In Progress Let's Play Vengeance of the Blood Angels

[Axe Father]

What’s up fellas. I’m playing Space Hulk: Vengeance of the Blood Angels and you are going to read about me doing it and look at cool pictures and shit.

The skinny is this: Space Hulk is THE board game for me. I’ve played it on and off in all its editions since I was a kid. EA made a tight little game in ‘93 based on it. It was good. It had a bunch of screens and looked like that one scene in Aliens where William Hope was in the APC looking at monitors before he got a footlocker dropped on his head. It was also hard as hell.

But here’s intel for you, chief. It had a sequel. On the 3DO, ‘cause EA. Then of course the 3DO instantaneously evaporated so it ended up on PC, PSX, and Saturn the following year. Thing is, the versions all have some noticeable differences between them. The 3DO version is the original and is the most visually attractive for my money. For some reason, it also has a heartbeat sound that beats faster when enemies get near that they axed from every other version. Spooky. The problem is the 3DO version is choppy as hell and slow to play.

So that leads us to the PC version. It’s mostly a straight port of the 3DO version, only its the sole version that has network play. It runs much smoother and plays faster than the 3DO version but the colors seem washed out and the sprite work looks kind of messy in comparison.

I don’t have any experience with the PSX/Saturn ports, but from what I gather they aren’t as good so fuck ‘em. The PC port is the one I’m going with ‘cause of its smoother gameplay. I also don’t know anything about doing an LP so let me know if the formatting sucks. Let’s rock.

Spoiler

--TABLE OF CONTENTS--
INTRO/GAMEPLAY
MISSION 1
MISSION 2
MISSION 3
MISSION 4
MISSION 5

 

[Axe Father]

INTRO/GAMEPLAY

Spoiler

Because the game wasn’t really marketed towards Warhammer fans who would have been too broke from buying plastic toys to purchase a 3DO, the game intro is a nice little primer to the basic conceit of the 40k universe, Genestealers, Terminators, and other made up nerd bullshit. Here it is:


For those sub-optimal people who aren’t in the know, this is what Space Hulk is about. You have a big bunch of space ship chunks that smashed together in the Warp and made what is basically a space dungeon. Like any good dungeon there’s a bunch of treasure and monsters, usually Genestealers, in it. The Empire needs the treasure and doesn’t have much need for Genestealers. For tactical superiority the Empire deploys the guys in the biggest armour they have to congest all the space dungeon hallways. This genius strategic manoeuvre forces one dude to fist fight a million vastly superior melee combatants alone while his friends stand behind him single file with assault cannons doing nothing.

This game is mostly the same as the ‘93 Space Hulk PC game. It’s a tactical FPS game. The key difference being that you only have the viewpoint of your currently selected Terminator so you cant see what the other 4 guys in your squad are doing, which was very useful. To make up for that, 2 years of super advanced gaming tech advancement have allowed you to move slightly faster than 0.2 mph and look around in a (primitive) 3D environment.

Basic gameplay goes like this: You get a mission briefing which outlines your forces, your objectives, and your mission map. You can pause and use a tactical map to command your forces and switch between troops, but it runs on limited freeze time that recharges when you’re not using it. You try to achieve your mission objectives (you won’t) while metric shit tons of enemies pour out. Most maps are filled with single file hallways so its very important to properly position guys to watch choke points and use rooms to rearrange your forces. You’ll mostly be fighting Genestealers who can only attack in melee (more on that later), but later enemies can fire weapons or have psychic abilities.

Most of the time you have a basic Stormbolter and a Power Fist, but there are alternate special weapons that have limited ammunition as well as melee weapons that take up both hands. Now, about melee combat ‘cause its the most significant change from the previous game. In the ‘93 game and the board game, melee is a random chance. If you had a melee weapon better than a Power Fist it gave you a higher chance to survive melee. In this game, it’s a skill based mini-game. It’s an even simpler version of Punch-Out but you’re permanently Glass Joe. You have an attack button and a parry button. When a Genestealer is doing a boxer’s shuffle (they do, its strangely humanising) or generally standing around being retarded you attack. If they are attacking you, you parry, then attack. If you mess up you die. Sounds simple? It starts out that way, but as you complete scenarios they start doing tricky feints and dodging and stuff. On the whole it makes it a bit easier since getting caught in melee with a Power Fist is no longer instant death, especially early on where you’ll probably punch the faces off hundreds of Genestealers.

 

[Axe Father]

CAMPAIGN

The game has a free mission mode called the Vigil that lets you play all six original board game missions, a selection of missions from the ‘93 PC game, and assorted new missions. These missions can all be played in multiplayer on the PC version.

The other mode is the campaign. The story is vapour. It’s the bare minimum set up of a Hulk flying into a sector so the Space Marines send Terminators to fuck it up and maybe grab some valuable tech. There are key differences between the campaign mode and the free mission mode:

-You start off as a rank and file Terminator. You can’t command anyone until you beat a certain mission and get promoted to Sergeant. The AI gives you and your squad orders in the early missions.

-You play as a single Terminator. What this means is that if your character dies, you lose, even if you still have 9 other guys. It also means that even when you get promoted and command other Terminators, you can’t switch to them. You can only ever play as your character.

I should mention that I’ve never beaten this game because it gets very difficult later on. This LP is partially to motivate me to finally see the end, even though I’m sure it’ll be a five second cutscene and a barren credits screen with ten names in it.

Let’s roll.

MISSION 1

Spoiler

BRIEFING:

Brothers, I bring grave news. A gargantuan Hulk has drifted out of the Warp. Imperial records have little details on it’s history, but it seems to be made up of at least fifty smaller Hulks merged together. The whole infrastructure dates back several millennia.

It is moving fast, and heading on a collision course for Delvar III. Millions of lives there are at risk. The Hulk must be stopped. Unfortunately we cannot Fusion Bomb it. We do not have sufficient fire power locally. Our only option is to board the Hulk and progress through the darkness and unknown. We must find a Warp Drive and throw the Hulk back into the recesses of the Warp.

Brothers, it may cost you your lives, but your actions will be immortalised in the history of the Blood Angels. Time is short. Once you have boarded the Hulk, establish a perimeter. There must be some archived records held somewhere. Retrieve any you find. Act with haste, brothers. Bless your weapons.

OBJECTIVES
++SEAL THESE DOORS++

++A POWER FIELD GENERATOR MUST BE POSITIONED AT THIS POINT++

++ALL SURVIVING TERMINATORS MUST MOVE TO THIS AREA++

++TWO TERMINATORS MUST SURVIVE++
++AN ARCHIVED RECORD MUST BE RETRIEVED++

We’re playing as a fella named Ezeekiel. As far as I can tell the game randomly selects one of the possible names for your Terminator when you start a new campaign. So, Ezeekiel it is.

After the briefing is concluded, we find ourselves at the front of the formation. There looks to be five Terminators in the squad. Everyone's got Storm Bolters and Power Fists and one of the guys has a power field generator. PFGs are a force field that can block advancing enemies. We receive our first order: ++EZEEKIEL, PROCEED TO THIS AREA++. In these early stages where you take orders from the AI, you don’t have to worry about much. Just do what the man tells you and hope your comrades succeed in their tasks. The worst case scenario is that most of your squad gets wiped and you have to run around doing the lion’s share of the grunt work. If its a mission where multiple objects have to be carried, this can be a pain in the ass because you can only hold one object at a time.

We advance down the hall to the room we’re supposed to enter and through the grated door we spot our first Genestealer. They go down easy but they are three times faster than you and can easily swarm you if you get caught in melee. If another ‘Stealer attacks you while you are already engaged, you’re wormfood.

As soon as he opens the door, he’s down in a single shot. Told you they go down easy. Sometimes, anyway. It seems there’s still a dice roll that determines if shots are lethal. Either that or they have variable HP. You might shoot a bastard six times and not kill him.

A mere second later we round the corner and get into our first melee combat. Lucky for us he’s only learned some footwork so he’s promptly clocked and dropped. As he falls, we receive a new order: ++EZEEKIEL, CLOSE THIS DOOR++. On certain missions doors can be sealed to prevent Genestealers from proceeding for a time. Sometimes it seems like they are unable to get past at all and other times they break down the door eventually. It might be scenario dependent, I’m not sure.

We scramble to the door to close it but not before a pair of Genestealers charge through and we get into a couple more melee bouts. This brood is made up of devout pacifist ‘Stealers that refuse to throw punches. They die. We shut the door and get our next order: ++EZEEKIEL, FOLLOW OCTAVIUS++. It seems whatever he needed backup for is over with by the time we get the order, ‘cause before a second has passed we get a new one: ++EZEEKIEL, SEARCH THIS AREA FOR AN ARCHIVED RECORD++.

We head off to search for the record while our squad-mates continuously complain that they “cannot see an ARCHIVED RECORD.”

One of my favourite things about this game is the battle chatter from your team. The voice acting is good for the time, and although it’s that mad libs style dialogue you’d hear in something like Operation Flashpoint, it does its job. Guys laugh manically as they blast into hordes of enemies, shout out to other Terminators that enemies are approaching from behind or the sides, and love to yell b-movie fodder lines like “THERE IS NO END TO THEM!” as swarms come out of the ceilings and walls. They also like to dedicate kills to fallen team members. Your buddy Aradiel might die on one mission and in the next a guy will slap a bitch and yell THIS IS FOR ARADIEL. It’s that sort of attention to detail that is endearing even if the game is a little on the basic side.

We wander around looking for the damned ARCHIVED RECORD for a while and although we don’t find it, someone else does, ‘cause we receive the order to head to the extraction area. We’ve sealed off the entrances with doors and one of the AI guys placed the power field generator so its strangely quiet. We stand in the corner like a good little marine and wait for the bastard to shuffle in with the record. His ugly mug comes bursting through the door and the mission is a success.

As far as I cant tell there were no casualties. This matters because you carry your forces over between missions. You get reinforced at set points, but if your squad dwindles down too much some missions are nightmarish to complete. For now though the gang is all here.

++ MISSION COMPLETE ++

 

[ValeVelKal]

Ah nice, will follow !

As soon as he opens the door, he’s down in a single shot. Told you they go down easy. Sometimes, anyway. It seems there’s still a dice roll that determines if shots are lethal. Either that or they have variable HP. You might shoot a bastard six times and not kill him.

If the rules are like on tabletop (and I believe they are), yes it is a dice roll to see if shots are lethal. Basically you roll two dice each shoot : the first shoot kills on a 6+, the second on 5+, the third on 4+. not sure if it locks at 4+ or it can go below
Sustained fire bonus are cancelled the moment you move or change target.

 

[Axe Father]

Yeah, that's how it works in the board game. No idea if sustained fire is implemented in Vengeance, and the manual doesn't offer any clues. Another thing I should mention that makes the game a bit easier than both the board game and the '93 PC game is that facing doesn't matter when it comes to close combat. If you get attacked from the side or back you automatically spin around and engage in melee instead of just dying. In the board game you had to survive the attack to be able to get the free spin and in the '93 PC game you just died no questions asked.

 

[Andnjord]

Awesome, wee little me never managed to play the boardgame or the videogame, but he sure loved gawking at pictures of them (and since GW refuses to do anything but limited releases of the board game, current day me can't play the boardgame either

)

I'll follow this, brother

 

[Axe Father]

MISSION 2

Spoiler

BRIEFING:

We have taken the first step, brothers, but our mission has become much greater. We have encountered many terrible foes. We know not what further dangers we will have to deal with.

The information we recovered was encrypted. If we are to use the information we must locate an archived record viewer. We must push beyond our perimeter.

Onward for the honour of the Blood Angels!

OBJECTIVES

++ALL SURVIVING TERMINATORS MUST EXIT VIA THIS POINT++

++AN ARCHIVED RECORD VIEWER MUST BE PLACED HERE++
++AN ARCHIVED RECORD MUST BE POSITIONED AT THIS POINT++

Every man is present and accounted for and our only real task is to find the record viewer and take it to the extraction. One of the others has the archived record from last mission already in his possession. Mission should be a cinch. Should be.

I should add that in the campaign mode the map layouts are often hidden until line of sight is achieved to hallways and rooms. This wasn’t possible in the board game for reasons you can imagine. This can make it tricky when giving orders because you can’t tell a Terminator to enter a spot that hasn’t been revealed on the map. You’ve got to creep your guys up slowly to discover the map or use the ‘Search’ order to tell them to wander around a general location.

Our commander issues the obvious order as the mission starts: ++EZEEKIEL, SEARCH THIS AREA FOR AN ARCHIVED RECORD VIEWER++. We’ve got the same five dudes again, with the same load-outs. Our crack team barrels down the hallway with us in the third rank. We come to a junction and take the right path as the two ahead go left and forward. Who knows where the other two chumps behind us went but Godspeed to them.

Glancing ahead as we journey down the hallway we can see a jolly metal disc inviting us to pick it up just behind the door. Don’t be fooled. If you read the manual you’d know this is a mine that’ll rearrange your cro-magnon Space Marine face. Or, if you’re an illiterate retard like me who doesn’t read manuals, you’d assume it was the archived record viewer and belly flop onto it thinking “wow, this mission is even easier than I thought.”

The good news for you is that I’ve already made that mistake enough times that it finally registered in my goldfish memory, so no 10 second restart. A tasty little tip for the tileset in this area of the Hulk is that the grated doors don’t stop bullets if they aren't sealed. Shoot little bitch discs and ‘Stealers alike right through ‘em.

We snipe the young metal disc and come to a dead end. No record viewer in sight. Looks like one of the other marines is getting the props for finding the super advanced high tech DVD player.

Suddenly one of our allies calls out on comms. “I SEE SOMETHING…” Either he saw a Genestealer or he laid eyes on the coveted Toshiba brand archived record viewer. We get a new order: ++EZEEKIEL, ADVANCE TO THIS ROOM++. Looks like it was the Toshiba.

I’m starting to get the feeling a defenseless metal disc will be our only mission kill. “THIS DOOR IS SEALED!” a comrade shouts. Destroying doors is a big thing in Space Hulk. They prevent line of sight and let enemies congregate behind them to ambush you. If you aren’t sealing them you’re knocking ‘em down, especially when they’re blocking the only way out.

We’re trudging along toward the extraction now that somebody’s got the record viewer with no enemies in sight and not a lot of action on the comms. “THE ENEMY ARE AHEAD.” Spoke too soon, we’ve got company. Or at least some poor scrub somewhere else in the maze does.

While we contemplate which of our buds is making out with the freshly spawned Genestealers we discover that we’re gonna get to first base as well. Scanners pick up a ‘Stealer creeping between the walls who plops down right behind us from a hole in the ceiling. BANG. He’s dead in a shot. We will remain a kissless virgin. Least we got to kill something besides silverware.

Somewhere ahead more mopes whine about sealed doors as we manage to catch up to a fellow Terminator. He also expresses his distaste for closed doors as he shoots the everloving fuck out of one. Unfortunately, the Genestealer assigned to grease the hinges on the ill-fated door arrives just as our buddy demolishes it. They exchange glances for a moment before our dear friend bursts into a plume of flame as the Genestealer tears through the door murdering bastard.

We kill the ‘Stealer that nabbed our amigo but the psychological scars of taking our first causality will echo through eternity. But what’s this? It looks like he dropped his DVD player. PTSD healed, we get the glory for achieving the objective after all.

Tucking the record viewer under our arm we continue down winding passageways, occasionally whipping around to kill approaching ‘Stealers behind us. Sounds of battle reverberate from somewhere ahead. Someone declares “I CAN SMELL THEM!” in a way that makes him sound very impressed with himself. Genestealers must have an incredible stench if you can sniff one out from fifty yards away around a corner while wearing one of those big stupid masks that Terminators wear.

Personally I think the guy caught a whiff of the britches I soiled when a pair of ‘Stealers tried to pull the ol’ gruesome twosome on me. We deck one and cap the other. Tasteful red stains on the wall are all that remains of the dynamic duo.

Here we are at the extraction point with the archived record majestically lying on the floor. It’s probably too dirty and scratched to play now so to end its misery I walk right over top of it. I drop the record viewer on the ground next to it because for whatever reason merely holding it while standing in the extraction zone isn’t enough to satisfy the God Emperor. That’s a win, boys. Easy mission. Shame about what’s his name. I only hope that our next mission won't be impacted too much by losing him.

++ MISSION COMPLETE ++

 

[Andnjord]

First casualty, nice. How many meat bags cannon fodder battle-brothers do you have at the moment?

I should add that in the campaign mode the map layouts are often hidden until line of sight is achieved to hallways and rooms. This wasn’t possible in the board game for reasons you can imagine.

Aksually, the recent Cursed City Board game does something similar to this by having you draw a card at random to determine the next tile once you open the door to it. But it's a 'players vs AI' kind of game, not a 1v1 like Space Hulk.

 

[Axe Father]

First casualty, nice. How many meat bags cannon fodder battle-brothers do you have at the moment?

Four as of the end of Mission 2. We'll see at the start of the next mission if there are reinforcements or if I have to swing the next couple missions with four guys.

Aksually, the recent Cursed City Board game does something similar to this by having you draw a card at random to determine the next tile once you open the door to it. But it's a 'players vs AI' kind of game, not a 1v1 like Space Hulk.

Yeah, that's what I was getting at. I don't really know how you'd do hidden map layouts in a 1v1 game like Space Hulk, at least not with the rules as written.

I've never played any of the new Warhammer Quest board games but I still have my original 1995 game. That actually might be the one other game that could knock Space Hulk out of my favourite slot. I've heard that the new games are vastly different from the original. Not at all like Space Hulk 3rd and 4th editions which are the same old game with a new coat of paint. How is Cursed City?

 

[Andnjord]

Four as of the end of Mission 2. We'll see at the start of the next mission if there are reinforcements or if I have to swing the next couple missions with four guys.

Do you get reinforced to full size when receiving them or is it a fixed number?

I've never played any of the new Warhammer Quest board games but I still have my original 1995 game. That actually might be the one other game that could knock Space Hulk out of my favourite slot. I've heard that the new games are vastly different from the original. Not at all like Space Hulk 3rd and 4th editions which are the same old game with a new coat of paint. How is Cursed City?

Never played the original, so I wouldn't be able to answer that. I have Blackstone Fortress, which I very much enjoy, and am still in the process of sloooowly assembling the models for Cursed City, so I haven't had a chance to play it yet. From a cursory glance at the rules there is a lot to like though, I like the focus on taking down the evil heroes rather than the Fortress being the main adversary (which I feel like BSF didn't quite manage to pull off), there are some cute CYOA style crisis than can happen throughout the game, and it has some nice 'pressure mechanics' to stop you from dicking around too much during a campaign. Should be fun to play when I finally finish assembling everything and at least basing the miniatures and giving them a priming and zenithal highlight so I'm not playing with grey plastic.

Yeah, that's what I was getting at. I don't really know how you'd do hidden map layouts in a 1v1 game like Space Hulk, at least not with the rules as written.

Unless you'd do some siliness with the players (at least) starting on different tables (where the marine player isn't allowed to see the 'genes table), but that would make everything needlessly complicated for something that is a fun game between friends and not an officer corps 'real' war game.

 

[Axe Father]

Do you get reinforced to full size when receiving them or is it a fixed number?

From memory I want to say it returns to full size. I think the best way to look at it is that every few missions you get a certain sized force that you carry on with until another mission comes along that establishes a new force. It's kind of hard to keep track of because there is no roster screen or anything like that in this game. Unless there is and I don't remember it. I'm pretty sure you can only see the names of your guys and their loadouts in-mission. We'll see how correct my memory is as I go through the game. I'm terrible at remembering details like this

 

[Darth Roxor]

We’re playing as a fella named Ezeekiel. As far as I can tell the game randomly selects one of the possible names for your Terminator when you start a new campaign. So, Ezeekiel it is.

Among his bruvas he is known as the Big Ezee.

Very entertaining LP so far.

 

[Axe Father]

MISSION 3

Spoiler

BRIEFING:

The archived record viewer shows a Warp Drive in the next sector. Brothers, our mission may soon be complete. I am sending in a further squad to assist your progress. Regroup on the far side of this sector. We are their doom!

OBJECTIVES

++ALL SURVIVING TERMINATORS MUST MOVE TO THIS AREA++

++AT LEAST TWO POWER FIELD GENERATORS MUST BE RETRIEVED++

The captain seems certain that we’re about to find the Warp Drive and throw this Hulk back into the Warp. I guess no one told him it’s only the third mission. I’ll forgive his painful optimism because he’s giving us another squad of Terminators, further erasing any feelings over the loss of what’s-his-name last time. I don’t think anyone else in the chapter knew his name either.

Another retrieval operation. This time we’re going in to grab a pair of power field generators. Our new friends in the other squad are inserted somewhere on the other side of the map. Meanwhile our squad is down to four members and must carry on without our foremost door-killing expert.

The briefing concludes and the commander sends us an order I’m used to hearing by now: ++EZEEKIEL, MOVE TO THIS POINT++. We saunter down the hall and open the door to find a room that splits off in two directions. The squad splits into two teams. We take the passage ahead with an ally taking up the rear. The second half of our squad heads off to the left to link up with the other unit and find those PFGs.

Our destination is an elbow-shaped corridor. We get into position and the commander blesses us with a juicy new order: ++EZEEKIEL, COVER THIS AREA. AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS++. Great, we’re on guard duty. We don’t have to wait long to earn our keep because just as the commander stops flapping his gene-enhanced gums a couple of Genestealers bolt down the hall towards us. They don’t last long.

After their innards are left out to dry we hear a Terminator say “I HAVE AN ASSAULT CANNON RELOAD”. Special weapons have limited ammunition but you can find reloads in certain scenarios. This is good because if you have a special weapon and run out of ammo you are reduced to clobbering Genestealers one a time with a Power Fist. That’s a recipe for getting swarmed and caught in an endless loop of close combat encounters.

Not long after, another guy proudly proclaims “I HAVE A POWER FIELD GENERATOR”. Nice. That’s one. “I AM FALLEN!” he continues. Oh. Hope someone was nearby to scoop up the PFG he dropped. Although I am impressed that he managed to make his last words so formal considering he was in the process of being gutted from bow to stern by ‘Stealer claws.

“OBJECTIVE MET!” Alright. Both PFGs are in the extraction point. The I AM FALLEN guy must have died close to the extraction because there were about three seconds between the two announcements. A call comes in with new orders: ++EZEEKIEL, MOVE TO THIS AREA. COVER YOUR BACK++. Time to leave.

After we popped the pair of Genestealers earlier we were staring down an empty corridor for a good thirty seconds or so. If I had checked the map we would have discovered that seeing two of their neon blue pals blasted into crumbs caused the rest of them to hide around a corner waiting for me to reveal my supple backside.

Needless to say the moment we start to turn some dickhead is yelling at us. “LOOK OUT, EZEEKIEL! TO YOUR LEFT!” Our buddy that was backing us up is busy with a pair of Genestealers so we fire some shots in to help out before whipping around to see what assface is yelling about. Another pair of ‘Stealers was creeping up to say hello, but our turning skills are too hot to handle. They are quickly greased and we continue to the extraction point.

The trek to extraction is filled with constant admonitions from the rest of the team telling Big Ezee to “TURN AROUND!”. It’s a slow crawl. The constant 180-ing to face approaching Genestealers means the fella that was backing us up earlier has burned rubber and left us behind. Fuck it. We’ll just walk backwards all the way there. As we moonwalk our way to our destination one of the gang says “I CAN HEAR THEM!”. Another says “I CAN FEEL THEM!” in response like he’s trying to one-up him or something. The “I CAN SMELL THEM” guy from the second mission would love these two.

Right as we near extraction, two Terminators come into the hall from an adjoining passage. We manage to slip between them so we can let someone else do the spinning act for a change.

We arrive at the extraction zone. We enter and are confronted with a Terminator packing the most gargantuan stiffy ever recorded in the Imperium of Man. Using our extensive knowledge of both the male member and of Space Marine weaponry, we deduce that he is not in fact happy to see us and is instead equipped with an Assault Cannon.

There is no time to pontificate on the matter as it isn’t long before the guy I jumped ahead of sheepishly opens the door and joins the drum circle. Tag ‘em and bag ‘em, we finished Mission 3. We may have taken another casualty, but with eight Terminators remaining and two PFGs in our possession we are still in good shape for our next operations.

++ MISSION COMPLETE ++

 

[Axe Father]

From memory I want to say it returns to full size. I think the best way to look at it is that every few missions you get a certain sized force that you carry on with until another mission comes along that establishes a new force.

Mission 3 proved my memory wrong. Got a five man squad as reinforcements but Ezeekiel's squad is still only four strong. Strong evidence that reinforcements come in set amounts.

 

[Andnjord]

"Is that an assault cannon in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"

It was an assault cannon

 

[fork]

Awesome, wee little me never managed to play the boardgame or the videogame, but he sure loved gawking at pictures of them (and since GW refuses to do anything but limited releases of the board game, current day me can't play the boardgame either

)

I'll follow this, brother

If you want to scratch that itch, try Space Hulk: Death Angel. It's a magnificent cooperative card game adaptation of the board game. I actually think it's better, because it's faster, portable, plays solo and has a ton of replayability. And the theme is there.

 

[Darth Roxor]

We arrive at the extraction zone. We enter and are confronted with a Terminator packing the most gargantuan stiffy ever recorded in the Imperium of Man. Using our extensive knowledge of both the male member and of Space Marine weaponry, we deduce that he is not in fact happy to see us and is instead equipped with an Assault Cannon.

I'm viciously laughing my ass off here.

Also, given the amount of TURN AROUND!s needed, does this game at least have a button for a 180 spin?

 

[lightbane]

I don't know how you'll make the rest of missions entertaining, but by the emprah, you're trying. It's a shame Space Hulk is so... Limited that it eventually becomes boring. One thing you didn't mention is that while Storm Bolters don't need to reload, they can jam, often in critical situations.

Perhaps some day, someone will make a Space Hulk game where other enemies like Orks and Chaos have infested the hull, and your marines use regular suits to allow better mobility and avoid friendly fire.

 

[Axe Father]

Also, given the amount of TURN AROUND!s needed, does this game at least have a button for a 180 spin?

Unfortunately, no. All TURN AROUNDS! must be performed manually.

One thing you didn't mention is that while Storm Bolters don't need to reload, they can jam, often in critical situations.

Strangely I’ve managed to avoid jamming even once so far. I’m just guessing wildly, but in this game jams seem to be based on rate of fire. If you start blasting away like it’s Contra your bolter will jam up for certain. If you shoot at a controlled pace it almost never happens. I was gonna mention it when it came up. No dice so far.

 

[Axe Father]

MISSION 4

Spoiler

BRIEFING:

Brothers, victory is at hand! We have encountered and smashed many foes. Push forward and progress to the Warp Drive. May the blessings of the Eternal Emperor fall upon us!

OBJECTIVES

++CLOSE THESE DOORS++

++POWER FIELD GENERATORS MUST BE PLACED AT THESE POINTS++

++ALL SURVIVING TERMINATORS MUST EXIT VIA THIS POINT++

Our captain is obviously in the throes of Chaos-induced insanity. He is absolutely convinced that we’re about to stumble upon the Warp Drive when we’re only four missions in. I tried explaining to him that there are supposed to be twenty missions in the campaign mode but he was adamant that the game’s entire budget went into pre-rendered first person FMV Genestealer boxing and that my doubt was clear indication of heresy.

Our situation in this scenario is a higher stakes version of the first mission. We just have to slap down the PFGs we gathered last time and seal a few doors. No archived records or other objects to worry about finding.

++EZEEKIEL, SEAL THIS DOOR++. Orders are in, it’s time for the Big Ezee to show this door who’s boss. Utilizing our supreme tactical intuition we immediately seek out the hunk with the flagging six foot steel erection and use him as cover for our advance. “WE MUST PREVAIL! GLORY INDEED!” he bellows as he rounds the corner and starts spewing hot justice all over incoming Xenos. He’s got the bravado to match his impressive package.

Duty comes before pleasure however. It would be an honour to watch this man dominate waves of jobbers but we have a door to valiantly close. We tear ourselves away from the glory of his presence and head down a corridor on the left to fulfill our obligation.

We locate the nefarious door that must be taught a lesson in closing. With a skillful press of the action key we close shut its infernal jaws. Success. Wait a minute. We just sealed ourselves into a massive room with a dozen enemy spawn points. The captain was very upset at us for questioning his ability to judge campaign lengths and has assigned us to be bait.

While the rest of our force gets to stand in the divine shadow of The Man with the Swollen Gun, we have to face the horde alone and secure their advance.

The Genestealer legion is all too happy to pick on the idiot that locked himself into their nest. Sweet Christmas, they’re everywhere! We dump countless rounds into the approaching swarm but it’s not enough to stop the final three members of the throng from getting all up in our grill. As luck would have it these saps are ardent followers of the Pancha Sila and allow us to plug our Power Fist directly into their welcoming mouths rather than forsake the Dharma. Fits like a glove.

We advance over the carpet of blood and Xeno bits we’ve created to discover a Genestealer, immobilized in fear. Completely demoralised by our sensational display of prowess, he tries to serenade us with a traditional Genestealer dance to appease us. His moves are weak, so he is slain.

In the midst of all this the comms are buzzing with activity. One of our pals nabbed a PFG but we also hear a lot of serenely delivered last words. “THEY HAVE ME…”. “THEY ARE MY DEATH…”. Some other chump didn’t get the memo that we face death with mild annoyance in this chapter and lets out a soul-wrenching shriek. What a drama queen.

The brothers who survived the unseen calamity charge into our would-be tomb from another entrance and we rendezvous with them. Our new orders are to cover a choke point while they do some wetwork and gather the remaining PFG. One annoying feature of this game is that only one voice clip can play at a time. It’s a necessity however, as otherwise you’d be inundated with layering voice lines ‘cos everyone is a Chatty Cathy here in the Blood Angels. What I’m getting at is I’m pretty sure there’s a massive slaughter going on in our ranks but I can’t be certain because what seem to be casual announcements of grisly demise are cut off by people laughing maniacally and other frivolities.

There is some evidence for my fears, as not long after someone asserts that they have the last PFG we abruptly get an order to retrieve it. “WE’RE GETTING SLAUGHTERED!”. Nevermind, that’s much better evidence. There isn’t much time before whatever mob took out the bulk of our force comes in to sweep up the stragglers. We hone in on that motherfuckin’ PFG like its the key to eternal happiness and slot that baby on the objective marker. Cha-ching. “OBJECTIVE MET”.

Enraged at our unfathomable proficiency at placing PFGs on objective markers, the rabble of ‘Stealers has arrived to wipe the ten mile wide grin from our face. “EZEEKIEL, WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?” a voice booms from the ether. As we fight desperately against the droves they are suddenly cut down from behind. And who should emerge from the shadows?

That’s right. The Guy with the Open Fly.

++EZEEKIEL, FOLLOW ARADIEL++.

Aradiel. This Olympian specimen has a name, and we’ve just been blessed to learn it. I’ll follow you to the ends of the Earth. We accompany him as he seals the final door. Another of our brethren appears and joins us. With the PFGs placed and the doors sealed, we carry on to extraction unmolested. There’s a moment of reverence among us in the final room as we realise that only three of us made it through the onslaught. Uh-oh. Next mission should be interesting. “YOUR MISSION WAS A COMPLETE SUCCESS.” Our suspicions of insanity in the mind of the captain are confirmed.

++ MISSION COMPLETE ++

 

[Andnjord]

So we're simping for Aradiel now? (or whatever the female equivalent for simping is?)

Sometimes it's the simple things that make life worth it. A few dick jokes, some innocent innuendo, and getting slaughtered by Genestealers becomes a joyous activity.

 

[lightbane]

Gotta love how Assault Cannons are good in nearly any WH40k game they show up, including PnP rpgs. Although, the idea behind them keeps changing: While the original incarnation is somehow a short-ranged machinegun, in the pnp games it's a long-ranged machinegun that becomes one of the best weapons of the pnps due how OP it is. Extra points if you dual-wield them, although in that case doors become your major enemy.

 

[baud]

that case doors become your major enemy.

can't you just shoot the doors? I mean with the firepower, any door will go down quite easily

 

[lightbane]

that case doors become your major enemy.

can't you just shoot the doors? I mean with the firepower, any door will go down quite easily

But you waste ammo and time, generate noise and, if you're playing a pnp game or rpg with a game master, said doors may be too tough to blow up with the assault cannon in some cases.
Better use buttons or power claws in these cases.

 

[Axe Father]

MISSION 5

Spoiler

BRIEFING:

Brother Blood Angels! Our information was not reliable, but we shall prevail. Analysis of data from our scanners shows the Warp Drive may be present in a lower Hulk sector near to us. We must smash our way past any barriers! United, the foe cannot stand against us.

OBJECTIVES

++SOME EXPLOSIVES MUST BE POSITIONED AT THESE POINTS++

++ALL SURVIVING TERMINATORS MUST MOVE TO THIS AREA++

Typical middle management. The captain has finally come to his senses but nowhere did I hear an apology to me for being so damn right. His solution to our Warp Drive problem is to go full McVeigh and just bomb our way to its alleged location. Now he’s speaking my language. I forgive you El Capitan.

That being said, our assignment this time around is to collect some scrumptious plastique and introduce it to our good friend the wall. Three explosives. Three remaining Terminators. Math checks out, but if someone decides to take an early retirement then things could spiral out of control seeing as how some pitiable poof will have to go back and snatch up the dropped goodies.

My fear is assuaged by the knowledge that the prodigious Aradiel and his hallowed Assault Cannon will be leading the charge. Oh, and that other guy. His name is Raphael. He talks a lot (and loud), and he smells kind of funny but another gun is another gun.

We huddle around the briefing screen, pinching our immaculately sculpted noses to block out Raph’s revolting stench, and note the location of the explosives. The map is nothing more than a series of wide corridors connected by small entryways with Xeno spawn points down in the fringes. It’s a mad dash to grab the pyrotechnics, deliver them to the wall that has been slated for fiery death, and then dip out before we get deep fried.

++EZEEKIEL, TAKE THESE EXPLOSIVES++. Right, no time to waste. We fall in line behind Aradiel, making sure to leave some distance between us. When all you have is an Assault Cannon, everything starts to look like a Genestealer. “ALL’S QUIET AT THE MOMENT.” notes the foetid Raphael. I hate to admit it, but he’s right. The first leg of our journey sounds like the g in gnocchi, and I’m getting kind of hungry for action. And now, gnocchi. Tragically, the Italian food tradition was lost in its entirety aeons ago during the 8th Millennium.

Our triad comes upon the succulent cherry bombs as the sensor begins to ping in anticipation of the incoming Xeno host. ++EZEEKIEL, POSITION THE EXPLOSIVES HERE++. “I CAN SENSE THEM!” Our resident genius Rancid Raph thinks his sensor beeps are his very own special superpower. We start power walking away from him in the hope that our neon blue admirers can claim him as a KIA in the after action report.

“THEY HAVE ME!” We round a wicked corner and lay our eyes upon a heart-wrenching drama. Aradiel, locked in mortal combat. His tent pole swinging uselessly in desperation. The haunting display awakens our Astartes instinct, and in a blind rage we annihilate the challengers, earning the respect of He Who Commands It. It is a rare thing to gain the favour of so heavenly a being, yet today we can –

- wait, nevermind. He’s dead. Another ‘Stealer swaggers up to our champion and smacks his shit around till he’s putty. The thing about toting around the Tent Pole of the Gods below your belt is that it tends to get in the way when you’re throwing down with aliens learned in the way of the fist. At least we managed to place our explosives.

Our smelly retarded pet Raphael waddles in, oblivious to the ungodly tragedy that has just unfolded. We glide in to collect the explosives that Aradiel dropped and make ready to set them up against the wall.

“UEAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” A sweeping inferno erupts around us as we are entirely cooked and ready to serve from a sudden explosion. Ancient records purport that a similar incident occurred in the Imperial City of Montreal in the 2nd Millennium regarding a Brother Hetfield.

I honestly have no idea what happened. The manual hints that shooting explosives can have disastrous results, but there was only a single ‘Stealer engaged in melee combat with Raphael when the bomb went off. At first I thought that Raphael got killed in the melee and it set off the bomb, but Aradiel died right in front of me in the same manner and his explosives were fine.

At any rate, our whole team just got baked. The sound of canned beers cracking open and camping chairs unfolding echoes through the Hulk as the Genestealers sit down to a hell of a BBQ.

Fortuitously, the above chronicle was revealed to be a psychogenic fugue caused by bad gnocchi recovered from a primordial Italian food cache. Our shared hallucination comes to an end and we find ourselves back in the starting room, relieved at the prospect of once again following Aradiel into battle. I wish I could say that I reviewed my plan of action for tactical flaws and engineered a new mind-blowing strategy that won the day, but we just did the exact same thing over again except this time Aradiel didn’t get his shit pushed in and we didn’t get transmogrified into BBQ ribs. We set up our fireworks display and fucked off to the extraction zone with minor interference.

The trio has survived the tribulation and carries on to the next operation. Something tells me the Big Ezee is getting himself noticed by the bigwigs upstairs. Here’s to hoping we get a promotion soon so we can get into the real meat of the game. These early missions are essentially a tutorial for the (very basic) action gameplay. Once you get a taste of command the game starts to show itself for what it really is instead of being a really slow FPS game where you struggle to squeeze past fat people in musty grid-based hallways.

++ MISSION COMPLETE ++