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Completed Let's REMOVE KEBAB in EU 3 Mare Apertum: Return of SERBIA STRONG

Gondolin

Arcane
Joined
Oct 6, 2007
Messages
5,700
Location
Purveyor of fine art
Ustaše game is envious of Srbijan victroy over kebab. Also: congratulations on taking over Hungary.
 

TripJack

Hedonist
Joined
Aug 9, 2008
Messages
5,013
:excellent:
i notice there's no infamy (or 'reputation') counter at the top in this version of EU, is that info available elsewhere?
 

Goliath

Arcane
Zionist Agent
Joined
Jul 18, 2004
Messages
17,421
Serbia conquering Hungary? WTF?! If you managed to do this without cheating you are a way better player than I am.
 

Gondolin

Arcane
Joined
Oct 6, 2007
Messages
5,700
Location
Purveyor of fine art

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
Serbia conquering Hungary? WTF?! If you managed to do this without cheating you are a way better player than I am.

I left a single Hungarian regiment intact during the whole war and sent tiny forces to beat it then leave them in peace to retreat once every x years to prevent automatic white peace from happening while waiting for infamy to go down enough for concluding the conquest. It was one chance of a kind so I couldn't miss it, because Hungary tends to ally with all big players in Central Europe.

No modding can fix the fact the AI loves to shove an entire doomstack in a scorched province... and in this case, they sent their entire army against Moravian Serbia.

Not just conquering Hungary, but stopping entire Ottoman army at the same time.

If not for the alliances with Austria and Poland, and for the Liberum Veto decision...
 

Hellraiser

Arcane
Joined
Apr 22, 2007
Messages
10,046
Location
Danzig, Potato-Hitman Commonwealth
Worst turk days numbered, not much time before he crushed like skull of pig.
 

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
I'm waiting for Serbia to gain cores on all their provinces before I launch another round of REMOVE KEBAB, which should be about the time Winged Hussars become available.


==============

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SERBIA GROW STRONG!!!

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Fukc the boyar, always leech Serbia nothing more.

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KEBAB ON A STICK!!!

HAHA worst turk lost Wallachia! In 1544, Self-proclaim descendant of Vlad III "The Impaler of Kebab" Dracula removed race traitors from the premise in specacular way involve big sitcks and declare independence and of course Serbia immediate offer them ally to show the idiots that they will be crushed lik skuls of pig if they dare do anything about it!

IMPALE AND REMOVE KEBAB FROM THE PREMISES!

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Austria focus on Krautland, obvious intent on eventual unify of all krauts under Austria, but uniting Hole Roman Emprahirie not that simple.

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This could be good chance to crush some krauts and demand gold from them.

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But damn it they singed peace before Serbia could force kraut to conced anything.

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Despite the warns of advisors, the Despot singed an ally with Russia. The advisors said that Russia declare war on Potato is a matter of time, and thus this will be messy and cause huge instability once it happen. Also they warned Russia is more like mongolized Slavs.

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Tupac fast rap album of Serbia instant best seller. We are rich have huge amounts of gold now because of 2pac.

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Greattst works begin funded by taxes on multrillionaire fast rap album.

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The boyars not always scum, some of them make up for most, sometimes. 1549 was one of sometimes.

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SERBIA SELFSUFFICENT NO NEED OF IMPORT FOOD

SERBIA STRONG!

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Portestantism is rise in Europe, this will keep krauts busy for a long time.

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Even Croatioa gain wisdom and realize the STRONG of Orthodoxy.

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Why should this matter to Srbija?

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Soon zoo no longer needed.

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The Duke Austria self-proclaim as Archduke. Hopeful that once it becomes the time for the Serbia Despot to have enough STRONG to be recogized as Basileuhss, they will return the favor.

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Serbia-Hungry continue to keep up with the developments of Europe, leading to better firearm, the musket, that turned the Tabor into something obsolete. Because their enemy, the worst turk, naturally has endless reserves and outnumber, infantry focus on defense are naturally better for the needs of Srbija, with the Hussars having role of crushing retreating kebab after they lost the battle.

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In 1553, the Despot got sick, and thus there was no better choice than to decentralize. Alas, overt centralization could lead to all type of undesirable consequences like a red tape long enough to wrap tons of kebab around instead of remove it.

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Prussia like kebab went in with bullshit of fighting heathen but obvious they just were imperialist worst kraut. Let the potato lands stand in the hand of the Potato!

REMOVE KRAUT.

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Fukc the asshol turk pirates they will pay for what they did!

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LONG LIVE STEFAN VIII!

hahaha may he jump from the top of a tower thinking he is a dragon!

Serbia so STRONG even the worst despot of histroy can't break it.

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Serbia lack naval tradition but no matter the cost, we made the worst turk idiot in the seven seas pay.

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While potato crushes Prussia, Serbia is hoping to crush one of their ally to get compensation from them.

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Led by Stefan VIII the Derp, the Serbian forces had a hard time but still victroy!

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Damn it! You could win this Poland... and Serbia leave war empty-hand.

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Fukc the mongolia! Poland has honor they don't, better abandon them before they bakstab Srbija. Why did they call Srbija to war they will obviously win? Just to fukc up our stability? No other reasonable explain for this. Russia is try to weak Serbia therefore return to your precious Siber... no, Siberia is just another part of the whole... return to your precious mongolia.

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Traitorous boyars ruining their own power with their antics. Good for Srbija. The despot never trust most of them and the less STRONG they are, the STRONG!!! Serbia will become.

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While Serbia spent now decades trying to convince Huns of the legitimacy of Serbia-Hungry, the years of lasting peace after so much war has help Serbia a lot. Prosper is great unlike ever before, new farming technik make all have better life and this wealth will greatly help with the final removal of the worst turk.

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In 30 November of 1561, Stefan VIII son was gift in his birthday some kind of chess without pieces called "Dragon Age II" where the only rule is to smash the board as AWESOME as possible to win, rather than any complexity, something so dumb even illiterate peasants find it ridiculous. He hate it a lot, being infinitely more intelligent than his father, and then convince his father he was a dragon. Stefan VIII thus climb the tallest tower in Moronavian Serbia(haha get it?) and jumped from it while screaming loudly:

I WANT TO BE A DRAGON!

LONG LIVE STEFAN IX!

EVEN FROM THE DUMBEST FUKC A GENIUS BABBY MAY BE BIRTH WHEN SUCH DUMBEST FUKC STILL HAS THE STRONG OF SERBIA!

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In 1565, Srbija army had a major brektough. First, the defensive musketeers evolved into something best inspired from Spain and Portugal, two countreys with much experience in REMOVE KEBAB in the Reconquista, where they crushed all moors liek skuls of pig. The Serbian Tercio is a far more effective unit to defend our clay from the worst turk, even if not particularly impressive as the other evolve.

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The Serbian Hussars are change, given heavier armor and even longer hollow lances to master their art of putting kebab on a stick. It won't take long for them to grow wings, they are truly the most MAJESTIC cavalry of the world, fitting for countreys like Serbia and Poland only. Also Serbia could build better cannons now, but for the time being, they will not, because cannons are expensive and not particularly effective at crushing enemy army, only for seiges, and as shown by the conquest of Hungry, seiges lasting longer isn't that big of a deal.

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Stefan IX died young, marked only by introducing the first heavy hussars of Serbia that eventually would become the winged hussars. A pity for he was one of brightest Despots of Srbija. Nevertheless, his son Djuradj II, though hatin bureaucracy to the point he is a mediocre administrator, in a greattst diplomat and leader of armies.

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Huns are moving to Moravian Serbia, our capital, which means Serbia will become better, of course, for these few are rapidly assimilate.

Djuradj II had greatt plans for using his great charisma and persuasion skills to turn Srbija into something even Greattst than it already is. Negotiations with the Duke of "Hungry" were proceed, negotiations to fully integrate the leftovers of Hungry into Srbija. Unfortunate Wallachia was not as interested, but out of honor Serbia refused to force Wallachia to join for they were friends in the cause of REMOVE KEBAB and had balls of steels to defy worst turk while being so small.

Eventually, the wisdom of the eagle reasoned within, and thus, by the end of the year of 1567:

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SERBIA MAJOR STRONG!!!

SERBIA GREATTST COUNTREY
 

Imperator

Scholar
Joined
Jul 4, 2012
Messages
190
Liberate Constantinople from the Ottomans.
 

Hellraiser

Arcane
Joined
Apr 22, 2007
Messages
10,046
Location
Danzig, Potato-Hitman Commonwealth
Kebab will not know what strike when Hussar of Serbia ride down hill. The worst turk will flee like mongol farm animal cowards they are.
 

Gondolin

Arcane
Joined
Oct 6, 2007
Messages
5,700
Location
Purveyor of fine art
Well done, Serbia! Remove kebab from Hagia Sophia!
 

Cassidy

Arcane
Joined
Sep 9, 2007
Messages
7,922
Location
Vault City
Next update will be on page 4, and very interesting.

===================

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To secure peace, prepare REMOVE KEBAB

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The turks are asshol have no right over Croatioa. They should get out of all and return to their precious Mongolia. stupid turk give bak our clay we will crush you lik a skul of pig! Just wait.

It is clear now Srbija must prepare. The worst turk expands, grow strong, the sooner Serbia is ready to crush them, the better. First however the countrey had to recover from instabil.

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Long live Lazar III, and damn boyars always disgrunt or furious because they are all traitors. Damn them all.

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Death of Lazar III questionable, many suspect boyars poison him, but this not hurt Srbija at all, because the STRONG of the countrey stand above such vile act most certain they got bribe from turk to do it. Lazar IV greattst administrate will help keep Srbija economy able to sustain the greattst army of all times.

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Despite the massive power of worst turk, despite having no chance of victroy alone, brave patriots still fought for their clay, and they slaughter thousands of turk before going down.

:salute:

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Another guido drag Wallachia in mess that could bring worst turk in. Better keep watch on this war. Guidos always ruin everything, how surprise.

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It took a long time, but now Serbia was ready to begin build of the greattst army, the army of the Crusaders of Constatinopel, the army that will REMOVE KEBAB from all premises of Europe. It is hope that Russia will not pick war with Poland, for together they will have a greater chance than ever of secure peace for Central Europe and Balkans by crushing the worst turk.

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Secure by the key allys, Srbija kept small standing army for a centry, but now this change for the prepares have begin.

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What's wrong, Liberal?

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Srbija is a countrey in STRONG and balance, a legend, free of ravages of Peasant Wars and Times of Trouble. Men are free, but not too free to be corrupt by influence of sqhipere, sqhipere.

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Damn Austria, damn popemoles! Religious war in Hole Roman Emprahirie between Protestant Emprah of Brandenburg and Catholic Austria lead Srbija to get in and lose stabile. Hopeful will be over soon for Austria already at gates of Brandenburg.

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This is not our war. We have nothing to win from this.

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Finally the Croatioa gain wisdom now Croatioan officaly recogized regional language of Serbia and recogized as part of our greattst countrey.

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Why expand into Tatarturk shithole Russia? This is what you gain from taking over Mongolia. You could let it rot instead.

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A greatt man, just what Srbija need, special now that their army will grow massive and be most infantrey.

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In 1582, worst turk thought they could defy two of the greattst naval STRONG of the world together removing the kebab from the sea. Portugal and Spain will crush their navy lik a skul of rat in skinin ship!

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The Brandenburg and the Protestant League seem to have lost during first years of war, but... the Brandenburg had their own version of the Liberum Veto Srbija once used to turn tide of war, driving worst turk out of war and completely crushing worst hun. The Reichtag approve years ago create of the Imperial Army of Hole Roman Emprahirie, recruit from all member countreys and serve the Emprah. The Brandenburg called the Imperial Army to arms, and the tide was turned, the war bloody and Wien almost fall. In the end, a white peace was sing and nobody won or lost much... except Poland won Torun thanks to brave Polish Patriots seizing their clay bak from weakened Brandenburg, and Austria got a single irrevelant province from defeated ally of Brandenburg. The tension still in and there could be more wars like that, even as worst turk continue to expand. Fukc them they made Srbija lose stabile because of this stupid shit they should unite against devilist turks insted!

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Over borders with lands conquer by the farm animals, the greattst army of all Srbija stand ready, and now the chery on top: six thousand of the greattst cavalry of all tiems. Six thousand medium hussars whos lances will stick on hundred kebabs, Once the cavalry is recruit, by the middle of the next year, 1584, then everything will be ready for something the worst turk have long deserved.

And this time, the goal won't be mere survive. Constantinopel will be Serbian!

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Even better news in the last year before the war to end all wars in Balkans. Most of croatioa now has embrace the wisdom of the eagle, and this mean better economy, although the greattst army of Srbija will remain burden except for peacetime and possible need to mint to keep it up once war starts.

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Again, to be ready for the coming Crusade for Constantinopel and REMOVE KEBAB, Srbija finally secure ally with Russia in February of 1584, and for now, all potato are unite and ready to fight against the worst turk!

: x

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In August, with land maintence at max, finally the morale of all units was full, and all were in position. Ever ambitious and scum, the worst turk legions advance against the small and helpless Athens, oblivious to what awaits them. While their stupid turks die in attrition besiege Athens, the glorouis Srbija shall charge and finally save all of Albanians, Bulgarians and Greeks from the oppress of the savage hordes. The time has come!

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Together, the three potatos now outnumber the worst turk, and Srbija, through masterful strategey, may not even need their help. This will be it, the final conflict, the hour of ascent for Srbija, the restore of Constantinopel, the cleansing of Hagia Sophia from all heathen trash vandalie into it, farm animals and mosques will fly! Look at the time! It is time to:

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REMOVE KEBAB FROM THE PREMISES

TO BE CONTINUE
 

Gondolin

Arcane
Joined
Oct 6, 2007
Messages
5,700
Location
Purveyor of fine art
YEEEEEEES!
 

Azira

Arcane
Patron
Joined
Nov 3, 2004
Messages
8,424
Location
Copenhagen, Denmark
Codex 2012

Gondolin

Arcane
Joined
Oct 6, 2007
Messages
5,700
Location
Purveyor of fine art
The poster should read: "He replaces kebab with pork". :D
 

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