Crispy™ Let's Play High-stakes Chess!

[Something Else]

I'm willing to fight you over the name, Tarantulos-Eduardo-Sanchez. Do you dare to accept my challenge?

NAME YOUR GAME.

PUSSY.

And so the game can begin. I challenge you to...

The game for intellectuals and true spiders. One game, take however much time you want to contemplate your moves but if you delay more than one week then you resign and the victory goes to me, the winner takes it all.

If I win not only do I get to keep the name but we switch post count. If you win we switch names and you finally get your precious handle back. DarkUnderlord will happily enforce this wager upon completion of our game I'm sure.

Because I'm your evil doppelganger you get to play as 100% white and begin, despite this advantage I'm sure I will win since I was the best chess player in high-school. I will be using this chess editor to keep track of the pieces and you're welcome to show your moves using it, otherwise I will illustrate both our moves. All I require from you is a simple instruction of which piece you want to move where, "a2 to a4", like so. If you want to pussy out the time to do so is now, before you've made the first move and doomed yourself forever.

​

If anyone in the audience wants to place wagers on who will be the victor they may also do so. It's up to the administration to set the rules for that, but I imagine that post count would be the thing most convenient to bet. I would also suggest that users could wager to have another user released from prison and if the wager was lost they get put into the kalinite gulag themselves. Perhaps also wagers to have users unbanned could be allowed, the result of a lost wager being rather obvious. Maybe you could even bet to have someone put into prison with kalin, again losing that would also send you there instead. These are simply my suggestions and the final word is with the forum admin, or whoever is tasked to keep track of the bets, Crispy or Infinitron maybe?

Let the game begin, unless you have just shat your pants at the prospect of your inevitable loss and fled the field, Tarantulos-Eduardo-Sanchez. I suggest waiting for a day before making the first move after accepting this challenge, to allow for onlookers to bet their hard earned post counts on me if it is given an okay. If there is no betting apart from my private challenge to you, then you may go ahead whenever you are ready.

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

Okay first off, I ain't no bitch and y'all know that.

But allz I'm saying is this, if you want to be ME you gotta prove you can BEAT ME. Not in this nerd shit.

I am a merciful man, you can choose your fighting game. As long as it can be played on Fightcade. I would NOT choose Time Killers if I were you, hehehehe.... HEHEHEHEHE.

 

[Storyfag]

But allz I'm saying is this, if you want to be ME you gotta prove you can BEAT ME. Not in this nerd shit.

Son hatchling, I am dissapoint.

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

You expect a man named TARANTULOS EDUARDO SANCHEZ to play some preppy shit like CHESS?

I'm thugblood, I want you in the derelict trappings of the arcade. Low lights, cigarette stench, hacking dry coughs occasionally overpowering the sound of Pac-Man and Galaga. That's my domain, neegee. You can't just wear Batman's cape and think you know how to use his gadgets. You gots ta' become Batman or you just a punk ass Robin.

 

[Storyfag]

Not a properly individual, are we?

 

[Kitchen Utensil]

Chess is pretentious wank.
It's memory for adults.
Complete shit and not monocled in the slightest.

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

You like the idea, the fantasy of Chess.

Two geniuses, tophats, smokey pipes, monocles, curly mustaches, discussing philosophy and the universe at large while trading pawns and bishops with congratulatory praise.

But the reality is it's two grimy looking fucks in Central Park that breathe hard and carry the aroma of mustard and pickles with them everywhere they go.

 

[Something Else]

Okay first off, I ain't no bitch and y'all know that.

But allz I'm saying is this, if you want to be ME you gotta prove you can BEAT ME. Not in this nerd shit.

Always ignore everything that comes before the but(t). I see you have already walked back on your empty attempts at bravado, not even daring to show up for the chess game of the ages. A true spider doesn't rely on twitch skills, no, he's more of a turn-based player, sitting in his web and waiting on his inferior opponents to make the first faulty move. Go in shame and change your avatar into a frog or a cricket. If you want your name back you know where to find me and my terms. Only transsexual blackoids play fighting games competitively, or mexicans.

geniuses, tophats, smokey pipes, monocles, curly mustaches, discussing philosophy and the universe at large while trading pawns and bishops with congratulatory praise.

Literally me.

 

[Something Else]

I will grant you some mercy though, Tarantulos-Eduardo-Sanchez, since mexican fake spiders can't be expected to be good chess players you may pick a champion to play in your stead and fight for your m'lady's honor. Be sure to give your champion a peck on the cheek and a token of your appreciation, like your knickers or bra.

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

Only transsexual blackoids play fighting games competitively, or mexicans.

STATISTICALLY FALSE. Funny you'd link "ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK" though while talking about transsexuals, buckaroo!

And not only that, it isn't even the good OG Murray Head version. It's some ultra gay opium den version, but it's fitting for such an IMPOSTOR. That's what you are: a remix nobody asked for, a pale imitation, a mere doppelganger! And all the girls in that video are guys.

Chun-Li, Cammy, Mai, Kitana, Nina, yeah, I guess to take a line from the song: the queens *I* use would not excite you! Hahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHA!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Give me my name.

 

[Catacombs]

Jesus. Make a move already.

 

[Something Else]

Jesus. Make a move already.

I'm very disappointed, how quickly he changed his tune from "NAME YOUR GAME" to "Oh no no no, I won't play chess because I used IQ as a dump stat." I actually thought for a moment there that I would get to see if I'm still a decent player or not.

Give me my name.

Either make a move or name a champion, PUSSY.

<- Virgin mexican "spider", aka you.

<- Boss material Chad spider, aka me.

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

No fighting game, no deal.

Also that's a female spider. CUZ YOU'S A BITCH.

And my spider has 10x more style.

 

[Dawkinsfan69]

Your Go.

 

[coldcrow]

Oh please no Nf3 boringness. I vote for e4.

Btw, you are free to play me on lichess anytime, GGS. (and get your ass kicked)

 

[Thac0]

Every opening where you don't move a pawn t1 is some gipsy fuckery in which I place no trust.

 

[Something Else]

Also that's a female spider. CUZ YOU'S A BITCH.

Among spiders the women are the chads, do you know nothing, mexican knockoff?

Oh please no Nf3 boringness. I vote for e4.

This isn't that kind of LP, no storyfaggotry, voting or CYOA shenanigans here.

Your Go.

Half the fun of this game was the stakes, and I don't think you are an approved champion of Tarantulos-Eduardo-Sanchez. But since he's a gigantic coward I will accept a game against you.

Dawkins makes the first move, g1 to f3, and it seems a horsie wants to play. Very relevant move in these times of Star Stable LPs.

I also take out my horsie, g8 to f6.

Your move.

 

[Dawkinsfan69]

Your move.

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

Zzzzz

 

[Something Else]

b2 to b3, ok.

I will also move a pawn, d7 to d5.

Your turn.

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

WE COULD BE KILLING EACH OTHER IN MORTAL KOMBAT, YOU KNOW.

 

[Dawkinsfan69]

WE COULD BE KILLING EACH OTHER IN MORTAL KOMBAT, YOU KNOW.

the only fighting game i can paly is naruto ultimate ninja storm 1

 

[Something Else]

WE COULD BE KILLING EACH OTHER IN MORTAL KOMBAT, YOU KNOW.

Whuzzat, a cricket making noises? I'm afraid I have already chosen the game as you asked and I stand firm by it, only a challenge of a cerebral nature will do, not button mashers. Besides, my internet connection is terrible and you would have a tremendous advantage over me only due to that fact, even if I could easily best you in Weaponlord (the only choice of fighting game for men) if played locally. I did contemplate challenging you to a game of Risk or a turn-based game, almost made it a game of Go, but chess was chosen so chess it is. You have no excuse for your gutlessness, you don't need to buy or pirate a game, there was no strict time schedule you had to keep, no system requirements, no setup at all, virtually everyone knows the rules. Yet when push came to shove you crapped out. This talk of fighting games is a desperate attempt at regaining your dignity, but it won't help you know.

 

[Generic-Giant-Spider]

I'll set up the XBAND right now.

Get on Weaponlord, COWARD.

 

[Something Else]

e2 to e3, horsie got company.

As a doppelganger I also give my horse some company, e7 to e6.

Your turn.