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Let's press the button of awesome - Stolen memos found

Discussion in 'Codex Playground' started by Twinkle, Mar 8, 2011.

?

Should Bethany accompany Hawke to the Deep Roads?

  1. Yes

    2 vote(s)
    66.7%
  2. No

    1 vote(s)
    33.3%
  1. Twinkle Liturgist

    Twinkle
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,426
    Location:
    Lands of Entitlement
    [​IMG]

    I'm pretty sure many of you want to experience the greatness the best RPG since New Vegas without the risk of getting dirty. Don't worry, for I've got you covered, my prestigious Codexers. Note that this LP is very accurate and straightforward - now matter how I feel about it I'll present the game's writing accurately word for word.

    TABLE OF CONTENTS

    PROLOGUE
    Part 1 - Stop the lies! (this post).
    Part 2 - Start the truths!
    Part 3 - The Arrival

    ACT I: KNEE-DEEP IN THE DERP

    1.1. Call of Duty
    1.2. Why do you lie?
    1.3. Smexy nom noms
    1.4. Gay Warden
    1.5. Sex sails
    1.6. Devil May Cry
    1.7. Pretty prince
    1.8. Wayward Children
    1.9. No, just no!
    1.10. A t(y)ranny of choice
    1.11. Decimation
    1.12. Sheparding wolves
    1.13. Shortest update ever
    1.14. I want to kill a dragon
    1.15. Ready for a good deflowering
    1.16. Deep and hard, I
    1.17. Deep and hard, II

    ACT 2: I WANT TO BE A CHAMPION

    2.1 Feels good, man
    2.2 Felicitate me!
    2.3. Death of a templar
    2.4. Bros don't shoot bros in cold bold
    2.5. Gas Attack
    2.6. Strange buttfellows
    2.7. Dumping down
    2.8. Emotional elf
    2.9. Attack of the fanboys
    2.10 And your mother too!
    2.11. Conversion failure
    2.12. Slippery slut
    2.13. Intimidation check (featuring Adam Jensen)
    2.14. Fool's gold
    2.15. The boring pit
    2.16. The exorcist
    2.17. Urban Chaos, I
    2.18. Urban Chaos, II

    PART 1 - STOP THE LIES

    Let's go.

    [​IMG]

    I assume that you all know that only three classes are available. Just like in the best RPG since Arcanum.

    [​IMG]

    The beginning. Soldiers wearing strange eye insignia are dragging an unconscious dwarf.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    They throw a dwarf into a chair. The interrogation begins.

    [​IMG]

    Unsurprisingly, the interrogator is a woman with dark make-up and mean attitude.

    [​IMG] I've had gentler invitations.

    [​IMG] I am Cassandra Pentaghast, Seeker of the Chantry.

    [​IMG] And just... what are you seeking?

    [​IMG] The Champion

    [​IMG] Which one?

    [​IMG] You know exactly why I'm here!

    She goes EXTREME on a dwarf.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Time to start talking, dwarf. They tell me you're good at it.

    [​IMG] What do you want to know?

    [​IMG] Everything. Start at the beginning.


    And let the fanfic begin!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Somewhere at the poop mountain.

    [​IMG]

    We encounter new and redesigned darkspawn

    [​IMG]

    You don't even need to press any buttons while Hawke and his sis turn them into goo.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Coup de grace.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Scouts.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] We will have to fight them sooner of later.

    [​IMG] Then we make our stand here. Prepare yourself.

    [​IMG]

    At last the control is in our hands. Going to test the infamous Button theory immediately.

    111111111111111111111111111111111

    [​IMG]

    222222222222222222222222222222222

    [​IMG]

    So far the game definitely delivers promised experience. :thumbsup:

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] We can't keep this up forever.

    [​IMG] We'll take the bastards down with us.

    [​IMG] Here they come. Shall I deal with them?

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Allow me.


    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    We received even more awesome buttons. 333333333333333333333333333 aka whirlwind is really cool.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Big baddie wants it.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    I bash number keys randomly, but the ogre is fat, so getting awesome result requires some time.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Your boobs could use some tessellation, sis. :smug:

    [​IMG] There's no end to them.

    Who cares? You can't die in the tutorial. :)

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Sup, lil faggets. Think you can roar? EAT THIS.

    [​IMG]

    Dragons are overpowered . They even get proper tactical view. :M

    [​IMG]

    And then dwarf's power fantasies are shattered.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG] Bullshit. That's not what really happened!

    [​IMG] Does that not match the story you've heard, Seeker?

    [​IMG] I'm not interested in stories. I came to hear the truth.

    [​IMG] What makes you think I know the truth?

    [​IMG] Don't lie to me! You knew him even before he became the Champion!

    [​IMG] Even if I did, I don't know where he is now.

    [​IMG] Do you have any idea what's at stake here?

    [​IMG] Let me guess: your precious Chantry's fallen to pieces and put the entire world on the brink of war?

    [​IMG] And you need the one person who could help you put it back together.

    [​IMG] The Champion was at the heart of it when it all began.

    [​IMG] If you can't point me to him, tell me everything you know.

    [​IMG] You aren't worried I'll just make it up as I go?

    [​IMG] Not at all.

    [​IMG] You'll need to hear the whole story.


    You, my friends, probably too. But first I must refill my stamina bar.
     
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  2. Furious Flaming Faggot Educated

    Furious Flaming Faggot
    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2010
    Messages:
    925
    Location:
    The President of France
    :thumbsup:

    Awaiting more horrible dialogue, cleavage, and EXTREME GORE GRIMDARKHRRRRNG.
     
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  3. Kz3r0 Arcane

    Kz3r0
    Joined:
    May 28, 2008
    Messages:
    24,605
    So far seems the grim-dark version of dynasty warriors, and the dwarf looks like an old fag prostitute.
    Keep up, for Codexia.
    :salute:
     
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  4. Dyskolos Cipher

    Dyskolos
    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    556
    Location:
    Eumeswil
    You suffer for our sins
     
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  5. Jack █▓▒░ Patron

    Self-Ejected
    Joined:
    May 5, 2010
    Messages:
    4,900
    Location:
    Yondo
    Good job so far, o brave one. Let's hope that it isn't as bad as expected, for your sanity's sake.
     
    • Brofist Brofist x 1
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  6. DarthBehemoth Learned

    DarthBehemoth
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2010
    Messages:
    567
    Location:
    Netherlands
    [​IMG]

    COOKIEES!

    PS: Please continue this LP :thumbsup:
     
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  7. Pegultagol Erudite

    Pegultagol
    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2005
    Messages:
    1,118
    Location:
    BurquitLMAO
    So it begins...

    :salute:
     
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  8. Storyfag Perfidious Pole Patron

    Storyfag
    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2011
    Messages:
    8,553
    Location:
    A Dark Place
    Your sacrifice will be remembered by all of Codexia! :salute:
     
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  9. Crooked Bee (no longer) a wide-wandering bee Patron

    Crooked Bee
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2010
    Messages:
    15,028
    Location:
    In quarantine
    Codex 2013 Codex 2014 PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Codex 2016 - The Age of Grimoire MCA Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 BattleTech Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire
    So ... what difficulty are you playing on?
     
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  10. Gondolin Arcane

    Gondolin
    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2007
    Messages:
    4,368
    Location:
    In the Playground, reading LPs
    So brave, so true. :singletear:
     
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  11. Merkwürdigliebe Arcane

    Merkwürdigliebe
    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    2,794
    Location:
    Third Reich from the Sun
    Thank you for taking this heavy burden upon yourself and playing this game so we don't have to :salute:

    Just one thing....
    [​IMG]
    Are you sure you got the right game? It looks more like Morrowind than a game released in 2011... :lol:
     
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  12. KalosKagathos Prestigious Gentleman Learned

    KalosKagathos
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2010
    Messages:
    1,988
    Location:
    Russia
    So when is the interrogator going to stop fucking around and ask about what she's really interested in: the Halbech missiles?
     
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  13. Grunker RPG Codex Ghost Patron

    Grunker
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    22,039
    Location:
    Copenhagen
    :lol:

    Y'know that was actually pretty funny...
     
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  14. Brotherman Bill Arcane

    Brotherman Bill
    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2009
    Messages:
    6,789
    [​IMG]

    When playing the demo, this was when I understood it was derp.

    I mean, look at that armor. Is that a several inches thick iron spike bouncing up and down on their chest? Why? For the lulz?
     
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  15. DwarvenFood Arcane Patron

    DwarvenFood
    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2009
    Messages:
    6,301
    Location:
    Atlantic Accelerator
    Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Wasteland 2 Codex USB, 2014 Divinity: Original Sin 2 BattleTech Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire
    Updated my signature.

    Whow this is.. unbearable.Yet fascinating.
     
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  16. janjetina Arcane Patron

    janjetina
    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2008
    Messages:
    13,892
    Location:
    Zagreb, Croatia
    Torment: Tides of Numenera
    Why are the man and the woman in Mordor and how did they pass through the Black gate? Is the dwarf wearing one of the Seven dwarven rings on the chain around his neck? How can a beardless dwarf possess a Ring of Power?
     
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  17. RK47 collides like two planets pulled by gravity Patron

    RK47
    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2006
    Messages:
    28,277
    Location:
    Not Here
    Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
    ........guys spoilers . :lol:

     
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  18. Ulminati Kamelåså! Patron

    Self-Ejected
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2010
    Messages:
    20,233
    Location:
    DiNMRK
    [​IMG]

    Looking forward to seeing if the PC version has the infinite XP glitch too. (WONDER OF WONDERS!)



    So basically we're not allowed to be mages unless we want the best tits in the game to disappear? Bioware weren't kidding when they promised us tough choices.
     
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  19. Crooked Bee (no longer) a wide-wandering bee Patron

    Crooked Bee
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2010
    Messages:
    15,028
    Location:
    In quarantine
    Codex 2013 Codex 2014 PC RPG Website of the Year, 2015 Codex 2016 - The Age of Grimoire MCA Serpent in the Staglands Dead State Divinity: Original Sin Project: Eternity Torment: Tides of Numenera Wasteland 2 Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 BattleTech Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire
    Playing this now. Amusingly enough, Kirkwall looks like a very JRPG-ish town, straight out of The Last Remnant or something.
     
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  20. Peter Arcane

    Peter
    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2009
    Messages:
    1,570
    Look at all that blood. Clearly this game is aimed at a very mature audience.

    Too mature for me. :(
     
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  21. DraQ Prestigious Gentleman Arcane

    DraQ
    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    32,284
    Location:
    Chrząszczyżewoszyce, powiat Łękołody
    It's there because they are so evil they can kill with hugs.
    :smug:


    Ok, from what I've seen here the game overflows with derp. It has derp armour (looking as if someone tried to rip off Divinity 2 without being aware of such concepts as art direction or art style), derp weapons, derp landscapes, derp wheel (guess what you will say minigame), derp spawn and, from the looks of it, derp combat. It also has a dwarf that is so flamboyantly faggy that it triggers my instinctive revulsion even though I have absolutely nothing against gays both IRL and in games (as long as they are done sensibly). Hell, I bet he'd trigger revulsion in Jaesun too (Jaesun, bro, report!).

    Hmm... Maybe it's not so much fagginess (which has never bothered me), but that he is a fucking metrosexual (which has always filled me with rage).
    A DWARVEN metrosexual.
    :x

    Still, from the looks of it it might be slightly better than vanilla oblivious.
    Or maybe it's just an aftereffct of seeing a dragon with proper tactical view? :?
     
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  22. Jaedar Arcane Patron

    Jaedar
    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2009
    Messages:
    6,479
    Project: Eternity Shadorwun: Hong Kong Divinity: Original Sin 2 Pathfinder: Kingmaker
    Nice LP, will read this. A tip though: You don't need both the portrait and the name for the dialogue, just the portrait is preferable.
    :thumbsup:

    Also there's a fun game you can play with this LP. Try to pair the dialogue wheel option with what hawke says.
    [​IMG]
     
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  23. DraQ Prestigious Gentleman Arcane

    DraQ
    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    32,284
    Location:
    Chrząszczyżewoszyce, powiat Łękołody
    Is impossible. Has no 'wut' option.
    :(
     
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  24. GarfunkeL Racism Expert

    GarfunkeL
    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    15,456
    Location:
    Insert clever insult here
    Ahahaha, this is going to be glorious ride to the Armageddon of Sanity!
     
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  25. Erebus Arcane

    Erebus
    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2008
    Messages:
    4,110
    I expect this LP to redefine the word "awesome" !

    It's a minor thing, but I find the pics slightly too large.
     
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