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In Progress Let's Play: The Last Days - Orcs do not simply walk out of Mordor


Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard

An orc or ork (/ˈɔrk/) is one of a race of mythical humanoid creatures, generally described as brutish, aggressive and repulsive.
IE - Your typical codexer.

Ug, humans! Let's rock this shit like it's UO in 1999 and we are in the orc fort near Yew!

Follow the uruk Skullgrinder on a magical journey through the lands of Mordor and into the very maw of Gondor itself! Rise from the cesspools of Mordor into a frightening flesh-feasting paragon of destruction! Ride a wave of mutilation into a sea of blood... Blood for Bloodgod! All hail the Great Eye! etc etc

Unknown to many, Sauron is simply Melkor's lieutenant. That's right, eye boy isn't even #1 in the big book of evil! But he is at the forefront of the upcoming war, and p0wns the future of Middle Earth.

Table of Brah-ntents
Part 1 : Welcome to Mordor
This post... you may continue reading
Part 2 : Sharp And Pointy Sticks
Part 3 : Introduction to Sodomy
Part 4 : The Dread Rider Appears!
Baby's First Intermission: Our own theme music and glorious FAQage
Part 5 : Tasty Humans and Mouth Tampons
Part 6 : Are you still reading this shit?
Intermission: Sauron, Isengard, and Uruk-Hai
Intermission: Troop trees and the economy of Mordor
Part 7 : The War of the Ring Begins
Part 8 : Orc Funkadelic
Part 9 : Orcs Can't Count
Intermission : Faction List
Part 10 : Orcs are Hardcore
Part 11 : Riders of Rohan, Trees n' Trolls. Oh my!
Part 12 : Badassery

Game Overview
This is a mod for Mount & Blade vanilla (Not Warband, not Fire & Sword, just plain old Mount & Blade). Supposedly this game CAN be completed, but I always get stuck after the first/second siege: Osgiliath. The game is divided into two sides: Good vs Evil, and each side is subdivided into factions such as Mordor, Isengard, Gondor, Rohan, including dwarves, 2 elf factions, and many many more. You earn rank points in a faction by completing quests and saving their asses in battle, in addition to the personal relation system that lets NPCs love or hate you. Gold is gone and is replaced with the 'resource point' system, representing your personal and group's allocation of resources in the war. A small amount of resources, proportionate to your rank, is awarded twice-weekly. Unique items are awarded by faction leaders after achieving certain ranks. And the most important rule of TLD is that elves are overpowered gaylords.

Anyway, engage!



Playing as Saruman's right hand man is fun, and as an uruk-hai you have early access to better equipment and mountain trolls. Mountain trolls can flatten many enemies in battle with a single stroke and are juggernauts of destruction. *sheds a single tear of joy* Reminds you of the big man himself, back in the day.

But, Mordor is the way to go. You have fat stacks of friendly orcs and an easier start. Plus we can ride on over to Isengard and advance through Saruman's rank at our leisure.


Uruks are big orcs. LotR orcs are kinda puny like goblins. Uruks are first class orc citizens, but like all Mordor orcs we will start out at the bottom of the food chain: A snaga (slave) who earns a measly 15 resource points per 2 days or so.

Thankfully, we are able to pimp out our uruk and make him a juggernaught of destruction. 12 strength and 4 each in ironflesh and power strike upon character generation. :bounce: Skullgrinder gonna smash!


And he's quite the looker, too!

Middle Earth. A shadow is growing in the east and dark things come forth that have long been hidden. The free peoples prepare for war, the like of which has not been seen for an age. Men, elves, dwarves, and orcs all will play their part. What part, however, remains to be seen...
Sauron sure is putting out a lot of black smoke though. Shit all that does for us orcs, as we stay in our caves mostly. Some of the other orcs say that Sauron can sweep out the smog towards Gondor, giving us a distinct night-battle advantage even during the day.


We start out near the Gates of Mordor, which are closed to us. Barad Dur is in the background but you can only get there by turning clipping off, and there's nothing there... no luck climbing that big tower, either.


The Gates of Mordor are fucking beautiful. And by beautiful I mean what all orcs mean: Rusty metal and covered in gore. But what's the point of the gates when there's an easily accessible cave to march through? Military stupidity aside, we luckily pick up the night goblin quest --

There's a group of rogue goblins harassing the place, and I'm at the end of my rope as to how to deal with them. They've been ambushing and robbing drunken recruits under the cover of night, and then fading away quick as lightning when the guards finally show up. We've not been able to catch one of them. They only attack lone people, never daring to show themselves when there's a group about. I need someone who can take on these goblins alone and win. That seems to be the only way of getting rid of them. Are you up to the task?


"Why, certainly!" *facepalm* "Me mean... SMASH EM TO PEECEZ!"
Skullgrinder then proceeds to take a nap, as instructed. Night comes, and he prepares his orc spear for some serious impaling. No sodomy.
The goblins fall before you as wheat to a scythe. Soon you stand alone while most of your attackers lie unconscious, dead, or dying. Surely the locals would be very grateful that you saved them from this menace.

Skullgrinder just made the leap from slave to useful member of society the way all honest orcs should: Through wholesale slaughter of weaker beings. He is still ranked snaga (slave), but hopefully nobody will corral him if he looks busy. If he doesn't look busy someone will probably put him on cleaning duty! Orcs are very filthy creatures, but he'd rather be crushing skulls than mopping shit. For our trouble we get some resources and precious rank points, oooo!

Then we head into the leader cave to pick up a courier quest and a 'find the needle in the haystack' bounty hunting quest.


One of these things is not like the other. Now impale it on your spear! Skullgrinder rapes him like the Castro brothers going at a 10 year old asian girl. The Khan raiders stand around like chumps, but Skullgrinder is able to drop off his letter for some more resources and a bit of grog. We take in the vista of Sauron's magic volcano smoke, then it's back to Morannon for some fresh victory meat!


The sun never shines in Mordor. Let's go! *A quick jog later, we have arrived back at the leader cave, where the goblin heads have been set upon spikes to greet us* Sometimes, it's the little things that make a place home.


Torture chamber and prisoner holding area in the leader cave.


Exit from the leader cave into the wastes of Mordor (a sparse rocky desert shrubland)


The job is shitty, but the benefits are great. You get to serve the Mouth of Sauron!


"Dark Master! How may I serve you, Master?"


"Kill all the rats in the basement."


"Yub y... wait, what?"


"Forget it, just go slay my enemies or something"


"You got it, mouthy! MAIM KILL RAPE DESTROY!"

Actually Brotato Mouth gives us a military scouting quest:



We pick up two new quests. Since we have completed a few quests, we are able to recruit some worthless orc slaves and an uruk slave. These are just a step above feral orcs and goblins (The worst units in the game). They use wooden clubs studded with spikes of iron, or crude spears, and fall like flies in a cavalry charge, but they are an important meat shield for Brotato Skullgrinder. We can't afford a real shield, or even a decent weapon besides our crude spear, but orc slaves are WAY cheaper than equipment. Brotato Skullgrinder will hold the orc slaves up thusly:

Next update: We recruit our first hench-orc and navigate the dead marsh to deliver supplies to a remote scouting outpost
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Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard
Part Dub (Two)
In which our villain recognizes the importance of caring and prepares to irreversibly smash some goblin skulls.

Recap: We killed a small band of wayfarer goblins (off screen), delivered a letter, and impaled an orc who was shamefully hiding with humans. Completing all these quests enabled us to form a press gang.


In Morannon we recruit part of our new wrecking crew. These guys are snagas, like us, but there is a world of difference between me and them at this point. Skullgrinder is a snaga working under his own direction, and has been raised in reasonable conditions and has some semblance of an upbringing. These orcs are lazy, weak, stupid creates, fit only for manual labor. But they make great meat shields, so we and the slavers of Morannon press them into service, slap a weapon in their hands, and motivate them with beatings and food. Who knows? They may just overwhelm part of the enemy forces in battle, while we do the lion's share of the work.


"Nubhosh pugdung! Get in line, we got work to do!" (Translation: Hey, you bad newbie shits! Get in line, we got work to do!")

"Yub yub!" (Translation: "Yes, right away!")

Orcs rarely speak without exclamation points. If you do anything, you do it orc-style or not at all!


Skullgrinder has some heavy supplies and a quest to deliver them, time to drop it off. But first we have to cross the dead marshes. Crap.


Skullgrinder spots a small band of ferals in the distance, but they flee at the sight of the Mordor Wrecking Crew.


*Zelda level-up music* Your smugness has increased by 5! (Hey, this guy looks like an orc!)


We cross the marsh without incident and arrive at the camp. *sigh* Not a lot going on here, is there? But then again they are scouts, and will see danger coming well before it arrives so there is no need for a sturdy defensive structure. Let's talk to some of the local inbreds, shall we? Actually, scouts are typically smaller orcs who are skilled members of society. Also, they get shat on by the larger uruks. Make a note of that, we might be able to exploit it later.


Translation: "Saruman's new orc breed (uruk-hai) say they don't mind the sun. Good shit!"
There is a love-hate relationship between the orcs of Mordor and Isengard. The Isengard orcs are a new breed of supersoldier who live in a land of metal and plenty. The orcs of Mordor however are destitute and hungry, by comparison, but there are a LOT of them.


The head NPC at this location (Each location has one) gives out generic quests. This guy sports a leather chest-tile of Sauron's eye. Orcs do fashion. He complains about being harassed by feral goblins, we gratefully accept and go scour the foothills for some goblin ass. Note that we recruited some orcs earlier, but recruitment is typically locked for a day or so after starting a new game, so we lucked out. Instead of getting our asses handed to us by a horde of small goblins, we'll set our Mordor Wrecking Crew against them.


We happen to have just enough resources to buy an axe. We will be maxing out our gear progression shortly, since Mordor's equipment tree is pretty pathetic.




YEEAAAAAAHHHHH. Now we're cooking with gas. Let's go dismember some goblins. Skullgrinder knows that we're going to spank the goblin rabble like they were toddlers.

Part gahk (3) will contain our first big boy battle
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Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard
Part Gahk (3), in which our villain makes sexy time with a hambeast and finally kills and sodomizes some goblins in epic combat, in that order.

We add a few more slaves to the Mordor Wrecking Crew, and leave the camp, rusty axe in hand.

What luck! The goblin marauders are right next to the camp. Strange that these ferals have managed to elude the elite scout camp's patrols. Mountain goblins are the lowest of the low, they living in destitute hunter-gatherer villages and sometimes achieve tribal structures before the orc warbands come to slaughter them. They make poor slaves. They are a nuisance at best, a thorn in the side at worst. With WAARRRGGGHH on the horizon Mordor will not want to have to worry about stinking gobbos harassing the supply lines. Let's do our part and go Knights of the Templar on their asses. For whatever reason, probably hunger, the goblins have formed a party and started waylaying scouts around the camp.


"Prepare for combat, form up on me! Waaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Skullgrinder is no stranger to battle, or to bloodlust. But he knows that the only path to victory is when orcs work together and strike as 1 cohesive unit. This may be baby's first battle, but he's an uruk bred and trained for battle.


Us. Weapons: Spiked wooden clubs, spears, a couple swords/daggers, basically we have 'sharp metal' delivery systems. No archers. Armour: Minimal, every third orc has a helmet or leather jerkin. Force strength: 1 score Mordor orcs, 2 uruks.


Them. Weapons: Wooden clubs, spears, and femur-bone clubs. Armour: Flimsy wooden shields. Force strength: 1 score mountain goblins. Threat level: Low.

The enemy force spreads out in a staggered line, but they charge at different speeds and end up hitting us in a slow trickle of combatants. Nice way to stay together, retards! Skullgrinder dares them to charge him, and the first few enemies splatter helplessly against the orcish meatshield wall. Skullgrinder watches his crew butcher goblins, then decides to step in for some fun himself. His first axe strike shatters a goblin shield. The goblin discards the useless plank that remains, while Skullgrinder turns and faces a new opponent. He ends up killing 2.


The devastation of battle. (EDIT: Screenshot key is hard-coded in M&B to Ctrl+Insert *facepalm* and my screenshot program doesn't work in-game. Will try to get better action shots in the future...)


"Hoowah! Hoowah Skullgrinder! Hoowah Great Eye! Hoowah food! Can uz go home now?"

"Back in line, maggots! Strip these corpses!"


The crew is tired after celebrating their victory. As you can see, all it would take is a single arrow to the torso to bring one of these chumps down.



We netted a few pieces of 'scrap metal'. Loot in this game is handled differently, you won't find an orc wielding an elf bow, or wearing dwarf armor *smirk* Instead, looted items are transmuted into scrap metal which you can use to complete one type of generic quest or sell for a fat sack of resources which you can turn into weapons and armour.

250 resources for a scrap of metal? We're rich! My axe cost around 350.

We return to the scout camp and complete the quest. You guessed it! Resources and rank.

Look who we find next to the camp fire! It's Ufthak, the tracker orc! Hello, little guy, what's your story? Sounds like he was kicked out of his band and beaten for being a pathetic failure.


Protip: Orcs, you can smell 'em before you can see 'em.

We claim him as our own. Fuck his boss. I'm the boss. We got a whole yankee in Lord Sauron's court thing going on now. He's only 5 resources, what a steal! He will be our main tracker/pathfinder during this game. Since he is the only tracker we will have we won't get to mistreat him from an RP perspective. But don't worry, there will be plenty of inter-orc bitch-slapping!


Skullgrinder and his crew leave and set sights across the dead marsh to Cair Andros. As you'll recall, Brotato Mouthy gave us a quest to scout it.


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Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard
Part Futh (4) in which our precocious villain meets a dread rider, scroaches on a battle (Scroaching is the MMO term for sidelining during a battle and finishing the victor), and brazenly scouts a human stronghold.

On the way to Cair Andros some uppidy orc filth speaks up and demands better living conditions. This won't end well for him, but we'll get to that another day.



The pugdung orc gets back into the column, and along the way we see something very interesting

Unfortunately M&B does not support 3-sided battles, so we have to wait our turn. It looks like the orc deserters made short work of the Gondor scouting party.


Fear not, dear orcish readers. We will be the ones supping on orc flesh this eve, not this braggart.


Us: Weapons: Spiked wooden clubs, spears, a couple swords/daggers, basically we have 'sharp metal' delivery systems. No archers. Armour: Minimal, every third orc has a helmet or leather jerkin. Force strength: 1 score Mordor orcs, 2 uruks.
Them: Weapons: Bone-headed maces, and a stick. Armour: None. Force strength: 1 score orc stragglers.



I have backtracked to take this screenshot so you can see the effect our counter-charge had on the enemy. These might as well be goblins, and it turns into another slaughter. It helps that the Gondor scouts weakened them first. When a faction loses a stack, whether they are scouts in the field or in a garrison, it reduces their 'strength' (There will be screenshots of this screen later in the LP), when a faction's strength is reduced to a certain point they become siegable -- The AI is the only thing that can initiate a siege. Annoying, but theoretically it could provide a more scriptable story arc.


On the plus side, our slaves have enough experience to fire bows, which they craft from tendons and barely flexible wood they found while afield. Skullgrinder converts all his orc slaves to orc archers. The Wrecking Crew is still all basically slaves at this point, but they are a team, united under the brutality of a couple uruks, and at they're not bottom-of-the-barrel snaga scum. The orcs resume their march.


"Quick, behind uz! Bozz!"


"Skah! A Nazghul! Go find out what he wants, bootlicker!"

"Nope. Thatz way outta my pay grade, you have to go."




*lightning cracks in the distance*





I guess ringwraiths aren't good at conversation either.

The wraith sets out for the front line in Mordor's battle against the humans, East Osgiliath. We'll have to head there later to check on the war's status. For now we shimmy over to Cair Andros to complete our scouting quest for Brotato Mouthy.
On the next exciting episode of TLD:ODNSWOOM, Skullgrinder changes his soiled loincloth and force feed the old one to a snaga who tried to desert. And then the Mordor Wrecking Crew heads over to East Osgiliath for some much needed power ups.
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Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard
Moar bro!


Is there any similar mod for Warband??
No, they were working on a conversion and bug updates, but I think they got burned out and stopped. TBH this is probably the last we see. It's a shame, so much thought and effort went into it. There are problems like 'invisible walls' where stacks get stuck on invisible geometry (Although this has only happened in like 1/5 games for me), and main story arc scripting issues where I can't get to the siege of Minas Tirith. Looks like you'll have to remove from inventory vanilla M&B if you want to play this...

There is a summary of this mod at: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/VideoGame/TheLastDaysOfTheThirdAgeOfMiddleEarth

Now for a little theme music to get you in the mood, babe.

The song is 'meh', the visuals + music are :bounce:

From the FAQ:
Q: Why aren’t there any spider riding orcs?
A: Because punch yourself.

Quick update so you guys can get your fix.


Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard
Part H (5) in which the Mordor Wrecking Crew approaches critical mass, ferals flee before our might, Minas Morgul is defiled, and we return to the center of orcish culture for some much needed nap time.
Also I left the link tags in, so it will take you to my library if you click on an image. I could prune these out, but that's work and I'm lazy. If it bothers anybody PM me and I will prune it, otherwise why bother?

We head to East Osgiliath, and run down some bands of orcish deserters. In the second battle there is a tree line providing cover from our missile volleys, but both engagements are trivial and we rack up some XP and a few piddling prizes. In both fights the enemy almost completely makes it to our line of archers. *sigh* Now I remember why I never upgrade to archers, you can hardly call them archers at this point, they might as well be THROWING the arrows at the enemy.

Our line of orc archers creates a veritable hail of arrows for our enemies to contend with. The rabble of orcs we face wield a meager handful of flimsy plank shields.

One of our orcish brotatos, they LIVE for this.

Skullgrinder runs around like a headless chicken trying to swing his weapon and take a screenshot at the same time. 2 enemy shields break under his barrage.

"These orcs are dirt poor and they taste filthy! We need HUMAN flesh!"

"Hold your thrice-cursed tongue, Ufthak! I'm just as tired of maggoty bread as you, but at least there is a lot of it! Quit yer yelping or you'll be on the menu next!"

We make it to East Osgiliath, the camp fires burn. It's a steady signal to the human rats hiding in West Osgiliath that we are here, and we are ready. This 'city' is abuzz with activity. Orcs run here and there, preparing for war. Although East Osgiliath has been taken by our forces, it was really no effort at all. The real war has not begun.

A crude bailey serves as a stable. Baileys are easy to construct, and even during the Middle Ages were typically thrown up even by peasants unskilled in construction as part of forced labor. Orcs are the ultimate serfs.

Although not visible, you know the humans are hiding on the West coast.

Our war machines beat a savage barrage against the ruins on the West side of the river. An orc archer has a quick sit on the back of this catapult.

What we really want is the armor made by human slaves. But it costs a fortune. No potato for you yet, Skullgrinder.

The castle in East Osgiliath. More courier quests. Quests are critical to our advancement within Mordor society. Once the war begins we will have other options to advance.

A chaotic engagement behind our flank.

But the rabble flees from our might.

Minas Morgul is nearby. Let's take a look.

Holy smokes!

Meanwhile, inside the castle...

Badass art deco. Orcish bros everywhere approve.

The leader here is an uruk, not a Nazghul as the NPCs' indicate. It seems the Nazghul are a little to wild to interact with orcs on a daily basis. Allow me to elaborate:

Where there is a whip, there's a will
Brotato Skullgrinder approves. We will pick up this NPC as soon as we make Sentry rank. Until then, we are in serious need of a healer. Maybe Saruman can help with that.

It doesn't look so foreboding from inside the portcullis gates.

This guy wants our precious precious metal in exchange for resources, rank, and influence. Shoo. Go away.

"Okay, who forgot to feed the pet human?"

There is a gate in the rear of Minas Morgul that leads to Mordor proper. Unfortunately it just kicks us back out to the main map. All our quests point to Morannon. *grabs the lash*

First we recruit some fresh orc snagas. Hey, haven't we hit our troop cap yet? WHAT DO YOU MEAN ORCS ONLY TAKE UP 1/3rd OF THE PARTY SIZE. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.

That's right, this little feature effectively triples your party size and the effects of leadership skill and fame. Orcs are intended to overwhelm their enemies with numbers, not with their individual battle skill. I do have my Battle Size set to 250, but if anything that benefits the enemy as we cannot overwhelm small groups of them anymore. Instead we will have some epic battles in which we lead wave after wave of orc upon the enemy.

We away to Morannon on a well worn trail.

*Skullgrinder kneels before the Mouth of Sauron* "Master, I have completed the scouting mission you have set before me. Please give me more work"

"Silence, whelp! I have nothing for you to do, yet. Come back next week, and I just might have something for you to do"

"Yes, dark one"
Brotato Mouthy is on his period, but it looks like the Mordor Wrecking Crew have earned themselves a little R&R.
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Nov 24, 2012
Oh well, shame they didn't port the game to Warband. :(
Maybe I'll just play Brytenwalda or Prophecy of Pendor to get my fix then.
Please moar orcish goodness and moar akhsun! :salute:


Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard
Part H-ash (6) in which we learn that sharing is for chumps and get our first taste of manflesh. Yes, it is as delicious as every orc makes it out to be

First, let's take a look at some of the status screens introduced by the mod. We can see the relative strength of each faction. Great news! Things look up for Mordor and Isengard. Also we see our party Morale report: It looks like the additional orcs we can recruit will be a double edged sword, lowering our morale. No matter, we'll keep these slaves in the column with whip and club.

As you can see, we get a large orc bonus to the number of troops we can lead.

We wander around Morannon, and catch a glimpse of our first supply caravan (albeit friendly). Raiding the enemy caravans will be our primary source of income and trolling lulz.

We find some morale-improving human flesh for sale. A bargain, sold! Now maybe Skullgrinder's orcish underlings will stop complaining about not enough man-meat (no-homo). Not likely. Even with the feast of meat, one uppidy orcling dares draw his sword against us. Might makes right in orcish society, and this piece of trash just challenged us.

Skullgrinder lets the orcling stab us. It just makes him mad. SMASH SMASH SMASH!

Orcling gets cut down like a child.


Our other minions rejoice. That orcling was a little douchebag.

Mouthy has another mission for us. This one requires us to train up a seasoned orc warrior and release him as a scouting party. We'll need to get some more battle experience under our rope-belts.

Here is an upgraded uruk snaga. More armour, more muscles, and even a bit of engineer skill (Orcs like bit war machines)

The quest target is halfway to Saruman's tower, Isengard. To get there we will have to pass through Gondor and Rohan lands.

We sneak past Cair Andros.

At this point, the war has not started, so oddly instead of getting smashed by large garrisons of enemy they haven't spawned yet. But we DO encounter some caravans that want to be left alone. We won't allow that, now will we? We chase a Gondor caravan, but end up nabbing a Rohan caravan that tries to plow right through us.

Us: 1 score orc archers, a couple orc trackers (advanced archers), 2 score orc snagas, a few seasoned uruks. Weapons: 20 bows from the archers, clubs, spears, the odd rusty sword. Armour: Uruks sport leather and metal helmets, the odd helmet or two among the rest. Force strength: Moderate

Them: 50 men, armed with sword and shield. 10 mounted swordsmen. Armour: Moderate/heavy, our arrows won't do much damage. Force strength: Moderate/formidable.

These guys are a challenge, but we outnumber them. If we don't keep our shit together we will be in for some trouble. The battle unfolds as the well formed lines clash:

Somehow the orcs gain the battle tide. Somehow, their weapons are making their way past sword shield and armour. The horsemen turn out to be little more than a nuisance, and draw the engagement out as the orcs fruitlessly chase them down. The archers and Skullgrinder help seal the deal (Oh yeah, thats why I keep archers around). Unfortunately we don't have prisoner management to take prisoners, so we have to slaughter the prisoners and take meat, instead. Meat surplus: Orcs have a barbeque! You gain +5 morale.

We sneak back across the river to resupply, but friendly orcs are already crawling all over the west coast.

We sell our loot for a cool 1,000 resources, which let us buy some boots and a helmet.

Sauron sends his cloud of smoke and ash towards Gondor. The war will be starting soon.

There's an awesome 1h sword that is almost as good as a 2h axe, but we can no longer afford it FFS!

We won't be accepting this quest, those slaves are hard to find and are FAST. We have a large and slow war party.

We pick up this quest, then scroach a battle vs 1 eneemy and quickly complete it.

Bonus: Main menu art.

We reach Aldburg and deploy our scout. It's tempting to go join Saruman, since we are halfway there, but we aren't even Sentry in Mordor yet. We'll be meeting Saruman soon enough...
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Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard
Okay, this is awesome, and I found it: http://www.thelandofshadow.com/

Skullgrinder is at a crossroads. Abandon the quests of Mordor and flee into Saruman's awaiting arms, working his way up from pugdung to become his right-hand man? Or keep toiling away under the whips of Mordor. Decisions decisions decisions...


Saruman's uruk-hai are a new breed of orcs. Vastly improved from the orc-spawn created by Melkor, which were initially crafted from raw, tortured elves. I don't know how Saruman did it, but he did!

The uruk-hai have access to tons of raw metal and wood from Isengard and the nearby woods, which are being felled at an alarming rate. They are military orcs through and through, born into a society created expressly for Saruman's war effort. The uruk-hai are 100% vested, and their officers are trained from birth. Uruk-hai are well armoured and disciplined warriors who operate well in large scale battle and sieges. A population of orcs is maintained for non-combat duty. Uruk-hai are too wild for roles outside of battle. Uruk-hai too wild for proper military formations are made into berserkers: Two-handed-sword-wielding badasses of muscle who you have to hack apart before they hack YOU apart.

How they could be defeated at Helm's Deep we'll never truly know. IMHO it's a pretty big gap in the story because I cannot accept the explanation of cavalry charge + magic light > ranks and ranks of 10 meter spears
"Oh no, a bright light similar to the sun! Quickly, raise your spears instead of keeping them pointed straight ahead!"
"Right away, boss"


The uruks are large orcs. Orc society has persisted since the last war with a large surplus population. Food and water are needed for survival, and wood/metal are in great demand. The elite force legions of slaves to do manual labor. By and large, diligent work is not rewarded. Laziness or disobedience is punished with the lash. Comparatively, Mordor has a large morale problem. Press gangs are all the rage in Mordor, as companies are rounded up and non-essential work tapers off. All snagas are fair game: After all, Sauron is the big man on campus.

Mordor orcs run the gamut from well armoured to pathetically equipped.

"Get back in line, you maggots" *CRACK!*

With the prospect of slaughter on the horizon, Mordor is able to manage enough supplies for a proper, somewhat disciplined, fighting force, though it takes great effort to make it all come together. Giant wolves made of iron that spew fire and ash also help. Orcs respect big war machines.


Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard
Double bonus: Mordor troop tree

A lot of the units are from dead code, such as the bearded orc placeholder models *smirk* This mod is :obviously:
What, not smug enough for you?

The warg units are pretty cool -- After the rider is knocked off the wargs run around and continue fighting. I'm not sure how this affects reinforcements, and wargs are pretty hard to keep a full stack of (Although they are cavalry and therefore fast).

An economical breakdown of Mordor, including "Where did they get food for all those orcs?" : http://www.centives.net/S/2013/making-mordors-economy-work/


Codexia Lord Sodom
Dec 5, 2002
Jersey for now
Will watch with interest


Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard
Thanks for being so patient while I finally got around the cutscene crash that kicks off the war by running in windowed mode. Also I turned down my graphics a bit to support huge sieges and battles.

Part H-dub (7) in which the war to end all wars begins

We turn in our scouting quest, and get some precious praise from Brotato Mouthy. Brotato Mouthy is so pleased that he promotes us from slave to 'Backstabber of Gorgoth'. This rank indicates that we are willing to betray and murder. We must also watch our back because our peers and underlings won't think twice about shanking us to take our place (As we have already seen with Mr. Orcling challenging us to a duel). Basically: Never turn your back on anyone! We accept another quest to catch runaway slaves, but have no clue which direction to go once we get to the worldmap. Instead we find and apprehend a small Rohan scouting party.

"Good news, boyos! Meat is back on the menu!"

But then we return empty-handed and Brotato Mouthy chews us out for not bringing back his slaves :( . We're warriors, not slave trackers, what did he expect? Frankly, we're lucky he didn't decide to cut something off.

"Skullgrinder sorry, Master. Slaves were too slippery"

We head back to the forest and canyon between Gondor and Rohan. This fertile crescent is near to enemy cities which spawn much need potato. It is also near friendly cities which provide much needed reinforcements, we will require a constant stream of new recruits to keep up the war effort. This forest will be our home most of the game, it is prime hunting grounds for caravans between Gondor and Rohan. You can also corral enemies into the canyon instead of chasing them all the way across the map.

One of the drawbacks to large party size: Low morale. We can accommodate by recruiting some uruks and evil humans, which are a bit hardier than the orcs anyway and provide some unit flexibility, which is useful in battle.

Another rowdy orc. Skullgrinder puts him in his place and then asserts his dominance over the crew. Hopefully these pointless interruptions can stop, but we appreciate the enthusiasm.

Let's take a look at our stack, shall we?

We now have a few warg riders, for variety, and the highest tier Mordor archers. These are regular archers, but better armoured, overall they are pretty squishy as they lack shields. As the orcs level up they get substantially more armor, and shields, making them far hardier and finally make them battle-capable. Soon, we will put our shield-wielding brethren to the ultimate test. Orcs are still pretty squishy, and their armour is patchy at best, but it will now take more than a stray arrow to bring one of our little hellions down.

We assemble the troops for a formal inspection inspection. Human and uruk heads and shoulders pop out above the sea of orc scalps. Inspection results: Moderate armor, lots of helmets (which is very useful because orcs are smaller than their human adversaries), somewhat crude weaponry but far better than what raw slaves wield. About 1 score snagas scattered among the regulars. Half the orcs have shields. A well armoured human is in the mix, and ten uruks and humans are moderately armoured.

BATTLE! This guy thinks they have a chance if they can just stay together. Wrong again, humie.

"Bozz, Ufthak tink dey see uz..."

"Shuddup pugdung!"

Despite Skullgrinder's orders to rally, our new chief warg rider rides out to taunt the enemy. Skullgrinder curses and orders him to get back in formation, but the rider lets out a huge warcry, attracting the enemy's attention. The fool! ...

The warg rider returns alive. HEY LOOK! He brought back a friend! The enemy commander valiantly chases down the warg and rider... but rides right into Skullgrinder. A second eager orc commits the same taboo by placing himself in front of Skullgrinder, and nearly gets impaled on the charging commander's spear.
A single charging horseman is a simple matter for Skullgrinder, he dodges to the right at the last moment, avoiding horse and spear, and crushes the horse's front left leg with his battleaxe using a lunge, for momentum. Although Skullgrinder nearly breaks his arm, the horse falters for a half-stride then falls chest-first into the ground, slowing down to a stop just as it crosses the line of orcs behind him. :deadhorse:

The orcs cheer with glee as they realize the situation. Our entire company of orcs turns on the human as he pulls his heavy armoured body from the corpse of his beast. This one's flesh, and that of his mount will be savored with a special relish by the orc rider, after the battle. Brotato Rider just earned himself a promotion.

(Not pictured) Not long after their commander gets KLOMPED, two more riders follow their commander to their doom. One gets their horse cut out from him by Skullgrinder and the other gets lodged in the sea of orcs.

This is all before Skullgrinder's initial tactical assessment, he needs a lieutenant to handle the heavy hitting.

A handful of orcs fail to form up in time after being slightly disrupted by the enemy's ill-timed two-man cavalry charge. Skullgrinder blindly orders the charge to counter-attack before his precious meatshields go to waste.


"Don't let those meatbags go to waste, get 'em boyz!"
(Skullgrinder's new pic. After pulling a total ninja-samurai on that horse by one-shotting it, Skullgrinder has graduated to big boy pants. I call it the GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING RESOURCES avatar)

An mixed beginning to battle. The battle tide could turn easily against us. WATCH ME, DADDY SAURON! Great Eye, the Eye of Barad-dûr, the Red Eye, the Lidless Eye! Ia Cthulhu!
Lore Question: Do orcs get a bonus in battle if the Eye of Sauron is upon them? Sauron's certainly works his mojo and sends lamentations to the enemy, and words of inspiration to his orcish followers, and possibly even tangible effects


Skullgrinder has an intelligent thought: Will the Mordor Wrecking Crew's luck hold for the rest of the battle? If yub, big feast. If nub, maybe Skullgrinder dead.

A quick glance is all it takes for Skullgrinder to immediately assess the battle tide
Us: 1 score archers, 2 score orcs, 1 score orc snagas(slaves), 1 score uruks and humans, a few warg riders. Armour: Light/moderate, the more experienced orcs show a smattering of chain pieces, many helmets, a smattering of leather, every other orc has a shield. Weapons: Orcish hooked arrows, spears, scimitars, some clubs, a few rabid wargs. The less experienced orcs are very ill equipped, much like in Part 1/2.
Them: Force strength is 10 archers 10 horsemen and 40 foot-soldiers. Armour is significant, chain covered by heavy amounts of plate and metal shields.
Final assessment: Skah! That's a lot of metal they're wearing. A lot more than the Rohan scum. Orc bros may have trouble doing more than a few damage. Our arrows will have an especially hard time piercing their armour. Uz gotta hit 'em hard and all at once.

The battle unfolds in the blink of an eye as the orcs crash like waves upon the shields of the Gondor pinkies (So named due to the humans' pale pinkish skin)

True to his namesake, Skullgrinder lurches behind the enemy flank and wails at their heads with his axe, which is of course already covered in blood and gore... What else did you expect him to do in this situation?

Although not able to fully encompass the enemy, the orcs beat a steady barrage on the shield wall and don't take too many losses. Those orc shields were used to great effect: The orc bros were able to strike and block and strike and block and go toe-to-toe with the swordplay of the humans *sheds a single tear* They are becoming true warriors. Skullgrinder's flanking assault routs a flank, and the remaining humans are chased to death by the orcish battle tide. Some of the battle tide on the flank turns to the raging melee. Now, our melee force heavily outnumbers the remaining humies.

The enemy archers hold their fire in fear of hitting their allies. Stuped humanz! Skullgrinder dashes into the archers as the melee starts dying down. "DEATH DEATH DEATH" is chanted by the Mordor Wrecking Crew amidst the screams of the dying and moans of the soon-dead. You could hear the drums of war as the archers bodies fall one by one like lumps to the ground, accompanying the cacophony of chanting.

"DEATH DEATH DEATH" (They really chant this!)

The rest of the team seals the deal by finishing the melee.

Massive jubilation. Orcs can be seen leaping into the air. Some sodomy occurs. Casualties: 17 dead (Mostly stragglers who couldn't form up!), 10 wounded, 1 dead due to acute 'after-party butt-itis'. Enemy losses: Infinity

Battle MVP: Skullgrinder, for experiencing a quickening (level 8). Is there nothing that can kill him?
Runner up: Warg rider captain for luring the enemy commander and 2 horsemen into their doom
Loot: Very little, it seems caravan loot can be quite the gamble. Some looting skill should alleviate this. (Hey look at all the loot we found, good thing, too, because we almost missed it!)

</end battle>

Skullgrinder promptly dispatches a messenger to Brotato Mouthy and Grishnahk, telling them how squishy these humans are.

Suddenly, the skies darken, and the orcs instinctively know War is on the horizon. Lord Sauron sends his visions of war:

Rohan villages

Gondor cities

And precious Minas Morgul

We will bad-touch all these places.

Things are really cooking now! If the beginning was this good we'd have more readers.
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It's amusing how much thought the mod team put into the "Orcish economy." Still, looks like a pretty damn cool mod.


Jan 2, 2010
Speaking of orcs in UO, I remember wanting to join this guild called the Orcs of Kor or something like that where they all roleplayed orcs.
Jan 12, 2012
I really like this mod. So far in my Rohan campaign I killed every evil faction except for the south. But the bugger will just crash after any mildly big battle now.

Good luck.


Jul 15, 2004
the area around my keyboard
Speaking of orcs in UO, I remember wanting to join this guild called the Orcs of Kor or something like that where they all roleplayed orcs.
I was actually in that clan as one of the first members and played with them on and off until Kor retired from the game permanent-like. It was on Pacific shard. There's one semi-active orc UO clan around still: Bloodclan, they play on the free shards UO Forever and UO Hybrid. PM me if you want more details on how to get UO running again because I actually just got an SSD and am planning on playing some UO

In other news I'm playing the Two Towers MUD game as an uruk.

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