We have finally reached Cloakwood Mines!
And not a fucking moment too soon.
Or rather - we will reach it after dealing with these spiders.
Certainly haven't seen them
in a while.
I'd say Mirror Image helps us deal with them with barely a scratch, but since all images are still present, the spell was wasted.
Better safe than sorry. Spiders can't be trusted.
The remaining journey is short and uneventful.
Gee, isn't that exactly like the one sex you've had so far in your life?
Area entry stats. I don't think that Battle Horror is going anywhere soon.
First, we explore the surroundings of the mines, killing some forest stuff on the way.
We also meet this guy and his detachment of guards.
I am The Codex, and this is my party, so I will cry if I want to!
Wait, why did I say that? You made me do it, didn't you!?
This is what you get for talking shit about my sexual life. Never do that again.
Ha! Nothing to speak about anyway!
Back on topic: there are five guards, so we try to limit the threat by casting Hold Person. Only one is affected.
Oh fuck! Shit! My lung!
These guards seem to have very sharp swords.
The Codex shoots them with wand of fear and starts
running the fuck away.
Stop chasing me, dumbfucks! You're supposed to be frightened, goddammit!
For some reason, they still follow, so we try some shooting back.
This is not fucking fair! Go away!
To add insult to injury, the wolf we had killed before has respawned with a vengeance and is very eager to offer surprise forced buttsecks to our hero.
Wha-? The fuck...?
Death count: 93
I don't want to hear a samn word about that.
Oh? And I was just thinking, we should talk about Your sex life now. It seems to gave gained some interesting developments lately, no?
Shut. The fuck. Up.
This time, we sneak by the guards (yeah, that one guy was named, so we should kill him, but whatever). Stealth only fails when we pass by the wolf again
Die, fucking animal!
After some uninteresting sneaking by some people and animals, we get ready to enter the Iron Throne's hidden fortress
Remake? Why not the original?
Let's just say that the art of making movie trailers was not as developed in 1958 as it is today. Time to move inside.
I hate being stuck with guard duty, serge. Nothing ever happens here.
Yeah, Nobby, I know. Want a smoke?
Sure do, serge.
We pass this happy bunch of four people standing around and doing nothing. As these guys have names, they must die.
I don't feel much of an urge to charge at them with my sword. Let's do it in some kind of smart way.
The Codex stands in a tactical position, allowing him to see only one of the enemy mages - Kysus.
We cast Magic Missile and using the perfect timing granted to us by autopause, immediately start shooting him with the bow of marksmanship.
Fuck yes! Die, wimp!
All four missiles strike him at almost the same time, and he falls.
Time to take care of Genthore.
I don't think he can be killed with a magic missile and an arrow.
Yeah, me neither. But he looks dumb, so we'll try charm him.
And it works!
Algernon's Cloak FTW!
Genthore being allied with us initiates dialogue with the group's leader - Drasus.
It's not really what I always say, but I could as well, so let's roll with it.
What? Dialogue made Genthore hostile again! Fucking cheating game!
Uh... Plan B?
Luckily, Genthore really seems to be stupid and some time passess before he reacts. This lets us focus on Drasus. We cast hold person on him, at it's a success!
So far so good. What now?
Genthore is lured away a little more, and blinded.
How blind can you be not to see!?
BYE BYE, BEAUTIFUL!
We immediately go back to Drasus and start hacking at him, but the spell wears off a tad too soon.
Ouh fouhk! My briain is splilling ouuta maey haed!
We try to run away, but to no avail, since Drasus is The Flash, or at least wearing boots of speed.
Death count: 94
I am going to gut this fucker alive!
Since charm seems to be useless here, we try to hold Genthore instead.
Stay where you are!
It doesn't work and Genthore manages to wound The Codex. Luckily, he doesn't pack quite as much punch as Drasus. We move back to the foolproof 'blind him' plan.
Watch the birdie!
Genthore cannot into blind fighting. He should learn from Zatoichi
I know, sorry.
A magic plate armor is our loot. Should be good gold.
After a few attempts we reach this tricky position allowing us to see Rezdan and be out of Drasus' range. BTW, it's really great like they don't give a fuck about Kysus lying dead in front of them. Enemy AI is the single most exploitable thing in this game.
We try 'the Kysus combo' on him, but no instakill this time. Rezdan probably has more HP.
Two arrows later, the fucker is still alive and even casting (successful) spells.
Help! HEEEEEELP! I AM GOING TO DIIIIIEEEEE!
He manages to cast half of the mage's spell list on The Codex before Horror wears off - but it's not enough to kill our hero!
Yeah, bow! Good job!
Three more arrows are needed to slay him. He did heal himself a bit, with Larloch's Minor Drain in the meantime, though.
He doesn't drop anything impressive.
Only the cherry on top of the cake left - Drasus.
We start with Skull Trap. Drasus does not look very impressed.
Shit! I'll hide in that storeroom!
You don't seem to be the first person with that idea.
The guard is a no-bullshit guy and immediately drives his sword through The Codex's thigh. Drasus also joins this little closet rendez-vous.
Whoa. This place has suddenly become much too crowded. I'll just leave.
They didn't follow us? WTF?
Maybe they're enjoying their newly-discovered gayness in there, or something...
Whatever the reason, we can now calmly check Kysus' body for possessions.
Mages in this party are poor as fuck. Warriors must have been getting lion's share of the loot.
After we make sure no important equipment will disappear, due to time passing, we rest a bit to renew The Codex' spell supply.
Let me just cast mirror image, and I'm ready to face Drasus and his new lover again.
Stop implying gay sex taking place!
Hey, they've been in there for the last 24 hours. There must be some
reason for that. Also, there were no chicks in their party...
Whatever! I don't want to think about it.
Hold Person takes care of the guard, but Drasus makes a save.
I would prefer it the other way around.
We try to blind Drasus instead, but he saves this time too.
Fucking lucky faggot!
The Codex does not seem to be a match for this guy in one-on-one melee combat.
Death count: 95
For the record: being killed by a gay does not make me less of a man.
Of course not.
Another approach with the same tactics, since I'm too lazy to think of anything else, and remember Drasus failing a save against Hold Person once already.
RAPE TIME! Uh, not in a sexual way, of course!
Obviously, they die.
Our hefty loot.
These boots would be really nice (actually, largely overpowered) if they provided a constant haste effect. Instead, they only double moving speed. This can still be useful, but not for us. First, Boots of Evasion give 5 point bonus to AC against ranged attacks, which is simply too good to give up. Second, I'm playing at 60 FPS (default is 30), and already often don't know what's going on, when everybody on the screen is running like crazy. Additional doubling of The Codex speed would only add to the madness.
Finally having dealt with Drasus' merry crew, we can move on with exploring the compound. This building is probably the barracks.
Spot on. Two guards inside. They are treated with Color-Spray.
Despite the 'save vs spell' messages, both fall to the ground unconscious.
Maybe they're pretending? Thinking I won't bother to kill them if they aren't a threat?
Well, I will.
We find a new type of potion in one of the containers.
The duration is really short, but automatically successful saving throws are not too shabby.
The upper floor is a set of small chests containing nothing special.
Some guard tries to hinder our progress and must be eliminated.
There are two more inside the building with the elevator leading to the mines.
I'll quickly kill them and we can move on.
Huh? What just happened?
Death count: 96
I'll tell you something: I started to feel a kind of respect for these guys when one of them sliced my arm off. But that won't stop me from forcing their own genitals down their throats, for killing me.
Uh... You want to rest and get some protection spells?
Nah. My badassery alone should be enough. And a little luck.
Dagger of Venom FTW - one of the guard dies, while we fight the other one. Codex gets some pain too, but nothing to worry about just yet.
HELL YEAH! SLAUGHTER!
We search the room and find shit. Not 'some shit', just shit.
Time for some mine explorin' to be done! You might be able to deduce our tactics from the screenshot above.
There's an elevator in the basement that will take us to the first level.
Have I already mentioned, I really like being invisible?
Time for the second level.
The southwest door are locked and lockpicking counts as 'aggressive' action that cancels invisibility, so we'll come back here a bit later.
There's a hidden corridor here that allows to bypass most of the level. Would be very useful, if not for the 'no run-throughs' rule.
Yeah, about that one. It really has to go, if we are to play BG2 too.
I was thinking along the same lines.
There are a couple of ghouls (or were they ghasts?) here, but nothing really dangerous.
There are two more exits from the secret corridor. This one in the middle is not the one to go through, if you're trying to bypass the level.
I'm guessing it is
the one to go through if you are suicidal, so we are going to do it.
Holy fuck! Hell! Shit! Cock! What is this!?
Good we have invisibilty, huh?
Seriously, I won't have to fight them all, right?
There's a named mage here, so of course You will have to fight them.
We move into the corridor and our timing is accidentally perfect, since invisibility wears off the exact same moment. One of the guards notices us.
Why did you follow me instead of raising an alarm, you dumbfuck?
I'll just kill you, so your genes of stupidity don't get passed on to the next generation!
Guards here are rather tough. Even one can be threat at melee range.
We strike with wand of fear into the middle of the guard's room. Will this be enough to give us an edge?
Death count: 97
This fight will be rather difficult, I think.
We sneak through the room to a better defense spot and cast Skull Trap inside.
Get them, Morte!
The effect is rather good. Only one death, but a considerable amount of damage overall.
This spot does not ensure we only fight one enemy at a time, but reduces the threat considerably. Bow-wielding enemies are not half as dangerous for The Codex, thanks to his +8 AC vs ranged bonus.
Wand of fear is used to increase our odds even more.
Oh yeah, I rule, baby!
Some of the guards are still there, completely uninterested in what's going on, and why they comrades die at the other end of the room.
I'd say it doesn't make any sense, but if they gave a fuck I would probably be dead by now, so screw it.
Another guard dies.
Careful treading allows us to see one enemy at a time. This time it's a Black Talon Elite.
I vaguely remember these guys from my playthrough before. They were good with bows, right?
Rather good, yes.
Death count: 98
Why did I die from one arrow like this? This doesn't seem right.
Let's see. Longbows. Magic arrows. Double 'insane' damage...
Ok, I get it. If they hit, they kill. What do we do?
Since we're not in a hurry, let's rest.
Suck it, realism!
We cast our freshly-prepared Skull Trap to soften the remaining enemies a bit.
None of them dies just yet, so we retreat and cast Mirror Image.
Try to guess which one is the real me, fuckwads!
Fortunately, Black Talons cannot into guessing correctly and die.
But what's this!? We are attacked from behind by Hareishan the mage and one of the guards.
They actually went through the secret passage to do this? I'm impressed.
Impressed doesn't even begin to cover it. See that lightning bolt?
Oh. Fuck. I'm dead, right?
Actually: wrong! Mirror Image is still active and saves our hero's life. We move away from the path of returning lightning.
Hareishan gets some of his own lightning, but doesn't die just yet.
I'll lend him a hand in that, no problem.
But first, the guard!
We unleash The Kysus Barrage on Hareishan.
He was wounded before, so it's enough to kill him off.
Who's the awesome mage here!? You!? I don't think so!
Our loot. I don't remember if we had Haste before. Well, we do now.
And another type of portable fireball potion. Should be useful.
Black Talons dropped some magic arrows for us.
I decide to ignore Yeslick and Rill here. Joinable NPCs that were prisoners never have any useful gear anyway...
You sound as if the others were packed with wands of summon monster at least.
...while Rill's quest gives XP and reputation, and we don't need any of these.
Moving back to the door I mentioned when entering this level. Some guard dies.
Also, a trap.
Guards protecting the door die too, of course.
Should have thought twice before enlisting as guards for an evil trade organization. Choice and consequence, boys!
After all the invisibility-cancelling doors have been unlocked, we can renew it and continue with Hollow Man action.
The next one starts with another one of these enemy-packed rooms. Luckily, only anonymous guards and hobgoblins here, so we'll let them live.
They're not really worth the effort anyway.
This Natasha mage girl will have to die, though.
I might have other plans for her.
I think you don't have much of a chance. She seems to have some kind of fetish for hobgoblins.
Tasteless bitch must die, then!
Excuse me, coming through! Ah, fuck it! I'll just go around.
Whoa, that must have been one hell of a party here!
I vaguely remember an ogre mage encounter here...
I don't see any ogre mages. And believe me, I would
have noticed if there was one.
Must remember it wrong then. Ah, whatever, let's move on.
I probably cast Invisibility too soon, as it wears off before we are able to explore whole level. Once again, a single guard notices.
And once again he's a stupid shittard genetic dead end!
Hurts!? Blame natural selection!
A bunch of hobgoblins learns the meaning of words: 'arrow to the chest'.
A slight mistake here. We should've backstabbed Natasha instead of going all Kysus on her.
Yeah. We should have.
In the end, it all works well, though. Victory is ours.
remember about those hobgoblins there?
We get one new spell: Slow.
My reason for being here is unlocking the city of Baldur's Gate, but I doubt you'd understand that, so I'll just kill you.
Exploring the rest of the level goes surprisingly smoothly. This is the only significant stealth failure we experience.
There's a brief combat with hobgoblins before entering the next one. Nothing worth mentioning really.
Why do you mention it then?
Alright! Chapter boss fight is nearing.
I'm so excited, I just can't hide it...
Except, you know, Daveorn is a wimp and will die without even dealing one point of damage.
These traps summon Battle Horrors (or were they Doom Guards?), and constitute 70% of threat present on this level.
This guard is another 20%.
This guy here? Watch me kill him without even breaking a sweat!
No, I think, I am right in this particular matter.
Death count: 99
Ok, I admit, he's no ordinary guard.
If You listened to me, You wouldn't have to learn it the hard way.
Let's just kill him. I don't like it when people who managed to hurt me are alive.
We decide to check if this guy is badass enough to challenge Rutger Hauer
That's a negative.
Back to the traps. There are more than I remember. Or maybe I've never reached this spot with a character sufficiently skilled in trap detection?
I'm simply the best!
Ok, seriously, what's with You and 80s' pop sung by black women today?
Right, let's balance it out with some Swedish rap-metal from the 90s. I'M THE BIGGEST! THE BEST! BETTER THAN THE REST!
Uh... Stay with us, noble audience! We're just about to get on with it
A healing potion. Nice find, considering we've used two on the way here.
And another one.
Nice of them to consider my needs.
Yet another trap. This time just a regular lightning bolt, if I recall.
It's perfectly normal to remember such details about a computer game you haven't played in years. Except, you know, it's NOT
Wow, this guy is so full of unfounded smugness, that I'm surprised he doesn't post on these forums regularly.
Also: this spell makes him look really gay.
22 damage. I was counting on a tad more. Also: no poison.
Daveorn starts teleporting around (never quite understood how that is supposed to help him...) and gets an arrow of biting to the face. This time poison works fine.
He appears near the initial spot again.
Hey, Daveorn! Catch!
And he dies without even dealing one point of damage. The Codex' prediction was correct after all.
WHOA! That came out of nowhere! Almost gave me a heart attack!
Killing Daveorn triggers Chapter #5.
Huh? He was wearing two robes...?
Better not to think about it.
The black one is robe of the evil archmagi. Should net us a considerable amount of money. Bracers are the 'of defense' sort - best pair in the game (AC = 6).
Some useful potions are found.
They would be more
useful if we actually started using
them, you know.
We meet Daveorn's
You may go, mr not-worth-killing.
There's also a mustard jelly here. It embodies the missing 10% of threat present on this level.
Not one of these...
We now have a non-piercing magical weapon, so no sweat.
Fuck yeah! I love this sword!
A lot of loot here, including lareal's tear necklace worth 3000 gold.
1k gold and Knock spell (new for us).
And some protection scrolls.
Also, there's another wand of fear in one of the chests. We now have three.
That's a lot of loot. Pity I have to leave some of it behind. Could use a mule of some kind.
We'll stash the excess stuff into chests here. We can always come back for it, if it's really needed.
This elevator takes us straight to the surface, but it's one way only. To come back we would have to get through all the levels again.
No wonder Daveorn never left this place.
I really wish something exciting happened here, serge. I'm bored.
Yeah, Nobby, I know. How about another smoke?
Won't refuse, serge.
Next time: We enter the majestic city of Baldur's Gate, buy a fuckload of spells, and try to avoid being eaten by dogs.