Let's play: Prisoner of Ice

[Stereotypical Villain]

And with those words of wisdom... page 6!

I'll get working on the update tonight and upload it tomorrow. It'll be a big one.

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

Welcome back to "No joke this time around".

And let's open up a dialogue with the friendly man at the counter.

Ryan asks him about the book.

"I would like to look up a work filed with you under reference OTR 2832..."

"Momento. Senor, your name please?"

"Ryan."

"Raillan?"

So wacky.

"R-Y-A-N."

"The curator of this library is studying a number of chapters from the book you are interested in."

"... he invites you to join him in his office."

And enter they did.

"OTR 2832 is a password, right?"

Jorge: "Right. I am prepared to answer all of your questions, Mr. Ryan."

We ask him about the book itself.

"What is OTR 2832 about?"

Jorge: "It is a very ancient work. Unfortunately there is only one copy left in the world: the one Miguel is holding."

Last dialogue option: Parker's works.

"What had Parker been working on recently?"

Jorge: "He had been focusing all his efforts on studying the solar disc that was stolen from us yesterday. The police suspect him of having committed the theft, but personally i strongly doubt it. I have known Mr. Parker for a long time. The disc was at his disposal. I rather think he has hidden it somewhere for resons I do not yet know."

Jorge: "Miguel, resume your reading. Maybe it will enlighten Mr. Ryan..."

This cutscene will be rather hard to type down since Miguel, the old chap, has a bit of an accent and there're a ton of mayan names throw in, but i'll do my best.

"The Aihmaras lived at peace at Thiuanaco... Until the day the fair-haired man appeared. He wore a metal mask and controlled the fire of the gods, the solar disc."

"He overthrew the king of the Aihmaras and became the god of gods: Nyarlathotep - The rampant chaos..."

"Thanks to the solar disc Nyarlathotep taught the Aihmaras to go back in time..."

"... to the reign of the great old ones, well before the birth of man."

"The power of the great old ones was matched only by their cruelty..."

"As their slaves revolted the great old ones were outraged beyond all measure and entrapped the rebels within the eternal ice of the south pole."

"Nyarlathotep told the Aihmaras that he who freed the Prisoners of Ice would become possessed by the spirit of their masters and be able to recall the great old ones to earth..."

"... beyond the boundries of time."

"They would have to await a favorable astral constolation and utter the acursed incantations on a magical site. Thus, what had previously been would return yet again."

Well that was informative and slightly creepy... Now-

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

And one more post just so i can be a smug douche and say that i got the 8000'th post in the LP sub forum. Woo.

 

[ghostdog]

Hey, that cutscene made things interesting. At last, a bit of Chtulhu mythos appeared. Also: those tight pants really show off Ryan's sexy ass.

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

Here's a question for you which might've been more relevant back when you played through Shadow of the Comet: Do you remember who Nyarlathotep is?

 

[Darth Roxor]

I'm fairly sure that in this cutscene, they refer to Nyarlathotep as 'Nyarlathotepec' I always wondered if that was because of some copyright problems or did they do it to make it sound more Aztec.

Here's a question for you which might've been more relevant back when you played through Shadow of the Comet: Do you remember who Nyarlathotep is?

The Black Pharaoh, very important great old one etc etc.

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

Also the patrol deity of Mr.

.

I'm fairly certain that his name is pronounced that way because Miguel has quite an accent, not to mention that his name is written later in the game, and the spelling there is the correct one.

 

[Gragt]

In the French version, Miguel had no accent and they still used the Nyarlathotepec version.

 

[lightbane]

(Lore): Well, Nyalarlhotep is the Goat of one Thousand children, the Crawling Chaos of Evershifting Forms, he's the most active Outer God and frequently roams the Earth doing shit, in other words, the God of Chaos more or less. And likes to eat people, as all Old ones

 

[Darth Roxor]

(Lore): Well, Nyalarlhotep is the Goat of one Thousand children

[Lore: failed]

That's Shub-Niggurath you're talking about.

*Tactical facepalm*

 

[lightbane]

*checks the wiki, realizes he was wrong and rolls to prevent mindrape, fails and gets 5 insanity points*

Well, sorry, I was mostly right except with the goat part, my fault.

PS: Hum, now I remember what happened in that moment, pure mindfuck scene...

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

In the French version, Miguel had no accent and they still used the Nyarlathotepec version.

I don't understand why they'd have Miguel pronounce his name like that when they have his name written as "Nyarlathotep" later in the game...

On another note: So many replies... It's... so lovely... -sniffle-

 

[Gragt]

Yeah, it feels warm inside when someone replies to your LP, uh?

Well enjoy it because it won't last!

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

Previously...

And let's continue.

And the receptionist decides to stick his head in and see what all the fuzz is about.

:bang:

I find him reaching into the drawer and pulling out a pair of shades to be quite hillarious.

Wait, what?

And Ryan number two vanishes into thin air... I'm sure our Ryan is quite traumatized at this point.

They climb inside a hidden compartment... aaaaand...

[Anatomy]

Jorge: "Eeeeeehhhhh...."

I hope to finish this chapter by the next update. Until then.

Ps. Gragt is an arse. :evil:

 

[Gragt]

The two policemen reminded me that this game has a terrific sense of humour ...

Yes, and what with the silly scene of Jorge announcing he is blind and then putting on his black glasses? When I was a kid, long before it was a meme, this made me go facepalm.

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

And Miguel's just standing there, like a statue, while this is happening. He's one stone cold bloke.

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

Let's play... something.

Ryan and his new companion climb out of Jorge's hidey hole and have a little discussion about what they are going to do next.

... oh and yeah. I forgot to mention that Diane is none other than CARTERS errr i mean Parker's daughter.

Unless wacky Mr. "I see nothing dear sir" has another secret hidey hole or escape hatch.

(Spoiler: He doesn't.)

There's nothing else to do but follower her. But no worries, right? I'm sure nothing bad can happen while Ryan's in the company of poor CARTER's daughter.

... and Ryan enters a very large (vertically) library.

Seems like Mr. Parker (Or was it CARTER) didn't raise his daughter to be the brilliant adventurer he once was.

This is the most annoying puzzle ever. Pick up the stick...

... and the books.

And then press down on a pixel high book you'll NEVER spot unless you go over the entire room with the mouse cursor until you find it.

Ryan speaks, his voice booming with confidence and arrogance as thick as the ice of the south pole.

And as you can see this place is a vertical maze. Only a blind man could've ordered the construction of such a deathtrap.

Use the stick to repair the ladder... and ascend to the next ledge.

Then investigate the empty spaces.

... and place the books in this order: Sophocles, Shakespeare, Goathe.

Whoever designed this place must've read the necronomicon one to many times.

Now... to get out of here Ryan needs to press a switch.

But let's have some lulz in the meantime. Let's ask Dianne about... Leonardo Da Vinci...

Anyway... move past Diane.

And a few moments later...

Use the statue to the far right... and...

... a small compartment containing the key will open up.

Use that on the door and...

A disc... Hmm...

Zee zolar dizk that zee german gentleman waz talzing about perhapz?

And by "we" she means Ryan - Hero \ Imbecile extraordinaire. Let's see if Ryan's as acrobatic as i think he is...

He throws her the disc... and suddenly...

Here we go again.

The screen fades to black... and...

 

[ghostdog]

Ingenious. There is a secret passage that leads to a 10 cm opening on the second floor of the library ( that somehow is big enough for a man to go through) and then the big problem was that the ladder was missing one rung.

This must be one of the funniest parts of the game, mostly unintentionally of course. Ryan mouthraping Poseidon, the German guy with his "collaborators" who could have easily misspelled wonderbra for wunderbar...

But forgive me. Maybe this isn't the time for witticisms...

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

I should get you to write my jokes in the future...

 

[Genma:TheDestroyer]

Some of these men have postures so solid I'm not even sure you could get a statue that exact.

 

[Darth Roxor]

 

[Hoodoo]

LOL

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

...

Spot on, my good man!

 

[Stereotypical Villain]

Chapter 4 - A paradox.

Welcome back to "Let's rape: Prisoner of Ice". (Now with 60% less wit and 40% more nonsense.)

When we last left our... hero? Idiotic moron with a hero complex more like. :clears throat: ... "hero"... he was being taken to the wonderful Schlossadler vacation resort & mineral bath located on a lush tropical island which contains ZERO prisoners of ice.

"Golly! And here i thought i was on my way to the south pole! It's vacation time, and i hope that Parker (or was it Carter) wench has a skimpy bathing suit to wear!"

Fat chance, douchebag. Instead you're getting a cutscene with Carter \ Parker senior, the would be hero of Shadow of the Comet.

Take the stuff on the table and use the spoon on the wall. Oh, and make sure that zee guard doesn't see you.

Dig! Dig your way to freedo- errr a very brief cutscene!

This one's for you, ghostdog.

"In may, 1910, i arrived at the small village of Illsmouth to write a science article..."

" ... but there i discovered an evil cult that was plotting the return to earth of the great old ones."

"Halley's comet was soon due to light up the heaven..."

"... The great old ones would cross the thresholds of time and subjugate the human race.

"In return the sorcerer Narackamous, and his faithful, would become immortal.

A few minutes before the comet arrived i managed to erradicate this evil cult..."

More to come tomorrow, i guess.

 

[Darth Roxor]

More to come tomorrow, i guess.

Tomorrow never comes, I guess.