grotsnik Prestigious Gentleman Arcane

    grotsnik
    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2010
    Messages:
    1,664
    Quite right. Only a mad, single-minded despot with absolutely no concern for the lives and the welfare of his citizens would make such a choice.

    With this in mind;

    1-B, 2-A, 3-B, 4-B, 5-A.

    We're Iran, dammit.
     
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  10. laclongquan Arcane

    laclongquan
    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,868,205
    Location:
    Searching for my kidnapped sister
    1-A: Weapons are expensive toys. We need moar capacities for war.

    2-A: Ally Far, Invade Near. We are THE successor of Persian Empire, and Reuinification is now!

    3-A: Breed for our glorious future.

    4-B: Keep your enemies close, but keep your friends even closer.

    5-A: Nuclear is the future. Who can imagine a Persian Empire without the greatest weapon?
     
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  11. Kz3r0 Arcane

    Kz3r0
    Joined:
    May 28, 2008
    Messages:
    24,596
    1-C Oil revenues must go to the people for developing the internal market.

    2-A You can play solo in the international arena.

    3-B We are true believers after all

    4-C And this a swell means focusing on Israel and the Kwa, it's not that they are that afar from our borders.

    5-A Get da Bomb, deterrent is always nice, and you can wrestle concessions, sell the technology and promote R&D at the same time.
     
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  12. DwarvenFood Arcane Patron

    DwarvenFood
    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2009
    Messages:
    6,301
    Location:
    Atlantic Accelerator
    Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Wasteland 2 Codex USB, 2014 Divinity: Original Sin 2 BattleTech Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire
    1-B Economy first.
    2-A Let's choose the more powerful as allies, instead the lapdogs of the USA that call themselve muslim states.
    3-B Not really important to me but let the population grow a bit.
    4-C There is not yet a single big enemy so let's focus on the region as a whole.
    5-A Nukes all the way.
     
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  13. Cenobyte Prophet

    Cenobyte
    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2010
    Messages:
    1,114
    Location:
    Japan
    1 - B
    2 - A
    3 - B
    4 - C
    5 - B
     
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  14. deuxhero Arcane

    deuxhero
    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2007
    Messages:
    8,880
    Location:
    Flowery Land
    Hmm, try to transform Iran, or play in character... hmm...


    Issue 1: Our priority for next 3 years:
    A) Gearing up for war! The time for jihad is near!
    B) Transforming our economy. Let’s invest our revenues into research and development so that we become wealthy, innovative and more independent nation!

    C) The most noble pursuit is the social welfare. We must focus on improving living conditions of our people!

    When finished, you will have more money for war.

    Issue 2: Foreign policy priorities:
    A) Let’s align ourselves with bigger powers, like Russia and China!
    B) Let’s forge a regional alliance of Islamic powers!
    C) We are the only faithful nation in the world, therefore we cannot sacrifice our ideals!

    Issue 3: Contraception policy:
    A) Promote it.
    B) Discourage it.
    C) Forbid it.

    Issue 4: Intelligence priorities:
    A) Let’s focus entirely on Great Satan and Zionists.
    B) Let’s focus on Great Satan and Zionists, and keep lesser networks at their allies.
    C) We’re a regional power, so we must focus on our region.
    D) We should refrain ourselves from using sneaky methods of vile infidel!

    Issue 5: Nuclear policy:
    A) Let’s develop a nuclear bomb!
    B) Let’s confine ourselves to civilian use of nuclear energy.

    C) All we need is oil.

    If the gameplay mechanics mentioned earlier are valid, than nukes are stupid. Regardless, making nuke power plants lets you have a springboard for that when you get more money from a better economy.
     
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  15. Infantryman Scholar

    Infantryman
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2010
    Messages:
    459
    Location:
    War Saw, Potatoland
    Thank you for your votes. Actually, two last votes were cast while I was playing for the new update, and they tipped the balance in favour of stricter policy on contraception. But they will be taken into account and this policy will be properly implemented in the next update.
     
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  16. Infantryman Scholar

    Infantryman
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2010
    Messages:
    459
    Location:
    War Saw, Potatoland
    Soundtrack

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    This game has an enormous load of JFK quotes.

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    It’s time to implement policies of your choice.

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    It’s so easy to be authoritarian. You just write the law and issue a decree. No need for votes or parliamentary DISCUSS.

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    :evil:

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    The schedule of our program.

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    As you can see, our deficit jumped up a notch, but nothing disastrous happened to our budget.

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    We recruit some new special agents.

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    And send one of them to infiltrate those democratic terrorists. Unfortunately, after a few weeks, beheaded body of our agent has been found by the police.

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    Russia. Let’s arrange a meeting with Medvedev.

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    As you can see, the names are changed to save the creators of the game from legal trouble.

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    Let’s check our agenda. A weekend trip to Russia sounds cool.

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    And then Andhaira will head straight to Beijing.

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    Our leader is not very well guarded. This is unacceptable. I max out the funding.

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    Deficit jumps to almost 1% of GDP. Something has to be done to fix that.

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    Inheritance tax will go up to 7,5%, with ultimate target of 10%.

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    The rate of TV license in increased so that the budget won’t have to subsidize the media from its own purse.

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    Gun tax shall rise too. Unarmed citizens are easier to control, especially in case of riots.

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    Let’s tax liquor! Allah hates alcohol anyways.

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    Wine is alcohol too.

    Ok, that’s it for taxes. Doing too many unpopular decisions in short time period is the recipe for popular uprising.

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    Update on nuclear program from defense minister, excellent!

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    Andhaira’s popularity skyrockets, mainly because of support of religious figures for new law on contraception.

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    Wow, even some hippies praise us!
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    Butthurt old people.

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    I check the state pension level. It’s non existent! :thumbsup:

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    Well, the level of education is poor.

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    THE DRAMA. Ministers in the government seem to be constantly fighting with each other and it’s impossible to determine who’s right and who’s a liar, so I just ignore all their rambling.

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    Iranian people love Andhaira!

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    I just do a quick check on personality cult policies. Yep. Everything in perfect order.

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    Let’s take a look at today’s paper.

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    :love: State press and media censorship

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    Let’s meet up with Dimitri.

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    After some diplomatic courtesy, we get down to business.

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    :rage:

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    Being the oil exporter, we don’t have much to offer for the Russians, so we negotiate a military alliance instead. They may build one military base on our territory, which should improve our security. No one dares to mess with the bear.

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    I’m not going to show you all the messages, but Andhaira is warned of cancer, AIDS and leprosy epidemics. Our healthcare sucks.

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    Multikult :x

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    First OPEC meeting in the new year. We’re voting for slight increase to $85. In the end of the negotiations, a consensus of $92,35 is reached.

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    Andhaira meets Hu Jintao.

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    We sell them oil and buy their bottled water.

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    Unemployment in Iran is 11,5%. Not bad in comparison with most western countries.

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    Our security is effective!

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    We meet with Thai leader. We sell them natural gas and we buy their coffee, flowers, fish, consumer electronics and fowl. Buying is profitable too, because otherwise we’d have to buy these goods from the world market at higher price anyways.

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    Tsunami strikes at the Great Satan. Allah smiles upon us!

    Now that the January is over, let’s take a look at our economic indicators.

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    Wonderful! Our growth accelerates, employment increases and inflation falls!


    ITZ time to choose.

    Issue 1: Monetary policy:
    A) Screw inflation! Let’s lower the interest rates to boost the economy!
    B) If inflation falls, then our policy is working and we shouldn’t change it.
    C) Let’s increase the interest rates slightly.
    D) Let’s radically increase the interest rate. Inflation must be suffocated!

    Issue 2: Oil price policy:
    A) Let’s vote for slight price rises in OPEC meetings.
    B) Let’s vote for radical price rises in OPEC meetings.
    C) Let’s vote for price decreases in OPEC meetings so that their growth is slower at the ending consensus.
     
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  17. Infantryman Scholar

    Infantryman
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2010
    Messages:
    459
    Location:
    War Saw, Potatoland
    Oh, and I forgot to upload a bonus picture showing message from our leader's wife

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  18. Kz3r0 Arcane

    Kz3r0
    Joined:
    May 28, 2008
    Messages:
    24,596
    Issue 1: Monetary policy:
    B) If inflation falls, then our policy is working and we shouldn’t change it.

    Issue 2: Oil price policy:
    A) Let’s vote for slight price rises in OPEC meetings.
     
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  19. Merkwürdigliebe Arcane

    Merkwürdigliebe
    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    2,794
    Location:
    Third Reich from the Sun
    One would think our glorious leader would have been able to get a better looking wife. Must have been a surprise on the weeding night when he got that burka off her. :D
     
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  20. anus_pounder Arcane

    anus_pounder
    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2010
    Messages:
    5,972
    Location:
    Yiffing in Hell
    :lol: Good god. I can't stop laughing at those newspaper clips.
     
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  21. deuxhero Arcane

    deuxhero
    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2007
    Messages:
    8,880
    Location:
    Flowery Land
    "Her" niece (not "our)? Are you the Father or something? And why does she have a separate last name? Have the infidel executed!
     
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  22. DwarvenFood Arcane Patron

    DwarvenFood
    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2009
    Messages:
    6,301
    Location:
    Atlantic Accelerator
    Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Wasteland 2 Codex USB, 2014 Divinity: Original Sin 2 BattleTech Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire
    Fixed that one for you..

    Also, the disaster in Australia seems lolzy ? have a screenie of that ?

    As for the options.. economy seems going the right way, we need to do something about education and maybe pensions. And some more trade deals.

    Is a military agreement, similar to Russia's, not possible with China ?

    1-B graphs going the good way
    2-A a bit more income will not hurt
     
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  23. Infantryman Scholar

    Infantryman
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2010
    Messages:
    459
    Location:
    War Saw, Potatoland
    If you want, I can have her jailed or assassinated by secret service.

    No, I don't. I'll check if I can make one. But it's nothing special, just the wildfire. It happens almost every year.

    Yes, once I get the budget back on track, I'll increase education expenses. But I don't think it's good idea to implement state pensions. It is horribly expensive and gives almost no benefit in return.
     
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