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New Mass Effect interview: Cap'n Shepard = Jack Bauer

Discussion in 'BioWare' started by Vault Dweller, Jan 20, 2007.

  1. Surgey Scholar

    Surgey
    Joined:
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    Unicorn Power!
    These pictures are hilarious; they get funnier each time! "I will express them with subtle hints, and when pressed I will go silent until your next level up." Gold! It's funny because it's true. It makes me wonder if there's ever a character that's willing to tell you about his history.

    If I had Photoshop on this computer I'd make my own, but someone should make one poking fun at the fact that all the female characters want the protagonist's cock, and there's always one childish character. Oh, and some guy with a dark past who raised one of the other characters.
     
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  2. Fez Erudite

    Fez
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    7,954
    It needs more extreme.
     
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  3. Surgey Scholar

    Surgey
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    And some overacting. "I'm the biggest, baddest mother-fucker you've ever seen, and I don't take no lip while shooting people and blowing shit up and barking orders, goddammit!"
     
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  4. FrancoTAU Cipher

    FrancoTAU
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    More over acting with hacky movie tough guy lines.

    I don't even know if I've seen any real screens of Mass Effect. Are the CJ ones a far stretch?
     
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  5. Vault Dweller Commissar, Red Star Studio Developer

    Vault Dweller
    Joined:
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    27,772
    Apparently it's hard to tell the difference.
     
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  6. RK47 collides like two planets pulled by gravity Patron

    RK47
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    Dead State Divinity: Original Sin
    Shepard acted entirely in-character so yeah those screens are not a far stretch. :)
     
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  7. Harbadakus- Novice

    Harbadakus-
    Joined:
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    Here's a real one...
    [​IMG]
     
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  8. FrancoTAU Cipher

    FrancoTAU
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    That's a real screen? CJ isn't even exagerrating all that much. Awful stuff.
     
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  9. Stalagmite Scholar

    Stalagmite
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    AHAHAHAHA! thanks CJ, even if I drove myself to play this, there is now no way I could even remotely play this game seriously, no matter how drunk I was, without busting out laughing. Go ahead, make more!

    It's too late for me, Luke.
     
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  10. Harbadakus- Novice

    Harbadakus-
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  11. TheGreatGodPan Arbiter

    TheGreatGodPan
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  12. Kingston Arcane

    Kingston
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    I lack the wit to put something hilarious here
    Yay, more screenies. I'm off to make my second one...
     
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  13. Admiral Rimjob POOBUM Arcane

    Admiral Rimjob POOBUM
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    Just noticed this on IGN.
    WHAT THE FUCK IS AN EPIC UNIVERSE.
     
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  14. ixg Erudite

    ixg
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    It's next-gen - it's alright if you don't understand yet.
     
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  15. Kingston Arcane

    Kingston
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    I lack the wit to put something hilarious here
    Set in an Epic Universe. EXTREMELY EPIC!
     
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  16. Texas Red Whiner

    Texas Red
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    Hmmm, I think they are reffering to the overdone cliche, wannabe SW, ST or whatever generic futurish setting.

    (Would it hurt Bioware to bring in some new ideas?)
     
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  17. Gambler Augur

    Gambler
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    713
    Epic used to refer to the Greek genre of epos. I guess the idea is that epic games use 2000 year old cliches.
     
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  18. St. Toxic Arcane

    St. Toxic
    Joined:
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    Location:
    Yemen / India
    Chapter One:

    http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/9107/shepard5xy.jpg

    Shepard was feeling good about himself when he entered the Space Bar 1, during his short 4 minute break at Space Station Delta Epsilon. Being between important missions as he was, a drink and some relaxed conversation was just what the space hero needed to keep in shape.

    "-God damn" Shepard exclaimed in an extreme fashion, while walking towards the bar, "-What a mess." he added laughingly.

    All eyes were on Shepard, during his ten second stroll towards the barstools, and the Commander grinned inside of himself, as, evendoh he never directly gazed at any other living creature, the hard military training he'd put himself through over the course of fifteen years, had placed an extra pair of eyes firmly on the back of his head allowing him to see all the faces he might get to smash one day.

    Shepard sat down extremely on a barstool, breaking it, and proceeded to unload the carcass of a local bar patron over the desk with a loud thwacking sound, upon which blood giblets filled the air. He then snorted a while, as to grab some more undeserved attention to himself, and when the barkeep wheeled over to where he sat, handing him a glass, Shepard spit in it so hard that it broke.

    "-What can I get you, sir?" the robot bartender asked politely, while fetching yet another glass.
    "-God damn, I'm asking the questions here. Understand?!" said Shepard, while breaking the second glass between his thumb and index finger, simultaniously grabbing the throat of the bartender.

    The booze-droid went quiet, sobbingly. Shepard understood how he felt, but didn't care, and only upon feeding it the broken shards of glass did he release the damaged metal neck.

    "-Hasta la vista baby" he snorted.

    As the robot was just about to turn and leave, the meaty hand of the commander chlomped him on his back, sending his metal face straight into a mirror, harming a few bottles of club soda on the way.

    "-Your face, your ass." explained Shepard.
    "-Whiskey. Straight up."
     
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  19. Jasede Prestigious Gentleman Arcane Patron Sad Loser

    Jasede
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
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    23,422
    You win.
     
    • Brofist Brofist x 1
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  20. Texas Red Whiner

    Texas Red
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    "The booze-droid went quiet, sobbingly. Shepard understood how he felt, but didn't care"

    Gold.
     
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  21. Chinese Jetpilot Arcane Patron

    Chinese Jetpilot
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    New York
    St. Toxic wins. That was fucking hilarious.
     
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  22. sabishii Arbiter

    sabishii
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    Gatornation
    "Shepard sat down extremely on a barstool, breaking it"
    ROFL
     
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  23. Stalagmite Scholar

    Stalagmite
    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2007
    Messages:
    225
    Location:
    The Fourth Reich
    We should make a novel.

    The Elite, Hot Blooded, Homicidal, Psycopathic to the Extreme Commander Shepard

    by RPG Codex

    Dedicated to Volourn, who's love of Bioware inspired us to take the insults to a higher plane.
     
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  24. St. Toxic Arcane

    St. Toxic
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    Location:
    Yemen / India
  25. doctor_kaz Scholar

    doctor_kaz
    Joined:
    May 26, 2006
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    Location:
    Ohio, USA
    I know that graphics aren't everything, but the art direction in those screenshots blows. Especially the environments. They look really bland and generic. Just compare them to Gears of War or Bioshock.
     
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