Chapter the thirtieth first; Killin' stuffies.
We rejoin our heroes after several hours of improvised decadence, or at least what little decadence they have managed to improvise with their meager resources while in such a run down place. Which is, like, not really much. Then they get ready to continue exploring the Halls of light, objective that before long has led them into the small complex marked as
1 in this chapter's map.
There they slaughter some more lizards, rest for a little while, and keep moving without having found anything of even remote interest. Their next stop is the smallish room just south of
1 in which there's a
Barrel Precious, which is basicaly a pretty barrel, or somethingie. In any case it holds, inside, a pair of Gloves of Courage, which are magical, say, gloves with +1 CON and +4 Fortitude Save boni that can cast Bull's Strenght like a level 10 caster up to eight times. Don't really useful, but whatever. We take them for now.
From here our heroes explore and explore for a little while until they stumble upon the room marked as
2 on the map, an old library of some kind in which a group of lizards is looking for somethingie or somestuffie.
The enemies don't survive long and, again, we come across nothing even remotely useful neither in that room nor in the next one over. So, after a little while, our heroes leave and keep moving south until they hit, not far away, some kind of big plaza place thingie. As they approach, however, a new group of lizards tries to ambush them, their leader saying something about not letting us have
the waters.
Didn't we capture those already?
Who cares, let's just kill them and take their stuff.
You can guess how that went, though there was no stuff in them. Before exploring the plaza thingie, though, they return a bit to the north and search the room opposite to that library in which they slaughtered the lizard group just before this last one, to find some rough cut gems and another figurine's head. The chest was trapped by a small
chill touch trap Ramon couldn't disarm, so he just triggered it and, like, saved against it.
Now we return south and visit the plaza thingie we kind of murdered a bunch of lizards to enter, yet there's, you guessed it, nothing of value here.
Bo-ring.
So we leave westward and explore the rooms down another corridor.
That's what we come across in the room marked as
4 in the map. It's a really easy fight yet we manage to
finally come across some more loot in the form the Soul Biter, a +2 shortsword able to use a strenght-stealing touch up to ten times or something. It doesn't really look useful but at least it's loot. Our heroes rest for a little while and move to explore the opposite room. As they approach the door, however,
Wait.
What is it?
This lock. Look.
Pretty complex stuff.
Indeed. Yet someone already broke in before us.
The room beyond is kind of big, yet devoid of any menace or interesting stuffie. The only thingie worth of mention is a chest that has already been looted.
There used to be a fireball, a poison needle, and an acid jet protecting this. All perfectly disarmed.
Someone really wanted whatever was inside.
Or did it for the lulz. Look here: There's an
N carved on the inside of the lid.
So this is what you guys do in worlds without DRM nor NFO files. Pretty cool.
We leave this place, and given the idea is to finish exploring the upper half of the level before moving to the lower half we move north until we hit two smallish rooms, one after the other, marked as
5 on the map. There's little of worth in here, however: The first room is a throughly looted library, and the second one is some kind of storage room in which two scrolls are to be found: Haste and protection from evil. We pick the former one and leave. Our next stop is
6. Yet we aren't the first ones to enter here...
Two orc sargents and an orc warlock, which here doesn't really mean
warlock but, like, combat sorcerer or something, are fighting some undead, including several skeleton lords. As we open the door both teams get half a turn of advantage, and the warlock uses his to throw a fireball at us. Aislinn, getting the first turn in the initiative round, casts
silence but against the floor instead of the warlock. It works as intended,
At bleeping last.
Doggy and Glorfin rush the silenced warlock while the undead fight the sargents. Later Aislinn enters the room and uses her
turn undead thingie to paralyze most of them, allowing for the orcs to weaken them easily for the elves to then slaughter them super fasty fast. The battle, however, gets kind of bothersome: As always, everyone misses a whole lot. Given all the enemies on this area are kind of high level, though, this means everyone misses a ton and a half. And the orcs, to make things worse, decide to focus on the unturned skeleton lord instead of on the others. Great.
Aislinn casts
hold person on the warlock after it makes a critical hit against Glorfin, and the orcish sorcerer is pretty much slaughtered. The battle which follows is kind of hard but not very interesting, given most of the difficulty comes from the enemies having a whole lot of AC for us to miss against and stuffies. And, well, Aislinn can't really heal them given they are all fighting under the cover of silence...
Whoopsie?
... so we kind of come through it badly hurt.
And since we are at it, yes, there was no loot there either.
This is starting to look like one awfully long joke.
After resting and stuffies we continue moving north. We try to enter the chamber marked as
7 yet the doors are impossible to open without a small platinum key, which we obviously don't have. However,
The door is uncommonly ornate and fixed with a platinum lock. It has also been defaced with crude orcish symbols.
So they are basicaly just like...
You aren't about to make a racist comment, are you?
Hmpf. I would never.
Of course not.
Given this door will remain closed no matter what we try to do with it we decide to instead explore the vast chamber marked as
8 in the map. As we enter, though,
Lookie look!
Lord almighty.
What are those... those...
Things.
Isn't it, like,
totally obvious? It's a Hutt!
Ormyrrs never fall down, too strong, earth makes us strong, we are born of mud, we are blood children of the earth.
You do have that dwarven look about you, now that you mention it.
I sense a great disturbance in the dao.
Like, as if millions of stunty guys were foaming at the mouth while carving our names in their respective copies of the Tome of Grudges? Totally felt that, too.
The creatures seem to be waiting.
Ah, yes. Totally. The creatures, yes. Leave this one to me.
*ahem* Great many tales have we heard about the strenght of the, uhm...
*whispering* Ormyrrs.
... Ormyrrs, yes. Those one, totally. They are one with the earth, they say. And one with, uhm, James, yes, the greatest of all the gods. Cool fellow, that James. And they are strong and wise, they say, like the soil they spawn from. The firm wall against which wild and savage darkness breaks itself, they say. A nation of stout defenders and wise councelours, they call you, and of honest folks who understand the great secrets of soil and land yet never twist them for evil purposes...
*whispering* Fierce warriors.
... and, they say, like whom there's no other warrior, for they overflow with a secret strenght. When they fall upon those twisted and corrupted, they are like a landslike. When trapped and cornered, like an earthquake. And stuffies, you surely know how, like, totally cool you are.
*really bright and innocent smile*
Oho, so you see, you are smart, you stick-legs. We are Sharpstick clan, we are strong, hulu!
But not strong as grebbo!
O no, grebbo very strong, strong like magic, orcs have grebbo, we not crush the grebbo orcs.
What is this, like, Grebbo thingie you speak of?
A beast allied with the orcs, perhaps?
Grebbo is, grebbo is, grebbo is a luck disease, we catch grebbo, we have no luck, never, never.
A curse!
Hai, maybe they find Geb, lost Ormyrr, you see Geb?
Never mind Geb. Maybe you help, kill grebbo orcs, clear room, clear Sharpstick Room?
Like, sure. And stuffies. What's this sharpstick room thingie, though?
Room, big room, special to Ormyrrs, very special. But orcs there, many orcs, grebbo orcs, we not go in.
And where is this sharpstick room of yours located?
Down down down, yes, go down down down, look for sign, sign of Sharpstick Room. Orcs in room, Sharpstick Room. You kill grebbo orcs, we leave this place, go to Sharpstick Room.
Down down down. That's very useful, yes.
Maybe they mean the Deep Halls.
Maybe, but... Wait, didn't we already kill a whole lot of orcs who had taken for themselves an area down there whose entrance was marked by two bunchs of sharpened sticks?
Like, totally indeedy. There were even marks of some snake like thingies retreating from the room. Or, like, slug like thingies. You know which ones I'm talking about.
*air quotes* Totally.
So, like, we did already clear your room of totally sharp, you know, sticks. Kind of totally accidentally and stuffies, but we did.
Killing orcs is like a sport for us.
Hulu, ho, you are friend, friend to Ormyrrs, stick-legs good to Ormyrrs. You friend us, we friend you, good friend, strong friend of the earth.
Wow. So you guys even have a facebook account?
Kill grebbo orcs, we trade with you, many things, good things, good things trade way down in Sharpstick Room.
About time we found someone to buy our stuff.
Indeed. My back is killing me.
Word.
Hulu, goodbye, stick-legs, we go now. Come to room, Sharpstick Room, we will trade with you, good trades, way down deep, goodbye.
Aren't they, like, the most super double mega duper kawaii thingies totally ever?
They move away to leave and we can now keep going deeper. In the next area, another open and kind of big area, there are more entrances to the room marked as
7, yet those are locked by means of the same key we lacked to open the outer one. In the room marked as
9, meanwhile, we come across an orc warlock and three orc healers. The only bothersome thingie of this fight is the initial salvo...
... during which we get badly hurt and kind of paralyzed. Afterwards we retreat to the southeast, forcing the four casters to follow us. We assalt them as they come out and force them into melee, and even when those behind the forward line try to keep us under
hold person spells we brute force our way through them. Then we rest in the room and move forward, into the last room of this area, marked as
10 in the map. As we approach we notice the door has been forced without subtlety, basicaly smashed down and thrown aside. We carefully approach.
We haven't been seen yet so we prepare for what promises to be a pretty hard fight. Once we have buffed and stuffies Doggy, given he has the sword that gives magic resistance a kind of epic boost against orc and orog spellcasters, moves forward. As he approaches we notice some orcs are trying to break some magical seal thingie on the wall by means of, well, hitting it with their axes.
Weak maggots! Hit it harder!
Orcs gonna orc.
The captain then turns around and notices us.
Gaaahh! Enemies!
Doggy gets the first turn in the initiative order and thus retreats back to our side of the entrance and gets into a defensive stance. One of the orc sargents, who are pretty tough and stuffies, charges against this improvised frontline of us while the casters throw
hold person around. Not even Doggy's magical sword thingie allows him to resist all those castings, and thus he is, like, held.
This is when it starts becoming obvious than having both the main sorcerer and the only cleric in the same character is a bad idea. So, what's Aislinn to do? Cast
silence to stop their casters? Cast
remove paralysis for Doggy to be able to both defend himself and attack? Cast
charm on one of the still unengaged orc sargents? That's exactly what she does, but still I would much prefer having a separate healer instead. Then everypony seems to focus on her: The orcs with bows shoot her for some sligh damage and the captain uses
blindness on her, a spell that in the case of having any effect I haven't really noticed it. Then Ramon uses one of the salves of remove paralysis to heal Doggy, yay.
Halfway during the second round it is obvious the entrance is ours: Glorfin and the charmed sargent have given a pretty bad beating to the uncharmed sargent, who is barely alive. Then it's Aislinn's turn, and she does her thingie just fine.
Having the last word is a privilege of the beautiful.
The enemy casters keep sitting inside the silence field thingie because being silenced turns their A.I into the generic melee one and, given there's no way for they to reach our characters when their own sargents are blocking the path they just kind of stay there doing nothing. Soon afterwards our frontlines slay the uncharmed sargent and one of the healers charges straight at us, finding itself both outside the silenced area and engaged in melee with Doggy, Glorfin, and the charmed sargent. You can guess how that went.
There is actually a second door into the room and an enemy sargents has been standing there, doing nothing. He had actually gone and opened it to try and charge us from the side, yet the pathfinding is so awful in this area he never was able to plan a course and thus never followed up on his initial idea. Now, having we killed one of the healers in melee this sargent runs up to our frontline and takes its place, and it is one real mutha, hard to hit and with a ton of hitpoints. As a response Aislinn uses
the voice.
You there, stay put!
Then we kill it without the least effort while the charmed sargent runs to the other door, where both the captain and the remaining healer are now bravely facing, and being utterly defeated by, the pathfinding calculations. As Glorfin and Doggy prepare to rush into the room, though, the captain experiences a moment of clarity and casts
web just behind the entrance we are using, affecting all our characters. Our frontliners have have no problem breaking through, in any case, with their massive strenght scores, and even Ramon manages to break free and rush in. Our glorious leader, however, with her 3(5) STR...
Like, this would be kind of totally kinky if I weren't just forgotten out there while the guys have all the fun and stuffies.
The battle is pretty much over, in any case. The guys slaughter the archers and then move against the remaining healer and the captain, killing them in such order.
And then they attack the charmed sargent and put him down.
Guilt troubles my heart, though. Exploiting the enemies' horrible pathfinding I do not believe qualifies as an honorable and fair fight.
'Tis terrible.
Our loot for this battle is the small platinum key we need to open the room marked as
7, the gloves of steadiness, which give a +2 To Hit, and a salve of cure critical wounds (level 20). And about the seal the orcs were trying to break...
You sense you would need strong magic to open this seal.
And thus this update comes to an end, with a kind of easy victory in a battle that should have been really tough. We have cleared about half of the Halls of Light, and we will continue doing that the next time we meet our heroes. We will also go visit the Sharpstick room and see what do we find in the room protected by the key we just stole from the orcs.
'til next time!
@ Ronery V.
There's nothing wrong with thingies eventually coming to that. The problem's is most jerks are thinking of nothing
but that, which automatically makes them uneligible of thingies that come to that.
And Vazdru actually knows of the Sidhe and is able to answer me seriously. I'm truly impressed. :/
And all the games that give sorcerers and wizards cat familiars give them the bonuses I never use, and I always end using the spiders and the snakes instead. :'(
Anyways, I actually do weight very little. As in, like,
very little. Which makes my obsession with weight and waist measures and slenderness kind of retarded, but then I never said I was a rational creature to begin with.
@ Azira
LOL. The pumpkins are totally cute, and the cat looks
awesome. Those eyes!
@ Abnaxus
They are kind of official. Like, they have appeared in official D&D products and novels so they are kind of considered official. Though given the first official products they appeared in where actually the game and the novelizations of the game's plot for expanded universe purposes...
@ Ulminati
@ DwarvenFood
Pwetty Nekos!
@ Kz3r0
The second image would be totally cool if the girl were to be actually dressed.