- Joined
- Jan 4, 2005
- Messages
- 24,793
Update #1 - Old Friends
We stopped last time when we set out for Altdorf. Observe the nice map, and trust me when I tell you the map of SotHR looked way better. (Don't.)
Once there, we are summoned to an audience of prime importance...
From left to right, Sven Carlsson (
), ze emperor (I think >_>) ( :!: ) and, of course, Morgan ( :evil: )
:!: Ah, Bernhardt. You came to Altdorf promptly. But not as fast as your friend Sven Carlson.
Good to see you again, Morgan.
:evil: Good to see you too, Sven. But I wasn't summoned here for a chat about old times, was I?
:!: Indeed not. Carlson has requested military aid for the region of the Border Princes.
The Border Princes are in desperate need of aid. Hordes of greenskins have swarmed into our land. We battle night and day to protect the passes into the empire but the enemy is too numerous. Without reinforcements we'll soon be overwhelmed.
:evil: Why are the greenskins invading in such numbers?
I am not sure... But it seems as if they are driven north by some unseen power or a kind of cloud of fear at their backs. Whatever that unknown force is, it terrifies even the greenskins. Unaided we can not stop the rampaging orcs from breaking through and threatening the empire itself.
:!: We are aware of the danger to our empire and must deal with this menace. Bernhardt, I want you to move south with Carlsson.
:evil: I deal in gold coin for red blood... or green blood. My army will fight for money. The glory we'll leave to others.
:!: Yes, yes, that is understood. You will be well rewarded if you return victorious. And knowing you you will pick up loot on the way. Now go and protect the empire.
I will gladly place my troops under your command, Morgan.
:evil: Wise decision... we head for the Border Princes!
A lengthy journey later we stumble upon our goal, the greenskin forces. Carlsson, the leader of the militia and an old ally of war, lends us his regiment for the next two battles- and it rocks faces off. Cavalry = awesome.
Good old Sven Carlsson. That's quite an upgrade to the literally useless infantry squads the Carlsson militia consisted of in Shadow of the Horned Rat.
Morgan! Orc forces ahead. The greenskins are in disarray, we can take them by suprise.
:evil: Assemble the troops! We will surprise them with sharp steel.
Battle 2 - Ambushing the Greenskins
This is hilariously easy, but it still took me some tries to get it right. Why? Oh, you'll see.
We are at a great advantage and know where the orcs are coming from. Better still, they don't know we are there. We will lay a trap.
As you can see, our ranged regiments are in plain sight. Morgan and Carlson's horsement, however, are hidden amongst the trees. The plan is to shoot at the advancing orcs and weaken them and make them go for our archers and the cannon and then surprise sex them from the back with our mobile cavalry. Let's go for it! To battle!
The cannon draws the attention of the orcs, though we strangely seem to miss more often than we hit. Well, who cares- the important goal here is to make the orcs go for the cannon and the archers so we can weaken them with missile fire as they advance and sneak our cavalry into their backs.
As you can see we - I - messed up. The pathfinding is kinda meh and I wasted too much time trying to get my cavalry to attack the orcs from behind, so they managed to get a bit close too comfort. And they are also being quite lucky, suffering few losses due to the fire of our archers and the cannon.
The cavalry literally arrives in the last second, saving our ass and charging into the backs of the orc hordes, mopping them up rather easily.
:evil: Let no one escape!
Badass. Well, we easily dispatch all the orcs, losing no troops... time to quit the mi-
Fuck you, game.
Those are Boar Boyz. That's exactly what it sounds like, orcs riding on boars. With heavy axes. They are like a mix of cavalry and heavy infantry and very powerful. We regroup and get ready charge them before they arrive at our archers.
Using our archers as bait, we make the Boar Boyz face our cavalry with their backs as they charge the Grudgebringer Crossbows. That's a shame for them, though, since we instantly order the crossbowmen to run away, then charge into the Boar's backs with our cavalry, decimating them. No mercy for green unpeople!
We are victorious! And lost a whole of 3 Carlsson Cavalry. Not bad. But what's this?
An amulet? Actually, it's just the graphic for an amulet, which means "Miscallenous Magical Item". Some orcs dropped it- well, time to make a screenshot of it to pick it up- I hit F12, my FRAPS make screenshot button-... and the mission is quit. As it happens, F12 also is the button to quit a won mission. Yes, that's right, I had to redo the mission because of it- for a potion of strength. Wow. Here are the stats of the redone mission:
Yeah, I hear you crying and moaning already in anguish: "N00b! Lost 2 men! U SUCK!". Yeah, I do suck. Screw you, faggots.
Here's the item we picked up- I gave it to the infantry.
Well, let's ride on south and protect the local area from whatever made those orcs be so afraid, eh? We rest in Teufelbad, a town in the Border Princes. With a badass name, I do say - who wouldn't want to live in a town which is literally named "Devil's Spa"? Morgan always the chatterbox, we get treated to a little interlude.
:evil: You seem troubled, Klaus...
Teufelbad has become a town of fear and whispers. The townfolk murmur of hungry ghosts, pale faces peering into the windows. The unquiet dead.
:evil: Maybe they are just rattled up at the prospect of greenskins at their doorstep.
Greenskins wouldn't inspire this kind of... dread. This is something else, something unnatural. Let's hurry on south!
:evil: When my men have filled their stomachs we will leave.
There is a man here whom I think you know. A wizard by the name of Luther Flamestrike.
Greetings Commander Bernhardt. It has been some time since I have spoken with you. And now you have need of me again!
:evil: And why should I need you again?
Look around you! Look at this haunted town! Dark magic in the air... and here I stand, a Bright Wizard to combat the dark.
A mage might prove invaluable, Morgan. Who knows what's up ahead?
:evil: Well... you were my mentor twenty years ago, Klaus... And your advice has usually been sound. Very well! Join us, Flamestrike. Now let's get back on the road, to face whatever is waiting for us.
And off we go-
With HIM.
Seriously, what good can a robe-wearing faggot do? He's going to be totally useless. Let's drag him into the next battle for the lulz and forget about him thereafter. A moments later, due south-
Morgan! Grissburg town up ahead. It's under attack by the living dead.
Flamestrike warned us that we were heading into the dark... he meant the dark on the other side of the grave- the living dead.
:evil: ZOMG! ORLY! Seriously, don't tell me you didn't expect undead after all this build-up. You're such a faggot.
Uh, sorry. He actually says:
:evil: Then we will make the living dead just plain dead ( :twisted: ). Attack!
Battle 3 - The Evil Dead
This battle is fun. Why? Well, there is innocent townsfolk running about on the town square and so we have to make sure we don't hurt any civilians.
...and that is exactly why we place our troops right in front of the townsquare so that the cannon is aimed straight at the innocent people. :twisted:
The undead advance veeeeery slowly, giving us all the time in the world to hit them with the cannon and the crossbows.
Those are zombies... and they move as slowly as.... zombies.
Enter !
Even the undead burn!
Time to use fagz0r-
...wow. He can toss a fireballs like that Grudgebringer Sword. I am underwhelmed. We'll get that guy killed since he's so useless-
... :!:
:!: :!: :!:
...the undead FLEE. How can undead even have morale? They flee from the fury of Fagz0r... who just threw 6 fireballs at the regiment, cutting them into half and making them into living torches... I guess you shouldn't make fun of people in robes lest they set you on fire. He's still pretty weak though... I mean, our cannon could have done the s-
...
:shock:
:shock: :shock: :shock:
...Okay okay he may stay... Fucking awesome. This spell will -kill- every undead it hits. This means if there are 10 undead in a line... Also, it looks cool. While our cannon and the archers pelt the undead, our Bright Wizard Luther runs around like a maniac and sets things on fire. Works for me.
KAMEHAMEHA~~~
Yeah... there's not much to this mission except for some Bright Wizard kicking serious ass. I spared you the repetitive waves of undead since it was basically the same scene thrice- archers weakening them, canonballs smashing them and the wizard being generally badass. And they laughed when he played with dolls as a kid!
And Commander Bernhardt? He spent the battle playing cards with Carlsson.
*Final Fantasy Victory Fanfare*
After the tiring and difficult battle, in Grissburg...
Zat's better. Now ze undead are as quiet as ze grave. (I couldn't resist. It's so awesome-sounding.)
:evil: I expected to slay greenskins, not wage war on living corpses. Why did the dead walk this region?
I forgot who that was. But that's an awesome hat.
The dead walk in many regions.
:evil: Ah, Mathias- Fancy meeting you here. Have you taken some time off from burning innocent women as witches? (I knew it. That hat just screams "inquisitor".)
I told you before! Do not call me Mathias! Address me by my proper title, Witch-Hunter General ( 
) and supreme authority on all abominations, whether it be witchcraft or necromancy. So show respect, Bernhardt.
:evil: Call me... COMMANDER ( :evil: :evil: :evil: ).
I warn you. Do not incur my anger. I am the surgeon of sin. I cut it out wherever I find it. Where there be witches I burn them. Sorcerers I put unto the long torture until death. Wizards who traffic with unclean spirits meet with swift retribution at my hands, or the hands of my priestly servants. No sinner escapes my righteous wrath!
:evil: No sinner could outrun your judgment, Mathias. Injustice is swift.
Be careful what you say, Bernhardt. (I TOLD YOU, IT WAS COMMANDER GODDAMN) One wrong word could condemn you. Just one wrong word and if the undead don't destroy you, I will. Now, do you want to hear my news or not?
:evil: You mean you have something worthwhile to say for once? Go ahead and say it.
The undead are many, so many. I have seen numerous packs of them to the south and heard witnesses describe armies of corpses shambling along the southern lands.
:evil: So... the dead walk to the south. Perhaps they are the force that panics the orcs into a stampede?
Yes commander. I feel sure the undead are the cause of the migration of the greenskins from the south.
Even the devil-sworn orcs flee the dead who walk. We must report this to the emperor immedeately, Bernhardt.
:evil: As I said- Call me COMMANDER, Mathias. We are heading for Altdorf. You can trot along behind us if you like. Men! We march for Altdorf at first light!
To be continued...
(...if you haven't fallen asleep by now. There's a choice coming up, and a difficult and rather epic mission if you make the right one.)
We stopped last time when we set out for Altdorf. Observe the nice map, and trust me when I tell you the map of SotHR looked way better. (Don't.)
Once there, we are summoned to an audience of prime importance...
From left to right, Sven Carlsson (
), ze emperor (I think >_>) ( :!: ) and, of course, Morgan ( :evil: ):!: Ah, Bernhardt. You came to Altdorf promptly. But not as fast as your friend Sven Carlson.
Good to see you again, Morgan.:evil: Good to see you too, Sven. But I wasn't summoned here for a chat about old times, was I?
:!: Indeed not. Carlson has requested military aid for the region of the Border Princes.
The Border Princes are in desperate need of aid. Hordes of greenskins have swarmed into our land. We battle night and day to protect the passes into the empire but the enemy is too numerous. Without reinforcements we'll soon be overwhelmed.:evil: Why are the greenskins invading in such numbers?
I am not sure... But it seems as if they are driven north by some unseen power or a kind of cloud of fear at their backs. Whatever that unknown force is, it terrifies even the greenskins. Unaided we can not stop the rampaging orcs from breaking through and threatening the empire itself.:!: We are aware of the danger to our empire and must deal with this menace. Bernhardt, I want you to move south with Carlsson.
:evil: I deal in gold coin for red blood... or green blood. My army will fight for money. The glory we'll leave to others.
:!: Yes, yes, that is understood. You will be well rewarded if you return victorious. And knowing you you will pick up loot on the way. Now go and protect the empire.
I will gladly place my troops under your command, Morgan.:evil: Wise decision... we head for the Border Princes!
A lengthy journey later we stumble upon our goal, the greenskin forces. Carlsson, the leader of the militia and an old ally of war, lends us his regiment for the next two battles- and it rocks faces off. Cavalry = awesome.
Good old Sven Carlsson. That's quite an upgrade to the literally useless infantry squads the Carlsson militia consisted of in Shadow of the Horned Rat.
Morgan! Orc forces ahead. The greenskins are in disarray, we can take them by suprise.:evil: Assemble the troops! We will surprise them with sharp steel.
Battle 2 - Ambushing the Greenskins
This is hilariously easy, but it still took me some tries to get it right. Why? Oh, you'll see.
We are at a great advantage and know where the orcs are coming from. Better still, they don't know we are there. We will lay a trap.
As you can see, our ranged regiments are in plain sight. Morgan and Carlson's horsement, however, are hidden amongst the trees. The plan is to shoot at the advancing orcs and weaken them and make them go for our archers and the cannon and then surprise sex them from the back with our mobile cavalry. Let's go for it! To battle!
The cannon draws the attention of the orcs, though we strangely seem to miss more often than we hit. Well, who cares- the important goal here is to make the orcs go for the cannon and the archers so we can weaken them with missile fire as they advance and sneak our cavalry into their backs.
As you can see we - I - messed up. The pathfinding is kinda meh and I wasted too much time trying to get my cavalry to attack the orcs from behind, so they managed to get a bit close too comfort. And they are also being quite lucky, suffering few losses due to the fire of our archers and the cannon.
The cavalry literally arrives in the last second, saving our ass and charging into the backs of the orc hordes, mopping them up rather easily.
:evil: Let no one escape!
Badass. Well, we easily dispatch all the orcs, losing no troops... time to quit the mi-
Fuck you, game.
Those are Boar Boyz. That's exactly what it sounds like, orcs riding on boars. With heavy axes. They are like a mix of cavalry and heavy infantry and very powerful. We regroup and get ready charge them before they arrive at our archers.
Using our archers as bait, we make the Boar Boyz face our cavalry with their backs as they charge the Grudgebringer Crossbows. That's a shame for them, though, since we instantly order the crossbowmen to run away, then charge into the Boar's backs with our cavalry, decimating them. No mercy for green unpeople!
We are victorious! And lost a whole of 3 Carlsson Cavalry. Not bad. But what's this?
An amulet? Actually, it's just the graphic for an amulet, which means "Miscallenous Magical Item". Some orcs dropped it- well, time to make a screenshot of it to pick it up- I hit F12, my FRAPS make screenshot button-... and the mission is quit. As it happens, F12 also is the button to quit a won mission. Yes, that's right, I had to redo the mission because of it- for a potion of strength. Wow. Here are the stats of the redone mission:
Yeah, I hear you crying and moaning already in anguish: "N00b! Lost 2 men! U SUCK!". Yeah, I do suck. Screw you, faggots.
Here's the item we picked up- I gave it to the infantry.
Well, let's ride on south and protect the local area from whatever made those orcs be so afraid, eh? We rest in Teufelbad, a town in the Border Princes. With a badass name, I do say - who wouldn't want to live in a town which is literally named "Devil's Spa"? Morgan always the chatterbox, we get treated to a little interlude.
:evil: You seem troubled, Klaus...
Teufelbad has become a town of fear and whispers. The townfolk murmur of hungry ghosts, pale faces peering into the windows. The unquiet dead.:evil: Maybe they are just rattled up at the prospect of greenskins at their doorstep.
Greenskins wouldn't inspire this kind of... dread. This is something else, something unnatural. Let's hurry on south!:evil: When my men have filled their stomachs we will leave.
There is a man here whom I think you know. A wizard by the name of Luther Flamestrike.
Greetings Commander Bernhardt. It has been some time since I have spoken with you. And now you have need of me again!:evil: And why should I need you again?
Look around you! Look at this haunted town! Dark magic in the air... and here I stand, a Bright Wizard to combat the dark. A mage might prove invaluable, Morgan. Who knows what's up ahead?:evil: Well... you were my mentor twenty years ago, Klaus... And your advice has usually been sound. Very well! Join us, Flamestrike. Now let's get back on the road, to face whatever is waiting for us.
And off we go-
With HIM.
Seriously, what good can a robe-wearing faggot do? He's going to be totally useless. Let's drag him into the next battle for the lulz and forget about him thereafter. A moments later, due south-
Morgan! Grissburg town up ahead. It's under attack by the living dead. Flamestrike warned us that we were heading into the dark... he meant the dark on the other side of the grave- the living dead.:evil: ZOMG! ORLY! Seriously, don't tell me you didn't expect undead after all this build-up. You're such a faggot.
Uh, sorry. He actually says:
:evil: Then we will make the living dead just plain dead ( :twisted: ). Attack!
Battle 3 - The Evil Dead
This battle is fun. Why? Well, there is innocent townsfolk running about on the town square and so we have to make sure we don't hurt any civilians.
...and that is exactly why we place our troops right in front of the townsquare so that the cannon is aimed straight at the innocent people. :twisted:
The undead advance veeeeery slowly, giving us all the time in the world to hit them with the cannon and the crossbows.
Those are zombies... and they move as slowly as.... zombies.
Enter
! Even the undead burn!Time to use fagz0r-
...wow. He can toss a fireballs like that Grudgebringer Sword. I am underwhelmed. We'll get that guy killed since he's so useless-
...the undead FLEE. How can undead even have morale? They flee from the fury of Fagz0r... who just threw 6 fireballs at the regiment, cutting them into half and making them into living torches... I guess you shouldn't make fun of people in robes lest they set you on fire. He's still pretty weak though... I mean, our cannon could have done the s-
...Okay okay he may stay... Fucking awesome. This spell will -kill- every undead it hits. This means if there are 10 undead in a line... Also, it looks cool. While our cannon and the archers pelt the undead, our Bright Wizard Luther runs around like a maniac and sets things on fire. Works for me.
KAMEHAMEHA~~~
Yeah... there's not much to this mission except for some Bright Wizard kicking serious ass. I spared you the repetitive waves of undead since it was basically the same scene thrice- archers weakening them, canonballs smashing them and the wizard being generally badass. And they laughed when he played with dolls as a kid!
And Commander Bernhardt? He spent the battle playing cards with Carlsson.
*Final Fantasy Victory Fanfare*
After the tiring and difficult battle, in Grissburg...
Zat's better. Now ze undead are as quiet as ze grave. (I couldn't resist. It's so awesome-sounding.):evil: I expected to slay greenskins, not wage war on living corpses. Why did the dead walk this region?
I forgot who that was. But that's an awesome hat.
The dead walk in many regions.:evil: Ah, Mathias- Fancy meeting you here. Have you taken some time off from burning innocent women as witches? (I knew it. That hat just screams "inquisitor".)
I told you before! Do not call me Mathias! Address me by my proper title, Witch-Hunter General ( ) and supreme authority on all abominations, whether it be witchcraft or necromancy. So show respect, Bernhardt.:evil: Call me... COMMANDER ( :evil: :evil: :evil: ).
I warn you. Do not incur my anger. I am the surgeon of sin. I cut it out wherever I find it. Where there be witches I burn them. Sorcerers I put unto the long torture until death. Wizards who traffic with unclean spirits meet with swift retribution at my hands, or the hands of my priestly servants. No sinner escapes my righteous wrath! :evil: No sinner could outrun your judgment, Mathias. Injustice is swift.
Be careful what you say, Bernhardt. (I TOLD YOU, IT WAS COMMANDER GODDAMN) One wrong word could condemn you. Just one wrong word and if the undead don't destroy you, I will. Now, do you want to hear my news or not?:evil: You mean you have something worthwhile to say for once? Go ahead and say it.
The undead are many, so many. I have seen numerous packs of them to the south and heard witnesses describe armies of corpses shambling along the southern lands. :evil: So... the dead walk to the south. Perhaps they are the force that panics the orcs into a stampede?
Yes commander. I feel sure the undead are the cause of the migration of the greenskins from the south. Even the devil-sworn orcs flee the dead who walk. We must report this to the emperor immedeately, Bernhardt.:evil: As I said- Call me COMMANDER, Mathias. We are heading for Altdorf. You can trot along behind us if you like. Men! We march for Altdorf at first light!
To be continued...
(...if you haven't fallen asleep by now. There's a choice coming up, and a difficult and rather epic mission if you make the right one.)
)
