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Completed Let's Play Europa Barbarorum (Arche Seleukeia)

Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
I was worried about strange AI behavior in battles when it had more than one army. EB doesn't change anything in battle/campaign AI (It can't, this crap is hard-coded) but it adds new formations for AI to use and I was worried they got "bork" or something. I reinstalled EB completely and had battle with two epeirotes armies. This time they they joined up properly. I hope AI will no longer just "stand there in strange formation doing nothing until we aggro it" like it did couple of times in this LP.

I also installed "recruitment" viewer and it turned out we won't ever be able to recruit phalangitai in greece or italy... we can recruit them in Gaul for some reason though.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 42 - Veni, Vidi... Vat?

UO0001.jpg


Romans started to spam armies and we no longer have biggest military in the world.

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Replacement for our dead general is Uncharismatic "poor tactican". Well, dicks. Uncharismatic trait will make almost impossible for him to gain any command stars.

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We have to recruit more freedom fighters because Romans formed another army to threaten our possesion in southern italy. They have more marian troops but at least it's not first cohort.

Also, we again have waves of butt-hurt throughout the empire, I decided to raze all "not-our-culture" buildings to minimize culture penalty and build shrines to our gods. So, fuck your indigenous cultures.

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Baktrians may have better troops be we have advantage of horse-archers fighting in the steppe.

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LOL NOPE FOREST. Crap.

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Roman opressors besieged Rhegion and our freedom fighters have to remove them. If it's going to be another forest battle I'm going to strangle a puppy.

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Dagnabbit...

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We were marching towards the enemy like it's no one's business and then - suddenly velites.

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You don't simply ambush freedom fighters in the forest you silly velites!

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We routed velites but roman heavy infantry is near so we better fall back and reform our line. Don't get me wrong, forest battles are very "atmospheric" and can be fun, but it just doesn't make sense for two large, equal armies to deploy in fucking forest.

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Our light infantry is quite good at hiding in the forest so romans run around like headless chickens trying to keep up with units that constantly disappear.

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Death form the Bushes (tm).

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One Triarii maniple got tired of getting shot by our archers and javeliners, unfortunately they stumbled upon shitton of gauls while looking for place to hide.

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Idea of engaging us in this small open field was good, but came way too late.

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Fighting in open area makes this engagement a little bit more fair for romans but it also means we can use our cavalry.

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Why the fvck we deployed in forest?!

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I never wanted to be legionnary anyway...

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There is only one roman unit that still keeps fighting. They are quite far away from main engagement so they probably think battle is going great because they are beating the crap of some light infantry. Our light infantry can't win this fight, but it can just disengage and wait for heavies to deal with it.

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Romans finally brought general here. Unfrotunately our spy is terrible and we don't know anything about this Manius dude.

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We finally reached last bastion of Armenia. It's time to destroy them once and for all.

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Thureophoroi and Throkitai are our future because we won't be able to recruit phalangitai in Greece and Italy.

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Now Armenians fucking fight in the shade.

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We killed everything they had outside the city and now it's time to haul our asses and fight for city center, which always means shitton of casualties (Units in friendly city center never breaks).

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Time to make a poke to end all the poking (at least in this part of the world).

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We our going to enslave this city and then destroy everything we can because we are not planning to keep it.

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That's watchu get for rebelling.

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We tried to give this shithole to Sauromatae but they refused. They probably know that this town is going to rebell to them (which means we will be at war with Sarmatians).
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 43 - Veni, Vidi... Vat? (Merciless Arabian Assasins).

UO0001.jpg


This is third roman army we are going to face, but the first one that had balls to attack us instead of sieging our shit Free Italia.

UO0002.jpg


Mr. Manius have better things to do and this army don't have general nor first cohort to boost their morale.

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We deployed on a small hill and most of our troops is hidden in forest on the left. I hope that Roman will smash on what they see and our forest dwellers will be able to encircle them.

victoly.JPG


Like so.

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Awww yiss, come at us.

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Unfortunately our center consist of light infantry, but to be honest, pretty much all our infantry is light (Samnite swordsmen and mercenary hoplites are exception).

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Now our glorious 1st cavalry do what I showed you on my plan - GTFO. They are not going to take part in this battle. Their mission is to lure some troops out of main rape zone.

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And now we unleash our Ewoks Gauls and weirdos in women clothes.

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Hannibal ain't got shit man.

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And now 2nd cavalry force finishes our encirclement.

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We slaughtered everyone and romans that followed our 1st cavalry saw what happend and are bugging out.

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We are going to keep killing Romans with those rag-tah yahoos Freedom Fighters until we develop good enough MICs in Greece to recruit Reformed Army. I don't know how to call our "manipular" Thureophoroi armies so I wait for propositions.

UO0001.jpg


We have more random roman stacks in our territory but they are too tiny to justify showing you battles.

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And they are race traitors, not romans, anyway.

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It's Seleukid tradition (which I made up) that Basileus must conquer new Province and make it his personal realm. Kalinikos sits in Greece, which he kinda conquered getting his ass constantly besieged in Pella, just like his Father was doing in Anatolia. Now Diognetos have to conquer Italia (leading Freedom Fighters for now) which he later will rule.

UO0001.jpg


Messana surrendered. I don't really want sicily that much but we need to deal with enemies on our rear before we start pushing towards Rome.

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Gava-Roxolana rebelled to Sauromatae.

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And it means we are at war with them. Well, it was fucking miracle this war didn't happened earlier anyway.

UO0001.jpg


Diognetos managed to corner Roman general. It's time to send clear message to senate that even when we use local troops, Seleukeia is not to be fucked with.

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Mr. Manius, you gonna get raped.

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There is dead body of Manius Asina somwhere around here. No eagle for this, but dead general is dead general.

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But there is no time to celebrate, there are more roman stacks in our shit. I won't inform you about progress of further removal unless things will go horribly wrong.

UO0001.jpg


One of our cities is raging as hell so I decided to take a look at governor.

wut.JPG


I moved him around a little, he's fine. Maybe he was killed and then got better, I don't know. It's a mystery.

basi.JPG


HE WILL BE AVENGED!

deadguy.JPG


But I'm fine...

basi.JPG


SHUT UP!

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We will avenge him by taking Homna.

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Saka horse people are out of food and Gava-H garrison is forced to sally.

UO0015.jpg


"Draw"

UO0016.jpg


But city is ours.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
I decided to "shortify" my average update from 40-50 pics to 30-40. It should make new pages come faster but I'm not quite sure if such updates are not too small. Tell me what you think DISCUSS!
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Update 44 - Veni, Vidi... Vat? (Helenos ad portas!).

I figured out what the fuck is with this "slain by sabeans". I screwed up reinstallation of EB. I installed EB 1.1 and then forget to install 1.2 patch. Loaded campaign and finished turn to see if script is working. There were no client rulers in 1.1 so all allied generals we recruited got their traits fucked up. It's nothing game breaking and our family members are fine so client rulers can be zombies if they want to.

UO0001.jpg


We did Sarmatians huge favor, basically giving them two cities. They repay us attacking our Thorakitai army coming back from Gava-Roxolana.

UO0002.jpg


Our brave soldiers are tired and hungry (bullshit larping, they are fine) but they can't surrender, there is no escape from nomads in the steppes (bullshit larping, we could retreat easily and avoid this battle).

We deployd in our "THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN THE WOODS ON OUR FLANKS, MOVE ALONG" formation to avoid getting flanked by horse archers.

UO0003.jpg


This is our first engagement with sarmatians, but they are like other nomads (execept the fact that they are white) and we are fucking experts at fighting nomads by now.

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Keep facing them to minimize casualties from arrows, shoot armoured shit with sligners and unarmoured shit with archers and all will be fine.

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Oh, and try to look as scary as possible.

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Ha, dem sarmatians fall into our Argyraspides trap in the woods.

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It "revelead" them for other units but whatever. There is no fucking chance they can punch through their armor with arrows.

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They have some proto-potatoes. I think those guys scares the shit out of other units.

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Yeah, they do. Early slavs were cannibals and that's apparently makes people nervous.

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Eat this you fuckers!

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Sarmatian cav is dead and infantry is routing. We are free to use our Prodromoi to kill foot-archers. We could do this earlier but I absolutely don't trust Prodromoi and I was afraid of them getting killed.

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Go back to your precious eastern europe!

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Southern Italy calmed down a little bit so we put our freedom fighters in Messana to supress revolt.

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Our puppet king of Sparte started his agoge training. I hope he won't fuck up because that would be embarrasing.

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Also, our Basileus believes he is divine and he's intolerant of other gods.

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It is time to take revenage for all those client rulers slained by Sabeans (and Homna is one of our victory conditions anyway).

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Ok, Vigiles may be shit... but they are fucking Imperial reform unit. Cheating bastards! no matter, Imperial cohorts, pretorian guards... we will crush them all as soon as we bring real fucking army here.

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We don't need Kotais but it's in caucasus and that's our sphere of influence. And we have to punish sarmatians for sending cannibals at us.

UO0001.jpg


We are constantly fighting with romans but they can't bring big enough army to beat us and we can't score crushing enough victory to even think about taking any of their cities. Fortunately we calmed Messana and we can continue kicking Epeirotes out of sicily.

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We had only phalangitai and archers, absolutely no mobile support so we were easiest army to flank ever. But epeirotes decided to just charge straight into our wall of pikes and they died.

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And now they can start thinking about changing their name to Illyria.

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Romans may have great military machine but we will overcome their numbers with our cunning brutality and brutal cunnigness.

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Ok, it's time to show this cunningness because we have shitton of romans here.

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Fortunately for us, they have mostly iberian spearmen and vigiles here. Vigiles are almost half-decent light infantry that could hold the line quite well with constant moral support from general. But they don't have general so those guys will fucking run, oh they will.

UO0003.jpg


Romans had good idea but fucked it up like only romans can do. Sending light infantry at us was actually good thing because terrain here sucks and heavies can't do much. But they forgot to send any general or at least first cohort so their infantry routes upon contact with us.

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Forest battles are nothing more than sum of many duels, and they lost each and every one.

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Now the "Helenos ad portas!" will be new phrase for romans to make practical jokes to town watch.

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Kalinikos kicked the bucket.

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Now Diogenetes is Basileus. So yeah romans, we have Basileus here, he don't have army but he's here, so beware.

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We had to put whole army in Pella because they were raging after death of Basileus, they are still raging but I think they will calm down in turn or two. Also, I started "cultural revolution" destroying every non-eastern-greek building in empire because culture penalties to happiness are pissing me off.

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Senate and People of Rome decided to send another guy named Manius at us. They even gave him army!

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It's a half-decent army, fortunately mr Manius the Sequel is terrible commander.

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Flat, open terrain. Now being brutally cunning won't help us, we have to be cunnigly brutal.

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I decided to send our cavalry to flank enemy and hopefully lure some of their units away from our infantry.

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And we lured mr Manius himself!

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He's ex-Manius.

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Legionnaries noticed that their general is complete idiot and decided to take matters in their own hands.

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He is dead idiot now.

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Now it's time to abuse weakness of roman chess-board formation.

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Chessboard works fine if you fight heavy infantry and have some support on your flank, they didn't have it and got surrounded and killed.

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The daaay is ooouuurssss!

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We let three romans live and tell senate to stop sending guys named Manius at us.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
Our new Basileus was Slain by Sabaeans, actually everyone is now slained by Sabaeans. Also, roman general Manius, who we killed in last update, was nobile patricius from Gaulic tribe. Every general we have is now during winter, spring, autumn and summer campaign at the same time, therefore don't suffer any penalties when crossing desert in summer or mountains in winter. There are also many traits that don't make any fucking sense now because I seriously screwed re-installation. We lack 5 provinces to win this campaign so I decided to crown myself king of the world and be done with it... problem is, I still crave for some EB goodness.

Therefore I ask you to tell me if you are interested in reading another Europa Barbarorum LP. This time as someone else and on Hard battle difficulty (and VH campaign) because I found lack of rape in this LP disturbing.

I would also ask you to choose a faction for me, from this list:

Sweboz: Ze germans - high morale units with layer of butter as armour. Quite easy starting position with long period of peace that allows to do gamey shit like conquering Britain for infinite shekels (infinite by barbarian standards). Later we will come in contact with Gauls and Romans but we should be developed enough to kill gauls and defend against rome when it happens.

Level of Possible Rape: 5/10

Aedui: Free People Living in a Free State Gauls - shitty morale of early levies, immidiately at war with Arverni (other gaulic tribe, which they border) and just few turns away from having romans knocking at their gates. Later they get some better units and are most "civilized barbarians" (which means decent infrastructure and even schools).

Level of Possible Rape: 6/10

Lusotannan - Iberians, and that's all I know about them. They start in Iberia (duh) and their only way out is through Carthage or Gauls and Romans. They look fucked to me.

Level of Possible Rape: 7/10?

Casse - Britons Orcs of EB. Their army is fucking mess of chariots, skirmishers, naked goofballs, twohanded-swordsmen... and they got even more orky and choppy as the game progress.

Level of Possible Rape: 1/10 (They start on a island, they are untouchable by AI).

Getai - RHOMPAIA HITTING ASS AND LEGS OMG ITZ HEVUN. They have arguably best barbarian army in the game. They have extremly good spearmen to hold the line, badass skirmishers, specialized rhompaia rapists, archers (who sucks, but they are there) and all those guys have half-decent armour and extremely high morale (Roman Empire was not paying them tribute for nothing afterall...).

Level of Possible Rape 5/10 (They start near Makedonia, which is strongest faction at the start of the game).

List is limited to "western barbarians" because I'm sick of phalanx.

Ok, now make a choice or tell me to fuck off because I bork this arche seleukeia campaign (and it was too easy anyway).
 

Whitewolf

Novice
Joined
Jul 11, 2012
Messages
49
Sweboz, even though they got the cheapest Armor Piercing unit in the game the clubmen.
 
Joined
Jan 24, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Poland
We have a draw between Sweboz and Getai and because one of those factions is slightly less prone to fight with or against phalanx (yup, Sweboz DO have unit that form Macedonian phalanx) we are going to be ze suebi-skandzo-balto confederation of rape.
 

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