lulz Let's register an account at the Escapist forums! lulz

Andyman Messiah · Sep 13, 2008

Taking a break from playing minigames in Final Fantasy 7, here's a detailed report on what happened when your bestest savior in the whole wide world decided it was time to get himself an account on www.escapistmagazine.com!
___________________________________________________________

Chapter One - In which our hero enters the website of the prestigious Escapist Magazine!

Here's my homepage. It's the normal, default Google search one Firefox forces upon you until you change it. I haven't changed it since I'm far too busy being awesome and lazy. I'm a swedish man after all.

Also don't let my bookmarks fool you. I hate comics with a passion and only go to those places to make fun of nerds.

Srsly.

Anyway! Let's go find that Escapist Magazine site now, shall we? We'll type in "www" first because that's how you do these things.

No porn-links at all!

FACT: I use Windows Explorer to jerk off.

Typing "e" brings up the only part of the Escapist Magazine dot com website I am familiar with. It's Yahtzee Monroe-Williams' rather quirky headset rambling show! We can use this to our advantage!

By taking the Zero Punctuation hypertypetextpower-link and getting rid of the ZP-stuff, we get this!

Voila! Now we have the url to Escapist Magazine dot com! Let's press the enter-key!

Sure is taking a lot of time.

HURRY THE FUCK UP, FIREFUCKS! LP IN PROGRESS, DAMMIT!

JESUS CHRIST ME! UPDATE FOR FUCKS SAKE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!

Alright folks, I just don't have time with this bullshit so I'll click "stop" here. I don't really want to see the accompanying picture to Jeff Palumbos (haha, Palumbo!) "My Life As a Tank"-article, anyway.

It scares me...

Also teenagers are feared because they're rebels and stuff. Didn't you see that movie with Whatsisname von Whatshisname? I sure wouldn't want to meet a teenager in a dark alley! They ride motorcycles and talk weird. If I was a dark alley I wouldn't want a teenager inside me. That's how scary teenagers are. You're all right to fear them!

Anyway! We're here to register an account! Let's do it, oh yeah!

To be continued! Really. I have chapters 2 and 3 ready to be posted already!!

P.S. I hope you'll let me know if you like this because it'll boost my confidence and help me get over my bad self e-steam. :D

Andyman Messiah · Sep 13, 2008

Hey guys, here's Chapter Two - In which our hero registers for an account!

Alright, we're here at the Escapist dot com site. We're gonna get ourselves an account. It's going to be awesome! Let's do it!

This is the same picture as the previous one. Let's see where that "register"-button is, shall we?

Register... register... hmm...

Register... haha, I wanna register my account. More like you wanna register your cunt, amirite?!! Ahahaha!!

Register... can't find it.

Where the fuck is that register-button?

More like you wanna register your count, amirite!??

Alright folks, uh, I can't find that register-button so we'll end this chapter here so I can do some registering ahead just to see where to click and stuff. Laters.

Andyman Messiah · Sep 13, 2008

But not that much later, lol! Here's...

Chapter Three - In which our hero really registers for an account!

Success! I finally found the button! Turns out I needed a new dog! Haha, stupid dog!

Alright, this is the registration form.

I'll just enter my vitals...

Password is "ironmaiden". Up the irons!

Off we go!

I'm actually older but 1909 is the lowest you can go. Stupid Escapist Magazine dot com. What about all those who were born 1908, huh?! You stupid escapist magazine guys are racist and discriminating and whores and a lot of other bad things who charge money to let people fart you in the face!!! Hear the rage from my fingers tapping the keyboard!!! RAGE!!!

Alright, registration sent. Now they tell me they're gonna let me wait a sec while they send me further activation stuff by mail. Great! Way to be a couple of dicks, Escapist. I haven't checked my mail since kindergarten!

FACT: I totally use the word "kindergarten" all the time.

Heaven dot net looks a lot like Hotmail dot com. I hear they're gonna sue Microsoft any day now.

I just realized I've listened to the same Jackson Browne song twenty times in a row or something. Give me a sec while I change my winampitunesmediaplayer playlist.

...

Alright! I've been with sisters, I've been with their moms! Let's click on that link and pray to Al Wright this is the correct e-mail and not one of those african blood diamond vault dweller financial support e-mail letters that take all your money.

Ha-HA! Success!

In the next chapter, we'll set up our account. And by our account I totally mean my account. You all get your own account. This one is mine, all mine.

To be continued!

sportforredneck · Sep 13, 2008

Faggotry afoot.

Andyman Messiah · Sep 13, 2008

I resent your faggotry and shit.

Andyman Messiah · Sep 13, 2008

Also I'm not drunk.

Chapter Four is on the way as long as this doesn't get retardoed. Promise.

Occasionally Fatal · Sep 13, 2008

im curious to see where this leads.

sportforredneck · Sep 13, 2008

Andyman Messiah said:
Also I'm not drunk.

Saying that this is you when you're sober is probably not the greatest idea.

Andyman Messiah · Sep 13, 2008

Okay, I'm a little drunk. But it'll be a while until I start typing "in a drunk way". You gotta believe me.

Cthulhugoat · Sep 13, 2008

Oh my god, man, you must do the Slouching Towards Black Mesa quest. It's such a piece of revolutionary design! Not quite as good as BioShock, but hell, few can have Ayn Rand and WRENCHES HOLY SHIT in the same place.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/issues/issue_122/2597-Slouching-Toward-Black-Mesa DO IT FAGGOT

Andyman Messiah · Sep 13, 2008

I'm not on good terms with Tom Rhodes but I'll do it in chapter twelve, alright?

edit: tersm = terms.

Serious_Business · Sep 13, 2008

Fuck this thread.

What is this eastern european language. This sounds like a language that needs conquering.

SlavemasterT · Sep 13, 2008

Locue, you can't stop now you faggot. Register and get to the first boss at least.

Andyman Messiah · Sep 13, 2008

It's serious business for you people, isn't it?

Here's my further adventures into escapist magazine forums.

Alright, we've gotten ourselves an account at the fabled Escapist bunny rabbit vampire moose forums.

This is the main page. Get used to it. If you take your membership seriously you're going to be looking a lot at this page. Most notable is the fact that there is ALWAYS three posters with numbers at the end of their usernames in a row on the main page. It's only scary in the beginning. You'll get used to it after a while.

Before we can do any sort of posting, we're going to have to set up our forum persona so that we have an internet identity to hide behind.

Note that the forums will always assume that you're a guy in a yellow shirt and baseball cap until you change it with the special girl on the internet toggle under "birthday".

Alright, let's create our forumgoer. Name is pretty much all done already, but it's a well kept secret of mine that I'm actually a girl so let's give that baseball guy a vagina and a nice rack, oh yeah!! Let's update and see what our character looks like now!

Oh. Well, since I obviously have a vagina I don't like baseball anyway. I'm fine with this.

*sob*

Alright, let's fill in the rest of the information.

There we go. Now we're almost done. Can anyone tell me what we're missing? That's right, we need a cool avatar! We can't very well just strut down into the forum and announce to everyone that we're a girl now can we? That's totally gay, lol!

We're given the option to upload a picture of ourselves. Never do this! They'll take your picture and they photoshop it and post it all over the internet so people in Bangladesh are tricked into believing you have a much more interesting sex life than they do! Let's click on avatar gallery instead.

Here we have a number different avatars to choose from.

Yes we definitly have to have an avatar from the "Anime Babes" category.

To be continued!

Andyman Messiah · Sep 13, 2008

btw, "Online Now!" should be read as "Available Now!" :D

fastpunk · Sep 13, 2008

"Occupation: Woman" - :lol:

Very exciting. Carry on you drunk bastard.

sportforredneck · Sep 13, 2008

Now it's definitely getting good. The wonders of women gamers through the eyes of a drunken Locue.

DefJam101 · Sep 13, 2008

I spit coffee on my keyboard at 'woman'.

Continue this, please. Lol.

Andyman Messiah · Sep 13, 2008

I should probably team up with THAT GUY who does all the feminist perspective threads on things and then gradually have him take over the thing.

Don't expect any quality. Andrea Manning is [playing on] very easy.

edit: btw, I'll hold off the upcoming updates for tomorrow. You can't see me right now but I'm actually totally drooling all over myself every five seconds. Sleep required, y'know.

Mods: Don't put this in retardo. I mean, I'll fully understand if you do but please don't. I'll make out with you. Seriously, give me your adress and I'll come find you and make out with you. Just don't close the thread, alright.

Alright. Sleepy.

sportforredneck · Sep 13, 2008

Andyman Messiah said:
I should probably team up with THAT GUY who does all the feminist perspective threads on things and then gradually have him take over the thing.

wat.

Gay-Lussac · Sep 13, 2008

sportforredneck said:
Andyman Messiah said:

I should probably team up with THAT GUY who does all the feminist perspective threads on things and then gradually have him take over the thing.

Click to expand...

wat.