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Completed Porky's Ring: a Squire's Road to Greatness [SL1]

mediocrepoet

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The longest fight yet. It's pretty boring,

Actually I thought this was kind of cool because I was able to watch what some of his attacks actually are instead of just being like: I dunno, there's fire everywhere!
Specifically, the fireball belly puke thing at 2:04, I'm not sure that I ever registered what was going on there before watching this.
 

mediocrepoet

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Actually, maybe you won't get one shot with consumables and whatever else. I should actually start using them. :hahano:

Anyway I'm looking forward to feeling even more scrub-like than usual when you get there.
 

NJClaw

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32 - Princess bitch

The orange alien is dead. He will no longer post news.

Here I am, L. I came for you.

26-01.png


Prepared for what? What do you mean there's something you should tell me? Please, talk to me.

Why are you crying? You're safe now.

Just tell me what's going on, I'm getting worried.

26-02.png


...

I can't believe this. He didn't kidnap you, you two fell in love and eloped.

I don't know what to say, L. You were everything to me... everything. I would have done anything for you. Every day I visited your blog two thousand times, just like you told me to.

You ruined my life, L. I act all strong and mighty, but you know I'm frail on the inside.

26-03.png


What are you trying to do? Get away from me. It's too late, L. You ruined everything... Nobody plays with my feelings, L. Nobody.

I feel my anger burning me from the inside. I can't control my actions. I don't know what I'm doing, L... it's like I'm just a spectator in a horror movie...

26-04.png


Look what you made me do, L.

You know I didn't want to do this. You forced my hand, L.

I loved you so much, L.

26-05.png


...

Oh no... what have I done? What have I done?!

I can't live with this. This is the end for me.

...

...

...

But of course I'm no mere mortal, and mine can't be a simple death.

26-06.png


I'm awake, in Hell.

As you would expect, this isn't a great place. Especially for righteous heroes like me who sent here countless evil bastards. They're already coming for me, two of my most recent preys. I'm not scared of you. What are you going to do, kill me? I've already tried.
 
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NJClaw

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Anyway I'm looking forward to feeling even more scrub-like than usual when you get there.
As you can see, now I'm in a part of the game where I feel much less confident. I still first-tried the Fire Giant and Godskin Duo, but I don't really know how to handle some of their moves and I have to take things incredibly slowly to be sure I'm not getting randomly one-shotted. I mean, I spent more time fighting these two bosses than Margit, Godrick, the first Crucible Knight, Radahn, and Morgott combined.
 

mediocrepoet

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Anyway I'm looking forward to feeling even more scrub-like than usual when you get there.
As you can see, now I'm in a part of the game where I feel much less confident. I still first-tried the Fire Giant and Godskin Duo, but I don't really know how to handle some of their moves and I have to take things incredibly slowly to be sure I'm not getting randomly one-shotted. I mean, I spent more time fighting these two bosses than Margit, Godrick, the first Crucible Knight, Radahn, and Morgott combined.

Yeah, fair enough. But like, I'm not even going to try SL1 ever, so there's that. ;)

Granted, that's a particular Souls-like challenge that I've never really seen the point in. Not that I can't appreciate the skill in others doing it, just that it's not the sort of thing I'd find enjoyable.
 

NJClaw

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Granted, that's a particular Souls-like challenge that I've never really seen the point in. Not that I can't appreciate the skill in others doing it, just that it's not the sort of thing I'd find enjoyable.
In previous games it was a way to play with some kind of restraint and limit on your build. Here there are so many dumb broken ways to make your character overpowered that, honestly, it's just a way for me to shit on porky.
 

NJClaw

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Now I'm facing the hardest challenge of the entire playthrough. I don't know what to do with Maliketh plot-wise. I have plans for every other boss, but I don't know how to fit him in the lore. Making him Maxie would be the ideal solution, but I already wasted him on a fucking unnamed mob in Caelid. I should probably scrap the entire LP and start from scratch.
 

mediocrepoet

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Now I'm facing the hardest challenge of the entire playthrough. I don't know what to do with Maliketh plot-wise. I have plans for every other boss, but I don't know how to fit him in the lore. Making him Maxie would be the ideal solution, but I already wasted him on a fucking unnamed mob in Caelid. I should probably scrap the entire LP and start from scratch.

Make Maliketh the Codex shitposters he was fighting with all the time.
 

Zed Duke of Banville

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I did use the twig against Rykard, though: I entered the arena the first time just to get the weapon and die, so that I could upgrade it for the rematch.
IIRC, you can grab the Serpent-Hunter and fast travel away, since combat doesn't trigger until you approach Rykard. :M
 

mediocrepoet

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I did use the twig against Rykard, though: I entered the arena the first time just to get the weapon and die, so that I could upgrade it for the rematch.
IIRC, you can grab the Serpent-Hunter and fast travel away, since combat doesn't trigger until you approach Rykard. :M

That's interesting. I've always fought him with a +0 Serpent Hunter and thought the fight sucked ass. ;)
 

NJClaw

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IIRC, you can grab the Serpent-Hunter and fast travel away, since combat doesn't trigger until you approach Rykard. :M
Just for once I'd like to experience what it feels like not to be utterly and unequivocally retarded. How is it possible that after 350 hours I still haven't accepted that fast travel exist? I felt so clever for having wasted that dumb twig...

That's interesting. I've always fought him with a +0 Serpent Hunter and thought the fight sucked ass. ;)
Upgrading that thing makes the fight much shorter. Even at SL1, you can finish the first phase with just 6 (chained) R1s.

Make Maliketh the Codex shitposters he was fighting with all the time.
I'm trying to stick to the source material as much as possible, and I feel that would be out of character for the Porkster. After all, he rarely if ever acknowledges the people with which he argues, because they're insignificant to him and he barely remembers them or reads their posts. I think I wrote myself into a corner here...

Anyway, it's insane how suggestive this game looks even just through a couple of shitpost screenshots. There are so many truly unique moments and deliberate sceneries. I know it's an exaggeration, but it almost feels like there is a "seeing Irithyll for the first time" moment waiting for you at every corner.
 
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Andnjord

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IIRC, you can grab the Serpent-Hunter and fast travel away, since combat doesn't trigger until you approach Rykard. :M
Just for once I'd like to experience what it feels like not to be utterly and unequivocally retarded. How is it possible that after 350 hours I still haven't accepted that fast travel exist? I felt so clever for having wasted that dumb twig...

That's interesting. I've always fought him with a +0 Serpent Hunter and thought the fight sucked ass. ;)
Upgrading that thing makes the fight much shorter. Even at SL1, you can finish the first phase with just 6 (chained) R1s.

I did exactly that yesterday, got the weapon, warped out and upgraded it to +9 (hadn't used a single somber stone yet, so I thought whatever) and now I'm sad I did it as the fight was so short (he didn't even get to do his 'burn the whole world' attack) I barely got to soak in its amazing atmosphere :(

Anyway, it's insane how suggestive this game looks even just through a couple of shitpost screenshots. There are so many truly unique moments and deliberate sceneries. I know it's an exaggeration, but it almost feels like there is a "seeing Irithyll for the first time" moment waiting for you at every corner.

As I'm still discovering more and more, I feel like the whole game could be sumed up with the line "But wait! There's more!" This game really rewards you for taking things slowly and finishing it over several weeks at a minimum.
 
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NJClaw

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Are you just doing the critical path or are you doing any optional stuff like Mohgwyn Palace and Haligtree? Just curious because that's where you're going to start getting one shotted by trash. (Waaah optional end game areas aren't actually optional...)
Ideally, I want to do 100% of the "main" content, only skipping small dungeons with nothing of value in them.
After having tried Placidusax a couple of times, I'd like to amend my statement and add that I will most definitely not do 100% of the main content.
 
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mediocrepoet

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Are you just doing the critical path or are you doing any optional stuff like Mohgwyn Palace and Haligtree? Just curious because that's where you're going to start getting one shotted by trash. (Waaah optional end game areas aren't actually optional...)
Ideally, I want to do 100% of the "main" content, only skipping small dungeons with nothing of value in them.
After having tried Placidusax a couple of time, I'd like to amend my statement and add that I will most definitely not do 100% of the main content.

I'm kind of glad. My sense of shame had been growing so great, I had begun considering Sudoku to address the dishonour.
 

NJClaw

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33 - Redding is teh hard

Hell is worse than I thought. I've braved countless hardships in life, but the punishments administered here are something else. Every soul I sent here is suffering unimaginable torments, tailored on their attitudes and past life.

The poor Master of Elegant Hats has been stripped of his headgear, and he is now being forced to play with an Owlcat's Wrath, whatever that is. A demon is forcing him to read every single word, and you can see the pain and suffering in his eyes.

But that's nothing compared to what happened to the heretic obsessed with the color of his asshole. He has been chained to a devilish machine, unable to move or divert his eyes from a mirror where an endless stream of obscenities and indecencies are projected one after another. He keeps imploring his torturer to stop, screaming "Stop! Please, Larian, stop!", but he is addressing a demon with deaf ears: the unsettling creature keeps laughing and laughing, amused either by the images on the mirror or the poor guy's pain.

Even the Manynamed is being tortured. He has been branded with all his past names, and is now unable to hide from his past embarrassments from which he tried to flee for so long.

Not even the gods are safe from these hellish torments. The Feet Collector has been exiled to a most terrible plane of existence where every creature has a second pair of hands at the end of their legs. His screaming can be heard everywhere in the universe through space and time. The Dark Lord is being forced to so something useful and actually help his subject. I don't know how long he will last before going crazy.

But this leaves me with a question: what will my punishment be?

...

My designed torturer is walking towards me, but the only instrument he holds is a book. What can this mean?

Oh no...

Oh no no no...

You won't make me read THAT. Oh no.

No.

Words are already hard as it stands, that would hurt way too much.

I will not allow you to make my head explode with THAT THING. En garde!
 
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Andnjord

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I had somehow missed the Godskin Duo fight, that was something tense :shredder:

The poor Master of Elegant Hats has been stripped of his headgear, and he is now being forced to play with an Owlcat's Wrath, whatever that is. A demon is forcing him to read every single word, and you can see the pain and suffering in his eyes.

But that's nothing compared to what happened to the heretic obsessed with the color of his asshole. He has been chained to a devilish machine, unable to move or divert his eyes from a mirror where an endless stream of obscenities and indecencies are projected one after another. He keeps imploring his torturer to stop, screaming "Stop! Please, Larian, stop!", but he is addressing a demon with deaf ears: the unsettling creature keeps laughing and laughing, amused either by the images on the mirror or the poor guy's pain.

Even the Manynamed is being tortured. He has been branded with all his past names, and is now unable to hide from his past embarrassments from which he tried to flee for so long.

Not even the gods are safe from these hellish torments. The Feet Collector has been exiled to a most terrible plane of existence where every creature has a second pair of hands at the end of their legs. His screaming can be heard everywhere in the universe through space and time. The Dark Lord is being forced to so something useful and actually help his subject. I don't know how long he will last before going crazy.
I know you're referencing some codexers, but the only one I can distinguish is Jarlfrank. Can you tell us who are the other ones or do we have to wait Vaati's video on it?
 

NJClaw

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I know you're referencing some codexers, but the only one I can distinguish is Jarlfrank. Can you tell us who are the other ones or do we have to wait Vaati's video on it?
I'll check if VaatiVidya has some kind of Patreon subscription to commission personalized lore videos.

Maybe mediocrepoet or Zed Duke of Banville can add more pieces to the puzzle? I suppose the "hardest" identity to figure out would be Lady Tanith, the others should be fairly easy for anyone well versed in recent Codex lore.
 

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Even the Manynamed is being tortured. He has been branded with all his past names, and is now unable to hide from his past embarrassments from which he tried to flee for so long.
There's a few that could come to mind. Drog, Dicksmoker, Andahira? Lots of...famous...posters have gone through different alts.

The poor Master of Elegant Hats has been stripped of his headgear, and he is now being forced to play with an Owlcat's Wrath, whatever that is. A demon is forcing him to read every single word, and you can see the pain and suffering in his eyes.
This one I have no idea, I played quite a bit of Pathfinder before and upon release, but didn't play the sequel so I have missed the happenings of that thread.

But that's nothing compared to what happened to the heretic obsessed with the color of his asshole. He has been chained to a devilish machine, unable to move or divert his eyes from a mirror where an endless stream of obscenities and indecencies are projected one after another. He keeps imploring his torturer to stop, screaming "Stop! Please, Larian, stop!", but he is addressing a demon with deaf ears: the unsettling creature keeps laughing and laughing, amused either by the images on the mirror or the poor guy's pain.
Part of my brain knows it has read this a long time ago, but mercifully has decided to supress those memories, so I don't know. Kruno, maybe? One of the brazilian posters constantly fighting over the colour of their skin?:lol:
 

NJClaw

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There's a few that could come to mind. Drog, Dicksmoker, Andahira? Lots of...famous...posters have gone through different alts.
I'm too young in Codex age to know these three, I had in mind someone more recent and still very active. I can only say I used his name a couple of times when I killed him this playthrough.

This one I have no idea, I played quite a bit of Pathfinder before and upon release, but didn't play the sequel so I have missed the happenings of that thread.
Well, he's the master of elegant hats, and here on the codex the most elegant hat obviously is:

fedora.png
Part of my brain knows it has read this a long time ago, but mercifully has decided to supress those memories, so I don't know. Kruno, maybe? One of the brazilian posters constantly fighting over the colour of their skin?:lol:
He is obsessed with the color of his skin, but he is not Brazilian. Trust me, if your brain covered the memories of his assgate debacle, it's only for the better. You don't want to remember THAT picture.
 

NJClaw

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This is simultaneously impressive and the most cancerous fight in this thread. :hahano:
I just realized it would have been a no-damage fight if it wasn't for that single bit of chip damage I took blocking a rock sling. Fuck me. :negative:

I also didn't equip the Shard of Alexander and didn't use the weapon art in the first phase. This could have been a much shorter fight.

I have read a lot of complaints about how Maliketh's punishable windows are too short, and honestly I can't understand how people approach this fight. During half of his combos you can just stand there and whack him while he flails his sword around. I think people see his anime style, get scared, and decide they HAVE TO stay at an incredible distance for some reason. Not that I blame them, who knows what unspeakable things this furry could do to you.
 

mediocrepoet

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I have read a lot of complaints about how Maliketh's punishable windows are too short, and honestly I can't understand how people approach this fight. During half of his combos you can just stand there and whack him while he flails his sword around. I think people see his anime style, get scared, and decide they HAVE TO stay at an incredible distance for some reason.

My general opinion which probably shows up in my videos is that Elden Ring generally wants you to be more aggressive than DS1/DS2 did. It has more in common with DS3 and Bloodborne from an enemy design standpoint.
 

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