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Review Mass Effect Reviewed

Discussion in 'RPG Codex News & Content Comments' started by Jason, Dec 15, 2008.

  1. Jason chasing a bee

    Jason
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    Location:
    baby arm fantasy island
    Tags: BioWare; Mass Effect

    Local forumgoer/Clash afficianado Andyman Messiah took a trip or five through BioWare's Mass Effect and then decided to inflict his experience on the rest of us.

    Read on...
     
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  2. Volourn Pretty Princess Pretty Princess

    Volourn
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    21,317
    No. Just no.
     
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  3. burrie Scholar

    burrie
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    Holland
    Wow. So... edgy. :o
     
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  4. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    Just say yes, Volo of Urn.

    That's community service for you.
     
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  5. yes plz Arcane

    yes plz
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    I touched myself whilst reading it.
     
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  6. Nightjed Liturgist

    Nightjed
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    a good review, the worst part of the game for me was that when i asked the bad guy's nemesis and the bad guy's assistant the "wtf does he wasnt to destroy the universe for ?" question they replied with "your puny brain couldnt possibly process it", well fuck you too, and when i actually spoke to the "bad guy" i wasnt even given the option to ask, just a few taunts (im pretty sure i remember correctly), but of course because of that godawful dialogue system (that can only be explained as a way to shorten dialogue options for console controls without shortening the actual lines) you wouldnt know if any option led you to ask what you wanted

    several times my guy came out much more of a dickhead than i was expecting after selecting an option, other times he came out much more of a pussy than i expected ...

    and the second worst was the realization (during the first 30 minutes) that the story is a freaking copy of kotor1's story, down to the letter, they just changed costumes and names.
     
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  7. asper Cipher

    asper
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    Project: Eternity
    Quite amusing review :)

    ps. typo spotted:
     
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  8. Darth Roxor Prestigious Gentleman Wielder of the Huegpenis

    Darth Roxor
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    There a lot of such typoes inside, actually. I think I counted about 5.

    I start thinking that the 'routine spellcheck' is actually just a legend meant to delay articles >:|
     
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  9. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    English isn't my first language.

    I'm actually a horse.
     
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  10. Shannow Waster of Time

    Shannow
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  11. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    My excuse is that I'm a lazy motherfucker who relies on the automatic spellcheck. Also I'm a louce in a horse costume. Think of me as Cait Sith, except I'm a louce... in a horse costume. Yeah.

    Btw, that youtube thing was awesome. I rated it 5.
     
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  12. Helton Arcane

    Helton
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    Andy I think you should take over development of American Mare.
     
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  13. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    I really don't have that much time to waste.
     
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  14. Serious_Business Best Poster on the Codex

    Serious_Business
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    YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH BABY
     
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  15. Jason chasing a bee

    Jason
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    That's actually my fault. I should've caught those before posting it. The right to give me thirty lashes goes to the highest bidder.
     
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  16. Granveldt Novice

    Granveldt
    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1
    T-fucking-he re-fucking-view su-fucking-cked co-fucking-cks!

    Also, shit.
     
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  17. Thrasher Erudite

    Thrasher
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    Jan 17, 2008
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    1,407
    Reminds me why mass effect is not on my wish list. Thx.
     
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  18. Korgan Arbiter

    Korgan
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    4,238
    Location:
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    He's gonna take you back to the past
    To play the shitty games that suck ass
    He'd rather have a buffallo
    Take a diarrhea dump in his ear
    He'd rather eat the rotten asshole
    Of a road killed skunk and down it with beer
    He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard
    He's the Angry Bioware Nerd
    He's the Angry Obsidian Nerd
    He's the Angry RPG Nerd

    When you turn on the TV
    Make sure it's tuned to channel three
    He's got a nerdy shirt and a pocket pouch
    Although I've never seen him write anything down
    He's got a powerglove and a dirty mouth
    Armed with his zapper he will tear these games down
    He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard
    He's the Angry Bioware Nerd
    He's the Angry Obsidian Nerd
    He's the Angry RPG Nerd

    He plays the worst games of all time
    They're horrible abominations of mankind
    They make him so mad he can spit
    Or say cowabunga, Cowa-fuckin'-piece'a dog shit

    They rip you off and don't care one bit
    But this nerd, he doesn't forget it
    Why can't a dragon fly? Why must I kill rats?
    They got a quick buck for this shitload of fuck
    The characters names are wrong. Why's the grindan so long?
    Why doesn't the diplomacy do anything?
    He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard
    These games suck so bad, he makes up his own words
    He's the angriest most pissed off gaming nerd
    He's the Angry...
    Bestheda
    Bioware
    Black Isle
    CD Projekt
    Obsidian
    Pirahna Bytes
    SSI
    Troika Nerd
    He's The Angry RPG Nerd!11
     
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  19. Smarts Scholar

    Smarts
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    111
    No mention of the weapon/armour upgrade system... how would you deal with that if the if the various weapons stacked? Just get rid of it completely? If you're gonna say, 'well, just don't stack the modified stuff', when you've got a lot of stuff upgraded and modified, the lack of a stacking system almost becomes moot.
     
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  20. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    Inventory management, Mass Effect style:

    • Phase 1: You pick up a lot of weapons (shit).
      Phase 2: You pick up a lot of upgrades (shit).
      Phase 3: You pick up a lot of armor (shit).
      Phase 4: You see if there's anything worthwhile in the pile of shit.
      Phase 5: If there is a good piece of equipment in the pile of shit, you equip it.
      Phase 6a: If there is a good piece of upgrade in the pile of shit, you equip it.
      Phase 6b: If there is a good piece of equipment but no good piece of upgrade, you take the upgrades you have on your existing equipment and put it on the better equipment you picked up.
      Phase 6c: If there is a good piece of upgrade but no good piece of equipment, you toss the upgrades you have on your existing equipment and put the better upgrades on the better equipment.
      Phase 7: Once you have gone through the pile of shit, click "drop" or "turn into omnigel" or "sell".
      Repeat Phase 7 until all pieces of shit have been dropped since you can't drop, omnigel or sell multiple items.

    Loot doesn't come modified.
     
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  21. doctor_kaz Scholar

    doctor_kaz
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    Location:
    Ohio, USA
    All of those complaints and the reviewer didn't even get into how shitty the combat is -- especially the AI. I lost track of the number of times that one of my retarded companions shot directly into a wall or a box three inches in front of them because they apparently couldn't figure out that the bullets wouldn't go through it and hit the enemy behind it. Between crappy inventory systems and crappy combat Bioware can't design a fundamentally solid video game nowadays.
     
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  22. Andyman Messiah Mr. Ed-ucated

    Andyman Messiah
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    I forgot about it. I do mention that
    but I definitely should have gone more in-depth.
     
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  23. doctor_kaz Scholar

    doctor_kaz
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    Yeah I think it's worth talking about quite a bit since combat is still about 1/3 of the game or so. I'm pretty sure that I haven't played a game with worse AI for at least five years.
     
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  24. Pliskin Arbiter

    Pliskin
    Joined:
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    1,587
    Location:
    Château d'If
    On the subject of the brevity of the Main Quest:

    All I can think is, that it was a deliberate design choice. How else could they justify all the "you must play through the entire fucking game and then restart to unlock weapon-function x, or character class z".

    Fuck that! I couldn't even be arsed to finish the damn thing, let alone play it 10 different times just so I can use the zoom function on the sniper rifle!

    I can't decide whether it was arrogance ("yah, people will lurv this game sooo much, they'll want to keep on playin'"), or connivance ("yah, the Main Quest is waaay too short --- what are we gonna do about it? I know! Force 'em to replay whether they want to or not!").
     
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  25. Burning Bridges Enviado de meu SM-G3502T usando Tapatalk

    Burning Bridges
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    :)

    This dialog is fully compatible with red green blue buttons of a gamepad, so that illiterate persons can play it. If thats not innovative, what is?
     
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