Preview Everything sucks... except Fallout 3!

[DarkUnderlord]

Tags: Fallout 3

There's a <a href="http://www.xboxfocus.com/columns/2-the-xbox-guy/879-fallout-3-prepare-be-blown-away/index.html">quality preview of Fallout 3 up at Xbox Focus</a>. Here's a sampling of that quality:
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<blockquote>No matter which way I slice it, I am knees-bent over Fallout 3. I cannot stop drooling over every Fallout 3 screenshot, video, and news releases that reaches me, and my addiction to any and all Fallout info can be compared to that of a cocaine addict's.
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I account this to the fact that Fallout 3 is the "perfect storm" for a gamer like myself: longtime fan of Bethesda, lover of open-world games, and post-apocalyptic storylines are a personal fetish (I really enjoyed "I am Legend", even though I put into practice the same "everything is going to suck" policy for movies as I do video games). When you mix all of that gaming divinity together, and then toss a bunch of what can only be described as "Bioshock-esque controls" on top, you have a nominee for "Best Game of All-Fucking Time" in my opinion.
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So what it is exactly that has me so excited about Fallout 3? While I could make this my first one-word column by jotting down the word "everything" and calling it a night, I'm pretty certain my readers want a bit more substance than that. So in light of that, here's a small list of particular aspects of the game that has me pulling out my pubic hair in anticipation (my crotch area is so red lately that I woke up yesterday morning believing I had herpes).
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1. The backstory. According to the Fallout universe, sometime after McCain-Palin are voted into office in 2008...
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2. Slooooow-moooootion death animations.
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3. Liam Fucking Neeson is in it.
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4. Stunning level design.
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5. New and Innovative Health System.
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6. Over 300 Different Endings.
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7. Truly Interactive Weapons, AI, and More
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8. October 28th isn't that far away...</blockquote>
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A few Fun Facts™ you might like to know.
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1. That's the wrong backstory.
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2. No comment.
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3. Liam Neeson was in Star Wars Episode One and that didn't help that suck any less.
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4. Might have a point.
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5. Using the health system that was in Fallout 1 and 2 isn't really innovative and I'm pretty sure there's still a health bar.
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6. Looks like somebody bought the hype.
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7. Under this section he talks about the fact that when NPCs die, they don't respawn! Shocking. I got the same depth in Doom 2.
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8. If only it were in a galaxy far, far away.
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Thanks <b>Dandelion</b>!

 

[Umbragen]

I really want one of those Pipboy Bobble-heads from the CE. I don't know if it's worth $70 though, even considering the spiffy metal packaging.

 

[Suicidal]

I cannot stop drooling over every Bethesda developer's cock

Fixed.

 

[SimpleComplexity]

I think i know who the author of this game advertisement is.

 

[entertainer]

lol at digg comments

 

[elander_]

Someone should port Fallout to the XBox so the console noobes can play a real crpg.

 

[buccaroobonzai]

Someone should port Fallout to the XBox so the console noobes can play a real crpg.

Yeah and the way to do it would be to port it on Xboxlive Arcade. Casual gamers would think its just an old school classic game like Prince of Persia or Bionic Commando, and woah, lo and behold they would be surprised to see what complexity a video game can achieve. Many would quit because of that, but many who play C&C and Civ Rev types now might stick it out and actually get swayed to enjoy the depth.

The key is that they are viewing it as an out of date antique game, it's all in the perspective. Millions of casual gamers use X-arcade daily, so even if you only got a small percentage to try it and out of that enjoy it you'd greatly increase the overall number who have played the game.

However, to sya that these new Fallout converts would impact the industry in any way is too much to say. Its not like they would all swarm Bethsoft's forums and inundate them with hardcore RPG element requests or something. It would only matter if you could direct thei buying power towards indy deleopers like Iron tower, Spiderweb, Afterfall's dev etc.

 

[bozia2012]

Looks like it was written by Todd himself.

 

[Anaglyph]

"you can pencil me down as a cynic"

I think I'll save on the graphite, thanks.

I'm quite looking forward to the game, actually, but nonsense like this makes me feel slightly queasy.

 

[Dandelion]

I see you have caught the true essence of that "quality"

Unfortunately they edited\censured some early interesting comments like this one..

Excuse me Steve Wysowski, but is it a requirement to be pants on head retarded in order to write for xboxfocus.com?

I hope the author of that shit read it, at least in the breaks between one Bethesda developer's cock and another

 

[Shannow]

I really want one of those Pipboy Bobble-heads from the CE. I don't know if it's worth $70 though, even considering the spiffy metal packaging.

It's definately worth it. You should buy two, but only after you've joined scientology and invested most of your money in new US real property subprime papers. I hear the market will be booming in the near future.

 

[inwoker]

No. Not funny. Way too unrealistic.

 

[Xor]

Man, it's like these hype piece authors have a contest to see who can write the most positive-sounding preview.

 

[Gerrard]

He forgot about the realistic concrete look.

 

[uhjghvt]

truly interactive weapons? what does that even mean

obviously bethesda paid for this nobody would spontaneously decide to make a list like this and then pad it out with such lame nonsense

 

[Longshanks]

I'd put it down to idiocy rather than cock sucking. This previewer really does like what he sees, he just lacks the intelligence to enumerate the reasons (which, by the way is a pre-requisite for being so positive about Fallout 3 :wink and just lists a bunch of random semi-intelligible observations instead.

 

[SuicideBunny]

When it comes to my impressions on pre-released games, you can pencil me down as a cynic.

as opposed to a skeptic.

 

[Dire Roach]

In reference to Liam Neeson:

Rarely do you see acting of this caliber reach the medium of video games, and his appearance is a sigh of relief to the ever-so standard testosterone injected, Ron Pearlman voiced characters.

Ohhhhhh he went there!

 

[Data4]

One huge reason it will be awesome: Bethesda Softworks.

Priceless.

 

[Serious_Business]

Quality journalism

 

[Mareus]

This thread made me laugh. LOL!

 

[Dingus]

Roamin in the Gloamin

Jesus, I know I'll be flamed eternally for this, and that I'm sure you all have your very scientific and 100 point reasons for why you have every reason to be out raged at Bethesda for Fallout 3, but let the game suck, if it must. Let its dead dessicated corpse drift slowly to the bottom of the barrel of other rotting flounders that are about to explode onto your PC or console this fall. Speculate about this game until you crap your pants (too late for most it seems) from yelling at the top of every mountain, as the harbinger of doom for the Fallout franchise. Then weep into your pillow every night that Bethesda has ruined your childhood (adulthood) dreams, hopes, wishes, health, because it ruined your family, raped your grandmother etc. etc, ad nauseam.

This won't be the first time a game/movie/book franchise has disappointed the fan-boys. You are in love with an ideal or a moment that can't ever be recreated again. Too bad, that is a lot of wasted energy that could have been used for good like reading stories to the mentally handicapped or building a home for the homeless. Love the franchise for what it was and if you feel so passionate, MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING GAME! Invest in a software company, become the lead developer or CEO and make the fucking thing yourself, and then listen to all the whiny cunts, because your new game won't be giving each character their own special felt coloured hat.

I have low expectations for this game, and that is ok, as I just might be surprised. If not, then no damage. I loved Fallout 1 & 2, but just remember you can never really go back home.

We out. D

 

[Ion Flux]

Re: Roamin in the Gloamin

... and if you feel so passionate, MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING GAME!

Apparently you haven't been paying attention.

Are we not allowed to laugh at stupidity? I thought that was what the internet was invented for. Your rant lacks substance.

(edited to remove unnecessary profanity)

 

[Mareus]

Re: Roamin in the Gloamin

Jesus, I know I'll be flamed eternally for this, and that I'm sure you all have your very scientific and 100 point reasons for why you have every reason to be out raged at Bethesda for Fallout 3, but let the game suck, if it must. Let its dead dessicated corpse drift slowly to the bottom of the barrel of other rotting flounders that are about to explode onto your PC or console this fall. Speculate about this game until you crap your pants (too late for most it seems) from yelling at the top of every mountain, as the harbinger of doom for the Fallout franchise. Then weep into your pillow every night that Bethesda has ruined your childhood (adulthood) dreams, hopes, wishes, health, because it ruined your family, raped your grandmother etc. etc, ad nauseam.

This won't be the first time a game/movie/book franchise has disappointed the fan-boys. You are in love with an ideal or a moment that can't ever be recreated again. Too bad, that is a lot of wasted energy that could have been used for good like reading stories to the mentally handicapped or building a home for the homeless. Love the franchise for what it was and if you feel so passionate, MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING GAME! Invest in a software company, become the lead developer or CEO and make the fucking thing yourself, and then listen to all the whiny cunts, because your new game won't be giving each character their own special felt coloured hat.

I have low expectations for this game, and that is ok, as I just might be surprised. If not, then no damage. I loved Fallout 1 & 2, but just remember you can never really go back home.

We out. D

No one is yelling anything. We are just laughing at stupidity. LOL!

EDIT:
1. The backstory. According to the Fallout universe, sometime after McCain-Palin are voted into office in 2008...
2. Slooooow-moooootion death animations.
3. Liam Fucking Neeson is in it.
4. Stunning level design.
5. New and Innovative Health System.
6. Over 300 Different Endings.
7. Truly Interactive Weapons, AI, and More
8. October 28th isn't that far away...

I mean LOL!
Point 2,3 and 7 are priceless. LOL!

 

[Xor]

This thread is more about how retarded that preview was, than about how much fallout 3 will suck. I really don't care at this point, let the console fans have their post-apoc FPS.