Let's play Blood Bowl! (Update 15: Endzone)

Hey, I actually agree with my favorite Chaos God.

A vote goes to the lord of decay himself, Nurgle.

Nurgle

I swear my allegiance to Nurgle...for now.

Also, watching your LP makes me realize how much I really, really suck at Blood Bowl.

Gotta go with my bwoy Nurgle.

Man I wanna play some Blood Bowl again.

I predict a new Blood Bowl League forming.

Seeing as Nurgle seems like a likely candidate so far, I'll add a sneak peek at the kind of changes I plan on making:

Nurgle's changelog, Day 1:

Delicious wood elves today. I sent my nurglings to the wardancers in their sleep. One is no longer Dauntless -- but she will not need that against the Rapists anyway. Instead, she has become increasngly aggressive, gaining the will to Tackle her opponents and raining Mighty Blows upon them. Nurgle's Rot is beginning to set in, but this has only Increased her armor.

The other Wardancer is far more interesting. Already possesing a speed beyond her ilk, a paticularly virulent strain of slaaneshi shakes increased her agility. I was so delighted with the results, I gave her a double dose. She will be able to dodge anywhere!

Bark rot has set in on their treeman. While he no longer carries the will to forcefully Break Tackle, the shedded bark has increased his movement. A delightfully dreadful miasma hangs about him, giving him a truly Foul Appearance.

Bleh... The thrower was remarkably resilient. A mnor nfection in his eyes appears to have made hm far sighted. He's unlikely to Dump Off the ball any longer, but his passes appear more accurate. He acts as if he had Nerves of Steel all of a sudden. Note to self -- increase the virulence of the strains.

The virulence seems to be spreading to several of the linemen. At least 3 of them seem very eager to tackle those around them. This may be key in bringing those blasted Rapists into plaguefather Nurgles embrace.

-- Epidermus, tallyman of the Great Plagefather Nurgle

Click to expand...

Changes:
Wardancer 1: - Dauntless (useless skill aganst elves), + Tackle, ighty blow, +Armor
Wardancer 2: (has Sprint + Sure feet by default) +AG, +AG

Treeman: -Break Tackle (Stand Firm renders the skill less useful), A (so he wll always succeed a stand up attempt), +Foul Appearance (to make him slightly tougher)

Thrower: (Had Safe throw already) -Dump Off (the AI is poor at positioning people for the catcher to dump off to), +Accurate +Nerves of Steel. NoS offsets the AIs tendency to attempt picking up the ball in multiple tackle zones

A few of the linemen had either block or tackle added, both giving tem a bigger chance to take on our dodge players.


My thoughts on the team after modifications:

This will actually be a pretty tough matchup, even with a mediocre AI. We'll have to take down the first wardancer quickly -- Her mighty blow, block and tackle combination will mess up our witch and assassin. The second wardancer will be able to pick up the ball on a 2+ in 2 tackle zones, as well as leap on a 2+. She'll be nearly impossible to contain. The tree is a niusance at best, we'll be able to avoid him long enough for him to take root, but he'll clog up the centre of the pitch, making maneuverng difficult. The highly skilled thrower, combined with the faster players and additional reroll I gave the team gives them very good chances of pulling off impropable plays and scoring if the dice go against us.

My best chance in this matchup will be to utilize superior positioning, play defensively n the first half, and use my assassin to try and take out their most valuable players. I'm not sure fouling will be the way to go, considering we won't have a full team to start. I may possibly end up usng the mercenary though, if one of the wardancers goes down.

I've always been partial to Slaanesh, though I predict that either Nurgle or Khorne will run away with this thread.

Azira said:

I've always been partial to Slaanesh, though I predict that either Nurgle or Khorne will run away with this thread.

Click to expand...

Outside what they mean for voting purposes, I've always preferred Tzeentch myself. Khorne is too generic red demons, blood and skulls. There's absolutely no variation. (Though he was sort-of interesting back n the mid-80's, when he was about honorable combat rather than just blood). Slaanesh is trying too hard. A drug-addcted hermaphrodite nymphomaniac, who's also drunk. Also, the new daemonettes are butt-ugly. I want to like good ol' pappy Nurgle, I really do. But he has a face only a mother can love. With a few notable exceptions (Epidermus, Devoted Sorcerer of Nurgle) most of his mnions are rather bland and uninspired as well. Nurglings are awesome though. Everything's better with nurglings. Tzeentch however, has a wonderfully mad vareity of colours and effects. He's utterly mad in a gleeful, sadistic way. He's by far the least generic of the Dark Gods in my opinion. Also, the only W40K army I really coveted was the egyptian-themed Thousand Sons chaos marines.

Anyway, it seems like Nurgle's comfortably taking this thread, so I'll go ahead and clone the teams database again and do some edits. It seems some edits causes the AI to refuse using the player in question. I'm guessing it's when I give mutations to players who can't normally get them.

I vote for Slaneesh! Whoops, too late, well, nevermind then. I hope our team can survive...

lightbane said:

I vote for Slaneesh! Whoops, too late, well, nevermind then. I hope our team can survive...

Click to expand...

I'm keeping a copy of the DB. If a ton of slaaneshi devotees show up in the next 3 hours, I can still go back and contnue from there.

One thing that really makes me is the AI's complete and utter lack of time sense. It frequently moves its receivers away from the endzone in turn 7, making itself unable to score in turn 8.

Ulminati said:

Outside what they mean for voting purposes, I've always preferred Tzeentch myself. Khorne is too generic red demons, blood and skulls. There's absolutely no variation. (Though he was sort-of interesting back n the mid-80's, when he was about honorable combat rather than just blood). Slaanesh is trying too hard. A drug-addcted hermaphrodite nymphomaniac, who's also drunk. Also, the new daemonettes are butt-ugly. I want to like good ol' pappy Nurgle, I really do. But he has a face only a mother can love. With a few notable exceptions (Epidermus, Devoted Sorcerer of Nurgle) most of his mnions are rather bland and uninspired as well. Nurglings are awesome though. Everything's better with nurglings. Tzeentch however, has a wonderfully mad vareity of colours and effects. He's utterly mad in a gleeful, sadistic way. He's by far the least generic of the Dark Gods in my opinion.

Click to expand...

Agreed quite heavily. Khorne can be good, but it was mainly before in lore and stuff, when like you said, he had the touch of Honor combat, Berserkers and Khorne warriors throwing down weapons for disarmed opponets to keep fighting with and all that kinda stuff. Now he's just that mass appeal for no reason other than *Blood For the Blood God!* guy. The usage or thought of Slaanesh bores me overall, God of excess just sounds like such a passive thing, even it's units are a bit eh, with the general succubus thing going on. Tzeentch manages to be really interesting and crafty, either just from his wicked influence and title as the Lord of Change, or for his nice units and empowerment's. Nurgle manages to be my favorite though.

Yeah, despite my moniker of old I preferred Tzeentch too, and probably then Nurgle.

Tzeentch has had some awesome weird shit since day one. Always like the lord of change and great unclean one 'bout the same, but it's the flamers and horrors that put Tzeentch over the top.

The last 2 games of the cup are played and I'll have screenshots up later. Let's just say that when I gave Chaos-All stars a team value advantage of 300k, things got dicey

Also, our next tournament features both orcs and dwarves, so we may soon see some trimmng of our roster

Wait my guy got crippled

Hopefully not permanent?

Fuck Yeah. Can't wait to see orcs rape us.

Nurgle's changelog, Day 1:

Delicious wood elves today. I sent my nurglings to the wardancers in their sleep. One is no longer Dauntless -- but she will not need that against the Rapists anyway. Instead, she has become increasingly aggressive, gaining the will to Tackle her opponents and raining Mighty Blows upon them. Nurgle's Rot is beginning to set in, but this has only Increased her armor.

The other Wardancer is far more interesting. Already possesing a speed beyond her ilk, a paticularly virulent strain of slaaneshi shakes increased her agility. I was so delighted with the results, I gave her a double dose. She will be able to dodge anywhere!

Bark rot has set in on their treeman. While he no longer carries the will to forcefully Break Tackle, the shedded bark has increased his movement. A delightfully dreadful miasma hangs about him, giving him a truly Foul Appearance.

Bleh... The thrower was remarkably resilient. A minor infection in his eyes appears to have made him far sighted. His passes appear more accurate. He acts as if he had Nerves of Steel all of a sudden. Note to self -- increase the virulence of the strains.

The disease seems to be spreading to several of the linemen. At least 3 of them seem very eager to tackle those around them. This may be key in bringing those blasted Rapists into plaguefather Nurgles embrace.

-- Epidermus, tallyman of the Great Plagefather Nurgle

Click to expand...

Before the match, Nurgles gifts gave the Elves a lead of around 200k in team value. For some reason, the AI insisted on never deploying the treeman, even after I removed foul appearance from him, making the actual team value difference closer to 50k. The woodies were given every tool in the arsenal to take us down however. An ag6 wardancer that could leap on a 2+; a tackle+mighty blow wardancer to lay on the hurt; an ag5+Nerves of Steel thrower to move the ball anywhere and a liberal smattering of block and tackle on the linemen to counter the prevealance of dodge players on our team.


We were chosen to kick off. Shortly afterwards, the tackle, +av, mighty blow wardancer rolls snakeeyes on a 2+ dodge


There could be only one response


Azira took their carrier out


anus_pounder got blitzed, dump-off to Elwro...

...Whose path was cleared by Flying Spaghetti Monster...




...Showed everyone why you need a couple of players hanging back to intercept elves. TD by Lightbane

Undead phoenix used frenzy to maximum effect, chain pushing the hippiefag star catcher to to the sidelines, and dodging in position for anus_pounder to set up a crowdsurf




The woodies attempted a long bomb to even the score to 1-1...













But Lightbane intercepted it


Zappater failing a Go For It manages to cushion his fall with his face


Lightbane attempts to pass to Undead Phoenix for 2-0


..But fails miserably

In the last turn of the half, the AI decides to move its reciever (End Talu) AWAY from our endzone, effectively refusing to use the scoring oppertunity Lightbane just made. Their AG6 wardancer faced a 2+ pickup, a 2+ dodge and a 3+ pass to place the ball with their receiver


So anus_pounter blitzed their lino away, allowing Lightbane to finish the pass to Undead Phoenix and end the half comfortably with 2-0




A fairly rotten scatter of the kick-off in the second half is quickly rectified by Undead Phoenix, who delivers the ball safely to our cage


The hippie scum finally wake up from their drug-addled daze to utilize their ag6 wardancer. FSM pushes him away...



...And since the hippies commited all of their players to the right side of the pitch, we pass the ball back to Undead Phoenix, who runs off with it

Azira needs the star player points more however



In the next drive, FSM blitzes the carrier, who dumps off to the ag6 wardancer. She's a 2+ leap, a 2+ dodge and a 2+ GFI away from a touchdown, and has a reroll in reserve. Instead she chooses to go absolutely nowhere.



..So undead phoenix surfs her

Lovely throw-in. anus_pounder passes to ComradeCommisar



Much to nurgles disgust, the Athelorn Avengers are sent weeping back into their forests after a kick in the acorns.


2 Skill ups



And we're joined by a magnificent horse


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nurgles changelog, day 2:

Catastrophe! It turns out that the delightful disease we bestowed on the hippie-fagelves quickly rotted their brains away. By the time they entered the pitch, they had turned into popamole consoletards. By the time their team captain referred to their backup play as the teams "Alpha Protocol", I wept. They were not matter to lick up the pus left in the wake of the smallest nurgling. No matter, they will take our gifts with them to their forests along with their shame. One way or another, they will make Grandfather proud.

The next opponent for the Rapists were Chaos All-Stars. How delightfuly fortunate, as they were more than eager to receive our blessings. Through the sheer incompetence of their coach, the team had 4 rookies filling as chaos warriors! Unacceptable! I have lent them 4 diverse champions of Nurgle:

Trash: With the Daemonic gifts of Tentacles, Claws and Mighty Blows
Kaiserin: With the demonic gifts of Disturbing Presence, Tentacles and Block
DefJam101: With the gifts of Guard, Frenzy, Stand Firm and a grand set of Horns
nomask7: With the Daemonic gifts of Claws, Block and Tackle

And, I'm proud to add, Cleve. A paticularly fierce minotaur with tentacles, who have learned the techniques of Guard, Block and Pro. The reputation of the tiem is so fierce, they even attracted the mighty Grashnak Blackhoof.

Let the carnival of Nurgle begin!

--Epidermus, tallyman of Nurgle

Click to expand...

Out of the gate, the difference in team value was 300k. The All-Stars had several players with high strength and tentacles, making it nearly impossible to move away from them. Add in some claws, some mighty blow and a truly frightening amount of strength. Initially, I feared we might have bit off more than we could chew. In retrospect, I should've given the AI 8 rerolls as well, to make up for popamole dumbfuckery. Anyway, the matcup was actually fairly even, with a few lucky dice deciding the match.

A very scary starting lineup. 6 players, all of which have more star player points than our current team captain, Flying Spaghetti Monster. I decided not to use the 300.000g in inducements to buy apothecares, because I'm too manly for that kind of shit.


Cleve gets a bit too eager and rolls an unlucky double skull. Pro is used, but his loner skill wastes the reroll. Silellak is quick to respond


...and is sent off by the ref. Sound familiar?

Even though we're receiving, the first kickoff was a Blitz, allowing the all-stars to pick up the ball. At this point, I'll be happy if I can simply stall them from scoring long enough for the half to end


Chaos hammers through our defenses. GarfunkeL goes down, and they close on our endzone


ComradeCommisar manages to tackle one of their players, causing a turnover before they manage to guard the carrier



...Allowing him and Brother None to stave off the touchdown. We've bought ourselves time, but a 5-man cage is unlikely to hold.

Undead Phoenix is stunned. I meant to pass to him, which means we'll have to hold on to the ball for 2 turns


anus_pounder takes the ball. Dump-off may buy us time. The cage is shifted to give as much protection as possible


...But time is running out for the rapists!

ComradeCommisar needs to disentangle himself from tentacles (50% chance), dodge away and blitz Trash with 1 block dice to open a corridor for anus_pounder. A pushback is insufficient, as tentacles will stop anus_pounders dash for freedom!


A daring plan is set in motion!


...But the pass is inaccurate! We've merely managed to buy time!

Chaos All-Stars secure the ball. 3 turns to go before halftime


ComradeCommisar has his anus pounded by a cybernegro


FSM with another desperate blitz to buy time. This will get him caught by tentacles and leave him at the tender mercies of Grashnak Blackhoof and Cleve


But the ball scatters perfectly! Undead Phoenix is finally able to act!

Meanwhile, Brother none manages to deliver a serious injury to a beastman


The half is ticking to a close. Undead Phoenix needs to dodge free of Cleves ST5 tentacles


...Fortunately, Nuffle is with me. So far, this is the most intense game I've had with Cyanide's client.

Second half starts with a very solid cage. So far, we've been very lucky. We need to prevent them from scoring, or the game will move into overtime. If we have to play another 8 rounds, our luck will run out eventually, resulting in massive buttrape of our players


One turnover later, the cage is open. Andyman charges


Lightbane attempts a long pass


...which scatters. But buys us time.

The All-Stars beat us to the ball. But Kaiserin rolls a 1, followed by a 1 on the reroll, and fails a Go For It before they can secure it


...But our luck is running low as well


FSM prepares to put Strip Ball to use

...resultng in a perfect scatter.


Undead Phoenix prepares to attempt a mad series of dodges and a pass. His AG5 is a godsend, but we're out of rerolls...


Aww yeah!


Mike Jahn's acquaintence with the ball is shortlived, as Blackhoof arrives


But we're lucky (again!) as nomask7 fails a Go For It and badly hurts himself!



Undead Phoenix feeds the crowd another goat

...And the scatter is brilliant again!



Andyman Messiah wards off Blackhoofs amourous advances



...And dashes to the finish line for a 2-0 victory! Whew!

Endgame stats! We are winnars!



Guess how many cups are open for us to choose from


Goblins, Orcs and Dwarves. Oh my.


The last match was actually rather interesting. It could've gone both ways right up to the throw-in in turn 14. Had it ended up n our half, the All-Stars had a goat in place to take us into overtime. I was stupidly lucky with the Chaos Warrior of Diversity failing their Go For It rolls. Had they managed to cage up, the game would've turned into a meat grinder.

Chaos match was great. Elves were utter shit though, proving my theory that elves are simply beyond help.

YEAH BABY! Still in the game! BOOYAH!

FSM for Governor!

Goddamn, my hair looks awesome.

Next up: Dwarves. The default team was actually fairly standard d0rf fare. Which means it's likely to be a very boring match, which we'd win 1-0 and lose 3-4 players in. If it were a human opponent. I'm counting on the marvellously idiotic AI to utterly screw up postioning of its players however and take harebrained idiot dodges.

To make things interestng, Nurgle has granted the following bonusses to the dwarf players:
Runner #1: Block, Dodge, Sure Hands
Runner #2: A, A, Sprint, Sure Feet
Blitzer #1: A, +AG, +AG, +Dodge
Blitzer #2: +tackle, + mighty blow
2x blocker with guard
2x troll slayer with mb
And addtional 4 rerolls (bringng the total up to 6)

This gives them a TV advantage of around 200k. Dwarves are naturally built to counter our high-dodge build, with tackle natively on every longbeard blocker. The team sports 7 players with mighty blow, so I expect to lose at least one, probably two players. Even with apo.

Game #15: Midget Mayhem

An interesting thing to note with the savegame editor is that team value isn't adusted correctly. Thus, the dwarves somehow got money to hire Grim Ironjaw. This effectively took the Team Value difference from 200k to around 320k. Ah well, how much trouble can one star player be?

Undead Phoenix continues his march to victory, easily dodging through the dwarves defenses. He is by far the most useful player on the team after the agility upgrade.

anus_pounder with a sweet delivery. Since dwarves are slow, we're gong to stall for a couple of turns to make it impossible for them to score in the remaining turns before halftime



Flying Spaghetti Monster cracks a joke about the size of a dwarfs beard. In return, the dwarf cracks his leg.



Apothecary spent in turn #2 is never a good sign


Even with 3 assists and Dirty Player, not a single foul broke armour all match


The dwarves serve up one of their trollslayers. You know what Undead Phoenix does to people who get close to the edge of the pitch?



Not only is it a touchdown, it's also a permanent injury (-ST) to the troll slayer. (Sadly, apo saves him). What do you guys think? Touchdown of the season?

Through reckless disregard of your safety, we manage to entangle the dwarves long enough that their runner has to make a break for it if he hopes to score before halftime



POP QUIZ TIME: What does Undead Phoenix do with bitches, who get close to the sidelines?


Damn straight! Smashed hand, miss next game. The midgets never learn.

The throw-in gives Elwro a perfect oppertunity to take the half to 2-0


...Which he squanders

People wake up at halftime, we're fairly solid so far


A rock? A ROCK! A FUCKING FAGGOT OGRE THREW A MOTHERFUCKING BOULDER AT US! Mike Jahn takes it in the chest, and his collarbone is smashed. There is no apo, since FSM took all the morphine with him onto the pitch. I can not justify keeping a blitzer with both -ST and -AV, and it is with a bleeding heart I must release Mike from his contract. You fought bravely, son. Codexia is proud.


Undead Phoenix manages to slip by the stunty buggers defensive screen and mark their carrier.


Which results in a sweet turnover!

Since he's 1 movement point short of taking the ball to the endzone, we task anus_pounder with keeping it safe for a turn.



And it's 2-0!

Next drive starts on a blitz. We try to repeat the success. Undead Phoenix can't take the heat any longer however, and collapses in a heap on the ground


Pipka shows his Extreme Manliness and plants his foor on a dwarf until a satisfyng crack is heard from the spine! (Serious Injury, permanent niggling injury)


Inspired by his comrade, Flying Spaghetti Monster breaks the nose of the dwarven ball carrier (Badly Hurt)


The ball is loose, and we quickly set up guards


A stunty picks up the ball, but fails his dodge. Lightbane prepares to remove a troll slayer, so ComradeCommisar can score












And is killed! Mighty Lightbane, the only one of us to gain a double. The only one of us to gain +Strength has his neck snapped by an unimpressed midget with a bad haircut!



The match against the Thunder Axes. Nevar forget!

The dwarves make an inaccurate pass to their receiver. Silellak prepares to return the ball to it's rightful owner!




But his throw is so pathetically weak even a dwarf could jump high enough to intercept. And so he did.



Post-game results. We win yet again. But spiraling costs cut into our winnings, and it's going to be tough replacing the players we lost today



anus_pounder rolls doubles. I was going to turn him into a star thrower. But the team desperately needs a guard player to fill the void left by Brother Lightbane


We have 100k gold in the bank. Should we use it to hire a new blitzer, or to have extensive surgery performed on Mike Jahn to bring him back without injuries or skills in recognition of his brave sacrifices for our team?

Bump bird thinks this thread needs moar pages before I can make an update tomorrow.

And is killed! Mighty Lightbane, the only one of us to gain a double. The only one of us to gain +Strength has his neck snapped by an unimpressed midget with a bad haircut!

Click to expand...

Lightbane 1.01: "Little thing, I'm going to kill you right now without any effort at all. Do you why? Because your beard is as small and short as your manhood."

Angry Trollslayer: "No-one insults me like this and survives!!! DWARVEN PUNCH!"

Lightbane 1.01: "Argh!!! How the hell did you manage to tear off my fucking heart with a single punch? I call it hax!! .... That's... ARGH!!! ...*dies*"


Oh well, that's another clone that has been killed for real. Still, if the worst happens and you desperately need more players, fel free to use another clone of mine. I vote to spent the money to revive Mike, I prefer a veteran player with experience than a fresh grunt.

More fresh blood!