CYOA 2.0: Virtual Reality

[jerichocaine]

Real Life

Epistle to the Codexians

My previous attempt at making a CYOA failed because my dumb computer won't let me play KOTOR. I had been despairing because I had so many kickass ideas that would hit your collective membranes like a jewel from Solomon and bring sight to the blind. But my computer was being gay, and with the problem seemingly unsolvable, I pretty much gave up.

Much time passed, and this incident had almost faded from my mind. But then, one day (last Saturday to be precise), an idea came to me. No, it was more than an idea. It was a mission. And not just any mission, but one given to me by the Son of the Abrahamic God Himself!

This wonderous event happened when I was at a music festival at a park. After "reflecting" on the numerological significance of this particular day, I suddenly beheld a strange sight. Before me stood a vision of the Nazarene, King of the Jews! "Jesus Christ," I swore instinctively, but found beyond that I could not speak. My throat felt a burning sensation and I fell into a fit of coughing. The Son looked on in silence for some time, then finally opened His mouth. Out of it came a perfectly formed ring that lingered for a moment above His head before dissipating.

The Good Shepherd then said to me, "I know of your troubles, for they are mine as well. But do not despair, only heed my words: Because something cannot be done, does not mean it is impossible. An ant sees a raging torrent that he could never traverse in four thousand years. A dog sees a stream of its piss running down a hill."

The Savior then departed, I know not how, but not before conferring upon me as a mark of His wisdom two grams of incense to be used in veneration of His Holy Spirit.

I: The Beginning

Finals are almost over. Pretty soon it'll be home for the summer, but there is still some time to do some crazy shit. The weather is pretty shitty, and has been for some time, but this week might be an improvement, if meteorology is to be trusted. There are several options that lay before you. Studying is one, but that is decidedly at the bottom of the list of things you'd like spending my time on.

So what should you do with your time? That is for you to determine. Choose carefully the path that you shall tread:

(Choose one of the following locations)

• A - Visit a cultural landmark

• B - Go to the library

• C - Go to a bar/club

• D - Go to a concert

• E - Stay around the rez

(Choose three of the following actions)

• 1 - Do drugs

• 2 - Get drunk

• 3 - Hit on chicks

• 4 - Hit chicks

• 5 - Ride a bike

• 6 - Dance

• 7 - Make art

• 8 - Make a movie

• 9 - Fight crime

 

[tindrli]

C-2-1-3

 

[Kipeci]

A493

 

[tindrli]

Real Life

Epistle to the Codexians

My previous attempt at making a CYOA failed because my dumb computer won't let me play KOTOR. I had been despairing because I had so many kickass ideas that would hit your collective membranes like a jewel from Solomon and bring sight to the blind. But my computer was being gay, and with the problem seemingly unsolvable, I pretty much gave up.

Much time passed, and this incident had almost faded from my mind. But then, one day (last Saturday to be precise), an idea came to me. No, it was more than an idea. It was a mission. And not just any mission, but one given to me by the Son of the Abrahamic God Himself!

This wonderous event happened when I was at a music festival at a park. After "reflecting" on the numerological significance of this particular day, I suddenly beheld a strange sight. Before me stood a vision of the Nazarene, King of the Jews! "Jesus Christ," I swore instinctively, but found beyond that I could not speak. My throat felt a burning sensation and I fell into a fit of coughing. The Son looked on in silence for some time, then finally opened His mouth. Out of it came a perfectly formed ring that lingered for a moment above His head before dissipating.

The Good Shepherd then said to me, "I know of your troubles, for they are mine as well. But do not despair, only heed my words: Because something cannot be done, does not mean it is impossible. An ant sees a raging torrent that he could never traverse in four thousand years. A dog sees a stream of its piss running down a hill."

The Savior then departed, I know not how, but not before conferring upon me as a mark of His wisdom two grams of incense to be used in veneration of His Holy Spirit.

Finals are almost over. Pretty soon it'll be home for the summer, but there is still some time to do some crazy shit. The weather is pretty shitty, and has been for some time, but this week might be an improvement, if meteorology is to be trusted. There are several options that lay before me. Studying is one, but that is decidedly at the bottom of the list of things I'd like spending my time on.

So what should I do with my time? That is for you, dear reader, to determine. Choose carefully the path that I shall tread:

(Choose one of the following locations)

• A - Visit a cultural landmark

• B - Go to the library

• C - Go to a bar/club

• D - Go to a concert

• E - Stay around the rez

(Choose as many of the following actions as you want)

• 1 - Do drugs

• 2 - Get drunk

• 3 - Hit on chicks

• 4 - Hit chicks

• 5 - Ride a bike

• 6 - Dance

• 7 - Make art

• 8 - Make a movie

• 9 - Fight crime

be sure to add some pictures!!!! REAL ONES!!!

 

[Tigranes]

D138, which is a composite recipe for Art.

 

[TOME]

B238 - I tried to google appropriate pic to insert here but only found pics of Felicia Day and Peter Dinklage. But go and hit on that sexy redheaded librarian every town has and make a movie about it while drinking whiskey.

 

[jerichocaine]

Ok so no pics (was pretty drunk, forgot). I went to a club with some chicks and hooked up with one of them on the dance floor. She was on the chubbier side but I dig. Full update and shit on the morrow. Still pretty drunk, its a bitch to fix all my typoes. Peace homies

~ME (fuck 'I'm drunk as a bizzitch)

 

[tindrli]

Ok so no pics (was pretty drunk, forgot). I went to a club with some chicks and hooked up with one of them on the dance floor. She was on the chubbier side but I dig. Full update and shit on the morrow. Still pretty drunk, its a bitch to fix all my typoes. Peace homies

~ME (fuck 'I'm drunk as a bizzitch)

so it was

C-2-6-3-X

 

[jerichocaine]

Gospel of ####

It was supposed to be C213 but I didn't want to be the only one rolling on the m.

(artist's impression)

By now it should be pretty obvious what kind of person I am. Yes, I am the one your daddy warned you about, the 9/11 generation nouveau-hippie, that smokes weed all day and curses the establishment. Consequentially, I'm lazy as fuck.

So hear these words, and take heed, for though they are words that have been said before, they are words that will be said again:

Government, by definition, can never serve the people, unless serving to restrict or enslave.

But fear not! For one day the world will live in freedom and unity, and our descendants will inherit the Earth as it was meant to be.

II: Life of a College Kid

Last night was... interesting...

It's 10 pm. In anticipation of the imminent debauchery of the night, you decide to smoke a little weed. However, you must first obtain a Tasty Beverage. In order to do so, you must journey down to the Lobby. The descent will be long and hard (twss), as you will be taking the stairs (Health +0.5).

Upon reaching the Lobby, you encounter two girls from your floor, Kim and Faye (names changed to protect the innocent). Kim is about half a head shorter than you, with dyed (pretty sure) red hair. Faye is at height with you, and has a few extra pounds, but a lot of potential. They tell you that they are going out drinking, and invite you along.

"What the fuck are you guys doing going out on a Monday night during exams?" you ask, surprised.

Kim laughs and says that she still has three more exams to write (damn, Kim, you need to get your shit together).

"Well, this is college," you say, "it would be irresponsible to waste your time studying when you could be getting blackout" (Charisma +1).

You are then joined by two others, Tina, a short blonde girl wearing incredibly sexy red lipstick, and Dave, some faggy kid who you don't know.

Now numbering five, your party sets out for DHD. It's cold as balls outside, and your only outerwear consist of a hoodie and a tuque. You decide to smoke a cigarette, because everyone else is doing it (Health -2, Charisma +1).

It's about ten minutes later when you arrive at DHD. Walking up a narrow staircase that you've probably tripped down before, you enter the discotheque. It's still pretty early, so your party grabs a table. The club has a distinctive hipster-cowboy theme going on. There are weird white horse-head coat hooks all along the wall that for some reason hold your attention -- you know not why, but something about them intrigues you. You put the thought out of your mind.

You go up to the bar with Kim. The others have gotten drinks already. There's a special, either a vodka lemonade or a shot of Jack and a long necked beer for five dollars (Money -6). Knowing well the wonders of cheap alcohol, everyone has gotten the special. Tina notes that all of the girls got the vodka lemonade, while me and Dave both got the shot and beer, and makes some comment about stereotypes.

"Yes, but in this case, it is a self-fufilling prophecy," you tell her, sagely. You hope that with this statement you have successfully headed off a potential stream of feminist bullshit, while also demonstrating your dominance by dismssing her ideas. This is a dangerous technique, and very often can lead to an explosive situation. But this day, you win out.

Some time passes, and the club eventually starts to fill up. The girls decide to take it to the dance floor. You and Dave exchange a look. You realize that, somehow, this look is the most significant thing that has happened to you thusfar today -- on first glance, it's a mammalian recognition of each other's slight trepidation, but look deeper and see the lizard brain at work, sizing up the competition. Niggaz is foul, and it's duck seazon.

Instead of heading to the floor right away, you pull a tight spin move and end up at the bar. Approximately one more shot and beer later (Money -6), you are back on your original course. It's easy to find the girls, because the club is still under capacity, which is nice, because in an hour or so this floor is going to be a roughly six foot in height block of solid flesh and sweat. Like they say, "good times".

Nicely buzzed by now, you are getting into the rhythm. Time starts to pass faster, it feels like. The floor is packed now, and you feel someone's back against yours. You turn your head and see a cute chick wearing a lacy black dress. She is a daughter of Jacob, it is plain to see. You grind up against her back, and she does the same. You dance like this for one song, after which she disappears. You realize that none of the people your are with even realized what was going on. Grinning, you bow out to grab a refreshing drink to cool yourself down. The special only went on until 11 pm, so the alcohol is considerably more expensive now. You grab another long necked brew, and drift back to the floor gradually (Money -6, Received: 1x Long-Necked Pabst Blue Ribbon).

You rejoin your group, and by now the floor is filled completely. Wryly you reflect on the animalistic image before you: body parts and body fluid all over are the conditions for an intense mating ritual playing out between the dominant and predatory males of the species and the gaudy females, who can be dangerous in their own way.

"Danger is bloody right," you think, "every time I take a swig of beer I almost knock someone out."

Eventually, you realize that you are dancing alone with Faye, and everyone else has evaporated somewhere. Faye turns around and starts grinding her hips on you (Boner +100). It looks like things are starting to get pretty heavy (lol), when you feel a familiar presence on your back. You look at the Jewess. She has a devious smile on her face, the kind that makes you think bad thoughts.

"Maybe it is true what they say about Jewish chicks"

"What?" shouts Faye.

"Nothing, nothing." Subwoofers were divinely inspired, it must be so.

You started holding hands with Faye at some point, but you claim one of them back and put it behind your back. You grab a nice handful of that Semitic ass. The girl jumps slightly; you look back and she blows you a kiss then melts away into the crowd.

"Chicks, man."

"What?"

Damn, you got to get that shit together, man. You and Faye are face to face now. You think of something you read, about how people supposedly decide within seven seconds of meeting them whether they'll hook up with someone else or not. Can it be true? Maybe without alcohol or drugs in the equation. You return to your senses, and find that Faye is gazing into your eyes. You see within her eyes... you. Trippy.

But of course you know what this means. Commence the macking.

"Fuck me," you think, "did I brush my teeth this morning?" Fuck it, you decide, alcohol is pretty much the same thing, right? It's antiseptic. It's science. Your lips close around hers (~40% chance of Receiving: ?x herpes simplex virions). For a moment, time seems to freeze. You can feel her heart beating against your chest, and yours beating along with it.

Gayyyyyyyy.

The two of you continue dancing the rest of the night, sloppy, drunk kisses intermittent.

Fade to black.

Looking ahead...

Pick one action:

• 1 - Mack on

• 2 - Punch

• 3 - Take on a date

• 4 - Smoke up

• 5 - Give a gift

• 6 - Other (it's damn hard to come up with these things)

And the subject:

• D - Dave

• F - Faye (brown hair, my height, couple extra pounds, pretty face)

• K - Kim (short, red hair (drapes at least; I reserve judgement on whether the carpets are in agreement), cute.

• O - some random slutty chick I know

• R - some random slutty chick I don't know

• T - Tina (short, blonde, classily attractive, like a model)

 

[TOME]

3F - Also go to a gym to increase health and charisma.

 

[tindrli]

first things first.

nah.. i would do 3-F

 

[Kipeci]

2D

 

[Tigranes]

3K, because we all know virtual fantasies are all about ego-stroking harems.

 

[oscar]

1F