Very subtle.
Such a Happy Valley.
Yeah, we're Rangers. Don't worry, we're not here to steal anything.
Yeah, I remember you monkeys. You left here fifteen years ago. Maybe it was good for you, but it's been bad for us. Specially since the Red Skorpions took over.
Why the heck didn't they radio Rangers for help?
Think of the original reason of why Rangers left this shithole.
He's right. There's nothing of value here for the Rangers.
How's the Red Skorpions treating you all?
They're making new rules faster than you can spit. Pig licenses, farm taxes, trade tariffs. I liked it better when the raiders just raid you. Least it was over with quick.
They took your pigs?
Yes! They told me I didn't have a pig license, so they confiscated them all, gave all to Farmer Auwaerter. Guess he had a license. I could use some help getting them back.
Strange name for a farmer.
He's one of the new settlers the Skorpions been bringing in. Don't know why his farm is doing so well when all the rest of us is dying, but I hear he's a personal friend of Commander Danforth's, so that might just have something to do with it.
Good to know old world values still hold true in the workplace.
We're trying to make our way to Damonta, you know anything about it?
Got more traders coming from there lately. Sold some of my pigs to them. Gotta have rad suits to get there though. Least ways, that's what they told me. If you're looking to buy rad suits, check with Red.
The junk salesman?
Yeah, lives on Goat Hill. Careful going up there. Got some turrets, that'll make hash out of you. You need his customer code to get past it.
What's the code?
He changes it a lot. But I think it was "CODE" last time I paid him a visit.
So.. about your pigs.
I fail to see how rescuing his pigs will stop the Skorps from taking them away form him again.
Maybe it'll give him enough capital to leave this shithole forever.
You look upset boss.
Yeah, this is pretty depressing. Rangers just went up and left this place - and not giving a damn about the ones left behind.
Look, we can't be responsible for everything. We made our choice to leave, they made theirs to stay.
Yeah, but I still wanna make things right.
Focus on the mission already. And drop the role-playing. It's nauseating.
Thanks for setting up the mood, Mr. Fargo. I think we've gathered enough anger now to turn Super Saiyan Ranger 2.
C'mon. Let's go.
Poor thing, if we were in my lab, I could help her.
Hey, what's wrong?
What? No way. We're not gonna do that. You're sick right? Anything you can do to help?
Please... end the pain.
I don't know. I can't diagnose shit. The game won't let me.
Only the McGuffin would save her.
Or a bullet to the head.
It's EXP lah.
Suit yourself.
Hi. How are you doing?
Terrible. We're low on water and the well's damaged. Red Skorpions won't help and my husband's just spending his time drinking his bottle of Squeezins.
I thought Red Skorpions are in charge of things here.
It's a one-way street. They took our crops, equipment, any day now they'll take the farm too. The price of law and order, they said. Hah! I call it murder by inches. They hung ol' George on that toppled tower to remind us what happens when we break their laws.
What did George do?
He was just asking them why we had to follow their laws. That was their answer. Wish we could afford to move to Damonta, but that ain't gonna happen.
What can you tell me about Damonta?
Believe it's off to the east. Plenty of our neighbors been heading there. Me and Marco, we're too tired to move. Besides, we need rad suits to get there and we can't afford Red's price.
Oh? You knew the customer code too?
Yeah, it was 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9
Riiiiiight.
Thanks anyway. We'll take a look at your pump.
That would be mighty kind of you, Rangers.
Well?
I dunno boss. I can't risk it. I might break it, permanently. I really don't know -
Practice a bit. Get a point.
Fine. I can get it right 3 out of 10 times now... But.. I might still break it too.
Do it. The folks won't last long without water, and I doubt the Skorpions would be so kind to fix it for free.
We're sorry about that. C'mon. Let's go.
Ouchie-fucking-jeez man! Everyone's so negative in this town!
Can you blame them? They're deep in shit. With no end in sight.
Aw hell...
What happened to her?
This place's gone to hell.
Think we can take them on?
I don't know. You're seasoned, but these guys are in the business of killing far longer than you.
Steve, can you fix this?
Sure thing, chief.
The crane controls drops a makeshift bridge for us to get to the higher level of settlement...
What's going on here?
Before we answer that question, what's the deal with that woman just now?
Tsk, such a minor thing. She was crying out side the General Store because she hadn't brought enough scrip to pay for food, and when we caught her she couldn't pay her Tranquility Disturbance Tax either. I feel for her, truly, but the law is the law. Her husband should have taught her better.
Bullshit. Spare your feelings, all I see coming out of your mouth is the overwhelming pungent aroma of smugness that needs to be smothered by an epic shit down your throat.
Yeah, fuck you dirty Suitist.
What the hell is a 'Tranquility Disturbance Tax'?
It is levied against anyone making unpleasant noises in public - a sensible measure that assures the peace of mind of the whole community. And since I am the Assessor, it is my job to assess taxes owed by residents and visitors to our town. And it's Chaos' job to collect them.
Well, good thing my friend here is Order. This is Justice, and I am the Lawl.
You mentioned scrips. What are those?
Those residents of Happy Valley who do not have farms of their own are welcome to work on Jim Auwaerter's farm. All work is paid in scrip, which can be spent just like money at the RSM General Store.
You call this place a Happy Valley?
Why, yes. Formerly known as Ranger HQ, and before that the Arizona State Maximum Security Prison, it is now transformed by the forward-thinking, civic-minded visionaries at RSM Enterprises Inc. into a lush, peaceful patrolled community for the discerning homesteader who-
Fuck you. We're done here.
Yeah, we'll be leaving now.
Oh, I'm afraid we're not done here.
What?
There's the matter of weapons tax. In attempt to curb violence and the over-proliferation of weapons, the RSM Governing Council has instituted a weapon tax. That will be $100, payable directly to me, now. Will you pay it?
Fuck off.
You can't even be bothered to fix the broken water pump. Nor look after the welfare of your people. No. We're keeping our money.
Non-compliance with the tax is against the law. I'm afraid we'll have to confiscate your weapons.
Come and try it, Suitist!
Boys!