Cassidy
Arcane
Index
Men of War is a Real-Time Tactical Game, something like a more complex, challenging and interesting Company of Heroes that has campaigns for Soviet, Allies and Germany, and also a multiplayer with both competitive and coop matches. Just as a start, I find it amusing the fact a RTS has a more complex and challenging stealth system than Alphail Popamole or Desu Ex: Human Derpolution.
I'll be doing only the Soviet Campaign in this LP. So expect poorly written Engrish and cheap Potato jokes.
I wouldn't want to spoil the fun of playing with Nazis, would I?
Of course, hardest difficulty available was taken for it. So let's start it:
========================
March of Soviet Tankmen
Alexey "Hamster" Kuznetsov, known for his fanatical patriotism and Victor "Brother None" Smirnov, known for his writing of articles denouncing the intellectual decadence of "bourgeois entertainment", two university students and friends, are drafted as Junior Officers to serve in the war against the German invaders. On a truck, they are heading to the front lines with other soldiers in a convoy.
But like always, Stukas come to bring destruction before they even arrived to the front.
Obvious answer is obvious.
Amusing how cutscene obliviousness works. The armored car gets close and pin down the survivors, who mostly get down before they could be utterly slaughtered. Alexey, inspired by his still not born role model Vladimir Putin, mans up and crawls through the grasses to the right flank of the German vehicle, aware one wrong move would get him killed, exploiting its blind spots to get close enough, and then:
Tutorial Mission detected.
Hamster: Hello JarlFrank!
Hamster: You like blood? So what about blood, fire and death?
Hamster: Let not the arms and supplies of our fallen comrades waste!
Hamster: I take german gun as trinket.
: But it has less ammunition than the PPsh, why are you taking it?
Hamster: For trophy room. Also best than pistol.
: All right, everybody got extra ammunition and supplies from our dead comrades and enemies, now let's report to the local commanding officer.
: I have a direct order to hold these positions, which means your platoon will have to get into the action
: My men are entrenched over there. Take some of them with you - you would have a hard time on your own.
NOTE: I can't really convey the bad English voice acting in screenshot format, sorry bros. Whether it's as bad as Our Favourite Song or not is something you can only conclude on your own by playing it or watching Judentube videos.
Nothing ever comes trying to break through these trenches because you're not supposed to get involved in defending them. Scripted "battle environment" is scripted.
The reason why those trenches aren't attacked violently seems clear now. The Germans are attempting an encirclement. They must not be allowed to succeed.
POPAMOLE???????????
Take your own conclusions.
Hamster: I sneak hill to the left and get surprise rear attack on Germans, you wait behind armored car wreck on my signal.
: Got it. Just don't take too long, or give yourself in while sneaking through those hills.
Hamster: The Saint Putin protect. No worry.
And so Brother None's squad awaited behind the wreckage, ready to fire.
Hamster: Russia genius show. Tree is perfect hideout. Nobody will spot you comrade, just shoot once it start.
Hamster: Surprise buttsecks! Ура!
: I'm surprised we pulled this off without casualties.
Hamster: Soviet soldier worth ten german. A kilogram soviet potato worth a ton sauerkraut. Now I take german machinegun for trinket.
: You dealt with the machineguns pretty well for a rookie, lieutenant. Pretty well, indeed. Now let's see what we can do with this vehicle - it just seems to have a broken track...
Hamster: KV-1 world best heavy tank. Soviet tank best tank.
Hamster Everything can be fix. Almost.
The KV-1 is now the best hope to retake the village to the east, which will be needed, and thus it must be deployed with care lest it be destroyed. The road just north of the stream is being used by Germans to transport they war supplies, and thus, if it could be secured, an ambush would be possible and greatly help Mother Russia.
Hamster: I too manly to hide inside tank, sorry but you command it, Brother None. I shoot german with german machinegun instead, for poetic justice.
: Not a problem. The shells won't be focused on you, so I don't see why it demeans my manliness to command a tank rather than an infantry squad. Gunner, ten o' clock!
Hamster: Ура!
: *static* You're exposing yourself too much, comrade. I suggest you take better positions and wait. We should advance only once all the Germans on our sight die.
Hamster: Sure, take cover.
Hamster: Nothing can stop KV-1!
: *static* Hamster, ensure no German will manage to sneak near our tank, it's time to advance!
Hamster: They will die before even think of do it.
Hamster: Death to german invader!
: We wiped out their anti-tank gun crews. Forward!
Hamster: One second, need time for Russia superior medicine to work.
Hamster: Best medicine. Only left to do is be able to resurrect dead.
Hamster: Need be sure no german get close with anti-tank grenade. Now is sure to kill all.
: *static* Good, we are advancing through the main road.
Hamster: Ура!
Hamster: Coward germans hiding from us. Time to hunt them. Hunt them good like:
Hamster: Need no scope. If finn can hunt no scope we can also.
Hamster: Get artillery and shell them as much as Tblisi!
: *static* I believe we have almost fully liberated this village, just a little more in dead Germans and we'll be done here.
Hamster: Panzers are all little girls next to KV-1.
Hamster: We get closer to german, kill german.
Hamster: Use perfect hideout to ambush germans.
: *static* I wonder how many of them are left.
Hamster: Get me up here, Krautz!
Hamster: Haha, you can't aim anti-tank gun to hit treetop fool! Hey Brother None, I got problem!
: We are maneuvering to take down that field gun. Get down from that tree! You are exposing yoursellf too much there!
Hamster: I am man enough to risk take.
Hamster: Ура!
Hamster: Watch out! Panzer!
: I think that was the last of their tanks. Hamster, get your men to mop up stragglers, we are almost finished for sure now.
Hamster: Sure, hunt all germans we go.
Hamster: We freed the village, Ура!
: I have bad news, however. It seems the Germans stole all the village's stockpile of potatoes.
Hamster: No potato...
: We should cross the stream and secure Hill 65, and then we will be able to ambush the German convoys.
Hamster: First I get trucks and field guns, one second.
: Don't take too long. The German convoys won't wait.
Hamster: Russia punctuality unmatched, no worry.
: Take positions, quickly!
Hamster: One down! Get best tank forward!
Hamster: Weak shells no pierce KV-1 invincible armor.
: Hey! Why are you wearing a German helmet?
: Comrade Alexey has trophy gun collection, I have trophy helmet collection. Now we finish them.
Hamster: Not even bicycle will survive russian ambush.
: I will blockade the road directly, Hamster. I'll let you decide whether to position over the hills or together with me.
Hamster: Only cowards need hill to win battle.
Hamster: Silly german, not expecting drive by. KV-1 pinned german down. Shoot convoy sky high!
Hamster: Great think, smoke cover us from long range cannon fire. Look there, a tanker! This will hot!
: I don't think there is much left of this convoy, but we shouldn't risk advancing through all that smog and fire.
Hamster: Waiting is so boring.
: I fear the stragglers might have taken positions on the hill.
Hamster: Russia better always, hill cannot save them. Watch out hill.
Hamster: But not hill only!
Hamster: Panzer not hit so bad, Russia perfect engineering can fix it for Motherland!
: All right, but is it really necessary?
Hamster: I also have collection of panzer trophies. Keep on watch.
: There shouldn't be many of them left, how long until you fix this Panzer turret?
Hamster: Technicist having difficulty. All inside tank is writ in barbarian language.
: Were you seriously expecting to find Russian labels inside a German tank?
Hamster: Of course! Because Russia most important great country of world, all countries logically should have russian second language, right?
: ...
Hamster: There! Lets kick german ass!
: No, wait, we are in a perfect position to engage threats coming from the hills, if we advance through too early we could expose ourselves too much.
Hamster: Boring and unmanly.
: But will get all of us through this alive.
Hamster: All right, I wait and get gunner high alert. Now, "Selbstzerstörung" is the button to shoot things, or "Feuer"?
: "Feuer", I don't think German is that complicated to make a so long word for something so simple. Also, turn around, exposing this Panzer engines to an incoming enemy is a bad idea.
Hamster: Got it.
Hamster: Look how it fly in cinders shaken by Mother Russia power!
: One of the tracks was hit. I am afraid that unless you want to charge on your own in this old captured German tank, you'll have to wait again.
Hamster: But KV-1 must be invulnerable. Sabotage! German spies sabotage war industry to make KV-1 weak.
: It's done. Now I think they are too afraid to come to us, so let's advance!
Hamster: Ура!
Hamster: Get back to Germany and give back potato you stole!
: We managed it! But I am afraid, that the way the war is going, we will have to retreat soon.
Hamster: No matter, Russia will win in the end, comrade!
COMING NEXT: The Evacuation of Rostov-on-Don
- Baptism by Fire(right here)
- The evacuation of Rostov-on-Don, Part 1
- The evacuation of Rostov-on-Don, Part 2
- The Song of Partisans
- March of the Defenders of Moscow, Part 1
- March of the Defenders of Moscow, Part 2: T-26 World's Best Tank
Men of War is a Real-Time Tactical Game, something like a more complex, challenging and interesting Company of Heroes that has campaigns for Soviet, Allies and Germany, and also a multiplayer with both competitive and coop matches. Just as a start, I find it amusing the fact a RTS has a more complex and challenging stealth system than Alphail Popamole or Desu Ex: Human Derpolution.
I'll be doing only the Soviet Campaign in this LP. So expect poorly written Engrish and cheap Potato jokes.
I wouldn't want to spoil the fun of playing with Nazis, would I?
Of course, hardest difficulty available was taken for it. So let's start it:
========================
March of Soviet Tankmen
Alexey "Hamster" Kuznetsov, known for his fanatical patriotism and Victor "Brother None" Smirnov, known for his writing of articles denouncing the intellectual decadence of "bourgeois entertainment", two university students and friends, are drafted as Junior Officers to serve in the war against the German invaders. On a truck, they are heading to the front lines with other soldiers in a convoy.
But like always, Stukas come to bring destruction before they even arrived to the front.
Obvious answer is obvious.
Amusing how cutscene obliviousness works. The armored car gets close and pin down the survivors, who mostly get down before they could be utterly slaughtered. Alexey, inspired by his still not born role model Vladimir Putin, mans up and crawls through the grasses to the right flank of the German vehicle, aware one wrong move would get him killed, exploiting its blind spots to get close enough, and then:
Tutorial Mission detected.
Hamster: Hello JarlFrank!
Hamster: You like blood? So what about blood, fire and death?
Hamster: Let not the arms and supplies of our fallen comrades waste!
Hamster: I take german gun as trinket.
Hamster: For trophy room. Also best than pistol.
NOTE: I can't really convey the bad English voice acting in screenshot format, sorry bros. Whether it's as bad as Our Favourite Song or not is something you can only conclude on your own by playing it or watching Judentube videos.
Nothing ever comes trying to break through these trenches because you're not supposed to get involved in defending them. Scripted "battle environment" is scripted.
The reason why those trenches aren't attacked violently seems clear now. The Germans are attempting an encirclement. They must not be allowed to succeed.
POPAMOLE???????????
Take your own conclusions.
Hamster: I sneak hill to the left and get surprise rear attack on Germans, you wait behind armored car wreck on my signal.
Hamster: The Saint Putin protect. No worry.
And so Brother None's squad awaited behind the wreckage, ready to fire.
Hamster: Russia genius show. Tree is perfect hideout. Nobody will spot you comrade, just shoot once it start.
Hamster: Surprise buttsecks! Ура!
Hamster: Soviet soldier worth ten german. A kilogram soviet potato worth a ton sauerkraut. Now I take german machinegun for trinket.
Hamster: KV-1 world best heavy tank. Soviet tank best tank.
Hamster Everything can be fix. Almost.
The KV-1 is now the best hope to retake the village to the east, which will be needed, and thus it must be deployed with care lest it be destroyed. The road just north of the stream is being used by Germans to transport they war supplies, and thus, if it could be secured, an ambush would be possible and greatly help Mother Russia.
Hamster: I too manly to hide inside tank, sorry but you command it, Brother None. I shoot german with german machinegun instead, for poetic justice.
Hamster: Ура!
Hamster: Sure, take cover.
Hamster: Nothing can stop KV-1!
Hamster: They will die before even think of do it.
Hamster: Death to german invader!
Hamster: One second, need time for Russia superior medicine to work.
Hamster: Best medicine. Only left to do is be able to resurrect dead.
Hamster: Need be sure no german get close with anti-tank grenade. Now is sure to kill all.
Hamster: Ура!
Hamster: Coward germans hiding from us. Time to hunt them. Hunt them good like:
Hamster: Need no scope. If finn can hunt no scope we can also.
Hamster: Get artillery and shell them as much as Tblisi!
Hamster: Panzers are all little girls next to KV-1.
Hamster: We get closer to german, kill german.
Hamster: Use perfect hideout to ambush germans.
Hamster: Get me up here, Krautz!
Hamster: Haha, you can't aim anti-tank gun to hit treetop fool! Hey Brother None, I got problem!
Hamster: I am man enough to risk take.
Hamster: Ура!
Hamster: Watch out! Panzer!
Hamster: Sure, hunt all germans we go.
Hamster: We freed the village, Ура!
Hamster: No potato...
Hamster: First I get trucks and field guns, one second.
Hamster: Russia punctuality unmatched, no worry.
Hamster: One down! Get best tank forward!
Hamster: Weak shells no pierce KV-1 invincible armor.
: Comrade Alexey has trophy gun collection, I have trophy helmet collection. Now we finish them.
Hamster: Not even bicycle will survive russian ambush.
Hamster: Only cowards need hill to win battle.
Hamster: Silly german, not expecting drive by. KV-1 pinned german down. Shoot convoy sky high!
Hamster: Great think, smoke cover us from long range cannon fire. Look there, a tanker! This will hot!
Hamster: Waiting is so boring.
Hamster: Russia better always, hill cannot save them. Watch out hill.
Hamster: But not hill only!
Hamster: Panzer not hit so bad, Russia perfect engineering can fix it for Motherland!
Hamster: I also have collection of panzer trophies. Keep on watch.
Hamster: Technicist having difficulty. All inside tank is writ in barbarian language.
Hamster: Of course! Because Russia most important great country of world, all countries logically should have russian second language, right?
Hamster: There! Lets kick german ass!
Hamster: Boring and unmanly.
Hamster: All right, I wait and get gunner high alert. Now, "Selbstzerstörung" is the button to shoot things, or "Feuer"?
Hamster: Got it.
Hamster: Look how it fly in cinders shaken by Mother Russia power!
Hamster: But KV-1 must be invulnerable. Sabotage! German spies sabotage war industry to make KV-1 weak.
Hamster: Ура!
Hamster: Get back to Germany and give back potato you stole!
Hamster: No matter, Russia will win in the end, comrade!
COMING NEXT: The Evacuation of Rostov-on-Don